Blurty for Novartis.
|Monday, March 1st, 2004|
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate myseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf!!
|Wednesday, February 18th, 2004|
Blurty SAVE me!!
I can't write SHIT in my LJ anymore, too many people are watching me. I'm gonna simplify what's on my mind:
*Nick hates me
*I'm so ugly
*I should bleed to death
*I am a fat person
*I still want to die
|Friday, February 6th, 2004|
|I want to die please.|
|Friday, January 30th, 2004|
My kitties got put down today.
Vampanez: :( If I get a kitty, I'll share it withyou. ::Nodnod::
Vampanez: You could even name it. And then whenever you come over, the kitty'll get to play with you and chill and meow and be all happy.
Vampanez: Given, things could be worse...
NovartisTheClean: I guess
Vampanez: But... It'd have been worse if they were to just suffer even further.
NovartisTheClean: I know:(
Vampanez: ::Hugs:: Well, my kitty'll be your kitty too. ;)
Nick is such the best.
|Wednesday, January 28th, 2004|
|The snow is so high. I'm watching Arlo outside, he's so cute. The snow's all the way up his legs. I'm hungry. The snow has drugs. This is exactly like what I just wrote in my LiveJournal. Which is now Friends Only. Hmmmmm food. Huuuuuuuungry. Okay later bye.|
|Thursday, January 22nd, 2004|
Hmm my head is bleeding.
Nothing's been happening lately. Boring. But I feel like updating, because I haven't in forever..
Ow my head hurts.
Okay so.. changing the background because Katiee doesn't like it. So what I'm whipped. ::sighs:: Alright later.
|Saturday, January 17th, 2004|
|Gah LJ wasn't doing anything.. every time I went to log in it was like, 4o4'd!! Damnit.. Anyhow, ::sighs:: work was so so today. The barn was really slow, absolutly nothing was happening. It was Lauren's last day before she went back to work.. I can't say I'll really care. As funny as it is to watch her and Heather constantly tease each other and argue, Lauren doesn't like me. And for as sweet as she is on the outside, she doesn't do a very good job of hiding it. ::coughs violently:: I might have gotten sick from last night and today.. I've been really lethargic and whatnot.. probably because I've just been miserable recently with all the things going on that my energy is down, and then I've been in the cold a lot.. especially today I got wet from the hose and then it was freezing.. gah. I still feel really miserable and depressed, it's forcing me into things I don't want to do. I hate cutting. I hate bleeding for other peoples' problems. I hate this thing that's become of me. I hate myself. People pretend to care because it's the right thing for them to do.. I wish that people would just stop being so fake. I kind of need help.. it's just so hard to ask. I'm used to people making me do everything for myself. I'm used to being asked for help, not asking. It's so hard too, because I don't want like adults trying to get into this, because then I'll just get in trouble and psycho-analyzed and sent to therepists and shit. I don't want that.. they just make things worse. Like these fucking journals. These are supposed to make me feel better, right? They don't. Only thing these motherfuckers do is make me think about things more, and then they make me remember all the other bad shit that goes on. And I'm really sad. I want my deadjournal back, I want to be able to go back and read all of the thigns I wrote about suring the summer. I don't remember how I felt, I just know that I was depressed and bored and I cut my wrist so bad I couldn't tell what it was. I know I wanted to kill myself and kill Little Liz and kill Liz Pantani and kill the world. I wanted to kill my father and I wanted to hang out with Danny and I wanted to see George and I wanted to cry constantly. I wanted to do everything I can't do. I wanted to play polo and sleep out all my misery in my room, and I wanted to just bleed nonstop. My summer fantasy was to slash my wrists so deep that I would bleed to death, and before I died I wanted to walk downstairs to my family and start screaming at them that it was all their faults and that they had done this to me, that if I had never met Liz or Little Liz then I wouldn't have been pushed to this. It's really a shame that so young in my life I associated love and pain.. the only person I was ever in love with was Liz Pantani and she rejected me. She didn't like girls.. and suddenly she wants me back. I don't want to want her.. and I did for a while and I wanted to go to her. But then I learned about some of the things that she has done, and it completely turned me away from her. I feel like my only friends are Little Liz and Gabbie, and then people who don't live in my fucking same state.. Andrew and Aaron. Just because they listen to me. Aaron and Andrew surely get annoyed of me, but they're still there for me. I feel like they're my friends even though I've never met them. Everyone else just gets too annoying or caught up in themselves, and I just need to talk. I need to express everything and I need someone to cry with. The only current friends of mine that've ever seen me cry are Little Liz and Katiee, and that was just so terriable. I'm constantly on the edge of tears and sooner or later I'm just going to break down out of no where in the middle of like the mall or something. I almost did last time we were there, and I almost did last week at work.. No one takes hints either.. For art I made a wire sculpture and it's of someone fucking crying and no one notices I look like that nine of ten times. I go home and cry. It's not out of self pity, it's because I'm simply miserable. I can't express it, it's like there's constantly weights on me, on my heart and on my conscience. I can't make a fucking move without fucking up something else.. I could go on and on but then I'd just get more miserable.. so I'm gonna just try to let go or grab on..|
|Thursday, January 15th, 2004|
I've been using my new LJ a lot so I haven't been here.. sorry about that one..
