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~*~ When It's Through, It's Through, Fate Will Twist The Best Of You~*~ [07 Nov 2003|11:42am] [ mood | worried ] [ music | I Love You Just The Way You Are: Ruben Studdard ] I knew it was coming. Hell, we've known for weeks that it was over. That O-town was over. That our dream we've worked so hard for was coming for an end. We knew when less people came up to us in the streets, when we started to get invited to less and less music events. And for a while there, that was okay with me. We'd always be us. Always still be best friends. But we aren't. Not all of us. Jacob's disappeared. He's still so angry with me for the way I treated him, and leaving him, and I don't blame him. I don't. But, I love Dan. A love Dan so much, and I never would of felt like Jacob was truly mine. I always would of wondered if he was thinking about Jane. If he was trying to remember the way things used to be. Trevor seems to hate us all and is just worried about where he's going to party and who with. We don't need that right now. *shakes his head* I just can't deal with that right now. The only one's of us even really talking now is Dan, Angel and me. But, somehow I knew in the end it would only be us three. My marriage? Well I don't know what's going on here. Dan left to go stay with Rachel, and now here I am. Alone. America..stays busy. It's like she shells herself off somewhere. Like she's scared and afraid of something. Of me? I hope not. I just, I think it's because this is falling apart too. Our marriage I mean. It's..it's coming to an end too. I can feel it. *runs his hand over his temple, his lips trembling* And I'm scared. I'll understand when she leaves. I've done it so many times before. I deserve that. I just don't.. I can't have them both leave me. I just can't. I miss Reesie. And I miss my husband. Dreams Come True

[31 Jul 2003|04:17pm] [ mood | horny ] [ music | Me singing to myself ] *Climbs out of the shower, grabs a towel, drying off a little bit before wrapping it around his waist. Walks down the hall to his bedroom, closing the door behind him. Searches through his drawers,finds some boxers slips them on* Even though we live together I think I need to see my husband and wife more often *laughs softly* As if that's possible. But with the way I feel right now, and the song I've got stuck in my head, this is important *smirks then starts to sing quietly* Looking good plenty time Tell me is there any more room for me In those jeans Pretty thick like I like it Tell me is there any more room for me In those jeans Looking tasty really scrumptious Tell me is there any more room for me In those jeans Got on my ride seen you from a far And I couldn't stop myself from looking hard You wore these jeans You wore these jeans and you Made a thug wanna cry something terrible I had to have, have you for myself baby You don't know what those jeans do to me Make me wanna get down on one knee You got that thunder And it only makes me wonder how it feels To get up in those jeans Oh those jeans Okay..now I seriously have to go find Dan or America, or both of them *laughs, then goes out the door and down the hall calling for them* 1 Dreams Come True

~*~ It's Just Emotions Taking Me Over~*~ [09 Jul 2003|08:54pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Do You Really Want To Hurt Me: Culture Club ] I think it's time for me to sit down and have a good look at myself. I've got a lot of people unhappy with me right now. Frustrated, disapointed, maybe even irritated.. I deserve that. I know that it's not fair; the way things are isn't fair to you and I'm sorry. I've been unhappy lately. America and I were barely seeing each other, Dan and I weren't talking much during the tour. I just felt ..unloved. I felt like maybe the two of them were supposed to be together minus me. And Reese.. her love is so pure and so ..real. She..she.. I don't know. Jacob? He still loves me after all the pain I put him through. I just.. I don't know what or whose right anymore. And because if this I'll watch all of you walk away. I don't want that. I really don't want that. So, I think what I'm trying to say; what I'm trying to ask for.. is to be alone for a while. So I can figure out what's right. I'm sorry, if it hurts any of you, but I really..I really need this. Please don't get mad if I'm spending more time with someone else, just know I'm figuring things out. 2 Dreams Come True

