Sean's journal

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> profile

Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
9:28 pm - Tranquillity
So, life still sucks... Drama is still going on... My mother still has a fucked up back... My friend is still dead... But you know what? Fuck it. I can only do so much worrying. But, yeah. I have to work tomorrow, my mother and tonye are fighting, yet again, my grades aren't "up to par"... but yeah, fuck it.. I'm going to try to fix everything slowly, and try not to worry about stuff. My mother is getting on some anti-depressants, so that is good.. But she'll be completely fucked... Pain killers, muscle relaxers, and anti-depressants. SO FUCKING HIGH she will be. But I tell ya, Time in my life is messed up... Sometimes I feel as if I'm in a time loop, and everything that is going on now, is a replay of something that happpend last week, or three days ago.. And sometimes I feel as if I'm almost frozen in time. it seems as if an hour should go by, but in reality, it has only been 5 minutes. And sometimes, it feels as if I went through a time warp, and in the blink of an eye, the day has gone by. Hypothetically, I wonder how we, as humans, would messure time, if we took away clocks, and the sun. I am aware that we would not servive without the sun... but Say, hypothetically light was blocked from us.. the concept of the earth rotating around the sun, and the moon rotating around the earth.. we are oblivious of any sun cycle or mood cycle. What would be our concept of time. If it was just by feel... It would be skewed, and inaccurate... So, if you think about it, Our whole society is ran by lights and sound, and rotation. Why are we, as humans, being so superiour to every creation on this planet being dicated by unseen forces. But if that was all taken away from us, were would we be? Nothing? enlightened, being outside of all dictation? What would our concept of time be messured by? Since an eternity is/can be realitive. Meh, I am tired.



current mood: calm
current music: Swervedriver - "Blowin' Cool" - ('Mezcal Head,' 1994.)

(2 comments | comment on this)

Saturday, October 4th, 2003
1:02 pm
Nothing can stop me now, 'cause I just don't care anymore

so yeah artwalk was last night, and it was cool for like half of it.. But I have to say, it was rather disgusting when all my female friends were like making out with eachother. I dunno, it's like Lise was going out with nik and all, and they were making out a lot of the time too.. But randomly, Lisa starts making out with kara... IN front of Nik.. I dunno, I personally think that was fucked.

Meh, so I kinda got out of the dance with Caitlin. I told her I would go if she couldn't find a date, but I voiced the fact that I kinda wannit to get out of it.

One of my friends ODed on Viccodin. I'm not going to say whom... because she was all pissed off at alex for telling like two people.. and I told one other person... I didn't know not to tell.. So she, the person that ODed, is all pissed off... But I wish she would realize that people care about her and worry about her.. so obviously, people would say something... it's fucked.. I mean, if I ODed on something, I think she would tell.

Lol, so now leah is all pissed of because someone told some people that she made out with people at artwalk.. GODDAMN! IT'S RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING PARK! what do you expect. Oi, some people...

It also kinda sucks because One of my friends just died, and My mother is going to have horrible back pain for the rest of her life. And it's making her contemplated suicide. If her and Tony brake up one more time, I swear, she is going to like blow her brains out or something. Even though, she said she would never kill herself over someone... But she said that before the back pain. And all because of some fucking injury on the job.. FUCKING CATHOLICS!!!! (she works at catholic community services)

Dammit. All of this is pissing me off. FUCK YOU ALL! GOD DAMN! FUCK YOU ALL! I HATE YOU ALL! FUCK OFF!

current mood: indescribable
current music: Nine Inch Nails- " Piggy(Nothing Can Stop me Now)" - H10FDTS

(1 comment | comment on this)

Thursday, October 2nd, 2003
10:11 am
*you've got mail* I GOT MAIL! I GOT MAIL! I GOT MAIL! YAY!

(comment on this)

1:33 am

current mood: tired
current music: Front 242 - "With Your Cries"

(comment on this)

Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
10:54 am - I got broken! yay!
Oh, I am happy that I got Halo 5, Broken EP, by Nine Inch Nails.. Such a great album!

current mood: amused
current music: "Gave Up" - Nine Inch Nails

(comment on this)

10:35 am
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US! BLah, so I am in digital design, and I am working on my business card. BAH! So I haven't updated in a few days.. So to summarize, I have been home alone for five days, WITHOUT WORKING PLUMING. YAY! so I am going to go, because Leduc is getting pissed off about me typing right now. NAH! later.

current mood: bouncy

(comment on this)

Friday, September 26th, 2003
3:51 pm - Blah!
So yeah.. um.. Blah. I think I am going to go to the Vindication concert tonight. I'm not the biggest fan of Vindication, but you know what, I need to mosh. Release some tension. Moshing is always my. Grr, I have to go. lol will update later.