Go read it, it's a lot more interesting than this one. Anyhow,
SHiT I have nothing to say. Guess I'll just tell you about last night, and then post convos and quizzes.
So last night the house across the street caught on fire. I was like, Shit Maura the house is on fire. and she got up and she looked, and she was like, Shit the house is on fire. I got her to dial 911 and they were like, Yea we know already. Haha so like, we were watching it for a longass time, and then I went on Maura's screen name and started talking to people about it. It was sad though, Nicky got home [he lives there, he had just gotten off the bus] and he was like so confused.. he ran back and forth and then just broke down crying and I felt so bad.. He's like really on the edge and he doesn't have much. His dad is just.. brutal and this Christmas he was like so happy he got a PS2 or something and it's just.. gone. I mean.. I just feel bad for the poor kid. The fire got put out a few hours after it started, but what remained of the house was just dangerous, so they had to knock it down. K I'm done with that.
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: kerry i just farted in the name of u
NovartisTheClean: I am.SO.HONOURED
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: u should be
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: not many people get to have my farts named afte rthem
NovartisTheClean: What prompted you to do that?
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: ok buttslut
NovartisTheClean: That one sucked.
NovartisTheClean: Buttslut is stupid
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: ok ok
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: u got me
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: how about
NovartisTheClean: ::shrugs:: It's better
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: kerryt enjoys the cock extra large
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: lol i had tos ay that
NovartisTheClean: Well, it's true
NovartisTheClean: THAT'S ANDREWS
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: I DONT GIVE A SHIT
NovartisTheClean: You should. Andrew is the king
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: and i am the emperor
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: so fuck that
NovartisTheClean: Well Andrew's still better.
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: in bed doesnt count kerry
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: lol ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: even though i just kind of shot myself down
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: that was good
NovartisTheClean: Yea lol
Andrew don't say I don't stand up for you
NovartisTheClean: ::dies of laughter::
xx mallary 05 xx: lol
xx mallary 05 xx: ^^
xx mallary 05 xx: i like making you laugh
NovartisTheClean: Stop flirting~^
xx mallary 05 xx: damn.. u knew..
xx mallary 05 xx: lol
NovartisTheClean: "girls.. <3"
That makes you sound like a lesbian
xx mallary 05 xx: lol
xx mallary 05 xx: well now yoiu know the truth
xx mallary 05 xx: haha jk
NovartisTheClean: Haha lol
xbloodytearsx115: why are you being such a ghettofry-izzle
NovartisTheClean: I'm talking to Shizawn:\
xbloodytearsx115: is sean ghettofied?
xbloodytearsx115: can i shake his hand
NovartisTheClean: If you meet him then yea
NovartisTheClean: Do you mean hand or penis?
You're as dark as can get. You like to laugh at
people, make fun of them, hurt their feelings.
You're in so deep, you'll never get out, and
you probably don't want to get out too. You
make the world a darker place. Better get my
|Sunday, January 11th, 2004|
Okay, guys. Just to keep you on your toes, I'm switching from LJ back to blurty lots. Anyhow, I love Shizawn Olliver Morris because he is hilarious and he freaks out. Please see the following:
NovartisTheClean: I <3 you
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: lol u drunk
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: either that or that was maura
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: am i right?
Auto response from NovartisTheClean: NovartisTheClean: I <3 you
AstraZeneca634: woot. i lessthanthree u too beans ^^
NovartisTheClean: I <3 you
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: lol u drunk
NovartisTheClean: I <3 you
Don Giasone: lol
Don Giasone signed off at 7:42:33 PM.
No one takes me seriously;_;
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: poor kerry
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: it's just not everday someone says something like that to me in a friendly way
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: that's y i said r u drunk?
NovartisTheClean: You're so hurtful
Auto response from RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: chillin
NovartisTheClean: THEN YOU JUST LEAVE
NovartisTheClean: LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN CARE
NovartisTheClean: WHY DO YOU HATE ME
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: what do u mean?
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: i care about u as a friend?
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: geez wtf am i sposed to say
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: please dont attack me
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: i dont see what i did wrong
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: i cant believe this is seriouslyt fuckinh happening
NovartisTheClean: Well, it's not. For your own sake lighten up, you're going to die from like a stroke if you take people seriously all the time.
Auto response from RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: wtf is with humans?
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: so it was all a joke
NovartisTheClean: Yea, chill out
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: geezus christ how the fuck am i sposed to tell?
