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[03 Apr 2003|11:51pm] [ mood | hopeful ] Before we say goodbye Before we turn and walk away lets give it one more try Before we say goodbye Before we close the door Before we go our seprate ways Stop and find out why Before we say goodbye Before we lose this love Before we throw it all away Boy don't do another guy Before we say goodbye Oh, no Ooh-Oooooooh Don't wanna say goodbye Before we say goodbye We've been down this road before And always made it through But incase we break up Can I still have sex with you? Oooooooooooh Hopefully that made you laugh Dan. I I dont want to fight anymore. I dont want to hurt or you to hurt. I should of told you what I wanted. I shouldnt of got mad. It's not your fault. I love you. I love you so much. Please..please..talk to me, and lets try to fix this. Here I am Even though I said I would go Think by now You should know Darling I love you so Arguments are just a trial Only lasting for awhile Just a smile from you Will make me say ... I will stay I will stay with you Love you always like today We got a love that lasts forever -- yes we do And darling I will stay ... with you In a rage Out of spite We say things we know aren't right But my love When it's over When we're together in the night And we're making love this way You know that I will stay Never go away from you I will stay ... with you Dreams Come True

[30 Mar 2003|08:32pm] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | Celine Dion: Just Walk Away ] *sits at the edge of his bed running his hand across the sheets* Jake made me feel better last night. Not totally, but still. He always knows what to say. Always. Though being around him hurt me. He still has the ring. It was sitting on the table and it just made me feel a pain in my chest. Because I realized that- *stops knowing he shouldn't say that* He's going to come home, which is good. I'm tired of everyone being so hurt by one another in this house. Except.. as much as I want that, I'm watching myself hurt him over and over again. I don't know what to do. *shakes his head, feeling tears forming* Or maybe I do. But I don't want to do this. I can't. I can't do it. *bites his lip* But I have to. I know I never loved this way before And no one else has loved me more With you I've laughed and cried I have lived and died What I wouldn't do just to be with you I know I must forget you and go on I can't hold back my tears too long Though life won't be the same I've got to take the blame And find the strenght I need to let you go Just walk away Just say goodbye Don't turn around now you may see me cry I mustn't fall apart Or show my broken heart Or the love I feel for you So walk away And close the door And let my life be as it was before And I'll never never know Just how I let you go But there's nothing left to say Just walk away There'll never be a moment I'll regret I've loved you since the day we met For all the love you gave And all the love we made I know I've got to find the strength to say Just walk away Just say goodbye Don't turn around now you may see me cry I mustn't fall apart Or show my broken heart Or the love I feel for you So walk away And close the door And let my life be as it was before And I'll never never know Just how I let you go But there's nothing left to say Just walk away *nods his head feeling a gnawing pain in his chest* Please just let me go. Before I get hurt anymore then I already am. *gets up off the bed in search for his keys* Maybe I'll go to the beach for a while. Try and clear my head. 2 Dreams Come True

[30 Mar 2003|03:10am] [ mood | hurt ] *sits in his car, crying. trying to get the images of his and Dans fight out of his mind* That didn't just happen did it? *Hears himself say " YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO LOVE SOMEONE" and winces* I guess it did. *reaches for his cellphone and dials a fimilar number* Ja...Ja..Jake..it's Erik. Please don't ha..hang up *gulps back sobs so his voice will steady* Please..I ....I need you right now.... *starts to cry harder* Yes, and it was a a a bad one. *listens to Jakes soothing voice* No...No..I can drive. I'm sure. Tha...tha..tha...*hears Jake tell him not to thank him and hangs up, unable to stop crying* He hates me, but he'll drop everything to make this all okay. Why? Why? Dreams Come True

[30 Mar 2003|01:46am] [ mood | upset ] [ music | my own crying ] How could an angel break my heart Why didn't he catch my falling star I wish I didn't wish so hard Maybe I wished our love apart How could an angel break my heart Oh my soul is dying, it's crying I'm trying to understand Please help me We dont feel the same for each other. I want more than he can give. I love Dan. But he loves Tara...too. And...all those girls are after him..I just....I can't keep up. I can't hold on to something I don't completely have. And I must of fooled myself into ever believing..it was going to be more...to him than it is. So what do I do? Maybe..it...it's gonna end here. I have to let it end here. He can..be with Tara..or..whoever. I don't care. *nods* I don't care. I can make myself belive that *starts to sob, his whole body shaking* After all..Im not his boyfriend. I was just some..fun. Nothing is so good it lasts eternally Perfect situations must go wrong But this has never yet prevented me From wanting far too much for far too long Looking back, I could have done it differently Won a few more moments, who can tell? But it took time to understand the man Now at least I know, I know him well Wasn't it good, Wasn't it fine Isn't it madness he can't be mine But in the end, he needs a little more than before Security, he needs his fantasy and freedom I know him so well No one in your life is with you constantly No one is completely on your side And though I move my world to be with him Still the gap between us is too wide Looking back, I could have played it differently Learned about the man before I fell 12 Dreams Come True

