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Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
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7:25 pm
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So I uh...bought a subscription to deadjournal cos I use it so much...so....I will be getting 12 invite code-y things...which means you all can have a deadjournal if you want one (and only those I know, I don't want any random blurty member saying "uuuuuhuhuhuuhghghghghgggga Hey, I am your bewtest bwuddy, gimme a code" cos you won't get one.)
Blurty sucks. Their server is crappy and slow and stupid and Deadjournal is cool and not crappy, so I'm saying Join the par-tay!!!!!
Cos...I have codes!!!!
Wooo!!!
-me-
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, December 29th, 2003
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1:41 pm - so I'm compatable with.....starfruit?
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Same thing I got when mrs. Koffkin gave me the test earlier this year. At least I'm consistant.
-me-
current mood:  amused
current music: halley in phone
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| Saturday, December 27th, 2003
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10:40 pm - bless my homeland forever
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so the sound of music is on in the background and I haven't seen this movie for abslolutly years and years and it's never been one of my favorites, not by a long shot, but whenever the entire Von Trapp family starts in with Edalwise in the end, it always makes me sort of teary cos I AM STUPID and I wish I could sing
-me-
current mood:  blah
current music: the sound of music
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(16 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 25th, 2003
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5:17 pm - oh oh oh, oh oh oh, I love you, I do, I do
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So I learned that I lost 7 pounds from the last time I was here (thanksgiving), but I'm sure that in the last two days I have reversed all of that and more.
Damn sugar cookies...you have become my kryptonite...
*ahem*
I GOT MAH BOOOOOOOOOOK I GOT MAH BOOOOOOOOOOOOOK I GOT MY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK
After four years of hinting mersiclessly for it, I finally got it. Why didn't I just buck up and buy it myself online? Because mom wouldn't let me have access to the credit card.
But it's all good now. Because I own a FIRST EDITION COPY OF A HEARTBREAKING WORK OF STAGGERING GENIUS
Ahhhhh if any of you understood just how...much...this book means to me...
mmmmmm and now I have a very nice first edition. It was sent in bubble wrap. And it is lovely.
I have had a fairly decent christmas, actually, usually it plays out like a bad holiday movie [see Nat. Lampoon's]), but this year was pretty calm. Nice surprise, though things are always irritating and odd with my grandfather (and, no, I am not a heinous bitch, and whoever wrote that didn't even have the gall to A. sign in or B. sign their name. And have no idea what I or my grandfather is like. Dammit)
-me-
current mood:  calm
current music: ramones-here today, gone tomorrow
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| Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
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8:32 pm - *whiiiiiiiiiiiiiir*
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Normally I open my christmas presents with a stony face, mostly out of the fact that we go around in a circle and everyone watches as you fumble with the ridiculous amount of tape around the packaging, but when I opened Phil's I nearly cried, not because of what he got me, of which are awesome, but that what he got me he bought because he listened to my random ramblings and spewings about things my dog has eaten or manufactures screwed up or me reverting back to a four year old so often...it's not what he gave me...it's just...I dunno. And I don't mean to sound materielisitc, like "ooooh I know mah boyfreeend loves me because of what he bought", it's not that at all. It's just that he listens. And that doesn't happen with me often, with anyone, because a lot of people only wait for their turn to talk.
Phil actually...cares what I have to say.
current mood:  indescribable
current music: grandfather's computer
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5:03 pm - these are all native flowers and birds and bees here on this...
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"Here, this is for you, to light your way tonight"
Were are we going?
"Nowhere, it's just to light your way"
Light the way to where?
"We're not going anywhere...it's just...to...light it"
So...you gave me a candle to light my way tonight, even though we're not going anywhere to merit a candle to light the way...
"It's...You kn...I....it's up to you what you do with it"
"Ah..."
