| Invisible Garden | ||||
| 12:43pm 13/01/2005 | ||||
Lost little girl Bored beyond reason Only happiness to play with Screaming for help Heads turn and listen But they don’t understand They never will Knocking and knocking They can’t get in Most give up She cries She cries She hurts They cry She can’t hear them Hurts too much to care So they pretend she is okay Before they shut down And the garden gate locks |
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apathetic| Another day | ||||
| 02:44pm 12/01/2005 | ||||
Sydney life is tops and I can’t say that I’m missing Newcastle all that much... Just a few of the people in it. It’s a big difference going from a 20min drive to civilization, to being in it and a 3 min walk away from a shop. The North Sydney library is a castle compared to Morisset… I’m currently engrossed in the Janet Evanovich series about Stephanie Plum, a bounty hunter. Great read, v. v. funny! Loving working for Clarins and I can’t wait for training in February. My hours per week are lousy, but at least I’m going to be trained as something! I’m still considering Primary school teaching, though I think I’ll have to work on a camp or something pretty soon, because mature age student entry for me starts the second half of next year… Just got back from the beach, tanned, not burnt and I’m about to get ready to go out for drinks tonight… Catch you all later. |
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cheerful| Hey | |||
| 01:06pm 11/01/2005 | |||
| we know where you live :) | |||
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| and we'll wish this never ends... | ||||
| 02:03pm 25/08/2004 | ||||
Considering staying in the shack when my family moves to Sydney.. That is.. considering staying here with Tony! It's not exactly moving out of home, and my parents would still be coming back most weekends. Though I'm mostly stoked about seeing my guy more often.. Do not plan to be stuck in Newcastle though. Will not live here forever.. No way! So I've started learning to sew, mum is teaching me. Going slow atm, but I'm making a pleated skirt (purple and pink tartan fabric - sounds gourdy, but trast me.. It's gorgeous!) I'm also making a black and white pinstipe skirt. This is all a build up for making my own dress for a friend's wedding in February. Also very exciting. At the moment without looking at patterns I'm thinking green, though must consider because apparently the bride's maids are wearing some shade of green. Hehe.. We'll see! Hope it doesn't end up like my (still) blank canvas! Who IS Missy Higgins? Where did she come from? Love 'Scar'. Have you heard it where you are Liorah? I'm thinking you might like it.. BTW, did I mention how much I miss you?!?! So where are you now? You really do need to update your journal.. Oh and I have this red top for you. It's a bit different, not sure if you'll like it. At any rate you have a better chance of suiting the colour and pulling off the design than I do! The black lamp shade ding bats hanging off the bottom (scaring you yet) could be removed without too much damage.. It's great weather here atm, could pass off as the middle of spring/beginning of Summer.. Hope you're having fun! Perfume of the Moment.. White Linen ~ Estee Lauder Perfumes I'm dieing to try.. Pink Sugar and Fracas |
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sick| falling in love with you all over again... | ||||
| 03:37pm 31/07/2004 | ||||
At the moment.. |
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relieved| Oh dear.. | ||||
| 06:03pm 30/07/2004 | ||||
**~** Is love such a dirty word? Does it have no meaning for you.. Hating value given to a word as language limits and confines and chokes me as I try and describe the endless meaning of that look.. that look you give after you kiss me goodbye.. I start to sink when you don't miss me, how you don't care at all that i'm moving to another city and how you show that you aren't in the mood to talk to me by giving the phone to someone else.. Just want to be left alone. It's not supposed to hurt this way.. |
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| Fuck it all. | ||||
| 10:40pm 05/06/2004 | ||||
For my first entry of my 3rd.. (4th?) attempt at continuity I will leave some quotes that stood out at the time.. "So many gods, so many creeds so many paths that wind and wind while just the art of being kind is all the world needs" "We may become the makers of our own fate when we have ceased to pose as it prophets" --Karl Popper "We have to believe in free will. We've got no choice" --Isaac Bashevis Singer "Music was invented to confirm human loneliness" --Lawrence Durrell "The poet is the priest of the invisible" --Wallace Stevens ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The moment has passed, the spontaneous jump of emotion gone and unimportant.. Feelings exchanged are forgotten and meaningless.. All that remains is the shadow of something that should have made an impact, but merely continues to fade.. I am empty once more, void of feeling.. even boredom doesn't linger long enough to be noticed, or maybe I am just incapable of staying in touch with the real world. Remind me what it is to be filled with emotion.. Give me pain, give me sorrow.. just let me know I'm alive, let me live. Is this what it is to be content? To yearn for nothing? What good is contentment then? What value? Emotion given that crumbles and doesn't return, making the idea of expression seem pointless.. further and further and further.. I wait in the dark. |
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indifferent| bad customers and unreliable bridges | ||||
| 08:29pm 13/12/2003 | ||||