[17 Mar 2003|12:55am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Big Yellow Taxi: Counting Crows ] Things have been slightly eh lately. I haven't talked to Jus in quite a while. I miss him. But, ever since the mess of a proposal people are avioding me everyone's busy. Tara and I got in this horrible fight It keeps playing in my head even if we're okay now. Almost lost my Tare Bear. *pouts* And God knows I can't do that. Baby, I love you. Dan and I had a really good date. *nods* Cant remember what movie we watched for the life of me. *smirks* No, not for whatever reason your thinking. I was nervous as hell, and he looked really good. And his hand kept brushing my leg. He was driving me crazy, but in a good way. Rachel embarrassed us by taking pictures. I felt like I was on my first date Rach, if you send those pics to my mom I'll kill you :-P And the goodnight kiss? Yeah, I pushed him up against that front door and kissed him like he's the last person I'm going to ever kiss again. And for you all who don't know, God can he kiss. And then it was over. Just like that. We need another date. Now I must say hi to the some sexy women. Holly- Girl you just make me melt. I will tell you more sex stories later and ;) I won't forget that camera. Alexis- That showers ready and waiting anytime. ;) Sexy mami. Love, Erik 4 Dreams Come True

[14 Mar 2003|07:48pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | I Know You By Heart: Bette Midler ] Sarah seemed really sad last night, so I called her and asked her to go out to the cafe right across the street. I hope our talking made her feel better because I care about her very much. <333333 love to Sarah. If you need me babe, I'm always here for you. Me and Tare Bear are having so much fun together. The Tarik ( Tara and erik) time was much needed. Being around her makes me comfortable. I love my Tare Bear. I have a date tonight. With Dan. I'm really excited and kind of, okay completely nervous. We haven't really had a date before. I love spending time with him. But all I have to do is see you smile, Or maybe if I brush your hand, Something happens I cannot explain, And somehow, oh somehow I can understand. I know you by heart, You're so much a part of me, I know you by heart, Can't you see? It's no wonder I can love you, The way that I do, I can finish any sentence you start, Hey I know you by heart, I know you by heart. 1 Dreams Come True

Dont Let The Sun Go Down On Me... [10 Mar 2003|09:56am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Crazy :K-CI and JoJo ] *stares out at the horizon, letting the ocean water tickle his feet* That bed was one of the most uncomfortable I've ever slept in. But that's okay. What can I expect from some cheap motel? It was along the water. I couldn't ask for more, and when I got here I didn't care. I'm a jerk. A major jerk. I wigged out on everyone, because I can't handle the mistakes I made. Even though what I did with Dan was never ever at any point in time a mistake Okay, some of that stuff needed to be said. Like to Trevor. And a little bit of what I said to Dan. But all the same I'm a jerk. *picks up a handfull of wet sand and lets it run through his fingers* I need my friends. But I also had to get away. Look at all the damage I caused. Look at what I did. I hurt Jacob. I upset Dan. I yelled at Tare Bear. And then I took off. Just like I always do. You'd think I'd of learned by now. Hell, we even have a song about it. *sings to himself* I'm standing here all alone, wishing that you could of know..you just can't walk away..from the damage. I do know it, but that doesn't stop me from always leaving. *stands up and heads back towards the motel* It's all clear now though. What I want. What I should of done, what I shouldn't of. Dan loves Tara. Tara loves him. They should be together. I love Jake. *nods, thinking to himself* But he isnt Dan. I love Jake. I'll go home in a few days. Let this kind of blow over some. Then make my apologies where they are needed. Tell Dan he should be with Tara. See if I can get Jake to come home and talk to me. And then my focus is going to be back on making everyone else happy. I messed up, now I dont deserve to have things go right for me. And that's okay. I'll all be alright. *shakes his head, trying to make the thoughts he's thinking go away* You're not supposed to love two people. You're not supposed to love one more than the other. You're supposed to be with him and him only Erik, you know that. *mumbles to himself* Just because I'm supposed to be with him, doesn't mean that's what I want anymore. But it doesn't matter. I'll be alright. Dreams Come True