My grandfather passing off an heirloom 'Made in Hong Kong' candle that has been in his basement for who knows how long.
current mood:  bored
current music: grandfather talking (note: there were no birds on poster)
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
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8:24 pm - though the storm we reach the shore
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Alright, so I'm not a very good girl when it comes to Christmas.
I *sort* of open my presents beforehand...some of them.
So right now, I know that I am getting a Rio mp3 player (if that's mine, it didn't have a tag on it) and a $50 gift certificate at nordstroms and that's all I could do cos mom was going to walk in.
I find the mp3 player thing amusing. I didn't ask for one. I've only ever gotten electronic stuff when I've asked for it, and, actually, I guess it makes a little sense cos all I asked for this year was a first edition of AHWOSG (like I've done every year for Xmas/birthday/Easter/Valentines day/any gift-giving holiday SINSE THE BEGINNING OF TIME) and money to buy a new camera cos HELLO I'M GOING OFF TO STUDY PHOTOGRAPHY AND MY CAMERA IS CRAP AND GOOD CAMERAS ARE FRICKIN EXPENSIVE
Mmm.
I'm being a rebel, I'm not supposed to be online muha.
-me-
current mood:  devious
current music: U2-With or without you
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4:05 pm - So don't you try and fake it, yeah, anymore, anymore
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4.45: alarm goes off
4.45 and 30 seconds: turn off alarm
4.46: sigh
4.46 and 12 seconds: relize my clock is fifteen minutes fast, so reset alarm to go off when five *actually* is.
4.51: mom yells at me to get up
4.51 and 35 seconds: I yell back that my bloody alarm is set
4.58: turn off alarm, I can stand that noise
4.59: watch clock desperatly hoping time will somehow go back
5.00: dammit
5:01:I should really get up...
5:02: No, really
5:03: Sigh. Get up
5:05 stumble around room, tripping over random stuff (damn Bilbo, getting in the way of my foot. Pippin wouldn't have done that...and he didn't...)
5:06: get in shower
Bah.
5.35: get in car, fumble with controls to get decent cd to play
mer...
5.48: arrive at pool. Doors are locked, can't get in
5:49: Fucking bloody cold fucking hell stupid late people fuck
5.53: Catherine arrives
5.55: clock in
By ten am, I had worked four hours. I fail to see how that was called for.
So after work I get packed and mom is yelling at me for not getting Phil's gift from my parents over to his house yesterday (dispite the fact it hadn't been wrapped until after I went over), so before we head off to Crapoma, we swing by so I can drop it off, and they're right there and Phil opens the door in his boxers and I'm like *shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit* cos my parents are very likely watching the entire transaction and sure enough they were and much discussion ensued upon my returning to the car, which directly affected my choice in movie watching on the way down (Fellowship of the Ring-long bloody movie which very nicely fits my plan of not partaking in any discourse with the parental units).
So now I'm at my gandparents house and all I want to do is lie down in myyyyyyyy bed in myyyyyyyy house because I don't really feel all that well...and the room I'm in doesn't have a bloody phone jack so I can't connect my laptop in the room and be online until the wee hours in the morning, like I normally do when I'm here (normally in basement, with tv and nice, nice solitude)
My grandfather took digital pictures of an entire 500+ picture photo albums, and now expects me to crop and clean up every single bloody one of them.
I better get something good in my stocking, dammit.
-me-
UPDATE YOUR JOURNAL, THOSE WHO DON'T, I HAVE NOTHING TO REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD
current mood: disgruntled
current music: feeder-buck rodgers (in my head...)
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| Sunday, December 21st, 2003
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10:33 am - take me in your arms again
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staff party last night, interesting goings on
I ended up with the raccoon. His name is Wallace and I have a lot of plans for him. If you see him on top of yours or anyone elses car/closet/under fishers desk with a clown nose, tell him hi.
We played on the octopus for a while, and that was jolly good fun. I ended up with some...chafing, and that's not fun at all. I did somthing to my shoulders, too, cos they hurt. Dammit.