Today I worked a 5 hour shift and was somewhat amused by one customer, and driven close to snapping poit by another. The first was a guy who looked about 20 buying cigarettes. It's the law to ask anyone who looks under 25 for ID, let alone not selling them to anyone 18. When I asked, the guy said he didn't have ID, but it was okay because he wasn't going to smoke them. They were for his 'friend' who needs them because of a medical condition. I thought he deserved a prize for the original story (along with the guy a week ago who tried to by them with a photo copy of a birth certificate). The guy went on to mumble that he guessed he'd have to send the friend to get them. hmmm.. some people are concerning The second was an old lady. First thing she said after I asked how she was "Awful, I hate christmas". As far as I'm concerned, that says it all there. Though I'll continue. "The older you get, the more you hate it." As you can imagine, I was packing as fast as I could to get her out of my hair. After she had payed she gave me her fly buys card. I apologised and told her it was too late. Then I gave her her change and got a filthy look - "What about my fly buys!" "I'm sorry, but you gave me your card too late" "I hate this place, I can't wait till you have some competition - I hate the attitude of the people who work here" *here is where I feel my face going red with anger*-"Oh, I thought I was rather nice to you actualy" Since I wasn't obligated to keep serving her I turned my back before I really snapped at her. From behind me I heard "I guess your getting ready to knock off then" I did what I considered the best for her safety and didn't turn around and reply. At home a plank on ther bridge to my room (hich was a bit rotted and had white ants) collapsed while I was on the phone to Tony. My left leg fell right through, leaving my with bad scratches and a few cuts and bruises on my leg and arm. The phone also went flying in the middle of all of this, so all tony would have heard was the thud of the phone crashing onto the hill along with "ahhhhh" "ouch!" "fuck" "help" ... ... ... "what happened" "I fell through!". I called him back and had a whinge about the pain I'm now in. ~~~In love :) xoxoxo ~~~In pain :( grrrr |
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| completely in love.. | ||||
| 02:22pm 13/11/2003 | ||||
. You smile, and this . feeling entwines . around my heart . as I'm left, breathless . standing alone . waiting . for you to feel the . same, to share a . warmth of . the knowledge that . you are mine . and . I am yours . I love you |
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crazy| Aesthetics and other philosophical crap. | ||||
| 10:27pm 30/10/2003 | ||||
"I am having my underarms waxed tomorrow... I mean, with all the pain of the HSC why not just inflict a bit more for asthetic value?" ~~Liorah I had to call in work sick last tuesday. As broke as I am, I tryed to just get over it. I was better after a 12 hour sleep, except for the cold it left me with! ARGLE! I had another 5 hour shift today, well, so I thought. Some manager just assumed I wasn't going to be well enough to work Thursday and cut my shift. Funny no one rang me and told ME!!! Assumed my arse.. DIE MELISSA!! ::straightens shirt and adjusts fake smile:: On a brighter note, I spent a lot of the day with my sister. Don't see her much anymore. I also purchased (well my mum is paying for them!!) a gorgeous pair of white cork sandals. Very Good, very good indeed... Today I learnt that everyone has a snapping point, and not a moment too late. Cos I sure as hell don't have a place to say anything. I have an awful confession. It makes me cringe just thinking about it. I was looking at clothes patterns with my sister.. and I saw the perfect wedding dress. It was exactly how I wanted it. I have never wished to be married, and still don't wish too. Not that I'm saying it will never happening.. Just establishing the fact that I don't obsess.. about that stuff! I just happened to come across it.. and it was perfect. *cringe* I have another secret, I'm going for my first.. *gulp* 'brazillian wax' tomorrow. I haven't even had my legs waxed before! Tomorrow a complete stranger is going to go .. there and.. OUCH! Enough thinking about it.. Saturday I'm going to a bar to watch one of my favourite local bands play. Sleight Of Hand. An old friend of mine is going with me, should be a great day! I've started reading the sequel to Sophie's World. So far it's not to shabby ;) |
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| Shake that thing... | ||||
| 07:50pm 24/10/2003 | ||||
On a brighter note, I'm head over heals.. schmitten till it's sickening... In love. I love doing nothing when I'm with you.. HSC Exam hell.. Will be smooth sailing after Maths is out of the way. Summary of Now: In Love Grateful of friends In Debt Hungry Motivated to create Thinking of the future In Love |
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artistic| 10:53am 16/10/2003 | ||||
"There's something bout the way the hair falls in your face.. I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillow case, you tell me where to go and though I might leave to find it.. I'll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it.." |
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| Of Second Rate Trendies, Barina Drivers and Lemon Tarts... | ||||
| 10:51am 13/10/2003 | ||||