[09 Mar 2003|06:06am] [ mood | angry ] [ music | Michael Bolton: How Am I Supposed To Live Without You ] *opens his door making sure no ones in the hall way, kicks his bag down the hall and lets it fall down the stairs* *goes into the kitchen and searches for some paper and a pen. Finds them and starts to jot down a note* We always leave a note. So, heres mine. I'm going out. I'd leave a number, but you wont be able to get ahold of me. That's the fucking point. So whatever. Take care of yourselves. Because I can't fucking do it anymore. Angel: Define Love. Then think about what you did to Rachel. Define love again. Yes, I thought so. We'll talk when you quit thinking with your dick and start thinking with your heart. And don't start the I'm hypocritical shit with me, because I don't want to fucking hear it. I didn't intentionally try to hurt Jacob. It seems to me like you wanted to hurt Rachel. Why the hell else would you go back to Shelli? After all the shit she pulled. I thought so. A good fuck..isn't worth breaking someone's heart. You're even more blonde then I ever realized. Shelli: To put it simply, in words that..lets see..a 1/4 wit like you can understand. You're a disgusting whore. A siren. As in you lure men to you, but in the end, you're still an ugly hag who no one wants. Sucks to be you. Jacob: As much as I'd love to write something mean, I can't. I just can't. I'm hoping you come home and see this. Hell the only reason I left a note for shelli on this is because someone would have to read it for her anyway. Look, you did what you had to do. That's fine. I wouldn't of taken me back either. I just have one comment to make. This time I won't be the one kissing them better. I won't even let you see mine. What is it you always say? " Their just signs of a tough life." Welcome to mine. I'd tell you I love you, but does it matter. No. I'd tell you I need you, but does it matter. NO. I'd tell you all the things I should of said before, but does it matter? NO. So what do I want to say to you? Let yourself fall. For someone else. I wasnt ever good enough for you. And Im not now. Do good things. You will find, happiness. You will find the right one. The one who wont make you cry, and who wont ever hurt you. Intentional or not. Most of all, you'll find the person who's not me. Tara: I believe that I told you he chose you. I would be correct. Erik wins. Finally.Woo Fucking Woo. Trevor: You said that what I did to Jacob was wrong. Fuck you. You do the same thing with a whole slew of girls. The only difference is I actually care about Jake and you dont have a damn heart at all. And if you do, the only person whose in it, is yourself. The only reason you give a shit about the Jacob situation is because you cant stand the fact that everyone has someone, but you. Because, sure you have your whole crew of girls to screw around with, but in the end, you sleep alone. You sleep alone. When you get over that fact let me know, and then maybe I'd actually be willing to have a decent conversation with you. One of you guys can fucking pass on this message. Justin and Britney, I love you. I'll get a hold of you. Stop. Right now. DOnt worry. See..you are now stop. If I say I'll get ahold of you, I will. Dan: I dont even know where to start. Right now I hate you so much..that it's not right. I've never hated anyone in my life. IM SO SICK OF THE BULLSHIT. You love me...you love me and yet..and yet, you fucking hurt me. HURT ME SO YOU COULD GET OUT OF A SITUATION YOU COULDNT HANDLE. You're scared. And you love her too. This isn't about Jacob. YOU"RE SCARED. I love you. Did you realize that? Did you see that? Probably not. Would I have fucked up a perfectly good thing with Jacob, knowing this would happen? Yes. Because I had you..for a small amount of time. *laughs bitterly to himself* But that doesn't matter now. Nothing fucking matters now. It's done. You left me. And that's fine. Be with her. It's easier on her, and then you dont have to worry about Jacob. Hell, don't be with her. Do who and whatever the fuck you want. I don't control you, and what I think doesn't mean a damn thing to you. I just fooled myself into believing it did. But it was never about me. Besides, it was just sex right? Just sex. I was the idiot who forgot that. ,My fault. Not yours. Fuck this. I'm not 10 years old. I can fucking take care of myself, which is more than I can say for most of you. Maybe now with me gone, you can start figuring it out. And maybe, you'll realize that I can't live your life and mine too. I'm not that strong. Fuck this. I'm out of here. *grabs his bag and leaves, letting the door slam behind him* *drives around, not really paying attention to where he's going* Did I actually just do that? *nods to himself letting the tears fall* I think I did. 3 Dreams Come True