I jumped off the catwalk, and it's...weird. Each time we do it, it gets harder to jump. The first time, I was able to go off about 8 times in a row, the next time 2, then 1, and this time it took me a while to let go of the rail. And I didn't land right, at all...normally my toes are pointed and legs together and arms above head, but this time (because I was thinking about it too much), feet were flat (ow), arms were not quite above head (ow), and legs were definatly not together....
I had the largest, most painful wedgie I have ever had...
I was sure I was going to be sterile.
I couldn't move anything below my waist for a good five minutes...litereally...
If that felt anything like getting kicked in the balls, I feel for you guys, really, I do.
The party was actually sort of dissapointing. it wasn't nearly as much fun as last year...
-me-
current mood: blah
current music: ash-a life less ordinary
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| Saturday, December 20th, 2003
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6:36 pm - do you feel like a chain store?
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I now own a set of Hobbit action figures, and wooooooo man are they sweet. Joints are fully functional, detail is superb, and, even better, they're THE HOBBITS. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. So now I have my own Pippin (yay!!!!), Sam (yay!!), Merry, and Frodo aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand an *exclusive* Bilbo ONLY availible with said set.
Ah yes, I am a geek.
In other less geeky words, last night I went to Phils house and had a rather jolly good time watching movies and talking and making out (the latter was awkwardly interrupted when said make-out accomplice's father walked in, said something along the lines of "WELL HOWDY" and promptly closed the door. Good...good times....). Such feelings I have for him (and 'him' being Phil, not his dad, as cool a guy as he is, even if he
doesn't knock)
tonight I'm going to a staff par-tay and it is going to be fuuuuuuuuuun cos we get to run around near-naked and break all the rules and eat food and break all the rules and jump off the catwalk and break all the rules and and play on the ginormous inflatable octopus and break all the rules and break all the rules. Fun will be had by all except the dumbasses. And there are quite a lot of them. Oh, and there is a white elephant gift exchange, though this year I am dissapointed with what I am giving. It is random stupid crap that won't even be a conversation piece. It'll just be garbage. Last year, I gave this hideous bowling pin that was painted to look like a waiter with a fez on. It was uuuuuugly and the best one there. Megan is giving a taxidermied raccoon. I wish it were mine, dammit. That's the best one...
I have no plans for tomorrow. Feel free to give me a call. Watch mom plan a 'special extra fun activity oh boy!!!". Dammit.
Mom took me to the mall to see if I could get anymore christmas shopping done (I didn't, instead I bought hobbits! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand) Sam Goody in the Bellis Fair is going out of business, so all of their cds were half off, and I picked up the doors, sense field, the soundtrack to Wonderland, Howie Day, and suede.
And you need to update your bloody journals more, people on my friends list.
so that's me.
-me-
current mood: cheerful
current music: blur-coffee & tv
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| Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
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9:11 pm - you've got to cry without weeping, talk without speaking, scream without raising your voice
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Ah, I always screw things up. I am a screwer-up of things.
Phil and I saw LOTR, and bloody hell, what a good movie. It is all about Sam and Pippin. In fact:
Dear Pippin,
I want you.
Sincerely,
Katie
But, really, I am a screwer up of things. Dammit.
The chairs were massivly uncomfortable and gah, I kept shifting and irritating Phil. Dammit.
How I love him, though.
So anyway, watching the movie constintly reminded me of just how much JK Rowling and George Lucas had 'liberally borrowed' from the books. Mmhm.
My back and neck hurt. And I feel like a good cuddle. I don't think much can be done to fix eather right now.
Dammit.
And I still screw everything up. Dammit.
Dammit dammit dammit.
I owe Phil a good movie experience.
I can't bloody wait until this stupid week is over. It has gone by so, so very slowly and gah. It's just frustrating...I want this to end, I want to go out with megan and kristan and phil and carissa and just anyone and I can't and I'm frustrated and I'm frustrated with myself and I'm frustrated just with...ahhhh myself. So frustrated.
