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THE BUSH DIVER!

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[07 Feb 2004|11:10pm]
[ mood | distressed ]
[ music | Jewel-I'm Sensitive ]

never described shit like this before:

novacainestain66 (10:35:53 PM): i finally saw 'but i'm a cheerleader'
sinkorswim22 (10:36:34 PM): yay!
sinkorswim22 (10:36:38 PM): how was it?
novacainestain66 (10:36:48 PM): it made me sad actually
sinkorswim22 (10:37:09 PM): why?
novacainestain66 (10:37:26 PM): well, you saw the passion that they had for eachother, right?
sinkorswim22 (10:37:35 PM): yeah
novacainestain66 (10:37:50 PM): that's exactly what i like...dream about
novacainestain66 (10:37:54 PM): it's hard to describe
novacainestain66 (10:38:06 PM): but when i told you that when i see people together i get sad, that's exactly what i meant
novacainestain66 (10:38:13 PM): it's kind of like...what i crave, it's weird
sinkorswim22 (10:38:46 PM): thats really strange
novacainestain66 (10:39:22 PM): well, have you ever heard of monophobia?
sinkorswim22 (10:39:28 PM): yes
novacainestain66 (10:39:38 PM): i have that on a few levels
sinkorswim22 (10:40:23 PM): aww
novacainestain66 (10:40:28 PM): the most obvious is being in public, i hate being by myself, i get very very self concious, and there's a lot of shit like that...and then there's the fact that i don't like being by myself relationship wise...but sometimes i like to be alone, just not for a long time.
novacainestain66 (10:41:14 PM): when i got a while without anyone, i just get a very dreary outlook on life, i feel very unwanted, depressed, and i usually tend to hide it, and get very quiet a lot, so then i find myself succebtable to never finding someone
novacainestain66 (10:41:21 PM): because i don't put myself out there anymore
novacainestain66 (10:41:53 PM): i don't take risks...i don't let people know my spontaneous side...it's pretty bad actually
sinkorswim22 (10:42:08 PM): hmm aww that must suck
novacainestain66 (10:42:21 PM): it does, it really does
novacainestain66 (10:42:33 PM): and i've never even been able to describe it like that...but it's true
novacainestain66 (10:42:47 PM): and i think it's a serious problem, it can get me in some major trouble
sinkorswim22 (10:42:58 PM): well you must learn to get over it sooner than later
novacainestain66 (10:43:07 PM): i know
novacainestain66 (10:43:12 PM): it's a lot harder tthen you think though
novacainestain66 (10:43:34 PM): it's even worse then my fear of dogs, and that i'll never be able to get over...so it makes me wonder if i'll ever get over this
sinkorswim22 (10:44:26 PM): hmm..i don't know
novacainestain66 (10:45:18 PM): it's hard to say just get over it...it's not that simple......it seems basically impossible
sinkorswim22 (10:45:36 PM): yeah i know
novacainestain66 (10:47:00 PM): ...yeah


there's more...but it's basically pointless...

that's exactly how i feel though, and i need someone really bad now...it's terrible that i need someone in a relationship to like, basically feed off or something...or maybe it's just because i like to have someone to make me happy and that i can make happy...


shit is complicated.

Kiss my ass

eurgh [05 Feb 2004|11:24pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | Jewel-Adrian ]

