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Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
11:54 am
Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||| 34%
Schizoid |||||||||||||| 54%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 70%
Borderline |||||||||| 38%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 42%
Narcissistic |||||||||||| 46%
Avoidant |||||||||||||| 58%
Dependent |||| 14%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||| 54%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

holy crap last night was crazy. i haven't had so much fun since the days i was going out and drinking every night a few years ago. that sounds horrible.
debating with a dude about the game
free shots
meeting the owners of sapphire
making out with extremely hot dude
being invited back to owners place
making dates
handing out numbers
hot hot hot
going back to bed

current music: tegan and sara - i know i know i know

( and tighten your buttox )

Saturday, February 5th, 2005
2:34 am - oh yea, valentine's day is just a holiday made up by greeting card companies to get you to spend $$.
so i'm scheduling a date to go pick up my keys for my new apartment, and the lady's like, how about the 14th?
sure, fine.. that's what, a monday?
she says, "YES VALENTINES DAY!!!!"
i say, "if it's a monday that's fine, i just have to come before work and pick them up because i work all day."
yes. yes i am. because it's a monday just like every other monday, and every other monday i work all day. only difference is this particular monday i will be waking up 30 minutes before i go into work to drive over here and pick up my keys.
she laughs uncomfortably, probably thinking i'm still kidding around that i'm really not doing anything.
i laugh, wishing the conversation would be over and asking her a question about my actual move-in date.

fast forward to tonight, when melissa is like, "OMG SO WHEN DO YOU WORK ON VD?" "all day, it's a monday. i work every monday all day." "WHAT?! YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT COMING OUT WITH ME AND ROGER?!" "hmm.. let's see. one single person to a couple.. on valentine's day.. i think i'll pass, thanks." "WHAT, DON'T BE ALL DEPRESSED, YOU'RE COMING OUT WITH US, I'LL FIND YOU A DATE"
whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa now.. first off, i'm not depressed. i'm simply saying i'm not going to be a single person invading a couples' date on valentines' day. that shit is not for singles. secondly, i'm definitely not going on a blind date with you guys to make you think i'll feel better. "IT WON'T BE A BLIND DATE, YOU CAN MEET HIM BEFORE." i'm sorry, i thought i meant to say no. did i say no? oh, well then no. no? no. what? no. wh-NO.

so it is now melissa's mission to make me a happy person on valentine's day. i've tried explaining to her that i will not be any more happy or sad on that day, because it is not really a holiday. it's just like every other day. but she doesn't understand that: she wants me to go out on a date with her and her boyfriend. that is completely and utterly not happening.

it's now almost 3 am and i still haven't found my math homework cd and i'm giving up and going to bed.

( and tighten your buttox )

1:33 am - stupid survey to look back on in a year and say, "man i was so dumb"
Name Four Bad Habits You Have:
1. smoking
2. Not Exercising
3. Not Having The Balls To Talk To boys That I Like
4. not doing more things that i want because i beat myself up

Name Four Scents You Love:
1. love spell
2. hugo boss
3. a clean house
4. some soap that primal instincts makes that i can't remember the name of that starts with an A

Name Your Top Four TV Shows
1. 24
2. my so called life
3. dark angel
4. aqua teen hunger force

Name Your Top Four Movies
1. some kind of wonderful
2. hackers
3. empire records
4. wuthering heights

Name Four People That Know You the Best:
1. jen
2. Dia
3. stef
4. kelly, my boss

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
1. I have to find my math homework cd
2. I hope that i can get everything taken care of before i move
3. I need a boyfriend.. a good one.
4. I get depressed way too often

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. worked
2. went to the pack and mail to get the package i sent out in january sent back to chachi
3. wrote a check to my new apartments
4. deposited money at my bank

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1. diet coke
2. diet dr. pepper
3. Water
4. tea

First Grade Teacher's Name?: I don't remember

Last Words You Said: WHAT?!

Last Song You Sang?: korn's adidas

Last Person You Hugged?: wow, that's been a really long time. eric maybe? because he hugs everyone

Last Thing You Laughed At?: me being stupid on soma

Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It?: that's been a really long time too.

Last Time You Cried?: maybe last month?

What's In Your CD Player?: a cd of 150+ mp3s off of my computer, probably M-S

What Color Socks Are You Wearing?: black

What's Under Your Bed?: some xmas wrapping paper and an xmas box, an underbed storage box that is probably empty, and lots of dust bunnies.

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?: 10

Current Taste?: water

Current Hair?: itchy

Current Clothes?: tommy's shirt and pants

Current Annoyance?: lee

Current Longing?: trey

Current Desktop Picture?: greece

Current Worry?: my new apartment

Current Favorite Physical Feature Of The Opposite Sex?: teeth

Last CD You Bought?: gwen stefani's new one

One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk to?: west

How Many Kids Do You Want?: none, they're fucking hellions

Type A Line You Remember From Any Book: probably something about meditation if i could remember it.

