Tacoma blonde The story of the
Tacoma blonde has another chapter. It continued with more e-mail. The story left off with this message from me to her:
Date: Thu, 1 Jan 2009 07:01
Subject: New Year
No, it's OK. I appreciate your effort to apologize. I had a date last night, and I was quite tempted to bail before it even started, which gives me a bit of understanding of your misbehavior the other night.
[I summarized my tedious New Year's Eve date in about a paragraph.]
So, definitely no fireworks celebration for me either. Do you have any interesting plans for the new year? I think I'll start by writing "2009" on my checks, so I don't write the date wrong next time I pay bills.
I finally changed the subject line, which has been off-topic since about the second message.
I followed up the next day:
Date: Fri, 2 Jan 2009 23:17
Subject: RE: New Year
Hello again. Shame on me for yesterday morning's kiss-and-tell, or rather the yawn-and-tell. That was impolite of me, even if it related to Sunday night in a way.
Anyway, I feel good tonight, and I think it's time to say that you are fully forgiven. I wouldn't mind giving it another try. Maybe we can meet in the middle somewhere. Do you have free time this weekend?
She replied to the New Year's Day morning message a couple of days later:
Date: Sun, 4 Jan 2009 17:24
Subject: RE: New Year
Happy New Year
I don't check my e-mail as much on the days that I work, so that is why I am so late in getting back to you. So it sounds like you had a boring if not interesting evening to bring in the new year. I was working.
Tonight is my Friday, and I get the next 3 nights off. Any ideas? I owe you a glass of milk, or was it something else?
[Her first name]
I replied promptly, and suggested some ideas for a second-try meeting:
Date: Sun, 4 Jan 2009 19:06
Happy New Year to you too!
I had started to that you had changed your mind again; nice to know you were just too busy to write. I'm pleased to hear from you again. Would you like to have dinner together at some point in between? Are there any places you know and like anywhere near halfway between us? Here are a few ideas:
- [A restaurant] in Seatac (a little overpriced, but I know it's decent)
- [A restaurant] in Des Moines (expensive but delicious)
- [A pub] in Des Moines (never been there, but decent reviews; close to [second restaurant])
- [A bar-and-grill] in Kent (never been there, decent reviews)
- (You may have ideas too.)
It's hard to say whether it's less fun to celebrate the New Year asleep at home, or busy at work. Maybe if things go well, we can just pretend it's New Year's Eve tonight. As for owing me anything, no, you're forgiven. If you want to treat me to a glass of milk or something else, I welcome it as generosity, not obligation.
Now, if only my computer will behave, maybe we can work out details before everything closes.
She replied almost immediately:
Date: Sun, 4 Jan 2009 19:17
You seem cheerful! I work tonight. Tomorrow night would be better for me.
[Her first name]
I replied fairly quickly:
Date: Sun, 4 Jan 2009 19:34
I feel pretty good tonight. What sort of hours do you work? I'm guessing that if you still haven't left you work pretty late, but I don't know. I'm a night owl, but if all the fun places to go are closed it might be silly anyway; then tomorrow night would make more sense. Additionally, I [work out on these days: ...]. (That reminds me, I should make sure my exercise clothes are clean and my sneakers are easy to find.) But it would be nice to have a plan worked for tomorrow, so we don't have to waste time on e-mail that could be spent in person.
I received no reply, and followed up the next day:
Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 19:53
I hope you haven't forgotten about the plan to meet tonight. We wouldn't want either of your nights off to go to waste.
After another day, I was starting to think she'd dropped the idea again:
Date: Tue, 6 Jan 2009 14:21
Hey there,
I did not forget about the plan to meet. However, I did neglect to mention which day would be best for me. Tonight would be ideal, and I am ready, and anxious to meet with you. If you have a location in mind, I am good with that. I enjoy live music preferably somewhere in which one can enjoy the music and still hold an intimate conversation. If such a place exists.
My computer is down and I am using the public library to correspond with you. So if you could send me a link to some driving directions and if you have a cell, your number. Getting lost is not a good enough excuse not to show up! :)
I will check back after I choose a new book to read. If I haven't received a response, I will see about borrowing a neighbors computer tonight.
[Her first name]
Her wish for live music was impossible, but I puzzled over it for quite a while before replying:
Date: Tue, 6 Jan 2009 15:18
After quite a bit of research, it seems that live music tonight looks like a hopeless wish anywhere between downtown Tacoma and downtown Seattle. Too bad; that would be nice. So, how about just a regular bar or restaurant. Here are two ideas, very close together:
- [A restaurant] (fancy restaurant, nice and quiet, expensive but the food deserves the price)
- [A bar] (never been there, but reviews sound nice, inexpensive, and casual)
[The restaurant] from Tacoma:
[Four lines of directions]
[The bar] from Tacoma:
[Four lines of directions]
I have an additional silly idea that involves a swimsuit. I'll surprise you; if you don't like it, never mind.
I won't get lost; I know where [the restaurant] is, and [the bar] sounds even easier to find. Also, I have a GPS gadget.
My cell number is [My number].