i'm so fucked up right now it's ridiculous...i thought all this depression shit goes away after you get rid of it the first time, but it's been a long time since i've felt like this. i've been getting panic attacks, and just feeling really fucking overwhelmed. i swear, even though i really, honestly don't want to, i've been feeling like fucking suicidal and i guess it's just some fucking misfire in my stupid head...i don't know but there's no one i can talk to about it, i can't talk to my friends 'cause they'll think i'm fucking crazy, i can't talk to my sister 'cause she'll tell my parents, i can't tell my parents 'cause they'll make me go back to a stupid fucking shrink, and i can't tell ms.b because she'll tell me to get help, which i don't think i need. but i want to tell someone so bad, and this stupid blog shit is not really compensation, because no one fucking reads this shit. and i want claire and dad to break up so bad...but when they fight like they did a couple nights ago, i break down...seriously, and i can't deal with it, it just reminds me so much of when i was a kid and my parents did it. it just makes me feel so small and vulnerable, and i don't know what to do about it because there's no one to talk to...never felt more alone then now, even when i have so many friends that care about me. i just want this to be fucking over. and i want my parents to be back together, i can't stand this, i wish they had never broken up, because then i wouldn't know this type of unhappiness...of lonliness. i miss the life when my parents would hold hands in front of me, the life that i can hardly even remember..that i can't remember at all even, i just now it would be better then now. i want to be away from here...i can't stand it here anymore, i really can't.

Kiss my ass

[04 Feb 2004|12:01am]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | Grateful Dead-Friend of the Devil ]

this is going to be one of the weirdest entries for me....


i've never been as scared as i was just a little while ago...it's so fucked up what happen, claire and dad came down fighting but i thought it was just dad saying something to me like, go to bed or something, but i heard claire and then i turned my music back on...i heard a really loud bang and i just got so fucking scared, i couldn't stop crying or shaking and i felt so sick, i felt like i was going to throw up so bad...after about 20 minutes of talking to liz and trying to get ms.b to talk to me, i went out to see if dad was okay..he was sleeping on the couch, i asked, dad, is everything okay? he said, not really...it's best if you stay at moms for a couple of weeks..a couple of weeks? i said...yeah, until i figure out where i'm going to move...was his response..........


goodbye home...

Kiss my ass

XXXVIII [01 Feb 2004|06:56pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Superbowl ]

dude, we have a shitload of people over here watching the superbowl (yay...ish) i guess it's okay, just not totally my bag because everyone is yelling and shit...but it gives me a good excuse to eat and drink soda (yummay) however, my dad can't fucking figure out his password to get into his account...meaning that he can't get AIM back on my computer...MEANING I CAN'T FUCKING TALK TO ANY OF MY FUCKING FRIENDS WITHOUT GETTING ON AIM FUCKING EXPRESS...oh well, he said he'll upload the server later so he can make a new account and shit..CAN'T WAIT heh... okay, off to food myself



:-P au revior

Kiss my ass

eat me bitch [01 Feb 2004|04:49pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Neutral Milk Hotel- Oh Comely ]

so, i guess i'll rant about my weekend...friday night michelle came over @ around midnight and we saw the fucking saddest movie of our lives (boys don't cry) but it was good...saturday night went to a party, nick and some slut from dsa were fucking making out the whole time...i don't think she's a slut 'cause that's just mean, but honestly what does she see in him??? oh well, NONE of my business...after the party i went over to my celo chillens pad (hollis a.)!! i hadn't seen her since august so it was really hardcore seeing her again...that's pretty much it so far, we're having a superbowl party (yesss, my favorite, FOOTBALL!) and xandra, laura, and kevin are coming...they're all cool but on a totally different level then i am (kevin is after all only like 10) but that should be okay...i did however meet this really cool chick (won't say how) and her mentality is incredible..she has to be one of the smartest/coolest people i've ever met, she has the kind of personality that i'm strongly attracted to, so we'll see where the hell that goes, till then, au revior


-h-

Kiss my ass

PRAISE ALLAH! [29 Jan 2004|09:05pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | JLC-Habit ]

i just got back from "the talk" with my dad, and it went much-o better then expected!! first he went on and on about how i need to come out of my room and everyone thinks i'm sulking and blah blah blah...and then he got the impression that i was on AIM the whole time (which i am but i thought i wasn't supposed to be, seeing as my AIM is disabled and i have to use AIM express...) and when i told him, no i wasn't and my AIM didn't even work, he said he'd put it back on this weekend (w00t)...so that's the icky stuff...the good part (more like, best part) was when he told me that he was seriously thinking about moving out with claire but he wants to wait a couple of months until he decides...and then if he did decide that we were gonna move out then we'd have to wait until i get out of school...but it's looking up....

if you consider the fact that i'm moving out of my first real HOUSE in 3 years looking up, i kind of like not living in a shithole that's too small for me to fucking BREATH...

shitty, i know, i'm too tired to write more......