-me-
current mood:  frustrated
current music: U2-running to stand still
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| Monday, December 15th, 2003
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7:46 pm - only bitterness left in your heart
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Dear Blurty,
I hate you.
Sincerely,
-Katie-
If anyone wants a DJ code, I have a few I (well, actually Carson who's being very cool and offering some of his out) can give you.
And I'm still fucking mad.
current mood: angry
current music: ash-so the story goes
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7:19 pm - so you run to your room and you hide in room and you think about how you can settle the score
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FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING HELL AND FUCKING SHITTY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Fuck you and your self rightousness!
I swear, if I hear one more comment pertaining that you are better than anyone else, I swear i'm going to explode.
And it's not just one bloody person, it's a whole slew of them and FUCKING FUCKING HELL
But this has got to stop. I can't stand this anymore. I can't.
I don't get like this, this angry, to the point where I feel destructive. And I do. Get some fucking modesty. You, like everyone, are no better than anyone else.
I'm tired of not being able to stay out past five on weekdays, having parents look over my shoulder constently, people acting like they are So Much Better Than You.
Fucking hell. I hate being this angry, and using so much bloody language. But right now, I can't stand to think about any of the self-rightous, let alone look at them.
-me-
current mood: pissed off
current music: travis-the blue flashing light
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
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9:08 pm - how could anybody deny you
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Today I wrapped some christmas presents. I always forget how horrible I am with paper and tape and ribbon.
I am nearly finished with my UW admission packet (it was a freaking NOVEL, but luckly I could use the same personal essay as UP, so that was a massive plus.), so looks like I will be able to go out friday, which is very exciting, because it shall be excellent.
Tis Phil and I's one month shindig thingie. It's *technically* tomorrow, but Parents and Seattle render it impossible to do anything, and I can stay out later on fridays, anway, so it's all very good. And I look forward to it immensly.
Wicked.
I still have a weird feeling. I think it's my mom. She causes me to want to cut myself again, I get so angry/depressed/frustrated/pissed/irritated/unpleasant-feeling because of her. I don't see how this is healthy.
Ok, going to go and try and get comfortable. My neck and my back and my everything feel...not good.
-me-
current mood:  weird
current music: coldplay: green eyes
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6:45 pm - thrust! parry! stabstabstabstabstab! Oooooh he ain't pretty no more
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Ahhhhhhhhhhhh my neck hurts.
Mom is ratting my friend megan out on the phone. So not only is she backstabbing her, but she told her mom earlier what she (megan) was getting her (her mom) for christmas.
Grrrrrrrr she ticks me off soooo much
Anyway, so my laptop has been sent to Apple because Dad broke the CD drive by doing something stupid, and grrness. So that means no decent modem, so it keeps kicking me off all the time and it takes AT LEAST ten minutes to get online. Dammit.
ok, so, I need to eat, but I will try and update later cos I want to. Dammit. Not like I have anything to write about. Dammit.
-me-
current mood: frustrated
current music: the simpsons
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| Monday, December 8th, 2003
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10:40 am - well you say that you treat me like a book on a shelf
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I’m re-reading Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius for about the nine thousandth time, and every time I re-read it, I remember just how amazingly good it is. Dave Eggers thinks like I think. The paranoia, the delusions, the thought pattern, the desperation. He writes how I badly want to write; he writes with almost poetically and greatly. He’s interesting and entertaining, but not overly so, so that you remember that his life could be yours.
I sit here an type, but really, all I want is for the thoughts in my head to magically appear on the screen as I see them, hear them, feel them inside me. My thoughts are haunting and beautiful and distressing and wonderful all together, all together. I can’t convey them in any way that anyone would want to read. I can’t write like him.