NovartisTheClean: Because it's me
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: but ur always depressed
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: how am i sposed to tell
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: if it's real or not
NovartisTheClean: You're right
NovartisTheClean: I'm sorry lol I was just playing
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: all right
NovartisTheClean: Aww Sean you're hilarious
New hornball, guys. It's at:
Because I can and it's cool. Fuck off. Or, just grope Geoffrey. You'll get it..
|Saturday, January 10th, 2004|
Not much recently. Just barn stuff. Polo Friday, which was good but freezing because there's no heat in the barn. I rode Pippin, who was really good and didn't throw me off --;; Then work today which was even colder but so much fun. The three of us [Heather, Jen, and I] were all just going nuts being crazy and stupid. I had to do wraps on like 39o57o39 horses because Heather is getting sick again and it hurts for her to bend over. Haha I walked in on Eileen changing in the tack room downstairs, and I was like,
E: That's okay Ker. Not like you haven't seen white cotton underwear before.
K: O, auctually I haven't.
E: You kids and your thongs. I don't know how anyone can wear one of those. I never would.
K: O really? I don't see why not.. maybe you should try it.
I heart you Eileen. Then at around 53o Nick came over. We watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail.. poor Nick; it was the first time he saw it. How deprived his life must have been prior to it. After the movie we were kinda hanging out and my father comes down, like What are you guys doing? Nothing Dad. O, really?? Two kids in a dark room, no television on.. Poop on him. Like, seriously. Why does he have to be so suspicious?? Either way, it was fun. Okay kiddies, I'm going to leave you with an arguement between Blinky and Shizawn.
Mantaray666: what an ass
Mantaray666: when did 'shovel' say 'pudding' to you?
NovartisTheClean: O lol
NovartisTheClean: I dunno
Mantaray666: cause i said pudding to him like 100 times
Mantaray666: so, he stole it from me
Mantaray666: that asshat
NovartisTheClean: He's a loser sometimes
NovartisTheClean: RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: asshat!rofl!
RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: that's a new one
Mantaray666: my god
Mantaray666: DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO TAKE MY WORDS?
NovartisTheClean: Yes. ::shakes head::
Mantaray666: AND THEN BE MEAN, AND CALL ME POOPFACE, THEN DUMP ME LIKE A SHIT IN A TOILET?
NovartisTheClean: I love you.
NovartisTheClean: RiSeOfXbRuTaLiTy: hey i invented slutfuck so fuck u mantaray
Mantaray666: thats a terrible one..
NovartisTheClean: I love that one
Mantaray666: well, you also like to suck dick
NovartisTheClean: No.. ;_;
|Thursday, January 8th, 2004|
My day was really excellent until I got home. Classes went by pretty easily, and English was auctually fun for the first time in months. Ms Cincotta auctually let me talk to her, and I was trying so hard to be nice. It made me happy. I told her that her sweater reminds me of my room [it was pink] and I just kind of enjoyed the class.
I went to the mall today afterschool with Maura. It was pretty good. I bought some pants [finally], the Soilwork cd, Blood and Gold [also finally], and.. uh. Gerbil food. Shut up. I had to get it, Kali's gonna starve otherwise. Then who would I talk to? No one.
|Wednesday, January 7th, 2004|
Tooooo many surveys. I feel so exposed to you people. ::covers self:: Ahem. Anyway..
Well, nothing goes on in my life anyway, so.Yea. I just had to assure ya'll about the lack of surveys in the future.
There are subliminal messages in my painting!! Heehee..
O yea, does anyone else find something wrong with Fuchs Lubricants?? Me too.
|Tuesday, January 6th, 2004|
Because I'm Awesome brought to you by BZOINK!
Random Thought Provokers brought to you by BZOINK!
|Monday, January 5th, 2004|
Well, school today. It's so much fun getting out of bed at six.. especially when you went to sleep at 23o and woke up at 53o. My day wasn't really that bad though. Art was first period. It seemed to take a long time [well, 8o minutes is a long time for one class..], but at least it wasn't like a real class. Then at break I got to see everyone, which made me pretty happy. I was soooo overjoyed to see Pantani. I missed her incredably over the break. Like, I missed everyone, don't get me wrong. But I really only talk to like three people in school: Little Liz, Liz Pantani, and Gabbie. Well, I saw LL over the break and Gabbie wasn't in today. More on Gabbie later. So anyhow, I was just like, ::gasp:: LiZ!! ::sighs happily:: I loveth her. Heehee.. we had THE.BEST. conversation in the entire world at lunch. It was about bondage sex [heehee, finally someone who doesn't think it's weird!!], her gay uncle, and my neighbour ::slash:: her family friend. See, these are the kinds of conversations I just can't live without. Heehee. Weird she just IMed me. ::looks around suspiciously:: Liz?? Can you see what I see?? Hmm so.. Gabbie. Aparently, no one knows where she is. Please observe conversation with Liz:
made4mowhawks: umm not really
NovartisTheClean: That is very strange, is it not??