Kiss my ass

shit shit shit [29 Jan 2004|06:49pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | JLC-Body Parts ]

my dad wants to talk to me after dinner...SHIT, i am so fucking screwed...i seriously hope i'm not in fucking like trouble...i think i might go talk to him now about what ever the hell he wants to talk to me about....au revior for now........

Kiss my ass

*yawn* [28 Jan 2004|06:24pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Shonen Knife-Frogphobia ]

yeah fuckers, i'm bored enough to write in this peice of shit again...i'm still uber pissed at my dad for fucking deleting all those people, but i'll have my buddy list back soon enough...in the mean time, i'm talking to the few people i have on my buddy list...or at least the few people that i want to talk to...man it's so fucking boring here!! i don't think we have school tomorrow, but who the fuck knows, this weather is just shitty....man, it's like 6:30 and i've only been up for like 5 fucking hours, haha! damn...

okay anyway..i really should write some of my better poems up here...let me find my poetry book and spend the next fucking 30 mintues typing up poems.....

'Untitled'

I want to hear a childs innocence
cry out against the roar of propaganda.
It's peircing scream
sending echos across the sunset.

I want to see
A young girls mind,
brimming with disgusting concepts
of the ways of "our" people.
I want to see a young girls mind
that can think these thoughts
and not be afraid of the cruel,
judgemental realities
that infest our citizens.

I want to smell the salt in
a little boys tears
as he weeps for his father.
His father, his father,
a kind soul, in need of a new love.
I want to hold him close to me,
absorb his tears with my skin,
let him know that just because
he has no mother to read stories at night,
he is still loved.

I just want to feel the rough skin
Of an old, wrinkled woman,
whose life has been over looked by society.
I want to wrap my fingers around words
that she whispers softly to herself
in artificial heat,
created by the buzz of corporations.

I want to scream against barriers
and make echos across the sunset.
I want to lick the salty wounds
of young soldiers in Iraq.
I want to force my fists
through brick walls
of discrimination, sexism, racism,
homophobia, criticism,
Until they bleed out distraugh voices,
afraid...
Afraid of telegrams
afraid of black boxes,
afraid of trusting our leaders
when they tell us that we're winning
when they tell us
that we're okay.

I want to not be reminded of Hitler
when I see our nations actions.
I want to paint my words
on the face of today
I want
to not be afraid.


'My Southern Descent'

My southern descent haunts me.
My own ancestors cracked the whip of slavery.
They sat dining on fine wines
while children worked away innocence
In the cotton fields.

My southern descent
howls through the maple trees
and the city lights.
Where telephone poles stand,
My ancestors slaves wover
their blood into sun stricken plants.

My southern descent
throws blows of reality
as I sit in classrooms, listening
to the extremities my ancestors went to
to simply sit on their asses
While innocent POEPLE,
wrongfully colored Negro, and Nigger,
worked under their bigotry and stupidity.

My southern descent
bleeds out tender
drops of narcissim.
They looked themselves in the eye
and with what they saw,
they were satisfied.

My southern descent haunts me.


'Letter to Will Harmon'

Dearest Will,
Not much has happened
in this "quiet" town in the past
months we've with hel
pages filled with words of
middle school torment, humor,
anguish.
In all the days past,
there have been gunshots,
riots, newborns...
Teenagers being reborn into
soft sheets of paper, embraced by words on a page
and finally realizing who they are.

Others ignore
that little voice in their heads...
They're just to amazed by the
idea of being..."cool"
accepted where as I am often
miscomprehended.
And I envy the sparrows with their sweet, simple song
sounding through and through the tops
of pine trees,
simple yet...beautiful.

