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Monday, July 14th, 2003
8:42 am
im still 164

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Wednesday, July 9th, 2003
11:46 pm - its been a fuckin long time!
alot has happened..i think the last time i wrote i was 167 i left for the beach at 169 and wheni got back i was 164 it was wild.. i guess being at the beach your hot and all you want to do is drink and sleep and get burnt. im callin it the beach diet..ive been hungover like a bitch so i havent been wantin to eat for the past few days..although i felt like i pigged out today. waffles
egg plant parm
seafood like no ones bidness

i just want to be 160 by the time i go to the beach on july 25..i dont know..4 pounds might be pushin it.

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Thursday, June 19th, 2003
9:47 pm - im cracking
*sigh* last week was a good week. i mean i lost three pounds and stuff. i started cracking monday..it was scary. i gained a pound by wednesday..and now im back down to 167. i wish that i would get the motivation to do some sort of physical activity. anything..just to break the 167. i mean i made a goal of losing 3 pounds this week and nada. thats cool at least im not back at 170 where i started....im so tired i think i might just want to go to bed...

current mood: blank

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Tuesday, June 17th, 2003
10:23 pm
i hate taking showers alone...cause i cant reach to wash my back :(

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Monday, June 16th, 2003
12:56 pm - well the weekend has past
i didnt lose weight over the weekend..but i didnt gain any either! i stayed at 167. so im hoping...im not going to kid myself..but im hoping that i can be down to 164 by end of the week. and then down to 162 by next wednesday..im goingon the boat wit matt and audz..and to other random people..i wont be skinny but i wont be as bloated. ill be excited to see matt its been a long time..i miss him alot..

current mood: accomplished

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Saturday, June 14th, 2003
11:51 pm - today..was an alright eating day ...could have been better
breakfast-waffles and strawberries
lunch-ham and cheese sand w/mustard
dinner-veggie pasta mushrooms. zucchini. lil cheese and such
..mini binge..few chips lil 3 musketeers thingys cottage cheese..bah!

oh and in between all of that i had to heaping bowls of fruit..

tomorrow exercise...i keep saying i should get some in i just dont feel like it...but i think tomorrow i will..yea...heh.

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Friday, June 13th, 2003
11:48 am - whaaaaaaat?!?!
i lost another pound! what the hell (thats a good what the hell)...i have done no exercise whatsoever....yet...and ive lost 3 pounds in 3 days..how exciting! having fiber and cutting out soda really makes a difference i guess..although with the soda...i take a sip here and there..just to fight the craving..i think exercise...should be worked in because..cutting back in food and drink will take you only so far...what scares me a bit is we are coming up on the weekend..i have to fight through it...maybe being a home body might be a good idea for the next few weekends...its hard to go out and eat healthy..ya know?

current mood: surprised

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Thursday, June 12th, 2003
9:00 am - well hot damn!
finally finally! after a coupla weeks of dieting (with a scale to show my progress) i broke 170! my period i think kept me there.the past two days i dropped 2 pounds and just to let you all know i was eating ...and i enjoyed eating ...once again i proved you can eat under a 1000 calories..and eat well..fruit and veggies my friend fruit and veggies..im feelin good..even though its two pounds its progress..and shows me that my efforts are accomplishing something..okay..just had to type that..gotta go to school now....damn college summer classes!

current mood: accomplished
current music: ...damn even stevens song is in my head

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Sunday, June 8th, 2003
1:51 am
is losing 20 pounds in 26 days possible..with out dying of starvation?

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12:06 am - ....ive got a plan....i think..
20 pounds in 26..days...thats reallly.....pushing it isnt it??? but i have to try..i just have to..im going to the beach..and i have to throw myself out there...i really want to lose a pound a day..but i know that just wont happen..because that requires no eating...3500 calories equals one pound..if i just eat less...and work off..what i eat..it should work..right? ...or just at least 13 pounds..thats half a pound a day.....so my logical goal is 13 pounds...and my far fetched goal is 20 pounds.trying to stick under 1000 calories..i can do it if i mostly eat fruit..and veggies.which ive been doing alot of lately anyway..so i wont be starving cause im still eating and exercising alot everyday day one starts tomorrow

current mood: full

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Wednesday, June 4th, 2003
10:37 pm - oh food how you tempt me CURSE YOU!!!
what does it take not to crave food..and its sick that im not hungry..but when im alone..i just have to have it..like i become an animal..and i just ravage the kitchen..and i do it quickly..because im afraid ill get caught...and its sad because its just food..why cant i just stop eating..and be motivated..im not motivated to do anything...and..id get someone to exercise with me..but no one wants to...and besides..its hard to exercise with someone who is skinnier than you and doesnt need to exercise...i give up...well i dont..im just sick of it..because i keep growing and growing..and i think...THINK..im doing something to help..but im not doing enough..*i just lowered my head in shame..*..i really did..just now..i have my pants pulled over my gut like fred murtz..and the underwear..just as high..im so uncomfortable with myself today...some time i just want to take a knife and cut off the fat and...like carving a turkey..if only it was that easy..

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Monday, June 2nd, 2003
11:48 pm - im in a sad state
bahhhh diddyaa...

breakfast-strawberries and waffles
lunch-salad..no fat dressing..lil steak..snuck some doritos
later on snuck somemore doritos
dinner-spaghettie another salad..bread
dessert-huge piece of cake...then later i snuck left over chicken parm sandwich and was so desperate for food..i ate it cold..i didnt want the microwave to awaken anyone..

