Blurty for i'll never know why.

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Sunday, April 25th, 2004

Subject:better not
Time:5:58 am.
at night, when i see your ..face in my dreams ..mmm mmm
mmm all i know is i feel ..sad
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ..yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
right now that i'm feeling ..low so low, i don't know where to
go to find you, oh i miss you
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ..yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
i just want to talk to you ..i just want to walk with you
just want to get to know you ..maybe even
why don't i just forget your face ..why can't i just forget the place
right now move onto someone ..else
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ..yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
better not to have ..better not to have
better not to have seen your ..face
right now i just want to ..die oh yes, i just want to
die right now, i only want to ..die
better not to have
better not to have
better not to have ever
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, April 24th, 2004

Time:1:14 am.
Remember back awhile
How we walked for many a mile
And the faces that we'd see meant nothing
To you or me
But now those faces are frowns
And there's talk all over town
But I think I could see you
If you'd just turn around
Now I know there were signs
That you wouldn't always be mine
And they say I should have known
That I'd end up alone
See darling I wasn't blind
I didn't look, said I didn't mind
But now those faces are frowns
And there's talk all over town
But I think I could see you
If you'd just turn around
Turn around and see
How we were meant to be
'Cause I'm sure that you'd agree
If you'd just turn around to me
But now those faces are frowns
And there's talk all over town
And I think I could see you
If you'd just turn around
Yeah I think I could see you
If you just turn around
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, April 22nd, 2004

Time:9:38 pm.

Who knows how long I’ve loved you.
You know I love you still.
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to – I will.
For if I ever saw you
I didn’t catch your name.
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same.
Love you forever and forever.
Love you with all my heart.
Love you whenever we’re together.
Love you when we’re apart.
And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it so loud I can hear.
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
You know I will.
I will.

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Wednesday, April 21st, 2004

Time:2:38 pm.
It’s been a long long long time,
How could I ever have lost you,
When I loved you.
It took a long long long time,
Now I’m so happy I found you,
How I love you.
So many tears I was searching,
So many tears I was wasting,
Oh Oh now I can see you, be you,
How can I ever misplace you.
How I want you,
Oh I love you,
You know that I need you,
Ooh I love you.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, April 14th, 2004

Subject:to change, or walk away, is all there is
Time:6:21 pm.
"Or were you in a tough relationship?"
"They're all tough."
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Subject:perhaps there is no such thing as an opportunity
Time:1:17 am.

When he had said no just now, he thought himself sincere, a bitter enthusiasm had suddenly arisen in his heart. But who, beneath that light, could have retained the smallest particle of enthusiasm? It was a light that extinguished hope, that eternalized everything it touched. The little girl would skip forever, the rope would forever swing above her head and forever whip the sidewalk beneath her feet, and Mathieu would look at her forever.

What was the use of skipping? What indeed! What was the use of choosing freedom? Under that same light, at Madrid, at Valencia, men were standing at their windows looking at deserted and eternal streets, and saying, "What's the use? What's the use of continuing the struggle?" Mathieu went back to the room, but the light pursued him there. "My armchair, my furniture." On the table there was a paperweight in the form of a crab. Mathieu picked it up by the back, as though it were alive. "My paperweight." What was the use? What was the use? He dropped the crab on the table and said emphatically to himself: "I am a lousy wash-out."
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Monday, February 2nd, 2004

Time:8:21 pm.
dying would be too easy.
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Sunday, January 11th, 2004

Subject:a picture
Time:11:52 pm.
i rarely feel motivated, invincible, very happy, and so eager to start new things later on this year. i feel all of those things now. i just don't want to wait. i wish i could always feel this way. i wish it could all happen now. its hard not even knowing if it will happen at all. the present is so hard.
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Tuesday, August 12th, 2003

Time:12:19 am.
i'm totally stressed out completely. i need to find a place to live that i can afford before my mind explodes. but anyway, just about one week til she's here and then, i call booya! on everything.
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Monday, July 28th, 2003

Subject:falling through
Time:12:04 am.
it's been a whole week alone once again. already been back a week (yeah, right, already)
only three and a half more weeks, hopefully. the word "restless" comes to mind. and how..
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Thursday, July 24th, 2003

Time:12:11 am.
i've been in a state of neglect. hello. i've returned from my excellent trip. i surprised her by having her brother deliver me to her doorstep. she was duly shocked and in a state of ecstatic disbelief for about an hour. i met her family and friends and everything was great except the part about being separated again. hopefully we will be able to see each other again soon. she might come out here again really shortly, hopefully it will work out. her friends were pretty cool, so that was nice. i would probably get along really well with one of her friends, we seem to be really compatible people, i think, where we could be really good friends. meanwhile, i'm trying to figure out where i am going to live once august is over. i'm also trying to come up with a website name (unsuccessfully). mostly i'm trying to figure out all kinds of information on the visa we are going to be applying for so she can come live here, besides the entire living arrangement thing. i can't wait until my life is back to normal somewhat.. in about six months or later. geh
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Tuesday, July 8th, 2003

Time:9:15 am.
Music:god speed you black emperor.
i have about 999 or 99999999 things to do today. i only write lists when it's important or i have a tonne to do. today it's both. go to bank, go to school (pay them), get headphones, do laundry, wash dishes, send netflix back, pay cable/water, then a list of all these things i need to bring, besides working 12-5 and going to/being at bowling league from 6-10. so i basically have the next 2.5 hours to do all that.
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Thursday, May 29th, 2003