I sit in parked cars
watching strangers drive around
empty parking lots
looking for already empty parking spots
as the sun sets on what we
'today',

Oh dearest Will,
how I long to walk, barefoot
against the left over raindrops
from rainstorms that fall into the mountains.
How I was to be away from all the
overwhelming immaturity
danving in front of my eyes
dressed in silver linens.

I miss the days of
undeniable happiness
and being able to find
beauty in an overcast sky.
Where as here I have to struggle
to find the good things in some people.
They mean well, I know it,
but for to long they've been
blinded by the obscure view of the world
limited to,
"Fuck you, I'm cool"...
Fucking propaganda...

Obviously I'm ranting on about
the endless negativity.
Well fuck that, I won't live that way,
I'll just sit silently, pondering the
unobscured views from
midnight snack.

Love always & forever more,
Hilary

okay that's all i'm fucking writing for now..and that last poem is like mostly about my camp, camp celo...and will harmon was like one of my best friends there and he had this big ass crush on me but i was going out with james..oh well, he's like the fucking funniest person i've ever met!! well, i've gone through a whole FUCKING CD just doing this entry so i'm gonna jet, au revior and toodles!!

-h-

p.s.
all poems are © H.RAGIN '04 so don't fuck with them, they're mine, assholes!

Kiss my ass

holy shit [28 Jan 2004|01:35am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | Show Me Love-t.A.t.U ]

well, mother fuckers, 'bout time i wrote!! i'm bored and fuckin' tired as hell, well it is 1:36 in the morning, maybe that explains it.. well my stupid fucking dad deleted over 150 people off of my buddy list(now i'm left with like a grand total of like 50 or something!) and they were all people that i normally talk to, like all the fucking time! and i couldn't even say anything about it 'cause i lied about it and shit and it's all fucked up, but i'll get it straightened out when i go to my mom's on friday... ahh, so can you mother fuckers say 7 day weekend? i love being in north carolina when it snows because even if we only have 4 fucking inches and some ice on top, they cancel school for the whole week! which is actually shitty and doesn't make any sense, our city has fuckin' like, 80 snow plows but they just don't bother to plow our neighboorhood roads until it's like...a week later...well anyway, i guess i should talk about shit going on in my life...umm okay, so i've been meeting and talking to a bunch of people and i met this chic who is like bi and she's 16 and she's fucking engaged and the scary shit is, her parents and her fiances parents are totally fine with it! and another scary thing, her fiance will let her have serious girlfriends but won't let her have serious boyfriends! just because we're girls doesn't mean that like...ah fuck it i don't know what the hell i'm talking about..and some weird shit has been going on with me and michelle, like..i know she's 16 or whatever and that's like 3 fuckin' years older than me, but i think i like her, and i'm pretty sure she likes me, i can just never tell when she's kidding around or when she's not...or if she is kidding around because she doesn't want to feel vulnerable by showing her true feelings seriously...haha, i'm stupid! but i told her and connor (gosh..old buddy) about the fantasies about that girl i've been having...i so wish she was real..and i just realized that if anyone reads this shit, i'm fucking screwed...ah, who cares, i don't know you people anyway!! SO FUCK YOU ALL! just kidding... you know who's hot? the girls from tatu, they're so hot...i wish i had someone that i was that into, and was that into me... see, i've gone through like 3 songs typing this stupid peice of shit...well like 2 and 1/2.. oh well, and i want to keep writing but i don't know what to write about..i've been writing a shit load of poetry lately, and none of that shitty rhyming stuff, like good shit, i've realized that my past poems were fuckin' like...SHIT, no joke, incredibly terrible writing...can't wait till writers camp this year, connor might come down from VA and stay with us for a couple weeks so he can go too...asshole hacked into my fucking account.....grrrr, i'll get him once i get my fucking buddy list back! i've been trying to upload my pic on this other fucking site and i can't get it to go from a .tiff file to a .jpg file on this comp, but i got it to on the other one and then the site said it wasn't a .jpg file, but the description was like, JPEG IMAGE, so the other computer is just stupid...and can suck a dick...a big one.......fucking computer......i'll type up some of my poems on here later when it isn't almost 2 in the morning and i'm not like, drooling on my keyboard..oh, get this, some fucking 5th grader called me preppy!! because i'm from california and i say oh my god sometimes, she says i talk funny...stupid cock sucker, she'll learn one of these days....i'm going to sleep now, au revior, toodles, if anyone reads this, it's a big middle finger to the lot of ya!

