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Blurty for life out of balance.
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| Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005 |
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Well, I do believe my Blurty days are over. I got an LJ. http://www.livejournal.com/~sterlingdrum I know, I know. Blurty has been quite good to me. It would load when most people LJ's didn't. But no one I read updates anymore, and there are MANY more users that I know on LJ. Alas, it's almost the same thing, really. But anyway... I bid you adieu. Check out me LJ. ~fin~ |
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| Wednesday, February 16th, 2005 |
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I wrote on my Xanga just now... "I'm not going to expect anything from anyone anymore. I'm always let down." Maybe that was a little bitchy. But honestly... I've been sick with the flu for three days. No one calls me, no one even sends an email. I get a random 'hope you feel better' comment from someone I don't even know on xanga. It's like I don't even exist. I don't know, maybe it's better that way. Do I like feeling insignificant? Could be a possibility. It's a great invitation for a pity party. *scowl* Maybe I'm just pissed because Dad yelled at me for getting P.O.ed at him wanting me to drive the van (instead of the car) in the morning so he can double check everything with the new engine. Maybe I AM spoiled, huh? Is that it?? HUH? It also might be the fact that I am still single. Yes, I know I'm way too fucking fat for any guy to think I'm attractive, but there are a HELLA lot of fat women out there with mates. WHAT am I doing wrong?? Honestly, could someone tell me? Yeah, I'm not the most girly girl ever, but when I am, it's WAY girly. But geez, I know girls my age and around my size who can latch a guy in 10 minutes...what the heck am I doing wrong?? Am I that ugly? Valentine's Day is such a load of bullshit anyway. Go waste money for one evening of fake happiness. Throw away a month's salary on some dumb piece of jewelry that she might wear twice. Make Hallmark a rich company. Buy lots of flowers...that will wilt in two weeks. Buy tons of chocolate to add pounds. Go ahead, splurge on dumb furry bears that she probably already has 6 of. I'll watch. That sounds terribly cruel, but I've never been one to enjoy it. I've never had a Valentine . (And no, elementary school parties don't count.) I mean, I may be only 19, but it seems like EVERYONE has a significant other in their life right now. No one seems to understand how lonely I am. I must do a good job of hiding it or something, because no one ever suspects anything. But man.... I'm a hopeless romantic inside..i'm so softhearted, despite this cynical bitching rant I'm on. I want to be swept off my feet by the man of my dreams. Of course, I have to realistic and know that that stuff only happens in the movies and/or fairy tales...but I can hope, can't I? I just wish I could at least meet someone...someone that I could picture growing old with and sharing a good life together and maybe having a couple of kids and just being generally good happy people. that's really all i want. To be brutally honest, I'd rather have that than to be a successful teacher. And now I'm really sad. Good nite. |
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| Monday, February 7th, 2005 |
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i've got to stop building people up in my mind...it consumes me. i have this near-perfect image of certain people, and then they go and do something to ruin it. and the same thing goes for myself. i keep setting lofty goals and i always fall short. nothing in particular lately has triggered this, i guess...i just got to thinking about everything, as usual, on my late nites of reflection. So far, this semester hasn't sucked. Except for really not getting adequate rest, everything is okay. Busy, but okay. Life basically goes 8:00 - 4:00 Monday -Thursday, with steel band Wednesday evenings and teaching at Eagleville on that afternoon, plus Mystique on the weekends. Just the same cycle, with some variations, week after week. I hope I don't burn myself out, I've got to be careful. This is quite a different time in my life. Not doing handbells, not going to church, not even having time to call my friends. It's almost if I'm going to college somewhere else besides this town. It seems as if I'm out of town nowadays then actually being in town... there is some truth to that. I hardly see mom and dad anymore because i'm always at school or mystique. some weeks i don't even see dad, because he's in memphis so much. And of course, Granny is gone...which is still so unusual. Things are just so different. Christmas was terribly anticlimatic. It doesn't even feel like it passed. Here it is, February 7th, and spring break is only 4 weeks away. It will be summer soon, and I'll have to get a job and take two classes in