made4mowhawks: it is
NovartisTheClean: Hmm how queer.
made4mowhawks: ha you said queer
NovartisTheClean: ::blushes:: I didn't mean it like that
Yea. So.. I dunno. I heard things, but I don't know if they're true, so I'm not going to post them. Anyhow, I guess in Maura's study, she and Anna and this girl were talking about.something. I don't know how the conversation got started, but Anna said to the girl, Yea Kerry's boyfriend attacked her. and the girl was like, WTF really?! Haha.. Well.. it was from quite a while ago.. Like um maybe more than a week. ::blushes:: Long story. Condensed version is that the two of us were playing around a bit and I came home with bite marks. Haha so Maura goes to the girl, Yea he drew blood. ::dies of laughter:: Whatever. I just thought it was funny. The only reason I found out this conversation is because Meaghan said she heard something about vampires in Momo's study [they have the same study] and then I asked Maura about it. ::laughs again:: Yea, we're weird, the two of us.
PS Anna hates me ::jumps off cliff::
|Sunday, January 4th, 2004|
Hmm okay hey readers. Nothing really goes on here anymore so the point of reading this has greatly diminished. Yesterday polo and work. Sounds like every other Saturday of my life. Things got mixed up a little when I rode the new polo pony, Artemis. That was really the only change from every other Saturday. She's good though, I liked her. I'm gonna ask Heather if I can ride her again. Maybe on.. Friday. Yea. Friday. Anyhow, I keep stressing this muscle in my arm. It really hurts, and takes about five days to go away. Then, of course, two days later I have to work again. It gets hurt, I play polo which makes it worse [especially for dribbling] and then I just don't pay attention to my well-being anymore. ::Shrugs::
Thanks to all for doing that survey about.. what? two entries ago?? Yea. Thanks again. I liked Liz Pantani's the best.. but she didn't post it. She just kinda IMed it to me. ::coughs up lungs:: I'm soooo not sick. Hmm. Looking to my right I notice that the 22 of this month starts the Year of the Monkey. I'm going to hate this year..
Well, Nick's coming over in less than an hour. We have nothing to do and my house looks like shit. Plus like everyone's going to be home. Including Devin. Ha. Phones.. Sorry. Inside joke con Nick. Ha, now I know five words in Spanish. Damn. I suck. Anyway, later.
|Friday, January 2nd, 2004|
Polo was.. okay. Um. Here's what happened. Boys team from Yale: Krit, George, Brady. Girls team from Yale: Stephanie, Jeanette, me. First chukker was boy's team. UConn got five goals, Yale got two. Second chukker was girl's team. I rode Rosita, who kept jumping in the air and prancing in place. Annoying. She was hard to control. UConn got up to.. seven I think. Yale got to three. Third chukker was boy's team again, I don't know the scores. Fourth chukker, last chukker. I got on Pippin, and I was warming her up. [you should be able to tell by now that something bad is following] Cantering her down the far straight, made her speed up. As I was pulling her up [stopping her] she tripped on something or other. What basically happened was, her head went down while she was tripping, but I pulled her up to stop her. Do we see the conflict here?? She tripped, her head went straight to the floor, I lost balance. Lost my sturrups. Sommersaulted off her neck. Landed in the dirt. Crowd gasps. I looked around. Made sure the horse was okay. Got up. Heather yelled at me for moving before they checked me for 'spinal injury' which I don't understand why I didn't get. I tried to calm down Pippin, but she kept walking away from me. Finally Sarah, who was picking up, grabbed her. Heather freaked out, she was like, This is the first time you've fallen off, right?!?! No Heather, I've fallen three other times.
Anyhow, I'm okay. Just sore. I swore my helmet cracked when I hit the ground but it didn't. Final score was like, UConn 17, Yale four. ::shrugs:: Better than last year's 54 to two.. I'm in a fine mood about it.
I had gone to look at a pair of polo boots earlier that day, but didn't like them. Good thing I didn't buy them; Heather gave me her husband's old pair of boots because, he hasn't played in 15 years, quoth Heather. Yay. Heather's so cool. I love Heather. ^^
|Thursday, January 1st, 2004|
I ____ Kerry.
Kerry is ____.
If I were alone in a room with Kerry, I would _______.
I think Kerry should _____.
Kerry needs ______.
I want to ____________ Kerry.
Someday Kerry will ________.
Kerry reminds me of _______.
Without Kerry _______.
Memories of Kerry are ________.
Kerry can be __________.
Worst thing about Kerry is _________.
Best thing about Kerry is _________.
I am ________ with Kerry.
Blurty for Novartis.