I saw Phil yesterday between shifts and that was very nice. We did nothing, really, saw Megan’s ball of fluff puppy and ate ice cream and spilled coffee, but that was all. He told me that at the party he had gotten high, which he hadn’t done since we started dating and, honestly, that really bothered me. I know it shouldn’t, I know I should just be like “oh ha ha he told me he’d never do it again”, and that I haven’t really told him how much drugs (gee as much as one pot is) bother me, so I can’t really expect him to understand or really even tell him that it bothered me to the extent that it did.
I was talking to mom about Arizona and told her that, yeah, I really, really want to go there, but it’s so far from Phil and she gave me this horrible look and said “No. You know, he’s not even going to be around in four years, so don’t be stupid” and I understand how I need to do “what’s right” for me and school and what makes me happy, but she can’t say that I won’t be seeing him in four years anymore that I can say that I will be. I can say, however, that right now I know that I want to. I want us to work out. I don’t want to loose what we have, yeah, even though we’ve only been dating a month, what we have is pretty good as far as I can see.
Adam, Chris, and I were talking yesterday at work and it was brought up how they haven’t really seen me much at the pool lately and how much I’ve changed since I first got here (as a sophomore, mind you, so there’s bound to be a hell of a lot of change), and how weird and cool and strange it is. Then they started talking about sex and well, how far have you gone, Katie, seeing as though you’re not so much “little miss proper” anymore, you swear and you rebel some and you must have gone so far ha ha, you’ve fallen amongst the rest of us. But I haven’t, really, not so much. There are still boundaries, and yeah, I’ve pushed past my comfort level a few times, but that’s my doing, not Phil’s. And I don’t really know anything. I don’t really know where it is I’m going, I’ve never been allowed to think about it. I’ve always been forced to swallow that “I am Katie and I will be a Scientist and I am good at Math and I will be a Good, Good girl and Stay Inside and Never think about Anything that may be Wrong or Bad, I will never Live.”
current mood:  depressed
current music: bright eyes-you will. you? will. you? will. you? will
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| Friday, December 5th, 2003
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11:02 am - WoooOOOOooooooOoo gang gaaaaaaaughn guaaahng sorry fucking digital fuckity fuck fuck digital
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So I had this dream the other night. Dammit, I can’t remember it all, even though I specifically laid on my back and forced myself to remember it all. Dammit.
Ok, so what I do remember is walking with Megan and Missy all the way to Coupeville and there’s this weird fair-y thing going on with water slides so, you know, we being the swimmers we were/are, are like wooooooooo water slides. So we hang out there and I remember there being a tent at the top with food and fair crap and dammit, I wanted nachos, and they were taking sooooo long to get my nachos (and I wanted those damn nachos) so I was looking around the fair crap to see if there was any thing I could buy for Christmas presents (which there weren’t. Typical.) and, now that I think about it, I never did get my nachos. Dammit. Now I actually want nachos. Dammit.
Anyway, next thing I know Megan, Missy, and I are walking around and we find this house with a coooooool garden and a tree that’s perfect for sitting on so we do and I’m like “hey, is this ok, we don’t even know who’s house this is” and Missy says “It’s fiiiiiiine, no sweat” and it’s then I relize that I’m hanging out with Missy, which is weird because we don’t really like each other, it’s never been said, but there’s definite animosity. So yeah, eventually the owner comes home and Missy waves to him and he says “Hey! Get out of my garden! Or Else” and for some reason, that was the scariest thing in the world cos we darted off the tree and tried climbing the fence NEVERMIND the fact that there was a driveway we could have just WALKED down, but no, this is a dream, rememeber. So we’re climbing this wooden fence and I remember “dammit, I left my backpack with my cd player and siiiiiiiigned copy of Heartbreaking work of staggering genius and my cds over there by the tree. And our shoes. We are shoeless. So Missy is like “Forget it! He put plutonium on he bag! Leave it!”