order to catch up. Time stays for no one. Don't get me wrong, I suppose I'm feeling better than I did last semester...I mean, last semester was quite shitty, and so was the one before it. It's like, now that things are actually sort of good...it's like i'm waiting for something bad to happen to ruin it all. I keep getting that edgy blah feeling sometimes. I... wonder about myself. My health is still in pitiful condition...haven't taken the initiative to go back to the doctor and get this weight problem and PCOS taken care of. I still can't get over a certain someone (and that comes and goes in phases; somedays i'm completely ok, others, i'm yearning like crazy..i got to see him the other day, and it left me more enamored than ever. i'm such a stupid fool sometimes...always wanting the things i can never have. but i digress). ::sigh:: well, now it appears that i've got to pick two endangered species and do a profile on each of them. Due at 8:00 in the morning. Blah to that. "To look life in the face, always, to look life in the face, and to know it for what it is. At last to know it, to love it, for what it is, and then, to put it away. Leonard, always the years between us, always the years, always the love, always... the hours..." |
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| Sunday, January 30th, 2005 |
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man...no one ever writes on here anymore. Sucks too, because it's a cool journal. Xanga is too public for me to express all my thoughts. ::sigh:: Oh well. Mystique was good this weekend. The first show had its little moments of blah, but that's to be expected. Rehearsal went much better after the show...we were more efficient in everything we did. Good times. I really love it...the people there are awesome, and they are truly becoming like family to me. anyway...guess i better start updating my notebook for brass II. |
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| Wednesday, January 19th, 2005 |
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...late nite Yahoo-ing...always fun. Search engines are such an awesomely good waste of time. I really need to be in bed right now, being that I have an 8:00 class in 6 hours. But am I? Nope. After I watched Conan, I decided to watch old home videos, including the old Merit tapes from Northfield. Wow, they were amusing. Lots of great memories though...the trip to the Country Music Hall of Fame (and when some guy arranged the songs that we had written...man, i didn't know I was such a depressed 4th grader), the scene from a book about Helen Keller that we acted out (I was Annie Sullivan, and not a bad one at that), the environmental safety puppet shows, the world issues debates, the Japanese tea ceremony, the "manners" lunch, an interesting report I did on Tchaikovsky (completely with snippets of me trying to conduct. I sure hope I don't look like that now). It's funny looking back on that awkward, nerdy long-haired braceface of 11 years ago. Of course I've changed immensely, but I still have part of that kid in me, somewhere. She had so many hopes and dreams back then...success was knocking at her door. I should probably go talk with that girl...she seemed to know what she wanted. |
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| Monday, January 17th, 2005 |
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well, the spring semester begins tomorrow. it's hard to believe that I'm already this far into college...it'll be over before I know it. Geez. I don't want my college experience to suck any more than it has to. *frown* Since I'm not going to have any money this semester, except from what I get at Eagleville (which will more than likely go into paying back mom and dad and towards gas for the car), I'm going to probably starve most of the time. It's gonna suck really bad. On the weekends, at Mystique, we all go to the fast food places to eat. Well, now I'm not going to. Can't afford it. No food for me on the weekends. I mean, yes, I need to lose around 120 pounds, but geez! Oh well. It won't be my fault if I pass out in the middle of a performance due to no food. Maybe then someone will figure it out. Whatever. *frowns again* Thanks, Matt, for fixing my computer...it works so well now! :-D Plenty of hard disk space, a working printer, it's so exciting....WHEE :-) Thankie thankie thankie!! okie doke. ciao. |
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| Wednesday, January 12th, 2005 |