Goodbye To You.. [09 Mar 2003|04:17am] [ mood | meh ] Goodbye to Everything I never knew.. *stares at his blotchy face in the mirror* Fuck this. I hate it. I hate this place, I hate this band, I hate me. I hate myself more than anything right now. If I wouldn't of....*shakes his head* But I did. And now I've got nothing and no one. Because, I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt. And in doing so, I didn't get hurt once. I got hurt twice. *winces* But like anyone cares. I deserved it. I hurt Jake. I 'took advantage' of Dan. I did everything. *slams his fist into the mirror smashing the glass* I did fucking everything didn't I? This is all my fault. And I can't fix it. *looks down at his bleeding knuckles, then to the little bottle on the counter* I might not be able to fix it. But this will 2 Dreams Come True

[08 Mar 2003|11:04pm] [ mood | heartbroken ] [ music | Michelle Branch: All You Wanted ] *runs his fingers over his heart, letting the tears run down his face* If only Britney was here right this second. I went to make it all okay. To fix this mess. To be with Jacob, and only Jacob, and get over Dan. No *shakes his head violently* No. Jacob, won't do it. He let me kiss him, tell him I'm sorry, and then he told me there's no way we'll be together again and kicked me out. *pulls the covers over his head to muffle his sobs* Dan left me too. I sacrificed all the things I had with Jacob, all the things I've always wanted for him, and he left me. *winces remembering the way Dan left, and how Jacob kicked him out* I don't have anything now. Anything at all. *flings the covers back, gets up and locks the door* If Jacob and Ashley can do it, so can I. Just stay out of my life. My number one,there could never be no one like you How come I feel this way about My number two,never tried to tell me what to say or do I'm so in love with two If I only could decide But I can't make up my mind I'm breakin' all my rules because of you You can tell me it's not right And it tears me up inside But the problem is I'm so in love with two My number one,you're give me everything I need But some things still are better with My number two,he's the one that really makes me feel so good I'm so in love with two God send me an angel From the heavens above Send me an angel to heal my broken heart From being in love 'Cause all I do is cry God send me an angel To wipe the tears from my eyes God help me some how. 3 Dreams Come True

[08 Mar 2003|05:25am] [ mood | hurt ] [ music | I Drove All Night: Celine Dion ] *winces as the words echo through his brain* "You're great in bed but you're no longer a conquest." *sighs deeply, feeling his heart pounding in his chest* It was all a fucking game. He played me for a fool and I lost. Damn it, this hurts. I sick of getting hurt. I'm sick of it. It's my fault really. I was the one who *stops himself before he says something he'll regret* I was the one. *looks at the vase of flowers from Dan sitting on the nightstand, picks it up and flings it at the wall, satisfied when the glass shatters everywhere and the flowers fall to the floor* I refuse to clean that up. *picks up his cellphone, and begins pacing in the middle of the room.* * dials a familar number and waits for him to answer. When he hears someone say hello he just starts talking* . It's Erik. Don't hang up... I know I don't deserve it but...I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Look, let me come to the hotel. Please? Seriously? I'll be there in 15 minutes." *hangs up the phone* I can fix this. Dreams Come True

[06 Mar 2003|10:54pm] [ mood | ify (?) ] [ music | When I'm Gone: TDD ] Dan. That's all I have to say. Dan. He's been taking up my time lately. We've been hanging out and stuff. Going to the movies, and the mall a couple of times. I showed him the cove where I always go to think. Basically, just doing whatever. It beats sitting at home, laying in bed all the time, or only working on music. I got tired of that. So let me leave this with saying.. Dan. *big grin* Dan Dreams Come True

[04 Mar 2003|05:28pm] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | my own shakey breath ] I...didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I dont know what..to do to make it better. I dont know how. I cant fix this. I dont know the words to say. Although I do have a few I should say, like FUCK. Or DAMN. You get the point. 1 Dreams Come True

