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[07 Feb 2004|11:10pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Jewel-I'm Sensitive |
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never described shit like this before:
novacainestain66 (10:35:53 PM): i finally saw 'but i'm a cheerleader'
sinkorswim22 (10:36:34 PM): yay!
sinkorswim22 (10:36:38 PM): how was it?
novacainestain66 (10:36:48 PM): it made me sad actually
sinkorswim22 (10:37:09 PM): why?
novacainestain66 (10:37:26 PM): well, you saw the passion that they had for eachother, right?
sinkorswim22 (10:37:35 PM): yeah
novacainestain66 (10:37:50 PM): that's exactly what i like...dream about
novacainestain66 (10:37:54 PM): it's hard to describe
novacainestain66 (10:38:06 PM): but when i told you that when i see people together i get sad, that's exactly what i meant
novacainestain66 (10:38:13 PM): it's kind of like...what i crave, it's weird
sinkorswim22 (10:38:46 PM): thats really strange
novacainestain66 (10:39:22 PM): well, have you ever heard of monophobia?
sinkorswim22 (10:39:28 PM): yes
novacainestain66 (10:39:38 PM): i have that on a few levels
sinkorswim22 (10:40:23 PM): aww
novacainestain66 (10:40:28 PM): the most obvious is being in public, i hate being by myself, i get very very self concious, and there's a lot of shit like that...and then there's the fact that i don't like being by myself relationship wise...but sometimes i like to be alone, just not for a long time.
novacainestain66 (10:41:14 PM): when i got a while without anyone, i just get a very dreary outlook on life, i feel very unwanted, depressed, and i usually tend to hide it, and get very quiet a lot, so then i find myself succebtable to never finding someone
novacainestain66 (10:41:21 PM): because i don't put myself out there anymore
novacainestain66 (10:41:53 PM): i don't take risks...i don't let people know my spontaneous side...it's pretty bad actually
sinkorswim22 (10:42:08 PM): hmm aww that must suck
novacainestain66 (10:42:21 PM): it does, it really does
novacainestain66 (10:42:33 PM): and i've never even been able to describe it like that...but it's true
novacainestain66 (10:42:47 PM): and i think it's a serious problem, it can get me in some major trouble
sinkorswim22 (10:42:58 PM): well you must learn to get over it sooner than later
novacainestain66 (10:43:07 PM): i know
novacainestain66 (10:43:12 PM): it's a lot harder tthen you think though
novacainestain66 (10:43:34 PM): it's even worse then my fear of dogs, and that i'll never be able to get over...so it makes me wonder if i'll ever get over this
sinkorswim22 (10:44:26 PM): hmm..i don't know
novacainestain66 (10:45:18 PM): it's hard to say just get over it...it's not that simple......it seems basically impossible
sinkorswim22 (10:45:36 PM): yeah i know
novacainestain66 (10:47:00 PM): ...yeah
there's more...but it's basically pointless...
that's exactly how i feel though, and i need someone really bad now...it's terrible that i need someone in a relationship to like, basically feed off or something...or maybe it's just because i like to have someone to make me happy and that i can make happy...
shit is complicated.
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