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Sorry, I know...I'm sure everyone is sick of these. Of course, you don't have to read it, but this one is kinda cute. So bored....eeee. Had to lighten the mood somewhat. THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: 1. Mollie 2. Mol 3. FIVE THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE HAD: 1. fallout85 2. marimbarini 3. sterlingdrum1022 THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: 1. I'm a goofy girl who embraces fun. 2. I've got the gift of music. 3. uh..i have long eyelashes? THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: 1. Selfish, gluttonous fat girl 2. I worry and complain WAY too much. 3. Such an awful procrastinator. Yeesh. THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE: 1. Irish/Scottish 2. English 3. maybe Indian, somewhere, a wee lil bit? THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: 1. being alone forever 2. dying a painful death 3. being a complete failure THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: 1. a daily dose of Xanga 2. Late Night with Conan O'Brien 3. Diet Mountain Dew THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS: 1. Sting 2. The Police 3. The Beatles THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS: 1. "I Was Brought To My Senses" - Sting 2. "Here Comes the Sun" - The Beatles 3. "Come What May" --"Moulin Rouge" THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS: 1. Actually attempting to lose weight, seriously. 2. Sushi and other exotic foods 3. Drum corps (next December's camps) THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP: 1. trust 2. chemistry 3. love (if it goes that far) TWO TRUTHS AND ONE LIE: 1. I took ballet for 10 years. 2. I read the dedication for Kid's Castle (a big playground in town) over the radio. 3. I've been to the Air Force museum in Dayton, OH. (now, guess which one is a lie) THREE THINGS OF THE OPPOSITE (or same) SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU: 1. eyes 2. beautiful, shining, smile that makes me melt 3. personal hygiene...that sounds so coy, but if ya stank, NU UH. THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO: 1. Be perfect. Duh. 2. Forget about the love I have for a certain someone who I can never have. 3. Do a headstand. I never have been able to. THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: 1. playing music 2. reading and collecting manga 3. scrapbooking and preserving nostalgic items THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW: 1. well, uh, that's a little personal, doncha think? *Sneaky grin* 2. go to WGI Championships (gotta wait till April) 3. hang out with friends...i'm so lonely. THREE CAREERS YOUR CONSIDERING: 1. Music Education (as of right now, it's it.) 2. Something in the entertainment business... 3. Interior Design (haha, I watch too many Trading Spaces shows) THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION: 1. France 2. New Zealand 3. the beach...this includes a LOT of places. THREE KID'S NAMES: 1. Randy Paul 2. Alison Jo 3. Julie Rachelle THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: 1. sky dive 2. meet all the celebrities that I want to 3. be totally and completely happy THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY: 1. Um, I'm a girl...but... 2. Most of my friends are guys. 3. I think pink is such a dumb color. THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL: 1. I cry like nobody's business 2. I 3. I like guys. Alot! THREE CRUSHES: 1. Sting 2. Ewan McGregor 3. Conan O'Brien THREE PEOPLE THAT HAVE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY NOW: 1. Whitney ;-) 2. anyone named Jose 3. uh.... |
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| Tuesday, January 11th, 2005 |
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Geez, it's been an evening of major ups and downs. I finally told Dad about the losing of the lottery scholarship. Of course he was EXTREMELY disappointed, but what's done is done..and we have to move on. Yes, it's going to suck not having that extra 700 dollars...it's gonna be really tough. But we'll get through it. I've just got to stop screwing up so damn much. I wrote a really long bitchy entry on here earlier that I hope none of you had the opportunity to read. :sigh: Eventually, I'll figure out my life. I can't go on living like this. College has generally been a sucky time. And I'm so lonely...yes, I've got some really awesome friends...but yet I find myself very lonely at times. You know, like I feel as if I'm standing in a room screaming at the top of my lungs, and yet no one hears me. (Geez, what a time for a Titanic reference.) I just want someone who I can hold close to me at night and whisper to, and know that they love me just as much as I love them. Damn, that was sappy. The main thing is, I've got to figure out what I really want. I can't just do things to please someone else. If I'm not doing it for myself, then it's a waste of my time. I've got to get healthy. I was told tonight that if I don't have my health, then there's no point in the education (or something to that effect). It's true...if I can't physically do all the things that I need to do, then what's the point? I've got to be a well, fit, healthy human being..there's no way I could be efficient as a teacher or whatever I end up deciding to do if I can't even function day by day. You know, Didi has it made. She's a beautiful furry cat who can sleep whenever and as long as she wants, eat whenever, stretch, run around and play, purr, and do all the cat things...all whenever she wants to. As usual, I wish life could be as simple as that. I mean, DUH, of course life isn't going to be peaches all of the time. Obstacles will be there. That's what builds character, strength, and adaptability. But geez... ...is there no break from the constant hurdles? |