[07 Jul 2003|03:31am] [ mood | good ] *hums to himself* There’s a light, certain kinda light, Never ever, never shone on me, no, no. Honey, I want, I want my whole life To be lived with you, babe, That’s what I want oh, was to be Living and loving you. There’s a way, oh everybody say You can do anything, every thing yeah. But what good, what good, Honey, what good could it ever bring ‘Cause I ain’t got you with my love And I can’t find you babe, no I can’t. You don’t know, you don’t know what it’s like, No you don’t, honey no you don’t know, You don’t know what it’s like To love somebody. Oh honey, I wanna talk about love And trying to hold somebody The way I love you babe, And I’ve been loving you babe You don't know what its like, To love somebody, To love somebody, The way I love you. Hmm.. I wonder why I like that song so much. 3 Dreams Come True

[02 Jul 2003|03:08pm] [ mood | happy ] *smiles* Have you ever had one of those life altering, defining moments, where everything made just a little more sense? I did. Last night. *grins* And now things are just a little bit clearer. 9 Dreams Come True

Finally.. I See The Light. [03 Jun 2003|03:22pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | That Girl: Marques Houston ] *grins down at the assortment of things on his hotel bed, goes over his plans inside his head* This has to go perfectly. It has to. I've been really difficult and horrible to my fiance's lately, and it's about time I be a man, and fix it. When people love you, you can't get scared and shy away from love. You can't chicken out. Because if you do, you screw yourself over from something that has the potential to be the greatest thing in your whole life. What are we living for, if not for love? Love really is the only true happiness. I realize that now, and I need to do some serious changing to fix the mistakes I made. But, I'm willing to. I only stayed with Dan for a couple of days. It went..okay, I guess. We had a major talk about everything, and I think he understands now why I had to let go for that amount of time. I needed to step back and make sure that it felt right. And I know now it does. So we are okay now. *smiles slightly* Now, I have to fix things with America. *sighs* That's not as easy to fix I don't think. Dan..he reads me so well. He probably knew what was going on inside of me before I did. But, America.. I think I kind of blindsided her with pain and hurt. *nods* I know I hurt her when I couldn't explain why I had to leave. And I was an ass about it anyway. But, that's going to change. As of now. I may not be able to go back, or take it back, but I'll do my damndest to fix it. ( Voicemail for America ) *lays back on the bed, closes his eyes* I should take a nap before I have to get a shower and get dressed. Actually I just need to do anything that's going to ease my nerves. I don't think I've ever been this nervous. 1 Dreams Come True

~ I Can't Imagine Life Without Your Love~ [29 May 2003|04:19pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | 1982: Randy Travis ] They say hindsight's twenty twenty, But I'm nearly going blind, From starting at his photograph, And wishing he was mine. I can look back now and see I never should of let them. How could I ? What was I thinking? I love them both so so much. But because I got scared, I pushed love away. Postman can you sell me a special kind of stamp, One to send a letter from, this crazy lonely man, Back into the wasted years, of my living past, I need to tell him now I know, how long my love will last. I've got to go see him. I've got to go to Dan. I miss him more than I ever thought it was possible to miss someone. I love him. I love him in a way he doesn't even know. And now I have to prove it. I need to make apologies for what I didn't do 2 Dreams Come True

Your Hearts Not The Only One Breaking... [16 May 2003|11:28pm] [ mood | upset ] [ music | Dan Hill: Sometimes When We Touch ] *bites his lip trying to hold back tears, knowing how bad what he's about to do will hurt* I don't know why, but I just don't feel like this is right anymore. I can't do it. I can't mess up their lives. Or be in the way of the love they have. I should just let them be together. Without me. ( VoiceMail For Dan ) ( VoiceMail For Merica ) *starts to cry, leans back against his bedroom wall, pulling his knees to his chest* I did the right thing, right? I think I did. So why does this hurt so bad? 6 Dreams Come True

True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends [05 May 2003|11:52pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | John Mayer: Your Body Is A Wonderland ] *paces around his bedroom, a huge smile on his face* I know that I'm probably overwhelming her, but I have to do this. *pulls a bag out of a drawer on the bedside table, and places each thing from the bag on the bed they share one by one* I had to do something special. I'm so in love that I'm going to do all I can to let her know how much I care for her. *grabs a piece of paper and a pen and leaves her a note beside everything, then leaves headed for Dans room.* I can sleep here for tonight. So when she comes home she can see the surprise. ( Surprise ) 2 Dreams Come True

