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[05 Feb 2004|02:26am] |
Open my eyes one more time. Wake up and looked into the morning sun. Stretch my arms up ,and
roll out of bed. Smile. This was the most important day of my life. I walked into my bathroom,
took a look into the mirror, tilted my head, smiled again. Today was so special, I noticed every
little detail of the day. I turn on the water. Even that was beautiful. I brushed my teeth, splashed some
cold water on my face. Then decided to slip out of my night clothes, and hop in the shower.
This is the best shower ever. I grab the body wash, smell it. mMm Citrus. Now I am awake.
So far this is still the best day of my life. After I get all bubbly, and sparkley clean, I turn the water off.
Silence.
I open the shower door, step out onto the dark blue plush rug. Wrap the Blue towel around me.
Look once again into the mirror.
This time..no smile.
I walk out into my room again, tripping over the playstation, and xbox paddles that I left on the floor.
Carefully picking them up and out of the way. I work my way over to my closet, standing there
staring. It is a special day, so I have to find just the right clothes to wear. I'm starting to get
excited.
Carefully, and slowly examining every article of clothing I have hung in my closet.
Remembering certain days I've worn each. I flip to the perfect dress.
A white dress. A white sheer spring time dress. I slip it on. Stand still, gazing at myself in the mirror again.
Smile.
I walk back into the bathroom, grabbing some make up. Takes my time to make sure everything is perfect.
And this time, it actually was. I fixed my hair, and finally this once, I was happy with the way it turned out.
I grabbed my razor from the drawer, walked out of the bathroom, started shuffeling through my cd's first one I could find...Deftones...I put it into my xbox, and started listening
to it. Crawled up onto my waterbed, I love this white down comforter. It's the most comfy for such a perfect day.
I pat it one more time, And fluff up my pillow. I lay back, relax. Listen to the Deftones, while they are playing.
Then I sit up, Look into the mirror.
No Smile.
I lean over and touch my toe on my left foot, then I dig my razor blade into the arch of my foot, and slice deep where
you can see the flesh, meat, and blood just go, there's no stopping it, I continue quickly before I stop up my leg
digging in deeper and harder, up to my knee, scrape right across it.
I rip that fucking blade all the way up my thigh, my hands a little bloody by this point, but it doesn't matter much
anymore anyways, so then I continue straight up. I slice my stomach, stops. I take a breath since it hurts so bad, but nothing like the hurt I've felt all these years, and I take another jab into my gut, dragging as hard as I can slicing my skin wide open, where the air hitting it starts to sting, Biting my lip, I cut as many slashes as I can across my neck, ooops, I know I hit the juglar, hell, I got the other side too. Before I'm done, I Went and sliced down my left arm, as hard as I could, which only let me dig it into my arm about a few inches, I lost count, I started to get faint.
Then a few more slices left, i went right across my eye, and lips.
Silence.
No Smile.
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crushed
determined
mischievous