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| Friday, January 7th, 2005 |
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well, now mom knows. she knows that i lost the lottery scholarship. damn it. now life is going to be hell at least until i move out of this house. I better be able to do Mystique. That's all. I've fundraising for that anyway, so it's not like they're paying for it. But, anyhow, does anyone know how to get 600 bucks in a week? anyone? |
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ok, it's 2:30 in the morning, not sleepy at all...time for random semi-obscure references from the Beatles Anthology 3... "mother superior jumped the...oh shit." "one more." "well that was superb." "from the heart of the black country...when i was a robber, in Boston place...you gathered 'round me, with your fun embrace." "los paranoias" "can you take this thing off my voice, i've got like this speaker, i can hear...oh ok, leave it on then.." "that one was PERFECT" "ok, let's track it. *gasp* ah, you bounder, you cheat" "this'll knock you out" "ya'll will have read that Dave Dees is no longer with us..." "schminking of gin, yes he was really schminking..." ----------------- ok, anyway...that was...interesting. I could probably list off a lot more, but the CD is upstairs, and I'm on Dad's computer. Oh well. Man, I've been lacking in my blurty/xanga entries lately...being on break means nothing of totally interesting significance happens. *le sigh* When school starts, I'm sure I'll be posting every day with random blah. I might try to do the Podcast thing like Mattnoid does. ;-) Not trying to be a copycat, but that stuff is FI. Aight, I guess that's enough for now. Signing off, friend of Didi and dorky band people, ~FIVE~ |
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| Saturday, December 25th, 2004 |
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Family: Mom, Dad, Matt, Didi, tons of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Marital Status: Single. I am totally 100% single....unfortunately. Birthdate: April 22, 1985. Place of Birth: Nashville, TN Current Place of Residence: the childhood home. haven't left, probably won't at this rate. Current Job: well, I was the youth handbell choir director at church for a while, and I was the percussion tech at Eagleville HS during marching season; looks like I'll be helping with a percussion ensemble out there this spring. Current Pets: Didi, the resident domestic long hair of this house. :-D Current Car: A 1991 gray Honda Accord LX stationwagon..heh. Current Interests: music, cats, free time, percussion, reading, sleeping, the Qatsi trilogy, Tiger Woods, Conan O'Brien, high school band nostalgia Current Music Tastes: super eclectic...band literature, classical, rock, blues, holiday music, theme songs, etc, etc, free noise, etc. Best Memory To Date: There are so many...but I would have to say...as dorky as it sounds...the after-school rehearsal for symphonic band on my 18th birthday...the music was awesome...everything gelled together perfectly. not many could ever understand why i treasure this day so much...it's very personal. *rolls eyes* Pet Peeve: Not being able to find a good parking space, people that drive idiotically, being sick all the time, etc.. Fears: Ultimate failure, being alone forever, dying a miserable death Education Background: -Northfield Elementary - 1990 - 1997 -Central Middle - 1997-1999 -Oakland High School - 1999 - 2003 -Middle Tennessee State University - 2003 -present Cast of Friends/Supporting Players (people mentioned regularly): Some Friends from the OHS Years: Whitney, Philip, Bryan, Chris, Wesley, Red, Curt, Emily, Amanda, Greg, etc. Some Friends from the MT years: Cara, Meagan, Craig, Rob, Matt, Ben, J-rock, Timmy, Matt #2, Jerry, John, Keila, Mindy, David, Jennifer, David #2, etc. Romantic Interests from the Past & Present (some nicknames included): Joseph Love (hehe) - 1st grade b/f, 1st kiss as well D.A.B - 1st really obsessive crush, my freshman year in high school, awesome guy Bryan - boyfriend for a year in high school, still great friends to this day rlr - current man in my thoughts *rolls eyes again* i'm so pathetic. |
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| Tuesday, December 7th, 2004 |
