I want it all to be sincere where ever I go's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
I want it all to be sincere where ever I go

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(1 blunt smoked | smoke a blunt?)

[01 Nov 2006|03:22pm]
i wish i could just erase this whole paul thing from my memory. wen i dunt really think about it its fine, and i havent really thought about it to the point where i get really upset for while butt i dunt kno why and i just started thinking about the whole thing and it upset me so bad to the point where i started to cry again. i dunt want to cry about this ne more. i hate being so emotional sometimes. i wish i could just be like fuc it and get over it butt i cant. its not even that im upset about the whole him hooking up with another girl. yea dont get me rong that upsets me really bad, butt i realize ppl make mistakes, im never gunna forget that he did that butt i can try really hard t block it out, if i dunt its gunna haunt me for awhile. i just miss him and how we were so bad. i want things bac to how they were. yea i miss the sex and the cuddling butt i just miss having him to go to everytime i was bored, i would just walk down the hall we would sit together and watch tv. yea we can still do that butt its not the same. yea i can have him pretty much ne time i want him butt god damn it i want him all the time. i dont think its a good idea to keep being so physical with him. we hooked up sunday wen i came bac and wenats i say hooked up thats an understatement. we banged three times in like 6 hours and he slept in my room. i loved it, it made me so happy. i was in the best mood the next day butt at the same time i was so upset at myself because i dunt want him to make me that happy, i dunt want to depend on him to be happy. so i told myself, next time he tries something physical dont give in, make him work for it, do it on ur terms. sad thing is i dunt think i have the will power to do that so my other option would be just to avoid him butt eventually hes gunna notice and ask y and i dunt feel like trying to xplain myself to him because i think I have so much more feelings involved in this then he does and i dunt think he needs to kno that, he doesnt seem like a guy that would take advantage of a girl that is more into him butt he also didnt seem like a guy who would hook up with a girl rite after breaking up with me so u never kno. at the same time i dunt want to avoid him becasue i do like just talking and hanging out with him butt im not sure we need tempataion. also he got alittle upset he said because mon. morning wen he was still in my bed will came in to smoke b4 class, i made these plans with will b4 paul said he was gunna sleep in here butt i dunt understand y b/c will was always around wen we banged last year obviously butt he said it was because its not like it an everyday thing now so he didnt want will to see. that made me think that he didnt want ne one to kno that we were messing around so that made me thing too. we both went to different parties last nite and i was smoking an L with will last nite and he IMs me and is like can i come in there before bed and i said yea. he just came in and we talked for like 10 mins. i could tell by the way he was looking at me he wanted stuff butt i wasnt going to make the first move, it did help that he had fake blood all over his face. he left pretty abruptly, before he left and jumped on me, hugged me, kissed my neck and left. one thing i vow not to ever do is hook up with him after we spenbt the nite at different parties cause why am i gunna hook up with him wen for all i kno he had other little bitches all over him all nite. i got an A on my internship, at least that stress is done and over with. i was so happy. i need to go pick up my midterm grades tho, they arent horrible butt they arent good. i really need to pick them up tho cause if they are low to my parents they mite make me move back to leicester.

(2 blunts smoked | smoke a blunt?)

[27 Feb 2006|04:35pm]
[ mood | peeeeeeee ]
[ music | green day*she ]