Kiss my ass

Killing Me Softly [22 Sep 2003|09:19pm]
[ mood | dorky ]
[ music | Killing Me Softly-Lauryn Hill ]

wooooooooooooow... i totally haven't written in a while. sorry!! we just got power on saturday from the hurricane, so thats part of it... and on saturday night!! PHEW!! one of the worst nights ever!! alita was soooooo coming onto me after i told her and chelsea and miranda that i was bi-sexual... here's the scoop: alita got into a huge fight w/ her dad (this is all after i told them i was bi) and after that, i told her to sit in my lap but i was just kidding, she sat down any way for like 30 minutes and she was talking to chelsea when she told her that she loved her, then she was like: "oh-no wait-sorry" and she leaned back and kissed me on the cheek... thats when it STARTED.. then we were going to bed (at like 5 hehehehe) and chels gave us all goodnight kisses when alita said to me: "where's mine?" so i (very reluctently) gave her a kiss on the cheek, and she was like: "what?! they got 'real' kisses!" and i just went to bed... a few minutes later, alita took my hand and kissed it then she just held it until i "had to go to the bathroom" and when i came back i layed down facing the other way and she was like: "UH!" i just went to bed!! i woke up facing her way with her arms around my arm and her head right in my arm!! goooood was i freeeeeeeeeeeeaked oooooooooooooout!!! MAN!!


in other news: emma invited me to the WOMEN'S WORLD CUP IN WASHINGTON D.C. BABY YEEEEEEEEAH!! omg i am soooo excited!!!! you totally have noooo idea!!i might be able to visit maggie and a bunch of people while i'm up there but i might just get to see maggie... welllllllllllll... what else is there to talk about?? more and more people are finding out i am bi, and i'm really starting to feel okay about it.. calla is and chels and alita sort of are.. and rachel sort of is but she doesnt know really... i guess it's really common for chics my age!! i'm actually finding i'm more attracted girls then guys, but i still am attracted to some guys... hehe... ahhh silly hilary!! so confused!! hmmmm i must write more poetry, i've gotten out of my breakthrough... ahhhhh, i'll be writing sometime sooner or later, maybe from D.C. this weekend!!!

Kiss my ass

When life is hard, you have to change. [16 Sep 2003|08:41pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]
[ music | Two Headed Boy-Neutral Milk Hotel ]

I really don't know what to put here, my wrists hurt sooo bad and it hurts like crazy to type. u have no idea man. i'm tired, i think i'm going crazy and i dont know why. i just got this mad feeling of depression and it sucks and i just want to sleep my stomach hurts and i think i'm going to puke and i dont want to go to school tomorrow but hey what the hell can i do about that? WUSA got disbanded, THATS MY FUCKING CAREER RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN! god, i wanted to do prosoccer so bad. but no, just because i have ovaries instead of testicles, people don't want to pay money to see us, so there goes my future career. to a bunch of mindless.. fucking... MEN! i guess i'll have to change a little bit.. but i cant give up soccer.. i cant give up soccer.. fuck it i'm done, poems at the bottom

Wild Rose in Denver

Can you see yourself
In the dewdrops
On the wild rose?
Look, you can see the world
In the tears mother nature has wept for you
Why did you runaway
From the home that they gave you
Tell me,
Why did you run away last night
To get high one more time?
Now look around you
You don't know where you are
Did you come here
Just to see the tears
That mother nature has wept for you?


Insert Your Body Here

Insert body here
Safely in my arms
Away from the rest of the world
Don't worry, no one will touch you

Insert your body here
And I could take you anywhere
Whether it be to lay in bed
Or to walk in fields with Lions

Please, insert your body here
And just look into my eyes
Who knows what you could find
If you insert your body here

...more 2 come...