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i really hate the computers in the household. My computer is just too full of crap (literally), and I can't delete half the stuff on there...it desperately yearns for disk space. It would be fine if that could happen. But Dad's computer...I wrote two papers on it last nite...and it kept freezing up....but the last time it froze up, I turned it back on, and now it says "Explorer will not load. You must reinstall Windows" and I'm like WTF?! I didn't even do anything to it. So, now Dad will probably be pissed at me because the computer won't work. But I didn't FREAKING do anything to screw it up...All I had was the internet and Microsoft Word open...geez. But anyway...enough of that little rant. Off to theory, then a lesson...ee..not fun. |
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| Friday, December 3rd, 2004 |
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heh, i'm looking back through many of my previous entries...almost everything that I wrote about turned out differently...for example, when i said, "once PASIC is over, school will run much more smoothly." That's the biggest crock of bull in the world. I've got so much more homework now. McM auditions are in freaking Crossville...that's nearly a 2.5 hour drive. EEEE. And of course, Mom won't let me drive. *major growls* I don't want to have to depend on someone every weekend (pending, if i make it) to tote me up to where ever the permanent housing site is (which will be somewhere closer). That's just a big pain in the ass...I want to able to leave when I want to, listen to whatever music I want to listen to and have some personal time for myself. But geez, what am I saying, I don't even know if I'll make it, even though I'm being assured that I have a real good chance. So, it looks like i'm catching a ride with some McM alumni..which will be fine. It still makes me go "argh", though. I complain too much. :-( Better online than to someone...I hate unloading problems on people...they don't have to read about it unless they want to, lol. Thank goodness I've found journaling to help me dump all my emotional baggage into words. I'd really be lost without it. looks like i'm in need of the "fuckitall" pill...lol. lately, i've decided that i want more freedom. i hate living towards constant deadlines that often times i don't meet. school has become a chore, and i don't really feel like i'm learning anything of use...yeah, maybe learning to bs my way through everything...if it wasn't for my hard-working positive mental attitude crap from high school reputation, i'd really be up shit creek. i can get by with some things that other people in the studio can't, which is nice, but not good at the same time. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I just want to be at a point in my life where I'm ok with myself and comfortable with my situations...I'm not...and it sucks. whatever. i'm too stressed out right now to really be coherent about my thoughts. I miss my friends terribly..i've pretty much sacrificed any sort of social life i had during the semester. i finally got see bryan the other day, and i've only seen whitney a few times. i hardly ever get to talk wesley online either. These people are my buddies, and I know life is not all about hanging out but geez...no social life is starting to take a toll.... "She came in through the bathroom window Protected by a silver spoon But now she sucks her thumb and wonders by the banks of her own lagoon. Didn't anybody tell her? Didn't anybody see? Sundays on the phone to Mondays Tuesdays on the phone to me....oh yeah...." |
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| Tuesday, November 30th, 2004 |
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aw damn, i just wrote this HUGE ass entry...complete with MST3K quotes and all...and dummy me just deleted it, by clicking on the "You're looking at the simple page. For more options, click here.".... *stomps foot impatiently* Oh well. A sum-up. School sucks. I must pass everything. Mostly A's would be ideal. A C in theory is ok. B in Music History is ok. We'll see what happens. I don't see how I'll do it all (insert HUGE List of asssignments here and McM tryouts, if they even have them). The band board is so hateful, it's just a damn rumor mill. Uh...."Wow, the universe is really crusin'! Going 65 and they'll be there in 3 billion years." "Thank you Mr. Connery's brother." "uh, new city ordinance, all buildings to pained beige." and i'm out. |
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| Wednesday, November 24th, 2004 |
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a survey from some random band of blue member's xanga, and im going to be very complete with it. get over it. Basics -- Name?: Mollie Lorraine Lane -- Nicknames?: Mol, Mama, Chicka, Mole-y, Dr. Mollie (hence the blurty name), fallout85, Blackie, Angus, bass drum lady...etc, etc, etc. -- Would you change your name?: nah, prolly not. -- Where do you live? Murfreesboro, TN. -- Where have you lived?: the Boro. -- Where would you like to live?: somewhere in this general vicinity. -- Where are you glad you don't live?: Troy, Alabama...geez! -- Hobbies?: playing music, watching golf on tv (hahah), scrapbooking (and putting things in photo albums), collecting various books and other knicknacks... -- Hidden