A Random Lyric: good morning sun, i am a bird, wearing a brown polyester shirt

How about the stupidest lyric?: this shit is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s!

current mood: calm

( and tighten your buttox )

Friday, December 10th, 2004
2:14 am - in the year two thousaaaaaand
i predict that roger will become completely controlling of melissa in less than 6 months. whether or not she gets fed up with it and dumps his ass is another thing, but i have a feeling i'll be saying "i told you so" in no time.
marc is really great for stef, i keep seeing that the more we hang out, and i wish i could find something like that, because stef really doesn't deserve him. of course, she's fucking pregnant, so that's a good reason for deserving something like that. i still say she's a dumbass.
i had a dream the other night that i sat down and wrote everyone in nick's family individual letters of how much i appreciate them. last night, i got a postcard from nick's sister telling me that she moved into her new house with her new fiance. i had a few dreams the week before that about matt and whaddya know, he ends up emailing me a few days later. too bad i can't have dreams about my perfect man and have him show up at my doorstep.. with bells on. and nothing else.

You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs.
Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are.
You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life.
You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor.

Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily.
But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes.
For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present.
You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

current mood: amused
current music: John Vanderslice - They Won't Let Me Run

( and tighten your buttox )

Thursday, November 11th, 2004
10:46 pm - these past two weeks..
my health insurance expired on september 30th. shortly after, murphy's law kicked in. first, i got the flu. then i got upper respiratory infection. i was out for three days downing nyquil and dayquil every 4 hours. and sleeping a lot. then i got what i thought was hives combined with a tough bout of tonsilitis, since i had some crazy rash that i'd never had before and when i showed anyone they're like, "oh that's just hives, you're nervous about something, bathe in oatmeal and it'll go away in about ten days." my glands were swollen to the size of small plums the monday before last, and when i bathed in oatmeal the rash seemed to get worse. at first it looked like a 3rd degree sunburn all over my body, then it got bumpy and really itchy, then it got splotchy and inflamed, to where about half an inch all around my body was swollen. i could seperate my fingers as much as possible and they would still be touching. by last friday night i couldn't get to sleep. i kept tossing and turning and every time i touched some part of my body it would go up in flames. i got about twenty minutes of sleep and when i woke up my throat was closed up so much i could barely breathe. i was exhausted and in severe pain, so i called my mom at 6 am crying hysterically and trying to talk to her and she couldn't understand what i was saying. she said she would wire me some money and i needed to go to the ER immediately. so i went. and they stared at me. noone had ever seen anything like i had. by that point my legs were purple, and the tips of my fingers were gray, and my throat kind of blended in with my head it was so huge. i could barely talk and every time i took a breath it sounded like a dying cow. they asked me a few questions to which i could nod and sink in and out of hysteria and then gave me an extremely painful shot of antibiotics in my butt that passed me out for 30 minutes till they came back and gave me prescriptions and told me to immediately get them filled and go home, otherwise they'd have to keep me here and stick an iv drip in me to monitor me. i didn't want that, so i did what they said. they prescribed me a large bottle of liquid vicodin and a massive bottle of horse pill amoxicillin. told me to take the vicodin every 3 hours if i was awake. this weekend was a complete blur because of that.
the doctor called me today to tell me the results of my throat swab thinger were in. i had scarlet fever. scarlet motherfucking fever. who the hell gets that anymore? she said if i had waited one more day to come in without antibiotics, i would have died. died. if i had managed to make it till sunday morning without getting any antibiotics, i would have dropped dead. in my bed, alone. nobody knowing any different, noone thinking anything about it because everyone just thought i had hives, no big deal. why isn't angela at work monday? oh, she probably overslept. we'll call her. she's not answering her phone, someone drop by her house and ring her doorbell 20 times to wake her ass up. well, i went, i rang the bell, i saw her sleeping in her bed but she was out cold. i tried knocking on her window but nothing. if she doesn't call us by tonight, she's fired. it's tuesday, she hasn't called. someone go check on her and make sure she's okay. well, i went to check on her and she's still sleeping in her bed. she must be really tired, i wonder if something's wrong? what should we do?
noone would have been the wiser, and i would have been dead. who would have found me that way? would they have called the office and told them to unlock my door and check on me? would the maintenance man have checked my pulse and come to the realization? how would everyone i know find out? would they have called my mom? do they even have my mom's number? and to even imagine what she would have gone through. "the last time i talked to her she was sick but she didn't sound horrible. i didn't think she would have died. what did she have? scarlet fever? she told me she had hives. just hives, that's all. i told her to take an oatmeal bath. i told her to take an oatmeal bath and now she's dead."
does everyone go through points in their lives where they're forced to confront their death, not by choice, but by accident? does everyone have an epiphany that they could have died? something so strong that makes you think like this? something that makes you change your life because you've realized how precious life is and how fast it could be gone?
who would've thought, scarlet motherfucking fever.

current mood: accomplished
current music: PJ Harvey - Naked Cousin

( and tighten your buttox )

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