But I go back and sure enough there’s plutonium on the nag and all of my stuff and it burns my hands really bad and I run to his house and I’m crying and begging him to help me and he’s really nice and is like “Ha ha, all you need to do is run your hands under water, see? But don’t tell the other girls that” so I nod my head and say ok and then I go outside and my car is there, and everyone is letting out of the fair and this lady comes and says “Uhm, excuse me? Excuse me? Is that your car?” and I say “…yeah” and she says “well, I’ve noticed that there are all of these coffee pots under your car, and I think they belong to you” “No…those are not my coffee pots”
So that’s my dream. Nachos, plutonium, dave eggers, and coffee pots. It’s pretty sad, really, that’s a fairly normal dream…
current mood:  contemplative
current music: greg
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| Thursday, December 4th, 2003
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2:42 pm - yeah there will be an answer, let it be
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I'm sure that you will all be impressed to know that I was able to curb my urges, prevail against my opposition. It was rough, but I made it through.
I was able to stay awake during The Holy Grail. All should rejoice, for it was good.
And the pennicilian has started to work, but no schooling for Katie today. In two weeks, I have been three days. I find this exciting.
And, this is to you, Blurty, I have decided that you are not my friend. I know that I frequent you and continue to update in you, but your server sucks and is slow, and even though I have mirrored most of my deadjournaly things over here, you still do not feel like home. No. No you do not. You nit, you.
-me-
current mood:  accomplished
current music: beatles-let it be
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| Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
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8:00 pm - only six signitures until the end of what I call: 'the shame'
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I feel horrible. And like a horrible person. Dammit.
So I went upstairs to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and I fell asleep during the French scene. I woke up and witnessed Grahm Chapmen being arrested. I was very depressed. So I brought it back to the scene, and fell asleep five minutes later.
Michael Palin always makes me laugh.
my thoat really hurts. The pennicilian isn't working very well.....
so...now I'm going to make a phone call and then sleep. Because I am so, so very tired.
-me-
A Møøse ønce bit my sister...
current mood: sick
current music: that 70s show
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1:14 pm - Abe, oh I can feel your presence!
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1. woke up and couldn't swallow.
2. Mom looked in my throat and said "whoa". Tonsils are inflammed and white bumps on them.
3. Got in the bath
4. Ate otter pops
5. fell asleep on the couch, hair got messy
6. attempted to take a shower.
7. Got really, really tired in shower
8. grabbed handle thing in shower as I was so tired
9. opened eyes and things started getting fuzzy, like when you rub your eyes and all of the dots and stuff pop up
10. fell
11. hearing started going-like I was in a tunnel-everything was muffled
12. slammed off water
13. called mom
14. got out of shower
15. sat down
16. got really nausous
17. mom came in, told me to sit and get some air, kept door open
18. sat
19. sat
20. sat
21. got dressed
22. dried hair
23. went downstairs
24. Phil called
25. talked to phil
26. Phil said "I love you," I couldn't as mom was there
27. felt really horribly bad that all I could do was say "mmhm"
28. got in car
29. continuted to feel aweful about the I love you thing
30. went to the doctor
31. throat culture
32. have strep throat
A. I have always thought that strep was not horrible. Now that I've had it, it is really horrible.
B. Phil, you will probably get it and for this I feel bad
C. I still feel aweful about not saying I love you back, mom is irrational and I would be dead. Which is depressing as hell. And I feel bad. Really horribly bad, because goodness. Yeah, you know what I mean...
D. I have never passed out before. I don't recommend it. last thoughts before nearly passing out: "They're going to find me in the shower. This is just how it always ends for me."
E. Antibiotics cant be picked up until later, as the computer system at the hospital is down
Excuse me while I go watch a movie upstairs. It will very likely be Nemo. Again. For the nintieth time. I do not think I will ever get tired of that movie.
yeah. So, I feel horrible....and...and...just bad.
-me-
current mood: sick
current music: mom watching Days of our Lives
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