Talents?: i can sing. i really can. i just don't usually do it well in public. -- What is on the walls in your room?: HAHA. Get ready. Starting on the door: three pics of Tiger Woods and a random towel from the MT vs. Idaho game, and a Zildjian sticker. On the walls: a Sting: Sacred Love World Tour poster, small bulletin board with random ticket stubs and other things, killer whale poster (with a MT Bands poster and a kitty picture on it), a random mask from a football game last year (With a pic of me and Timmy wearing it from last year). my high school diploma, Band Plaques - (Junior year, Best Front Ensemble Performer, two Positive Mental Attitude awards (diff. years), Leadership-OHS percussion, Senior plaque, Senior Band Member of the Year, President's Award), VMI 2002 band pic, Tiger Woods picture, The Police Poster, 3 Midstate plaques, M.I.M.E plaque, another Tiger Woods poster, embroidered cat pictures, two paintings i did in school, 3 Beatles posters, and an Evans drumhead that everyone in drumline signed when i was a senior. Don't get me started on the shelves. -- Would you rather watch or play football?: watch -- What is your worst nightmare?: dying without true love, being completely alone -- What do you do to exercise?: not enough. lol. well, marching band when we're running those sets over and over..walking, biking, swimming... -- Do you own an instrument?: yep. piano, keyboard, marimba, drumset, flute. (and that's just my stuff.) dad's got bass(es), guitars, harmonicas...even an accordion. -- What sport would you say you are best at?: bowling, volleyball -- Do you think you're attractive?: sometimes -- Do others find you attractive?: i doubt it. -- What do you think is your best feature?: my eyes and smile -- What do others think is your best feature?: smile -- What do you think is your worst feature?: my weight..:-( -- What do others think is your worst feature?: prolly the same.. -- Do you like your personality?: most of the time -- Do others like your personallity?: i think so, i hope so. -- Do you think you're funny?: I can be...lol -- Do others think you funny?: well, they get big belly laughs sometimes...so..?t -- Do you like your family?: of course -- Do they like you?: yes Of course Have you ever... -- Had a serious illness?:well, define serious. PCOS is serious. -- Been happy about someones death?: Heck no. -- Killed an animal?: many mosquitos!!! -- Been sexually attracted to a cartoon character?: lol no...that's kinda creepy. But some of the manga guys could be hot. -- Caused a riot?: not to my knowledge -- Taken part in a riot?: nope -- Eaten a bug?: probably. Supposedly everyone swallows 8 spiders in their entire life, but that could be a bunch of bull. -- Been on stage?: i live on stage -- Joined a gang?: Nah -- Been mentally disturbed?: No -- Smoked?: Occasionally. -- Drank?: hehehehe. -- Wished to die?: more than i'd like to think about. -- Streaked?: No -- Questioned God's existence?: yep. -- Cursed at God?: Yes -- Stalked someone online?: lol, sort of. but they knew about it. -- Taken pills?: prescriptions, yes. For a billion dollars would you... -- Eat an ant farm?: uh.... -- Hold up a convenience store?: nope. -- Shoot yourself in the leg?: sure -- Eat another person?: ew no -- Jump off a three story building?: sadly, yes. -- Walk naked in a mall?: uh..well. hmm. -- Shave your head?: uh...well...maybe. -- Drink human blood?: no -- Box with a kangaroo?: i'd probably get knocked out. -- Kill the president?: no...even if i think W is a dumbass. -- Slap an old person?: lol...that's just weird. -- Eat your own vomit?:hell no!. Favorites --Color?: purple -- Number?: 42 -- Movie?: Koyaanisqatsi, Back to the Future, Lord of the Rings, Bruce Almighty, Dune, The Hours, 2010, Apollo 13...etc. -- Shape?: Triangle -- Person?: *embarassed blush* can't say. But Sting ranks up there. :-D -- Relative?: aw well that's not fair. i love everyone...mom dad matt didi! -- CD?: Abbey Road - The Beatles...Sting - All This Time, The Police - Synchronicity -- TV Show?: Golden Girls, Whose Line?, The Nanny, Conan O'Brian, Star Trek -- Movie Soundtrack?: KOYAANISQATSI, The Hours, Powaqqatsi -- channel?: Lifetime, VH-1, Comedy Central, ABC Family, HBO, PBS, the Golf Channel, -- Restaurant?: La Siesta -- Drink?: Coke, Dr. Pepper, any punch at a good party...wild berry jack -- Food?: Mexican, Chinese, Italian.... -- Snack?: Goldfish or Sun Chips -- Shoe Brand?: whatever fits me feet. Nike, New Balance...whatevs. -- Underwear?: uh...underwear. -- Season?: winter...and spring -- Sport?: golf, pool, bowling, ice skating, volleyball, swimming, gymnastics -- Dance?: hmm i just like to dance -- Shampoo?: uh..Garnier Fructis for Normal or Fine Hair -- Cologne?: nothing too overpowering really. -- Perfume?: Clinique Happy -- Gum?: Bubblicious -- Chocolate?: YUM!...uh, Hershey's...or Godiva. -- Candy?: Smarties Last person you? -- Licked?: uh....gettin kinda personal there aren't we. -- Intentionally hurt?:not anyone for a while