Sorry I took so long to reply. I spent a lot of time looking for live music.
Meeting
Hours later, she called my cell phone. She had finished her library errand before I finished the e-mail. She visited a friend, and said that the visit would have been rude if she had just dropped in and asked to use the computer; she had to hang around for a proper visit, and wait for the friend's kid to finish with the computer. By then it was pretty late at night; without having been told I was a night owl, it would have been too late to call.
We talked briefly on the phone, and discussed where to meet. The best idea we could come up with was a 24-hour place about midway between us. Google Maps said it was within three minutes of the same drive-time for each of us.
After a cold, rainy, windy drive, and about a half hour, I was there. I went inside and looked around the lobby. She saw me first and greeted me.
I recognized her as the woman who had been seated at the bar in Tacoma. I had hoped she had been the one who had been playing pool, but at least she looked better than I remembered from the Tacoma night, when my perceptions were probably skewed downward by aggravation.
We settled at a quiet table and ordered non-alcoholic drinks; besides the obvious driving safety reason, I would have had trouble staying awake if I had a drink.
We ended up talking for a couple of hours. She worked as a waitress, and made really good tips because of her hard work and professional effort. She had done some computer work too, but liked waiting better. She even had a brief conversation about working at the meeting-place with our waiter, because she thought it was nicer than her work-place. Curiously, I had actually been to the place where she worked (but a different section of the place) on one occasion, even though it was very far out of my way, because of a live music show that had been worth the trip.
She asked me questions about myself, including whether I was married. When I said yes, but I was open, her reaction surprised me a bit: she said she was in an open relationship too.
Superficially, I wouldn't have expected to have had much to talk about with her, but we got along quite well, and the conversation never really lagged in a couple of hours.
I felt like eating something, and asked for a dessert menu. She liked the idea, but wasn't sure she wanted a whole dessert, so we shared one. She thought that version of the dessert was a lot better than the same thing where she worked.
When time ran late, I asked whether she wanted to fool around. It wasn't really so much because I was all that attracted to her as because I enjoyed her company in general, and was horny in general. So when she said she needed to get home I wasn't terribly disappointed, like I had been when the fantastically attractive woman from Plenty of Fish had declined.
I went home, fairly content. The human contact had been the main thing I needed at the time.
Follow-up
I wrote to her again a couple of days later, more or less closing the book on that chapter of the story:
Date: Thu, 8 Jan 2009 12:48
With your computer messed up, I don't know when you'll get this, but it's not time dependent so it doesn't really matter. Anyway, I enjoyed the late-night conversation. It was nice to meet and get acquainted. Also, you suggested a good spot. It was open at that hour, service was attentive, and it was good for conversation -- and you couldn't have found more of a midpoint location than that.
It's interesting that the open thing didn't freak you out. I didn't offer that information up front because some people just don't accept that no matter what, but I also didn't want to lie about it when you asked directly. It was quite an interesting surprise when it turned out that you're in an open situation too. Had I known that, I wouldn't have waited until you asked directly to tell you.
If you want to look for a hook-up, or just a night of pool or live music, I'd suggest one of the big two free dating sites, rather than Craigslist. I think I told you that I've had about five dates from Criagslist; the 21-year-old was the only sex date. That was from about four weeks of answering ads this summer (also learning how to recognize the phonies) and another four weeks this winter, probably 20 or 25 ads a day while I was learning to recognize fakes, and maybe five a day after I got the hang of it.
By contrast, I got one phone date from OK Cupid with someone who was ready for action, but it fell through because of snow and her busy schedule, and that was in only 40 or so messages sent. And on Plenty of Fish, I got an actual date after only about a dozen e-mails, with someone I would have wanted for long-term relationship if I had been single or in an always-open marriage, and she clearly wanted me too, right up until last-moment cold feet.
Naturally, results are different for men and women. If you advertise on Craigslist, you will find someone who wants something. But it will mean sorting through heaps of really lame copy-and-paste replies, bad cell-phone photos of cocks, and other non-thoughtful replies. The only reason I didn't give up on it entirely was the chance at a rare accident. But to attempted a metaphor inspired by your work-place, it's like playing the slot machines, except that it's time wasted rather than money.
By contrast, on the dating sites, you get to sort through fairly extensive self-descriptions of people you communicate with. And since there isn't the race against the flaggers complicating the search, people actually have time to write out a message that they've put a few moments of thought into.
Also, the dating sites are fun even if you're not specifically looking for a date. OK Cupid has good chat, fun questionnaires that help find compatible people, and adequate bulletin boards. Plenty of Fish has good filters (not that you would want to use them) and good bulletin boards. Give them a try. (And ignore the pay sites.)
Anyway, I can't think of much else right now. Again, it was nice meeting.
-[My first name]
P.S. You may find this link interesting:
[A very long link to a reverse phone directory site, looking up her home phone number]
Don't worry; I won't do anything inappropriate with it.
That seems to be the end of the story of the Tacoma blonde; she hasn't replied in a few days.
I'm off the market once again, so I'm not going to bug her for further contact, or seek in-person contact with anyone else.