I love it when you thug me baby.... [03 Mar 2003|01:35pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Jacob's breathing ] Baby I'm hot just like an oven I need lovin' And baby, I can't hold on much longer It's getting stronger and stronger And when I get that feeling I need sexual healing Sexual healing Oh baby Makes me feel so fine Helps to relieve my mind Oh baby sexual healing baby, it's good for me Sexual healing something that's so good for me Whenever blue tear drops are fallin' And my emotional stability is leavin' me There is something I can do I can just get on the telephone and call you up baby And honey I know you'll be there to relieve me The love you give to me will free me If you don't know the things you're dealin' Oh, I can tell you, darling, that it's sexual healing (Heal me darlin') (Heal me darlin') Oh, and baby I got sick this morning A sea was storming inside of me And, baby I can't hold on much longer It's getting stronger and stronger And when I get that feeling I need sexual healing Sexual healing Oh baby, makes me feel so fine Helps to relieve my mind Oh baby, sexual healing, baby, it's good for me Sexual healing is something that's good for me And it's good for me and it's so good to me My baby ohhh Come take control, just grab a hold Of my body and mind soon we'll be making it, honey Oh we're feeling fine You're my medicine open up and let me in Darlin' you're so great I can't wait for you to operate (Heal me darlin') (Heal me darlin') I can't wait for you to operate (Heal me) When I get that feeling, I need sexual healing Oh, when I get that feeling I need sexual healing I gotta have it sexual healing I wanna have it sexual healing Come on baby Gonna turn it around now babe Ooooooh Oh baby Ooooooh Sexual healing baby, something that's so good for me *grins stupidly over at Jake asleep beside him* I'd have to say that made it all worth it to come home. I've heard of makeup sex, but never, I missed you sex. Not bad for a boy's first time I'd say. 3 Dreams Come True

And so they say...An Eye for an Eye... [02 Mar 2003|03:34pm] [ mood | irritated ] [ music | Limp Bizkit: Break Stuff ] I feel like yelling obsenities at the top of my lungs and letting them echo through out the house. No one would hear me but the neighbors. It's like everythings a wave; it gets to a high peak and then comes crashing down. Things with Jacob are perfect. So I mess them up to be with Dan. Why? Because I'm scared to death of having someone love me back, and I know with Dan, he'll let me get as close as he wants me, but never as close as someone should be. In other words, I'll fall for him, and he'll push away. I'll get hurt, and because that's what I'm used to, having Jacob love me wholey scares me to death. The thing is, I don't think Dan honestly wants anything from me. It's probably all some idea of good fun. And that's fine. It's all fine. Ashley wants to talk to me. Right. Cause I'm in the mood to listen to him yell at me for what I did to Rachel. It was an accident. *winces and runs his hand lightly across his head* I just wanted her to listen. I would never ever, you know? But all that doesn't matter now. Nothing does. I want to scream. I want to have a hissy fit like a 3 year old child who can't have what they want. I want to break down and cry, and not care who hears or sees. I want to kick in a few walls, and be allowed to be angry. It seems like all I know how to do is run. Like when everything gets to be too much for me, my mind gets the idea I have to bail out, and go somewhere else, because I can't handle it. That's how I got here. * looks around at the empty house* Now I want to leave again. Look, Jacob, You asked me to come home. I know your expecting to wake up to me in your arms, and tell you everything, and then for you to hold me when I cry. I wont be there *shakes head* Theres somethings I have to do. I'm not ready to come home, and I don't want to. I'm not ready to have Ashley yell at me, or to talk to Dan. Most of all, I'm not ready to be around you. I'll try to be there tomorrow. I'll try. I just don't know anymore. I just don't know. 5 Dreams Come True

