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Erik's Journal

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Where Do Silent Hearts GO? [14 Feb 2003|02:14am]
[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | Celine Dion: Where Does The Heart Beat Now? ]

Candle in the water
Drifting helplessly
Hiding from the thunder
Come and rescue me.

I'm watching for the hand,
That I can hold,
I'm reaching for the arms,
That me know...

Where do silent hearts go???!!

Yes I've been listening to Celine Dion. But I've completely lost it. He keeps looking at me with those eyes. Those blue eyes that are in SOO much pain right now. IT's like he's here in body, not in spirit or heart. I even slipped a preppie in a sentence hoping to get a grin or at least a scowl out of him. Nothing. He didn't even hear me.
For the most part he laid there. Gone completely. I just sat there and watched him. He finally spoke. He spilled it all. How he's going crazy. How he feels empty. And then he broke. He just lost it all and the tears came. I'm totally killing his image for saying that, but God help him, did he cry. No one should ever see that. My heart broke with him. And then I was crying.
I didn't and still don't know what to do or how to make it all okay. He asked me to promise him she'd come back. As much as I want to, I can't. I just can't.
When he reached over, reached over for my hand, and clung to it, I think he got it. That I'm his best friend and I'm not going anywhere. He's in so much pain now he broke down his wall, and is putting it out for me. He's trying to let me help him. He showed me that by taking my hand.
All I can ask for..is that everything I feel right now fades. Because I need to be the best friend possible. And my heart wants to jump in the way *shakes head* I'm not a selfish person. The smartest thing for me to do is run, but I can't. So God, give me strength. To hide everything in my heart.

Love,

Erik

1 Dreams Come True

Happy V-Day!!!!!! [14 Feb 2003|08:08am]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | Cry Me A River : Jus ]

Happy V-Day Everyone!!! I hope you all have a wonderful day and that EVERYONE feels the love!! Please know I love you all <333333333 + I'm gald we're friends. *Hands out candy* Enjoy!!!!! :)

2 Dreams Come True

[14 Feb 2003|03:29pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | Jake's heavy breathing; Lizzie marathon ]

I can't believe the guys left when I just got home *sighs deeply* But I understand. Ashley went..away. and Dan's in Ohio. Trevor's staying with some friends. Basically they all got out of the house. *Nods* I don't blame them. The reason why is staring me in the eye. Divorce papers. I know what they look like, without having to open the envelope. How do I give them to him? Hand him his mail, when I know whats in there? When I know he's just going to crack. I'm the only one here now. I'm all he's got left. And I can't do it. I can't give him this letter, and pretend like I have no idea what it is. "Here Jake. Here's your mail." *shakes head* His eyes will tear over and he'll lose it again. I don't want that to happen. But Jus is right. I can't hide his mail. *sighs* So I'll leave it. And he'll find it. I wont say a word til he needs me. I just dont want to see that look on his face. That look where his whole world crashes down.
When he took my hand last night...when he had his fingers laced through mine...it was like..everything was okay. In me. And that's just not right. It's not. He needs me now, and these are the thoughts in my head. *shakes head* I am awful. But I can do this. We can make it through this

Dreams Come True

Hey....Love.. [14 Feb 2003|07:01pm]
[ mood | whatever ]
[ music | With Or Without You : U2 ]

*sighs deeply* Valentine's Day. Over-rated, but still great. I'd feel differently if I wasn't so used to being alone. So here's my thoughts today, and my VDAY shoutouts

- Go on and pull me under,
Cover me with dreams, yeah
Love me mouth to mouth now
You know I can't resist,
Cause your the air that I breathe.
~Bsb: Drowning

- I'd do anything to hold you,
I'd go anywhere to touch you,
I'd do anything you want me to,
If you'll just stay with me awhile.
~ Journey: Stay Awhile

-Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything up to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
~ Brandy: Have you ever

My Poem

I thought I didn't love you,
But I know now I was wrong,
I thought I could bury my feelings,
But they are way too strong.

Now I know their back again,
And I wish there was something I could do,
But what do you expect me to say,
When I feel I can't live without you.

I wish I could hide my feelings,
Or make them go away,
But I don't think it's working,
Cause in my mind you stay.

*nods* That's my...yucky Valentine's Day..Ick Stuff. *laughs* Enjoy the yucky.

Brit- The most beautiful woman in the world *smiles* Brit. Thank you for everything you do for me, and even the things you don't do. I will stick by you for always. ALWAYS ALWAYS. I love you, and everything about you. Just remember, when you need me...cross your heart. *nods* You know I'll find someway to answer.

Jus- DA J MAN!!!! *laughs* Thank you. For sticking by me, and helping me through this all. You're so awesome. You're my #3 for always. *grins* Oh that's right.. you could be #2..if you really wanted *laughs* I'm just messing man. You are so great. Thank you. For being in my life.

Josh- It's been great talking to you. *nods* Really. And..you're the cutest out of your group. *nods* No matter what J says. Remember that. Thank you for listening.

Angel- Ey Roo.. *grins* Watch over Rach or I'll kick your ass ten kinds of skinny.

D- No more penguins man. *laughs* No more.

Jacob- Jake..J...and when I can get away with it...Jakey *laughs* "Don't walk in front of me. I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me, and be my friend." You've always stuck to those words. And now I will do the same for you. You are my best friend. No matter what. Always and forever. Don't ever forget. Things are hard right now *nods* I know that. But don't shut me out. Because without me..where do you go? Jacob. I love you man..you know that. Let me take care of you. Please let me take care of you.

2 Dreams Come True

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