Subject:there's only one thing you trust:
Time:9:15 pm.
Music:the plan.
i wrote this for live journal, and it wont load up, so FUCK 'EM!
i went bowling and had fun, but also the most rotten experience. my ankle and wrist both now ache something awful, and i didn't even really do anything. my scores also sucked. the lane was like trying to tame some kind of leviathan. what a fucked up lane that was. good lord. but that's ok. i'll get in a good practice once i'm back. oh, the pinsetting mechanisms were also probably left over from the mesozoic era. which threw me initially but became kinda fun. i think i needed some miller high life to complete the scenery, though. har, har
missing work is bad. sigh/ it would be nice to get in extra hours next week. i tried to get my grandfather to visit today, surprisingly enough, he didn't stop by. i would have thought my actually requesting he come around would bring him by, but somehow not! this is somewhat insane. i slept four hours last night. that was simply wrong. my brother has been trying to beat me at everything this week, but so far has beat me at a hockey video game once out of 15 or so attempts, and that's it. he played checkers against me last night and thinks he's a master, and i thought he was going to win, but somehow i beat him anyway. in a hockey game today he was leading 4-1 and i tied it and scored the fifth goal with eleven seconds left, so i beat him then too. that poor sucker! this is what i do with my life when i'm at my parents. my father wanted to go to x-men 2 because its one of the only movies he's ever wanted to see more than once in the theatre. i don't think he's ever seen a movie more than once in theatres, but he's very much excited about this movie. he arrived home the other day and the first words he spoke were about going, it was a complete mission. it ended up not happening.. but man. so anyway, this (forthcoming) week should probably go by faster.
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:talking about yourself:
Time:2:29 am.
Mood:a myriad.
i just had such an excellent time using aim. besides talking to the girl im currently involved with, as it were, next my friend who i'm neglecting to go see this week, which is ridiculously stupid and hate.. started talking to me out of nowhere because he had some awful dream and woke up now at 2 am to tell me about it. ive talked to him once, online, about a week and a half ago, and now tonight, since last seeing him over thanksgiving last year. we've only been friends for some time over a year, but about a year + ago we were very good friends and talked online all the time. he ceased to have access to a computer though and we havent had much contact in the past year. i'd like to get back in better contact with him, he's a really great person to have as a friend and one of the few people i've really traded good music information with in somewhat recent time (or really ever)
then after i had started talking to him, this other really great guy i know started talking to me out of no where, because he used his journal yesterday and i had left him a reply asking what was going on with him. the last we spoke online was at least a year ago, and that was the only time in probably two years that we had really talked online. we never talked online that steadily anyway, but kept in contact in some form loosely since encountering one another. he is quite an amazing person and very interesting, and very intelligent i believe. he's also rather young, i think he may only be 18, which isn't that young, but he was young when i first met him. 18 is certainly young enough given the company i normally keep. but i suspect he is another of the type of person that age doesnt really matter with... he could be 15 or 30 and his intellect would hold up, without a doubt. anyway, its kind of a weird dynamic we have, we talk so little that it always feels awkward to me when we do, but i love that we stay in contact because he's someone i want as a friend. he expressed that he was really excited that i was trying to keep in contact, and that he wanted to also definitely. he also requested i give my opinion on his new writing, which he was going to display on a journal later. i'm not a great critiquer, because generally i'm always a proponent of whatever he writes, but i guess one more nod to the tune of 'that is a great piece of writing' won't hurt, anyway.
um. i dont know.. i was just excited by all this
one would think, the way im dwelling on the girl, that i would have twice or ten times so much to write about her, but its thoughts i like to keep locked up to myself rather than try to gush somehow all over here and not really write down what im feeling. plus, just hoping everything goes well throughout. i think im trying really hard to not be defeatist about it.. or i was, now i think im just ignoring it more. a relationship's got to work out some time, no? ok, maybe not. but we'll (the world on a broad scale) try.
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Monday, May 12th, 2003

Time:5:54 pm.
this is the most i've appreciated life in my life.
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Tuesday, April 8th, 2003

Time:2:57 am.
i had an awesome day. now if i could just cut loose this headache..
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Monday, April 7th, 2003

Subject:i didn't understand:
Time:9:56 am.
i worked all week and now i work all week again. this is fine except it's interfering with me doing anything else, because while i have time outside of work, the time i am done with work and the time other things are going on conflict because i have to walk half an hour to get between work and home.
on another note, this year is going faaast. but life is still very long, when you're lonely.
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Saturday, March 29th, 2003

Subject:what taxes now, was once your wealth:
Time:1:05 pm.
i joined that damn friendster thing because all these people i knew kept inviting me. that place sucks, badly. why do people create these sites if they cant keep them up? oh, yeah, to get info on millions of people and shit.
the site never runs, there are ten times more people using it than it can handle, and
so it just gives you this message then:

Friendster is Temporarily Unavailable

We apologize for the inconvenience

they are stupid.
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Sunday, March 23rd, 2003

Subject:seriously check this out.
Time:7:04 pm.

man legally changes name to optimus prime; goes to middle east for U.S.
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Friday, February 7th, 2003

Time:12:28 am.
live journal fuck youuuu
anyway, today was 'good'

i got new shoes. they are very nice. i got new shirts, they are also nice. rachel actually picked them out for me.
i also bought some comic books and saw some cool toys i want. also, i tried to get one of her valentines gifts but it was GONE!
im despondent.
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Blurty for i'll never know why.

View:User Info.
View:Website (My Website).
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.