current mood: calm

(7 comments | comment on this)

Thursday, September 25th, 2003
11:35 pm - Contemplated withdrawal.
Yeah, I just got off work tonight, and I'm tired. I had to work for someone tonight.. which is sweet because I get saturday off.. meh, oh well. um.. I dunno.. this whole being honest thing.. it's getting me in trouble.. I am contemplating weither or not to get back into my little "shell" and just isolate myself from everyone again... The embarrassment that comes with sharing my feelings has aways been a burden of mine. I could spair the embarrassment by just cutting myself off from the world.. As much as I don't want to, and as much as I see how socally.. um.. I dunno.. weird my father is.. it makes me not want to.. but on the other hand.. I dunno.. me goofing off, and being an ass, and.. I dunno... Have I sold my deeper self out, just to be more social.. I mean, what happened to the poetic, policital, polite sean I once bared? Now, I am an annoying, self-centered, rude... verison of myself.. have I seemed to lose myself, while trying to make contact with the outside world.. I dunno.. Maybe I should just hide from it all, and everyone. Yeah, Maybe I should isolate myself. it seems like a valid thing to do.. I can get more back to my music, and observations on life, and socity, and politics. Either way, I'm not sure what I would be happy doing.. But with over-analizing mind, I seem to get a distorted view of reality. cause it seems the more you break something down, the more you strech it out.. and it starts to spread and deterierate, and distort. I dunno. Oi, I am tired. But yeah, I think I... I dunno.. withdrawal is a good thing sometimes.. time to reflect, and.. um.. I dunno. wow, I just got a little lite headed, I think I might black out or something.. I'm dizzie, I think I am going to lay down for a minute. Well, salutations...

current mood: distressed
current music: Front 242 - "Headhunter"

(3 comments | comment on this)

Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
10:51 am - "Will These Dreams Still Follow Me, on a Dark Obsurity"
Hola, I finally got myMinistry CD back from Kara. Lol, thank you KARA, I love you! Oh, how orgasmic this album is. A mind is a terrible thing to taste. Other than that, I am just messing around in Net Nav (network navigation). making a logo. Last week, I make a picture of Nichola Tesla, on top of a Super Nova. When I get a server up to host shit, I will have to host my pictures.. but I am lazy. Oh well.. SO WHAT! Oh, ministry. You are such a great band. Why did you have to get crappie after 1993? Anyway, I am out. Later.


current mood: bored
current music: Ministry - "SO WHAT"

(comment on this)

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003
8:08 pm - Link to My old Blurty Journal
Okay, I am ashamed of my old Blurty. I only had like 7 entries in it, so it's small... But I figure if any of you are bored, you could take a glimps of it.

click here For my old Blurty

Haha, good luck clicking it.. oh how I love HTML sometimes...

current mood: artistic
current music: "Orion (Instrumental)" - Metallica

(1 comment | comment on this)

12:02 pm - BOOO HAAA
lol. What? huh? Say Whaa?!?!?! Well, anyway, it's like noon, and I am still in my boxers, no one is home, and I am bumping some Hip hop yo. Lol, I know most of you wouldn't guess that I am into hip hop. I am really selective about the hip hop I listen to. I love Del the funky homosapien... You probably know Del from the gorillaz. Good band. I greatly enjoy the song "19-2000." However, it makes NO LOGICAL SENSE WHAT SO EVER... I.E.: "Get the cool shoe shine." WHAT!?!?! SHOE SHINE?!?!?! I have DC skate shoes... So I guess I can't get the cool shoe shine :(. I want the cool shoe shine. bah. what are you going to do? Anyway, so yeah, I am sick, and stuff. It sucks. my debate was today... So chris had to have at it, solo. Sorry chris. I told you that you should have stayed home today too. Oh well.. GRR! sinus headaches suck ass. I wish I could kick a sinus headache.. since my "thang" is to kick shit. I guess I could kick my head.. but I don't think that would help my sinus headache.

Hardcore kid:
your a tough son of a bitch, things are black
and white and you can take it. You like it
hard, loud, fast, and in your face. a broken
nose never hurt nobody

So, what kind of Underground kid are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

huh, so i am a hardcore kid, eh? Well, I like to mosh... and hard core music is good.. but god damn, I'm a lover, not a fighter.... huh, at least I'm not an emo kid or a "nu-metal bitch."

anyway, I am out of here.. gunna put on some clothes, and take a shower.. get something to eat. Later.


current mood: crazy
current music: "Award Tour" - A Tribe Called Quest

(comment on this)




current mood: crazy
current music: "Where is my Mind" - Pixies

(comment on this)

12:36 am
You are Pretty Hate Machine. Emotional, angry,
carnal, you are a dichotomy of love and hate.
You may have been scarred deeply in the past.
You also may love someone deeply, even if
he/she is inaccessible, or has hurt you. Try to
forget the past, and free your heart, because
you are no doubt a beautiful creature.