my birthday was great! sat. nite we went to blood's party but before we went i do believe i smoked 2 or 3 times and had four cornonas. we get there and its completely packed with people. i had a corona and was just chillen with kim, nicky ryann and steph wen ashley comes and grabs me and me her n that lish girl from last time start to smoke a bowl in the bathroom. the people in the bathroom b4 us made the toilet over flow so it was all gross and ppl kept knocking on the door and it turned out to be blood and he yelled at us for smoking in his bathrrom instead of the designated room. damn how was i suppose to kno there was a designated room. so we go to this room to finish smoking and theres all these people in there. paul comes in and hes like jeeze i guess u dunt wanna smoke that blunt with me ne more im like no no i will. so i finished smoking with them and attempted to have a cig in there butt blood kept walking in so i had to keep hiding it because he doesnt want ppl smoking inside butt it was so cold outside. i smoked with paul, its great wen ppl dunt kno ur name cause then they dunt ask to smoke with u like they kept asking paul. i went outside to have a cig. with some oriental kid. the kid left two of his beers out there and i was so tempted to take on butt i still had a corona left and i was drinking ashely's shit too. so i go find ashley and we go to pee. oh man.. this was so gross. 5 or 6 guys go in there before us and go to pee in all different spots, the shower, sink, toilet, floor and then me and ashley went in and ashley was freaking out cause shes a germaphobe ne way and im trying to ask her where i pee butt i couldnt stop laughing and neither could she so nothing was being accomplished so i finally just went to pee in the toilet and ppl keep pounding on the door and low and behold theres no toilet paper. now ive peed so much outside without toilet paper butt for some reason since i peed in a bathroom i really wanted toilet paper so ashley is still flippin out n im trying to get her to find me toilet paper so she grabs a towel off the shower and hands it to me and of course i use it cause im drunk. ashley didnt even get to pee because ppl kept knocking on the door so we had to get back in line xcept i left my corona in there and the girl who went in after us grabs it and is about to walk out with it and im like thats mine! shes like ooo, she was like it was full so i figured someone was looking for it. yea rite. so we find the lish girl and go to smoke again and pretty is in there so i start talking to him and somehow the picture of his penis amy took came up. amy calls me not making ne sense all she is doing is saying nigel nigel nigel over and over. then ashley called her from her fone and im trying to get the fone to talk to amy pretty shoves me outside on the porch and wont let me back inside till i promise him there is no more picture of his penis. im screaming for ashley to help me to no avail. well i guess later on ashley told ryann that she thought i was giving pretty head on the porch cause i guess he was asking all these girls for head and all she heard us talking about was his penis. go back inside. i found a hot recruit again and im asking nicky if im allowed to hit on him cause of paul and they are all like no no go for. so i keep staring at the kid hoping he will get the hint butt he doesnt so nicky shoves me on the floor next to him. ashley is arguing with eliot who keeps trying to get me to come sit next to him and im trying my best not flirt with him cause nicky likes him so i start talking to the recruit butt he leaves. sara, her friend kim and steve leave. me and ashley go n smoke another bowl and she brings eliot and im talking to eliot and he blows his hit out so i try to rebreath it in and hes like oh u want it and im like o no. so the next time he gets it he grabs me and gives me a shotie. i was like please please please i hope ashley didnt see. then he offered me another one butt i had to resist. we leave and on our way to the car ryann and her drunk self is going off about how cute me and paul are and how we should make it offical and why dont i ask him and mean while hes rite in front of us and he turns around and is like ask me wat? im like nothing! steph was also telling me she trys to talk to him wen they take the shuttle to worcester butt he turns all red and tries to run away wenever she brings me up. we order chinese food and then basically go to bed cause its like 4am. amy called me at 8am to wish me a happy birthday butt i forgot to silence my fone and then my brother called me at like 11:30 and i anwsered and told him to call me back in like 4 hours n hung up. i needed cigs real bad cause i gave alot away at the party so i was about to leave and walk there in the snow wen i found out ryan and paul went in ryan's car and left me and i was so heated and will was taking his sweet ass time getting ready so the boys get back and im like jeeze guys thanks for asking me to go and me n will are about to leave wen paul grabs me and hands me cigs. and im like aww u got these for me and hes like yea and im like butt u hate cigs hes like i kno butt u seem to love em. the girls made a cake for me for my birthday. i had a hunch they were butt i wasnt positive damn bought a pack of bud lite and split it with me and ryan was gunna smoke me up butt they decided to go to the baseball house n dan was in a rush to leave so rite in front of me to ashley he goes so are we gunna have katrinas cake now or wat? ryan was like sorry i told him not to say ne thing in front of u cause i didnt think u knew. there was a pot leaf on the cake, it was so cool xcept for the fact that the RA was there and i def. seemed like a pot head cause they also gave me a shot glass with a frog drinking a beer n smoking a joint and the RA is like u kno u are allowed to have shot glasses, shes like u can put something in them wenever ur not using them, if that ever happens. so yea i had a good birthday!

FIRST THOUGHT when you hear these 35 words:

1. I need: a cig.

2. Sex: pregnacy

3. Relationships: can suck

4. Your Last Ex: had really bad ADHD

5. Power: hour

6. Marijuana: most smoke now

7. Crack: plumber pants

8. Food: bagel

9. The President: bush

10. War: the 60s

11. Cars: mustang

12. Gas Prices: not my worry

13. Halloween: evil

14. Politics: my brother

15. Religion: bull shit

16. MySpace: good time passer

17. Worst Fear: feet

18. Marriage: outdoors

19. Fashion: to much effot

20. Brunettes: hell yes

21. Redheads: chucki

22: Work: sucks

23: Pass the time: sleep

24: Football: paul<3

25. One night stands: gross

27: Pixie Stix: AH I LOVE THEM

26: Pet Peeve: ppl who r late

28: Vanilla Ice: ice ice baby

29: Porta Potties: carnivals

30: High school: waste of my life

31: Pajamas: im in those

32. Wood: fiber

33. Surfers: sexy

34. Pictures: amazing

35. First Love: dick

(1 blunt smoked | smoke a blunt?)

[12 Nov 2005|01:21pm]
i dunt kno why this is in cindy's profile butt i found it oddly amusing

me: mom arent i a good kid? i never got in trouble like that.
mom: WHAT?! remember that time you were TWO i had to bail you out of jail for biting Brendan Appy.
me: oops.

(2 blunts smoked | smoke a blunt?)

[08 Nov 2005|08:06am]
there is this campus po.. his name is dan. the end. no butt seriously he is always in our house and is mad chill. the other nite he i walk into my room and its him steph, ryann and amy and he is like ur roomates just got u busted for alcohol im like wat? nooo. wat? noo. and he holds up a bottle of smirnoff ice. im like uhh.. no? eventually after fucking with me for awhile he is like no im just kidding i just had to dump it butt u guys really have to hide ur shyt better. it was in the fridge and amy opened the fridge rite in front of him like a dum ass. hmmm.. i wonder if hed get rid of our other 6 empty bottles of liquor.
on a different note if ne one ever tries to get u to watch the movie labriyth just say no. i let paul talk me into watching it and it is the cheesiest fucking 80s movie. david bowie sings in it and although there are muppets it just doesnt make the movie good.

(3 blunts smoked | smoke a blunt?)

[19 Oct 2005|08:12am]
no no no no no no NO!

(smoke a blunt?)

[11 Oct 2005|11:46pm]
i try to look out for the guys n my house n they kick me out butt let amy in, even tho im drunk i dunt act like a crazy idiot, u kno wat, fuc assholes....

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