Music is love in search of a word.... [04 May 2003|01:40am] [ mood | loving ] [ music | Angel: Amanda Perez ] Let's take a walk together near the ocean shore Hand in hand you and I Let's cherish every moment we have been given The time is passing by I often pray before I lay down by your side If you receive your calling before I awake Could I make it through the night Cherish the love we have We should cherish the life we live Cherish the love Cherish the life Cherish the love Cherish the love we have For as long as we both shall live Cherish the love Cherish the life Cherish the love The world is always changing Nothing stays the same But love will stand the test of time The next life that we live in Remains to be seen Will you be by my side I often pray before I lay down by your side If you receive your calling before I awake Could I make it through the night Cherish the love we have We should cherish the life we live Cherish the love Cherish the life Cherish the love Cherish the love we have For as long as we both shall live Cherish the love Cherish the life Cherish the love Cherish the love Cherish the life Cherish the love we have We should cherish the life we live Cherish the love Cherish the life Cherish the love Cherish the love we have For as long as we both shall live Cherish the love Cherish the life Cherish the love Cherish the love we have We should cherish the life we live Cherish the love Cherish the life Cherish the love Cherish the love we have For as long as we both shall live Cherish the love Cherish the life Cherish the love I love you America. 1 Dreams Come True

[03 May 2003|02:11am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Over Joyed: Charles Grigsby ] *groans, rubbing at his temple* Why do I think the things I think sometimes? Why do I always want to mess up the things that are good in my life? It's like I don't know how to let things be the way they are supposed to be. I have to mess with them, try to fix them, change them, and in the end screw them up so much worse. *bites his lip* What if I do that this time and lose the things I finally have in my life? I have now decided. Having the brain that I do is a double edged sword. No matter what decision I make, I'm commiting suicide. *nods slowly* Dreams Come True

To my fiance's [25 Apr 2003|02:35am] [ mood | loved ] It's hard for me to say the things I want to say sometimes There's no one here but you and me us And that broken old street light Lock the doors We'll leave the world outside All I've got to give to you Are these five words when I Thank you for loving me For being my eyes When I couldn't see For parting my lips When I couldn't breathe Thank you for loving me Thank you for loving me I never knew I had a dream Until that dream was you When I look into your eyes The sky's a different blue Cross my heart I wear no disguise If I tried, you'd make believe That you believed my lies Thank you for loving me For being my eyes When I couldn't see For parting my lips When I couldn't breathe Thank you for loving me You pick me up when I fall down You ring the bell before they count me out If I was drowning you would part the sea And risk your own life to rescue me Lock the doors We'll leave the world outside All I've got to give to you Are these five words when I Thank you for loving me For being my eyes When I couldn't see You parted my lips When I couldn't breathe Thank you for loving me When I couldn't fly Oh, you gave me wings You parted my lips When I couldn't breathe Thank you for loving me Dreams Come True

[25 Apr 2003|02:20am] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Now And Forever: JC ] *searches for a piece of paper, smiles when he finally finds one* I've been doing a lot of romantic things for my beautiful America lately and I know Dan's feeling left out. It's not intentional mind you. It's just..it's hard for me to say the things to Dan that I want to, especially when most of them are the cheesy things couple's whisper to each other when they first get together. Like little nicknames. But I don't want to call him Snugglemuffins or anything. Really. I promise. *finds a pen, then begins to write* ( Dan- ) Dreams Come True

Just for you [24 Apr 2003|11:10pm] ( for my future husband ) 2 Dreams Come True

Just for you... [24 Apr 2003|11:03pm] ( For my future wife ) 2 Dreams Come True

[24 Apr 2003|10:36pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Always: Bon Jovi ] I guess it could be quite possible that I need an update of substance. *makes an update of substance* A lot is going on with me. I'm engaged. To the most beautiful woman and man in the world. *laughs softly* Don't ask me how I lucked out and got America and Dan. But I'm thankful. Really, really thankful. I'm so in love it's crazy. I thought when I was with Jacob, that he was the person I was meant for. That he was the only person I could or would ever look at, and that he would be the person to make me happy for the rest of my life. Not the case. I'm meant to be with the two people who love me and would do anything for me. Who love me no matter what. For that I am thankful. 8 Dreams Come True