Which Nine Inch Nails album are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: gloomy
current music: Sancified - Nine Inch Nails

(comment on this)

12:30 am - "What Nine Inch Nails Song are you?"

-The Great Below-
Extremely sensitive, you are still waiting for that
one love to either return or come into your
life for the first time. You know deep down
that you're going to end up getting hurt again,
but you're still hopeful.

What Nine Inch Nails song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: drained
current music: Great Below - Nine Inch Nails

(comment on this)

Monday, September 22nd, 2003
11:22 pm - Introduce Yourself (Part 2)
Hello again Katie, Blurty, Random Ocks, and friends of Kate. As all one of you may know, I already had an account on Blurty last year. (exploite deleted.. I realized that you could go to my old blurty, via my screen name.. so, if you really wanna go to my old blurty, you have to click like link above... and hopefully get tired of trying before you actually get there... good luck)<********>messiah or something. Apparently it is still active, but I haven't updated it in FOREVER.

Well, to update the time lost, I have gotten a job. Yeah, I finally got off my ass and did something... lol like that one Outkast song. "Get up, get out, and do something...” lol. Yeah. I may be working as a dishwashing minimum wage restaurant bitch boy. At least I'm not sucking "the man's" dick (large corporations, for you Non-Olympians out there). Yeah, I'm much more than a dishwasher... I refer myself to be the "bitch boy," and also "random task boy." Either of these titles is expectable. 1) Because I do way more than dish wash. I mop, I prep-cook, I peel potatoes all of the time. I plunge, when necessary. And on a rare occasion, I make a salad, or pizza. So hopefully they will bump me up to Pizza cook in a few months. Oh, by the way, I work at Ramblin' Jacks... A Semi-gourmet restaurant down town. One of my Favorite restaurants downtown actually.

Well, to explain the name "Dyerseve"... It's a Metallica song. I'm personally not the BIGGEST fan of Metallica, but it's a great song... "Dear mother, dear father; what is this hell you put me through.... Every thought, you disapprove.... you took my wings before I learned to fly..." I can kinda relate to this song. Not completely. But I can relate to the being disapproved, and overly protected, and disowned (I think my father even told me that I wasn't his son. he also never apologizes)... and just a lot of other shit. Not being raised by my father. My mother fuckin' some other dude while she is married to my father... and Visa versa. And they stay together "for me..." My father actually raised my brothers. I did not. And my brothers also had another dad. This dude named Walt (the mother fucker that banged my mother, while she was married to my father) helped my brother Craig a lot. But he hated me. I don’t know. People seemed to think that he was afraid of me... I don’t know. I guess fuckin' some kids mother, while they aren't divorced. It could give somebody a guilty mind. Non-the less, he treated me like shit... So, in a lot of ways, I have had to raise myself, and help my mother... and now that I am working I'm actually making more than my mother, and supporting her too... so, it's all fucked. But by all means, I'm not having a bad life or anything. Just a dysfunctional family, with some fucked up issues with my mother and father. And causing me to have an emotional breaks down, during my sophomore year. Anyway, enough about my problems, and feelings of extreme animosity towards my parents. I hope my seed doesn't go through the emotional shit I have had to go through.

Well, I am sick as hell. And I actually took a day off work. Fuck that, I'm not coughing no people's food and shit. I don't want to spread the sickness. So I tried to e-mail all of my teachers today. But GOD DAMMIT (MISTER LEDUC!!!!), the website didn't list the e-mails of the teachers, like it did last year. So I had to guess all of my teachers’ e-mails. And I got 4 out of 6 of them. Which isn't too bad. But dammit, it kinda fucked up debate, that I couldn't e-mail mister Anderson. His name is Jim Anderson, and I e-mailed And long behold, I e-mail a Jenny Anderson at reeves middle school... GOD DAMN why does their have to be so many middle schools around here.

Other than that, not much else has been going on. Playing drums. I have been getting better and faster at drums. Especially the double kick blast bass. Now only if I could get a sound modulator and triggers. However, I am getting a set of turntables in a few days. Which is "Supa-saaweet"

Well, I am tired. Have a good night. Lay-tore.


current mood: drained
current music: Slacker - Looky Thing

(comment on this)

> top of page