It's only just last week that I've taken a moment to not have most my head lost completely in the present. I really, besides working and worrying about friends, have just been having fun and enjoying the lack of discipline. School is finished, I have a great boyfriend.. plenty of time to spend with friends.. or do I? The ever looming HSC has finaly caught my eye, I haven't studyed half as much as I should of and the stress is mounting. I've also just taken in the very real fact that after the HSC, two close friends.. a second rate trendy and a lemon tart will be leaving. Both for a very long time.. I'm going to miss you guys! I'm going to be reminded of you constantly.. When I see a Barina (with or without their 'drivers'), when I'm having a latte', when someone walks past in a 'No one knows I'm a lesbian' t-shirt, when some one quotes that awful 'Kath & Kim' nonsense or when I see dero trendies hanging out, watching to see who is looking at them ~ even more so if one happens to be so kind as to moon me again. Just want you to know that if you don't keep your journals updated I'll hunt you down in Israel and Melbourne and give you a whipping. (In a completely unsexual way Monique) I've decided I won't mind so much if I don't get into Uni. It's not the end, I can still apply in a few years as a mature age student and in the meantime I can work hard and save money. If I do get in I think I shall defer for a year and do the whole saving money thing anyway. Either way I am looking forward to earning money to save, not pay people off. Must cut back on; latte's, snacks, discounted clothing, alcohol (!!!), presents and taxis. I also plan to eat better, exercise regularly and read more. It really is ridiculous the amount of books on my shelf that I have bought because they looked like an awesome and (usualy) educational read, and yet have never gotten around to starting them! Must not buy another book until 90% of said books are read. will be significantly more knowledgeable by halfway through next year. I now have studying to do.. solid studying. (I hope, I hope, I hope...) Just after I go eat something... |
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hungry| close the door as you leave... | ||||
| 08:49pm 28/09/2003 | ||||
SCARED. THRILLED. IN LOVE.. even more Yesterday morning I fell asleep straight away after you left.. I woke up and rolled over to lie next to you, I found myself snuggling up to a pillow.. Sometimes I do it in my own bed when you haven't even been there... Sleeping in your arms feels so natural now, it's where I need to be.. xoxoxo |
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| so glad you could make it... | ||||
| 12:43pm 23/09/2003 | ||||
You would look good sleeping in my bed right now, I love to watch that.. I can be vindictive sometimes, I notice it while it's happening and I can't stop, and I sink into guilt and hate. It eats away until I give in and let it go. I'll work on it next time.. again.. NEED TO STUDY |
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hot| ?WHOA? | ||||
| 11:58am 23/09/2003 | ||||
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is that frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe. |
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amused| Lu§t Fieñd | ||||
| 07:09pm 11/09/2003 | ||||
...I love being naked with you ~Summer is coming!!! I have 5 days of school left.. O_o |
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rushed| over and over and over again | ||||
| 04:10pm 01/09/2003 | ||||
Focus on the repetitive, up-beat, plastic, hollow music. RED - YELLOW - RED - YELLOW - RED - YELLOW - RED - YELLOW - RED - YELLOW - RED - YELLOW - RED Outside GREEN - TAR - GREEN - TAR - GREEN - TAR - GREEN - TAR - GREEN - TAR - GREEN - TAR - GREEN - TAR GREEN neat conforming bushes framing a plastic playground. Too tall to play. Too old, too mature, too busy... busy following cars with my gaze through the round-a-bout. Temperzone, quality air conditioning truck Done up "Wog Boxes" I haven't been home for more than 5 hours in what seems like months. You home, my second home... Now more than ever like.. home. Now I have a toothbrush there perminantly. The beat, the same beat as always... plastic beat, plastic food, plastic seats, plastic colours.. RED - YELLOW - RED - YELLOW - RED - YELLOW - RED - YELLOW - RED - YELLOW - RED - YELLOW - RED My halo stays up, I KNOW it's still there... I still BLUSH. "Are you hungry... for a little more... of what you had before?" |
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| You don't know what you mean to me... | ||||
| 09:42pm 18/08/2003 | ||||
Smiling faces lit by the fire... Warmth, good company and plenty of laughs under the stars. Then I was with you, and... BLISS... Missing you kissing me, whispering sweet SOMETHINGS... Your hands around my waste and that look you give CHEEKY invite me closer.. **hold me forever** The HSC is so close, it's scary... trying with all I have to stay in control, not stress... Keep everything in perspective. I look around and maybe I should be stressing.. I don't care enough, and the future is going to bring regret.. I need to get my act together. It's all good to SAY IT.. Shit. My canvass is still blank, my future is even fuzzier... though they both give off a promising warm buzz. I only hope my optomism isn't damning! I don't want to miss an opportunity to do something with my life I'm passionate about, to get up each day and not enjoy where I'm taking myself.. or to not go anywhere at all.. What would be the point? He said I was "the one".. O_o |
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loved| hands, skin, whispers, breath, lips, eyes, silence, you... | ||||
| 09:53pm 11/08/2003 | ||||
I danced! Everyone knows I don't dance.. but we did, and I had fun and didn't want to leave your side. Hold me close again, whisper those words... I was intoxicated before I started drinking and long after I stopped... My best friend came very close to death on Friday night, or should I say around 6am Saturday morning... I cried just thinking about how lucky I am he's alive. I love you fool. |
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indescribable|
eclecticspatula |
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