Just the two of us... [28 Feb 2003|06:12am] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | Goodbye 2 You: Michelle Branch ] Or three, four and five.You get the point. That's my life now. A small group of people keeping me from going crazy. Tare, Brit, J, Dan and Jake. What's happening to me? Our groups not doing much of anything. If our single doesn't do well our lable's going to drop us. *sighs deepy and leans against the headboard* They have to do what they have to do. But I don't want that. All the other guys have things they could do. Angel wanted to do some acting. He's good. That'll take off and he'll be fine. Jacob, *looks over at Jake sleeping beside him* well he wasn't supposed to be in a boyband to start with. Everything about him screams ROCKSTAR, except his relationship with me. *frowns slightly* Guess that's going to have to be kept a secret. Cause he'll be one of those Rock legends like Jimi Hendrix or something. Dan's got the voice, the look, and the personality. He'll be the first one with a solo record. Trev, well he'll have all the chicks, and write a book about the life of an x-boybander, and be just fine. So, where does that leave me? I'm not the heart throb, or the rebel. I'm not the band whore, or the sidekick. i'm the silent one who comes off as a moody jerk. I'm the one who never seems to be heard, especially when I need to be. Most of all, I'm just Erik Michael. I keep making a mess of my relationship with Jake. He's perfect, you know? Wonderful. Beautiful. And then here I come with my need to try stuff with Dan. I know I seem like a major ass for that, but I really feel I have to. Dan's got some kind of hold over me. I need to figure it out. He's clueless. Fucking clueless. Jacob has no true idea what's up with me and Dan, and he doesn't ask. He just keeps doing cute little boyfriend things you don't and wouldn't expect. Like writing out 100 reasons why he loves me. Or buying me flowers. YES, flowers. Okay, so I'm not a flowers type, but still. Janie, how the hell could you walk away from such a perfect man? But thanks all the same. I miss my momma. I miss the way she knows her baby's hurting, before I even say a word. It's always, " E, honey, tell your momma, and we'll fix it." Of course, her fixing it usually involves kissing my forehead, telling me it'll be alright, and making me some stew. But she's good, God is she. Michele freaked on Jake when he told her about us. She doesn't believe in the 'sin' we're commiting. For one, we havent SLEPT together. Not that that's a sin. For two, you can't help who you love. Do you think I honestly wanted to look at Jake and have my heart tinge evertime I saw him with his wife? *smiles and rubs a hand over Jacob's back* I guess it turned out okay. But how dare Mich, ya know? I know I'm probably the last person she'd imagine with her son, but he's happy. I think. That should make her happy too. I love my momma. For loving me, understanding me, and never questioning me. She just knows my hearts doing what it feels is right. I feel estranged from my friends. Like everythings falling. Angel and Rachel have their own thing going on, and when it's the two of them I feel like they don't see me. Dan well now with all this tension, I don't know what he wants and that makes me feel weird. Cause I know what I do want. And if those two things are different, I'm going to feel so weird *shakes head and listens to the silence in the house, letting a couple of tears fall before wiping them away* What am I doing to myself? Britney and J, well it feels like that faded away. They have a relationship and so much going on. I mean, she knows me so well, Nee does. But she has no idea right now *runs a finger over his heart, winces, and pulls his hand away* That doesn't even work anymore. I love her, I love him. I guess I just got used to having them here everyday. My Tare Bear's not telling me something. Like I've been so caught up in myself that I'm overlooking everything she feels. My beautiful, I'm here for you. *runs a hand over his head* I feel like I'm drowning. Why exactly, I'm not sure. Things aren't bad. What's my problem? Right now, I feel like Jake's all I got. *leans over and sings softly, but not loud enough to wake him up* You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, You make me happy, when skies are grey, You'll never know Jake, how much I love you, Please don't take my sunshine away. *Feels tears build up, leans over closer and kisses Jakes temple softly* *gets out of bed, pulls on some clothes, finds his keys and leaves, no note, and without telling anyone where he's going* 11 Dreams Come True

When you bleed just to know you're alive [26 Feb 2003|10:43pm] [ mood | worried ] [ music | Work It: Nelly ft. Justin ] But this is not allowed, You're uninvited, An unfourtunate slight, I don't think your unworthy, I need a moment to deliberate. I know what I'm doing. I love Jake. Just Jake. Only Jake. Now if I could get my mind and well..my body to believe my heart, I'd be golden. Dreams Come True

[24 Feb 2003|08:00pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | When I Get You Alone: Thicke ] The sad thing is he did it on purpose *nods* That's the main point I should make. We are both well aware of what we are doing to each other. That's why I make myself mad. Because I let that hurt me. *shrugs and sighs loudly* At least with him gone I can be with my boyfriend COMPLETELY ALONE. I'm kind of scared of this and anticapating it at the same time. All my inhibitions are tossed aside. This is Jacob. My Jacob. I'm ready. God help me, I'm ready. *runs his fingers across his heart, closes his eyes and gives her a soft smile she can't see* One last thing. Some people care too much. I think it's called love. Dreams Come True

[24 Feb 2003|11:20am] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | The new Fuel song ] Fuck. 5 Dreams Come True

[24 Feb 2003|03:08am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | You Make Me Wanna: Usher ] *sighs and stares at the ceiling of Jacobs room* I don't know what I'm doing. I'm normally this person who does their best to keep everyone else happy. And now *sighs deeply, yanking the covers up over his head* Well now, I'm doing stupid things to mess up something perfect. Like I won't let myself be happy. He loves me. My boyfriend loves me. Jake said that last night. When he pulled me close and just held me. Being in Jacob's arms *smiles brightly* is perfect. It's like he subconsiously protects you and takes care of you. And then there's Dan. *runs thumb over his bottom lip* And then there's Dan. *rolls over onto his side, closes eyes desperate to fall asleep* Dreams Come True

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