Kiss my ass

holy hell [10 Sep 2003|09:12pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | Communist Daughter-Neutral Milk Hotel ]

yeah well last night i just confessed to the entire world (or anyone who wants to read that thing below) my deepest darkest secret, THATS A BIT TOUGH! any way... soccer practice was today, i accidently wore my shirt that said testes hills on it... holy mary, mother of god did coach freak!! she actually wasnt THAT bad about it, but she was like, never wear that shirt again. ooooh whooooops!! ugh there are a shit load of mosquitoes in my room.. omg i think i might have spelled mosquitoes right!! ha ha SCORE! oh bad news, i might have carpal tunnel syndrom... my thumb and wrist hurt like a mofo!! oh well i'll get over it, i'll just have to change the way i type... whoooooo i just farted and MAN does it smell!!! hahaha, well i dont have another poem to put in here yet.. but just wait a couple days.. i will, u'll see.. ttyl

Kiss my ass

eh [09 Sep 2003|09:14pm]
[ mood | relieved ]
[ music | Holland, 1945-Neutral Milk Hotel ]

i'm not really sure what to put up here. i want to say something, but i'm not quite ready for any of my friends to know about it yet. of course thats a massive clue (stupid hilary, leaving clues) no one ever looks at this crap any way. i should just come out and say it. i'm bi. i'm not afraid to be bi, or of what my friends will think about it, if they dont like it then they can just go suck a big fat cock! ha ha. i just know that at this age, people reject it, and its their fault if they reject me, but they arent ready for it. i've known it for a while, at least a year or so. i've told a couple of people, only 1 friend. i told my parents of course. no one made a big deal about it. i' just sort of insecure about it you know? all my friends say that they arent homophobic, and that if they had a gay or bi friend they would be cool with it, but i dont believe most of them. they are just anxious for approval. of course i believe some of them, my GOOD friends but i'm still not ready to tell EVEN them. my friends mom is gay, and my friend is a huge gay rights activist and a really really cool person, we bond really well on the gay rights thing. and of course, being stupid 13 year olds, me and my friends play around like we are lesbian all the time. there is one girl however who i am not sure if she is playing around with me. i dont want to put her name up here cuz thats not cool. but she doesnt do it to any one else, and she acts really serious. she is a really cool person, and i like her alot as a friend, if not just a tad more. there are certain things she says to me that not a normal friend would say to me. she just broke up w/ her bf, and i am still with mine so nothing is going to happen anytime soon, and either way, i dont know if shes like that. yeah i have a bf, i love him to death as a friend, but i am only 13 and i dont know what love is or how to really love someone, he is 15, just turned 15 yesterday, so hes a bit older then me. we've been together for over 4 months, which isnt bad for my age. but i just dont know how much longer i can stay with him with all these new feelings. i really need some time to be alone and get my thoughts together. i have a shit load of homework to do and its already 9:30, fuck i gotta get gone.. i'll continue this later, in the meantime, another poem:

Two Bedroom Special

There is a two bed room special
Right down the street
We can lay in it together
With my arms wrapped around you

I can look into your eyes
And brush against your lips
And hold you close to me
Like I have dreamed

You can run your hands
Along my spine
Feel your heart beating
Just inches away from mine

And I can talk to you at night
Talk you to sleep
With your head on my chest
Moving with my breaths

So come down the street
To the two bedroom special
Where we can lay together
And I can wrap my arms around you

Kiss my ass

been a while [04 Sep 2003|09:03pm]
[ mood | productive ]
[ music | neutral milk hotel- oh comely ]

hey guys its been a loooooooooooong time and i'm srry about that! i just havent had the time with school and soccer and homework and everything! i'm babysitting friday and saturday night which sucks poo poo, but i am going to ashlies on sat. so its all good. i wrote a poem today and i thought that if ne of ya'll wanted to hear it (ha ha yeah right) u could, so here it is


