AJ's Blurty
 
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Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in AJ's Blurty:

    Monday, June 21st, 2004
    7:43 pm
    i think that im falling deeper into depression. i dont want to do anything........all i want to do is stay in my room, alone, and lay there. ill sleep then ill wake up then i just lay there. im not eating like i used to....in fact i only eat like 1 or 2 a day. i dont know what the fuck is going on..........but nobody knows so it doesnt matter. i maked everyone think that im fine..........i cant show them how weak i really am. i cant be weak.......i cant be. thats the worst thing in the world to me...........weakness. yet i am weak and b/c of that there is so much shit in my life thats fucked up. oh well........im going to go back down into my cold dark room so i can just lay there........dreaming about the way my life should be.

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: silence
    Friday, June 18th, 2004
    7:20 pm
    so here are my thoughts for the day...................ive realized that im still hidding behind this mask. nobody really knows who i am, shit i dont even know who i am. im so confused about so many different things in my life. shit i dont know.............theres this song that represents me perfectly....hallowman....shit like today i acted like i was fine but i wasnt........i really needed to be around becky, but she didnt want to be around me (just because i was wearing the clothes that i go golfing in b/c i told my grandma i was going golfing). that shit fucking hurt...........you know i mean im sorry that i pissed her off and embarrassed her and shit, but i dont think it should be such a big deal. why the fuck does it matter what im dressed in............that just makes me wonder if she really does care about me. so what do i do instead.....i blast my music as loud as it will go and i drive.................then i get fucked up b/c i become numb to everything as long as im not sober. i was having such a bad day.........and things only got worse. i think i just need to go back to my old partying self where everything feels better. im always fucked up so nothing matters. i dont need anything else...........and i dont think im going to be able to deal with all this shit that i have inside anyway so why the fuck shouldnt i just say fuck it..........fuck everything. see like now i could just start crying and i dont know why i really dont and thats not good. and when im around other people and i feel like this i just end up getting fucking mad and shit and aggressive and shit. i dont fucking know but i need to go fucking smoke now so...........peace

    Current Mood: angry
    Current Music: trapt...............hallowman
    Friday, June 4th, 2004
    7:39 pm
    fuck the world and everyone in it im out..................oh and this journal nobody knows about and thats how its going to stay......so now i have a secret place to write my thoughts...concerns....and to just plain bitch

    Current Mood: horny
    Current Music: korn
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