now. -- Punched?: lol...uh...i don't think i've actually ever punched someone. -- Danced with?: Curt, at Prom. -- Liked?: geeez there's too many. -- Hated?: dumbass people on the band board. -- Gave the finger to?: Meagan, Rob, Matt, and Craig when they nearly ran over me at the crosswalk of Blue Raider Dr and Champion Way. Of course, then I burst out laughing and they gave me a ride to my car. :-D -- Cried with?: people at Granny's funeral. -- Talked with?: Mom -- Laughed with?: Leann -- Cuddled with?: it's been quite some time -- Played with?: Didi!..played music with the studio on Tuesday. -- Ate with?: mom in the kitchen -- Hung out with?: it's been so long...Cara? at Troy State? prolly so. -- Sung with?: prolly.... Random --Worst kiss: the second one. -- Do you watch PORN: nope....heh. nope. -- Your thoughts on abortion: gah this such a touchy subject. I'm pro-life but I'm pro-choice as well. But really, how can one be both? -- What do you want to do with your life: whatever makes me happy, really. Hopefully that will be teaching music. -- Ever been butt naked bangin on the bathroom floor: Geez no. -- Would you ever get plastic surgery if so on what: like if i got totally burned on my body yeah, or some other unforeseen traumatizing event like that. But really, my nose, maybe.. -- Do you think foreign accents are sexy: hell yeah. French...:-D -- Do you like jell-o, if so what flavor: orange.. -- Last time you went to the doctor: this past summer -- Most attractive person: teeheehee not telling. -- Any diseases, if so what are they: polycystic ovarian syndrome, type II diabetes...*Growls* --Have you ever dyed your hair: no. -- Last thing you bought: dinner for me and mom, and a manga at Books-a-Million last nite. -- Do you want a puppy: eventually. -- Are you a flirt: no. and I really need to be. I really want to be one. -- Last time you were scared: not too long ago. -- Do you do your own laundry: i should. i fold it from time to time. -- Do you work out: no, but i need to. -- Are you muscular: actually for what i am, yes. -- Are you flabby: heh yeah. -- Do you take a lot of pictures:i can't believe you're asking me this. YES!!!! -- Do you want a baby: of course! -- Ever thought you were pregnant: nope..haven't crossed that bridge yet. -- Last time you were sick: a couple weeks ago, the week of PASIC. it was blah. -- Do chinese people really cook cats and dogs: who knows, really. -- Do you go to a tanning bed: hell, no, i'm red enough as it from band. -- Are you ghetto: no, but i used to say it all the time.! :-D |
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| Thursday, November 18th, 2004 |
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i wonder if i'm bipolar sometimes. of course, i'm probably just full of myself. but honestly...my mood swings are insane. I really do experience a really high mania....and really shitty lows....but oh well. it's probably from the PCOS and the fact that i'm a strange college girl with her priorites out of whack. we know that my system is screwed up enough as it is.*rolls eyes* i'd like to extend thanks to my brother, matt, for basically ratting on me about a parking ticket. *winks* actually...mom yelled at me but it's fine now....it's paid, and I'm registered for classes. i would have waited longer and not gotten a couple classes that i needed had you not actually said anything. *lol* s'all good. thanks for the 5 bucks. :-) aaanyway. I need to work on my passacagalia. Am I going to? Not tonite....it's 11:30 and i'm not about to re-download Finale to screw up this computer more than it already is. I can't wait till the day when I can actually hang out. I thought this week was going to be awesome and filled with free time, but that was a sore mistake. I've been insanely busy. And the next few aren't going to be so great either. I miss my friends. I miss just chilling out at people's houses and playing Cranium and/or Taboo...drinking coffee and laughing about everything...watching random shows on Nick at Nite....going to Dodge's chicken....going to movies....driving around....*sigh* I really have no social life this semester. It's all been school, which bites a big'un. *growls sadly* |
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| Sunday, November 14th, 2004 |
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| Tuesday, November 9th, 2004 |
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well, a brief word, before theory in ten minutes: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! there we go. insanity lingers so near. I don't want to complain, but geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez. I thought I was busy in high school. Ohh no. I didn't know what 'busy' was in high school. I mean, I'm lucky if I get four hours of sleep a night! I mean, I might as well just sleep on the couches in the lobby... Just gotta push through this week....It'll all be over soon. |
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| Thursday, November 4th, 2004 |