The Boy With 6 Fingers

Look at the boy in the corner
How he stands all alone
Wishing someone loved him
He dreams of her at night

Beauty exudes
From picture in the back of his head
It is in his eyes all the time
He is blinded by it, so pretty

He dreams of her eye lashes,
Falling on his lips
He dreams of her legs
In his hands as they kiss

He whispers her name
Into his pillow at night
Each day its the same
He can't control his love for her

He thinks of her face
As hard as he can
He can taste her voice
In the back of his throat

He sees her walking down the hall
On her way to someplace away from him
And he calls her name in his head
And extends his arm to touch her skin

He thinks her name to himself
Wondering why she can't be his
Why his ashes will be spread before she notices
That boy in the corner

His winter clothes come out of the closet
And he is still dreaming of her face
He is still searching
For the place where he can be away from every one. With her.

He grows up with no one
To hold him at night
While he dreams of her
He dreams of her face

So pretty.


:-D there ya go!

ttylp

Kiss my ass

back from celo [10 Aug 2003|09:12pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | reggie and the full effect- MOOD 4 LUV ]

i am back from camp celo and i am glad i am here, but sad i'm not back at celo... i had so much fucking fun there, and i actually went 12 days with out cussing and i was proud man! i cant talk long at all i got a really bad cold and i am about to go to bed since i have SCHOOL tomorrow! dag we start so ridiculously early!! g2g so i'll ttyl guys!

2 kissed Kiss my ass

god! [19 Jul 2003|09:23pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | fiona apple-mistake ]

GOD! my grandma was being a big bitch before, she wouldnt let me type like, two more words just so i could say good bye cuz she hadnt told me that we were leaving so she yelled at me and blamed me for being late when she didnt even know what time the flight left! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... oh well, bye.

Kiss my ass

leaving [19 Jul 2003|11:49am]
we r about to leave for the airport in Newark and from Newark, i am headed back to NC ok g2g
Kiss my ass

blaaaaaaaaah [18 Jul 2003|11:49pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | alkaline trio-steamer trunk ]

very bored guys, very bored... uhhhh jackass is on so its all good in the neighboorhood! and james is back but he isnt online so this makes me very sad... and marcie is like, the 12 year old female carson daly! she has had more boyfriends then ne one i know lol!! ok i am gonna go, bye bye!

Kiss my ass

Typical [18 Jul 2003|02:49am]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | the one i just wrote! ]

Bleeding from my throat
Dripping from my pores
Everything I ever felt of you
Everything that I adored

Dangling from my hand
Is this knife I hold
Slicing all my thoughts
And all the things I was ever showed

Standing on this ledge
Looking down on the world below
‘Just think of all the people’ they say
‘All the people you’ll never know’

Bleeding from my throat
Dripping from my pores
Everything I ever felt of you
Everything that I adored

Watching the inside of my eyelids
I see my life go by
I see all the birthday cakes
The high school proms, the lies

Maybe it isn’t worth it
Ending my life so soon
But then again what else is there
What else can I do?

Bleeding from my throat
Dripping from my pores
Everything I ever felt of you
Everything that I adored

Bleeding from my throat
Dripping from my pores
Everything I ever felt of you
Everything that I adored

They think I am so typical
Just a fucked up teenage kid
But they don’t what I’ve been through
They don’t know what he did

Now I’m falling through the air
I’m going down so fast
Now is when I should say goodbye
‘Cause I don’t think that I’ll last

GO!

Bleeding from my throat
Dripping from my pores
Everything I ever felt of you
Everything that I adored

Bleeding from my throat
Dripping from my pores
Everything I ever felt of you
Everything that I adored

Kiss my ass

bored bored bored [18 Jul 2003|01:01am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | alkaline trio ]

wowzers i am bored and cat is trying to find a mainstream punk band (there is none!) and its very funny... and trevor thinks i am hot! ha ha ha, this makes me laugh!! lol, ne wayz, i luv james and i am so happy he is finally back!!! YAY!! *does a little dance* w00t! ok bye.

Kiss my ass

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