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[22 Feb 2003|02:53am] |
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mood |
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fucked |
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music |
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Walking Away: Craig David |
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I need my Brit. I need J. I need Josh. I need my Tare Bear. But most of all... I need Jake.
*cries, tears falling down his cheeks* All I want is to be loved. Tell my why I keep getting hurt. I'm sick of it. So sick of it. I want to run again. But Josh says I cant. So..because..I know he's right..I guess I won't. But I want to. More than anything.
Jacob. I love you. DAMN IT. Figure out what the hell your doing. Before you push yourself out of my life, and then your left with nothing. You cant keep hurting me. And I cant keep letting you. Yes, J is hott. Get over it. I can say that if I want to. That doesnt mean I want him. That doesnt mean Im in love with him. It means he's attractive. Get over it.
Josh- Well, you figure that one out. He has Willa. I had you. I love you Jacob. No one else. Sure, he's attractive. Sure, some things I believe he actually gets about me that no one does. BUT HE"S NOT YOU.
Have you figured this out yet? HES NOT YOU. HES NOT YOU. HES NOT YOU. and incase it comes to this, SHES NOT YOU SHES NOT YOU SHES NOT YOU.
Now stop running game on me. I dont do it to you. What you did to me at the beach sucks. The things you said to our friends suck. I didn't like it and I still dont. You want me to be a man? I will right now. Get your head unstuck from up your ass. Apologize to our friends. You're hurting them, hurts me. And that means your just adding on to the pain your already causing me. I'm not your toy. I'm not here to play with. And I'm sorry Jacob, but I'm not Janie. I wont take it for so long I'm immune to it. And in a way I am, because I will leave. I will let you be miserable because you can't get over yourself long enough to make a relationship work. If you want poor pathetic Erik who will let you walk all over him, leave him, and then let you come back, well you can't have him. I'm walking away from all this bullshit right now. You figure out what you want and come back. You're not hurting me anymore. I can't take it another damn second. And if you truly do love me...well you deal with this. I dont have to anymore
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[22 Feb 2003|07:49pm] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
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music |
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Red Hot Chili Peppers: Scar Tissue |
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Right now the main thing on my mind is my friends. So I feel like leaving some shotouts.
Angel: It seems like whenever I'm about to fall you're there. Like you know ahead of time I'll need you. Thank you man. My favorite memory? Goo Goo Balls. *Laughs* I still can't believe you bought that.
Jacob: Things are rocky. But that's okay. Because you have to climb them to get to the top of the mountain, and the view is always worth it. We both did some stupid things. Let's look past them and just be Erik + Jacob. You;re my best friend. You know that I love you. Hmm. My fav memory is at the hotel. I promise I will never scare you again.
Britney: Brit, Brit, Brit. B. My Favorite Girl. BACK OFF ANGEL! You're one of the strongest people I know. You are funny, sweet, caring, compassionate, beautiful, + perfect. The only thing that bothers me is you don't see that. Brit, the world was blessed the day we were given you. I mean that. I love you babe. SOOO MUCH. You're my angel with golden wings. *grins* I'll never forget the way you dropped everything to come be there for me on Valentine's Day. Thank you. I appreciate all the things you do for me, and even the things you don't.
J: You are amazing man. It's like everytime I want to give up, you push me forward instead of letting me fall backwards. You were there for me like no other. I can truthfully say you've held my hand the whole way. Because you did. Thanks J. I owe you one. And I love ya. But don't ever EVER say my mom's hott again. *laughs* That's just wrong.
Josh: Thank you. For understanding. Even before I open my mouth sometimes. You have instilled soo much strength and faith in me. I appreciate that. I truly do. And as I said last night, I will NEVER EVER leave you and I mean it. My favorite memory? Well, I do remember one thing about that night *sings*
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relieve and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Thank you.
Jenn: Thank you for the dance *smiles* It was wonderful. We should still talk about what you told me. I have something I want to say. :)
Dan: You are SOO doofed assed and so damn funny! You keep me laughing which is great. Thank you. *sighs* The booty Dan Can. And.. even though the point isn't valid now... I DID WIN!!
Tara: My beautiful!! My Tare Bear. You are my heart + soul. My life, my love. And you know it. My Tare Bear, if you ever need me just call me. I'm there. Always. Always, Always. I love you. My favorite memory is just being with you all together.
My friends. You are my life. I love you more than anything. For always. Thank you. FOr everything you've given me.
Love,
Erik
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