America.... [24 Apr 2003|10:30pm] Don't go changing, to try and please me You never let me down before Don't imagine you're too familiar And I don't see you anymore I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble We never could have come this far I took the good times, I'll take the bad times I'll take you just the way you are Don't go trying some new fashion Don't change the color of your hair You always have my unspoken passion Although I might not seem to care I don't want clever conversation I never want to work that hard I just want someone that I can talk to I want you just the way you are. I need to know that you will always be The same old someone that I knew What will it take till you believe in me The way that I believe in you. I said I love you and that's forever And this I promise from the heart I could not love you any better I love you just the way you are. 2 Dreams Come True

To My Merica... [23 Apr 2003|01:55am] [ mood | loved ] Yes, I'm head over heels in love with you baby. And the need to show you that through songs seems to be taking over my body *laughs and gives in* I t was no accident me finding you. Someone had a hand in it, Long before we ever knew. Now I just can't believe you're in my life. Heaven's smilin' down on me, As I look at you tonight. I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars. He sure knew what he was doin', When he joined these two hearts. I hold everything, When I hold you in my arms. I've got all I'll ever need, Thanks to the keeper of the stars. Soft moonlight on your face, oh how you shine. It takes my breath away, Just to look into your eyes. I know I don't deserve a treasure like you. There really are no words, To show my gratitude. So I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars. He sure knew what he was doin', When he joined these two hearts. I hold everything, When I hold you in my arms. I've got all I'll ever need, Thanks to the keeper of the stars. It was no accident me finding you. Someone had a hand in it, Long before we ever knew. I love you. 1 Dreams Come True

To My Beautiful Future Wife.... [23 Apr 2003|01:16am] [ mood | loved ] I'll admit I could feel it, The first time that we touched. And the look in your eyes, Said you felt as much. But I'm not a man, Who falls so easily. It's best that you know, Where you stand with me. I will give you my heart, Faithful and true. And all the love it can hold, That's all I can do. But I've thought about, How long I'll love you. And it's only fair that you know, Forever's as far as I'll go. When there's age around my eyes, And gray in your hair. And it only takes a touch to recall, The love we've shared. I won't take you for granted, You'll know my love is true. Each night in your arms, I will whisper to you. I will give you my heart, Faithful and true. And all the love it can hold, That's all I can do. But I've thought about, How long I'll love you. And it's only fair that you know, Forever's as far as I'll go. Forever's as far as I'll go. Everything I am, is everything you made me be baby. I love you. For Always. 1 Dreams Come True

America.... [13 Apr 2003|01:05am] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Ruben: A Whole New World ] I can show you the world Shining, shimmering, splendid Tell me, princess, now when did You last let your heart decide? I can open your eyes Take you wonder by wonder Over, sideways and under On a magic carpet ride A whole new world A new fantastic point of view No one to tell us no Or where to go Or say we're only dreaming A whole new world A dazzling place I never knew But when I'm way up here It's crystal clear That now I'm in a whole new world with you Now I'm in a whole new world with you Unbelievable sights Indescribable feeling Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling Through an endless diamond sky A whole new world Don't you dare close your eyes A hundred thousand things to see [Hold your breath - it gets better I'm like a shooting star I've come so far I can't go back to where I used to be A whole new world Every turn a surprise With new horizons to pursue Every moment red-letter I'll chase them anywhere There's time to spare Let me share this whole new world with you A whole new world That's where we'll be A thrilling chase A wondrous place For you and me Baby I love you. I just want you to know that. Being with you makes me feel happy, and like the sun is never going to stop shining on my. Thank you for that. I know I should of picked a different song, but it said how I was feeling baby. 2 Dreams Come True

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