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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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Tony Robbins infomercial on TV |
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I've never quite understood the concept of counting sheep. How exactly is this supposed to help me get to sleep? Am I supposed to find comfort in the fact that I have just convinced myself that there are 824 sheep in my bedroom, who are capable of jumping over my bed with a gleeful "weee.."? If anything, it creates more room for my imagination to roam, thus keeping me awake even longer. How can I possibly get to sleep while my mind is imagining the mess 824 sheep would make? Maybe counting sheep are mini-sheep I think. That would definitely downsize their mess making capability. Then I remember those ever so creative Serta mattress commercials where their sheep happen to be of a somewhat normal size. What happens if one of the sheep has issues with anger management? I don't think the neighbors would take kindly to you running around in circles in your front yard, wearing your pj's ... while screaming for number 476 to not hurt you.
Then, when you have finally reached that point where you are seconds from falling into a deep relaxing sleep ... it happens. You have a sudden urge for a glass of water. The kitchen is so far, yet the only other source of water is the bathroom ... and that's just not okay. So, you pull yourself out of bed, and wobble down the hallway ... bumping into the wall and the cat, all the while repeating the word "crap" to yourself under your breath. You knock several things over, but you are able to find a glass and get yourself some water. As you wobble back down the hall, you spill water on your bare feet with each bump into the wall. Finally, you settle back down into bed ... your thirst quenched ... images of disturbed sheep gone from your mind. Sleep. Actually ... not yet. The moment you lay down, it comes over you ... you have to pee. So, once again you wobble to the bathroom, do your thing, and wobble back to bed. Now, you can sleep. Unless ... you find yourself wondering what sheep do when they are thirsty, have to pee, and can't sleep ...
If you are like most people, you wobble into the living room, and turn on the TV. You know that there is nothing on at this hour, yet you still flip through the channels violently. After a while, you settle with a Tony Robbins infomercial. You wonder if Tony uses that big red pasta pot you saw on TV last Saturday night. Then you remember that omelet maker, and start thinking about that fancy bed ... oh, and that exercise machine that makes you look "sexy" by waving your arms for 3 minutes a day. You wish that one of those Extreme Makeover episodes was on. Preferably one of the ones where even after the makeover ... the people remain a little ... not so pretty. It's a real self esteem boost for yourself. What kind of sick person finds pleasure in someone else's pain?! Wait ... you do. You rummage through old Christmas movies, and quickly check your e-mail. No one e-mails you anymore. You feel unloved. For a while you sit and stare at the screen ... oblivious to the fact that you've been up for 2 hours. You begin writing a meaningless entry in your blurty ... then realize how meaningless the act of writing a meaningless entry is. So, you sign off, wobble to bed, and begin counting sheep ... while tilting your head as they fly over your bed in an effort to discover their gender.
Sarah
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