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Firsts: First best friend: Ashley Edington First car: 1991 Honda Accord LX Stationwagon First screen name: fallout85 First pets: Patty the cat First piercing: ears First credit card: have yet to get one Lasts: Last car ride: on the way home from school Last kiss: too long ago Last library book checked out: The Majors - John Feinstein Last movie seen: Anchorman Last phone call: Mom Last time showered: last nite Last shoes worn: my Nikes Last cd played: Philip Sparke - Earth, Air, Wind, and Fire - "Time Remembered" Last item bought: a Long John Silver's combo #6 Last annoyance: having to go all the way back downstairs to get the modem Last time wanting to die: sometime this week...lol Last shirt worn: blue Tower of Terror shirt Last website visited: xanga.com Last word you said: 'damn' Last song you sang: "My Immortal" - Evanescence What is in your cd player?: Philip Sparke, The Police, the Chicago soundtrack What color socks are you wearing?: im not wearing any What Color underwear are you wearing?: grey What's under your bed?: dust, a dress-up clothes box, a storage box with photos, letters, and my stamp collection...etc. What time did you wake up today?: 8:30 am Currents: Current mood: melancholy Current music: "Time Remembered" (See above) Current taste: Aquafina water Current hair: - still not fully dry from this morning, pulled up in a clippy Current clothes: see above...most of my lasts are currents... Current annoyance(s): how i don't like vegetable soup, but that's what mom made for dinner Current desktop picture: a hot pic of Sting Current book(s): Chasing Tiger, The Hours, The Velveteen Principles, and Onegai Teacher Vol. 1 (and the fanbook as well). Current color of toenails: tonail color Current time-wasting wish: that i could go back to high school symphonic band just ONE more time... Current hate: that i can never do that again One or the Other: 1. Black or white?: black 2. Boxers or briefs?: it's underwear... 3. Coke or Pepsi?: coke 4. Salt or pepper?: salt 5. Sweet or sour?: sweet 6. Vanilla or chocolate?: vanilla 7. Short or long?: medium 8. Cheap or expensive?: expensive....i guess. lol. 9. Firm or soft?: soft pillows...:-) 10. Hot or cold?:COLD! when it's hot, i'm effin miserable. My favorite... 1. Color is: purple 2. Song is: hmm..at the moment..."I Was Brought To My Senses" by Sting 3. Scent is: vanilla.. 4. Alcoholic beverage is: WIld Berry Jack 5. Food is: beef stroganoff, TACO BELL, and McD's chicken nuggets, and mom's broccoli casserole 5 things you are wearing right now 1)black shorts 2)watch 3)black bra 4)blue shirt 5)grey underwear 5 things you did so far today 1)woke up 2)played well in strings class 3)got online 4) went to a drumset clinicl 5)deposited a check 5 things you can hear right now 1)typing 2)"Time Remembered" 3) the computer's hum 4)mom and dad downstairs eatingr 5)the tv hum from downstairs 5 things you do when your bored 1) get online 2) sleep 3)fill out surveys 4)eat 5) play music 5 people that never fail to cheer you up 1) Didi and Whitney (it's a tie!!!) :-D 2) Matt 3) you-know-who 4) Mr. Cornish (his laugh cracks me up) 5) Conan O'Brien 5 things you can't live without 1)Love 2)Friends 3)Music 4)Food 5)Fun |
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| Saturday, October 30th, 2004 |
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:-) it's nice to be on the side of the team that wins. I'm glad our boys are kickin butt out there on their field. Homecoming is always a fun game...the parade actually wasn't as long this year, and the weather, although hot, was generally pleasant. Took some good pictures, too. All in all, a good day. this past week has been a busy one. all the weeks leading up to PASIC will be jampacked. *eeeesh* After PASIC is through, school will run much more smoothly. This is the first halloween in a while where I'm actually not doing anything Halloween related. Yeah, we're dressing up at COC, but that's a week later. Tomorrow, I've got handbells at church, an all day PAS drumline rehearsal, and I gotta go to Darrell's recital, PLUS practicing trumpet for a test on Monday morning. (AHHH.) I've been thinking....after I'm completely done with actually marching in a marching band (if all goes well, i'll be teaching it in a few years), which will be after next fall, I'm gonna go to a spa and get a professional massage. There is so much tension built up in my back and shoulders, I'm sure that all the knots and strained muscles need to be relieved. I don't want to be humped over by the time I'm 25...yeesh. That would suck so bad. BUT anyway... I think I'm gonna chill out right now...it's been one heck of a long day...7:45 in the morning on the weekend = no sleep = EEK. ciao. |
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Blurty for life out of balance.
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calm.
cynical.
apathetic.
tired.
amused.
full.
pissed off.
awake.
indifferent.
crappy.
weird.