..i have to...diet..i just have to..i have to stick with it i have to exercise...god damn it...im going to the beach in a month exactly..oh lord in heaven help me..i need to find something that helps fight the hunger pangs...water..coffee doesnt work..lord..

current mood: crappy

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Sunday, June 1st, 2003
3:09 pm - im an idiot
baaaah! so i fucked up totally..by friday evening...damn taco bell...last night i got a scale..i weighed myself..and when i was giving my stats i was totally wrong ...i was not 160...170...that is how much i weigh...i guess a few weeks makes a real difference...well i guess now that i have a scale..ill work harder..i def. need to work out..or something..being sedintary is def. not getting anything done....im sick of being over weight..and not fitting in my clothes..i mean..its not being the overweight..its not fitting in my clothes...because i have all these garments that sit in a pile in my closet...ive got to stick with the veggie/fruit fast..and drink alot of coffee or tea...i just gotta...

current mood: aggravated

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Friday, May 30th, 2003
10:53 am - day three..why am i even counting??
breakfast-banana and a bagel

hopefully ill have a salad...and fat free dressing...who knows what will happen

bah! i do not know how those skinny bitches do it!!

oh well..the sun is out..im gonna wear a skirt..i usually wear..knee length skirts since the cover the scary half..makes my ass look less ominous

ahh well...im going to enjoy this sunny day while it lasts.

current mood: energetic

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Thursday, May 29th, 2003
11:16 pm - the rest of day two....forced to eat...
lunch..mom felt(yes..im twenty and mom controls what i eat...*bows head down*)that i should be eating more..so she made me eat mac and cheese along with...the broc. and carrots..

dinner...chicken quesidilla....
and then of course..i fucked it up with some waffles..and i think at work i snuck a few chips..and i had a banana..

oh well ...i just have to hop back on the horse and let it ride....

some how i need to impliment some physical activity...i dunno

i hope my friend had a good day two.

current mood: disappointed

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12:57 pm - day2
what i ate day 1

lunch-salad fat free dressing couple crutons...i did sneakin about 5 doritos.
dinner-spaghetti..i had to eat it ..i was bout to die. but...hopefully with day two ill..do better..but i didnt over eat.. i should eat more fruit..so im not so desperately hungry

today...day 2
so far

breakfast-strawberries and cantalope
lunch-broccoli and carrots(cooked)...im eating it right now.

gotta go to work...i hope my cohort is doing well!! good luck!

current mood: hopeful

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Wednesday, May 28th, 2003
8:44 pm
im gross.

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Tuesday, May 27th, 2003
8:07 pm - weeeeeeeeelllllppp.
tomorrow..it starts..lil nervous..lil excited...lil hopeful...its odd because today i really didnt feel like eating anyways..but since its my last day of good food for the next week or so i had to enjoy. mandy's graduation was today...it was...boring..but even when i graduated it was boring. but it seemed to go by fast enough. its wild that all of us kids are finally done highschool. wild i tell you. but ill tell you one thing...(Im refering to a journal..as you..heh..)...i hated getting dressed this morning..i was trying to find an out fit i didnt look hefty in...and what color did i choose????BLACK...of course! i had a massive pile of clothes on the floor...damn dressing up shit..screws you over..stresses you out god damn it! i loved dressing up..when i fit in my wardrobe.....and the sad thing about my wardrobe is that ive been in denial and refused to buy bigger clothes so im just limited to the loose stretchy ones...bah! hopefully with this mini fruit fast will do something...ANNNNNNNNYYYWHOOO...its time for what i ate today

breakfast-nada-was nausious(?)
lunch-a plethora of food at Chili's (the celebration of food!)
*bottomless chips/salsa
*chicken casear pita..love saying that...with fries
then i switched with mandy because she didnt like hers
*chicken tacos (mandy's former meal)
then she was full after a bite of my former meal..then i got it back and i kept it for leftovers
dinner-the rest of my chicken casear pita and fries
and hot freakin apple pie from mcdonalds OH YES MY FRIENDS I SAID HOT APPLE PIE!
love that stuff....i figured enjoy the last day....kinda like a last meal before a criminal is executed..maybe not that extreme but sux just the same....but..in the end itll benefit me and my two gals who are doing it with me LOVE YA GUYS AND GOOD LUCK IF I DONT TALK TO YOU!

current mood: hopeful
current music: matchbox 20-unwell

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1:35 am - welp one more day..of food..then im cut off.
lunch..egg plant parm....and bruchetta
dinner-hamburger and fries
snack popcorn in there somewheres

i did alright to day..no binging..which is good..

tomorrow..im just going to enjoy the food as best i can..because its the last day...sadly..but you know what..id rather be skinny and happy then fat..and unhapppy.

welp..thats all i got

current mood: hopeful

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Monday, May 26th, 2003
3:36 pm - oye.
Well i have come to the conclusion that if i start the fast today.ill just screw it up over the next couple of days considering mandy is graduating and there is going to be food everywhere..im going to accept that i will binge for the next today..and become even heavier....and i will make my self ill looking at me. but wednesday...will be a perfect day to start ...ihave to start my summer class and go straight to my job..so i wont be forced nor will i have the time to eat..so..thatll be the best..im so glad i have a summer class and two jobs itll keep me occupied..its funny when i ever i eat im totally disgusted and nausiated..but i still eat.....youd think that would detur me from eating..but no..it doesnt..but..i think this time i really will go through with it because im totally in the mindset that im going to be 140 by the end of the summer no matter what it takes!...i say this as im eating popcorn..bah!..well..i mean..i just have to say..that is it wednesday im going to stick to my guns. hhuuuuraaaaaahhh!! *military chant*

current mood: determined
current music: good ol linkin park

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