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|Saturday, December 20th, 2008|
An entire year in a nut shell
So Lauren and I lasted for the better part of 2 years. She came down to LA with me while I worked over the summer and so far has been the only girl to meet my extended family. I always tell myself that things work out for the best but this one really hurt. Of course I'm still in love with her but I know in my heart that things will never quite be the same. I guess it's just the end of an era, I never thought it would happen. I think the last year or so of my life has been some of the most peaceful times and I know I have her to thank for that, so thank you Lauren for loving me as I was. But enough about the past. Modeling work has been slow due to the falling economy but I'm hoping that by the time I get out of college it will be on the rebound and I can get back into investing. It's Christmas time again and we're off the LA tomorrow. I'm getting closer and closer to finishing school with each quarter that passes but it sure seems like it's taking a long time. I've been working with Gunnar, George, and Forrest (maybe Curt :) ) on our new website called emunchies.net. Hopefully I'll be able to blog about the site in a year or so and we'll see if it's a success (fingers crossed). We started growing also so I hope that pans out too. I've been working hard to make sure my life plays out the way I want it to but for right now I'm kind of in hibernation, just going with the flow. Once school is done I'll revive myself. I'm trying to get myself out there more and more due to the fact I really hid from the world last year. "Walk towards the sunshine and the shadows will fall behind you"
|Monday, September 10th, 2007|
Things are great and I couldn't be happier. This summer has been one of the best few months of my life. Between Canada, Newyork, Seattle, and Bellingham I couldn't ask for anything more. I've got a new girl and I'm finally over all that bullshit that was my adolescence. I don't care to relive moments in history as much as I did and though I'm worried about school thats the most of my problems. I've been getting work more and more now and money has been great. I'm off fishing today and getting high later tonight.
|Sunday, June 17th, 2007|
life on the flip side
Two years of college and that much closer to being out. Recording, relaxing, and learning to be content. No more "It could have been like that.." and certainly no more false pretense. As for me I'm "FISHING!!" when the phone rings...
|Monday, June 4th, 2007|
It's funny how people work. I feel in love with this girl who never really was that good to me and now that I'm somewhat seeing someone else I've seen this new girl more times in the past 3 weeks than I ever have the old one in all three years. There is quite a big difference between "I want you here in my life" and "I need you here in my life"... And yes I still think about it a lot and yes it does fuck me up, to what extent I don't understand, all I know is I don't want to be somewhere I'm not needed. Things are finally more simple now and I'm alright. Pictures are the only thing that haunts me
|Monday, May 14th, 2007|
Hahahhahaha so goes life.
|Saturday, May 12th, 2007|
There's not much to talk about these days other than I spend my days fishing and making friends on the dock. Just avoiding some people and hanging out with the ones that matter most. My summer plans are exceeding my expectations and I may be traveling between New York, Milan, and Canada, trying to make ends meet. I'm not really lonely these days and I think I'm just becoming better as a person but I think I need to be let lose again and i figure my summer plans will quench this craving. It's weird how you can be sure of something one day and not the next but I guess so goes life. Bellingham is becoming less of a home and more of a stranger these days but I think that comes with age. People have it all wrong here and I'm sure it has to do with a young nation, from political issues to the things worth fighting for. I'm getting the fuck out of here after I graduate because nothing is really holding me back anymore.
|Tuesday, May 1st, 2007|
So I broke up with my girlfriend who I'm still madly in love with and although she is only half of what I want she is the closest thing I have found. I got in a fight because I'm dumb and my old room mate single handedly embodies drama. I'm tired and feel like I just getting by. I don't know how other people do iti guess the only thing to do is move on. I'm by myself again
|Sunday, April 29th, 2007|
There are certain people in your life that will embody general human traits and in a sense you can describe these people in that one trait alone. Whether drama, hate, love, sex, kindness, or power most second acquaintances can be described in one word alone.
|Friday, April 27th, 2007|
This is the sum of my thoughts on life.
"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."
|Friday, April 20th, 2007|
I think things are good. I'm doing what I want and need to be doing and everything ahead I'm ready for. The next few weeks are going to be full of learning, fishing, platonicly spooning, and hanging out with the people that matter most. I'm looking forward to new york this summer and seeing old friends. I'm out of money again and I love it. The weeks go by fast and the weekends slow and it's exactly how it needs to be. Dreams are my only enemy.
|Thursday, April 19th, 2007|
The World Over
The nicest people are the ones that know they have everything to lose. You are never friends with these people and although you see them on the street, you never know any of them. In every sense of the word they are better than us. These people on the street don't lie, don't cheat, don't get mad, don't hate, don't wish for more, don't need to prove anything instead they are humble, happy, peaceful, honest, willing and best of all nice. This fleeting image of perfection doesn't really exist, it's a lie. People change, they lie and cheat and say mean things. Whether human nature is good or bad it's nice to know that people are inherently trusting. It's not so much that you have to earn someones trust but rather keep it. So for that one instant you pass someone on the street and they look peaceful and humbled, never taking anything for granite, I'd like to believe they are.
|Wednesday, April 18th, 2007|
i can sleep again!!!
Gunnar: " You gotta hold that puke in your mouth for a minute then chew it and swallow it, thats my new strategy, Whoooo."
|Sunday, April 15th, 2007|
Opposites attract, like diet coke and mentos
I've slowly and painfully come to the realization that the most creative people out there are more than one person. Almost as if two minds share the same body. One for the everyday life, the one that deals with people, socializes and handles all the day to day tasks. The other one, however, is the one that nobody sees. The one that takes over in extremes. You could meet the nicest person and never know the half of them. Whether it's some kind of schizophrenia or just normal I think we all have a bit of this. We've all done things the people around us never saw coming. But I think that from this comes that creativity that is admired. It's weird how much people can change on you, especially in this age, I think when it really comes down to it this age is about making and breaking friendships, meeting people and dancing. We truly are alone in life, in the long run, but for the time being we make due with help from friends and family. I think I just wanted more
Last night I got a good dose of what happens when you give yourself to someone that can't handle it. Someone that is too young, too oblivious, and maybe just doesn't give a fuck. From bad drugs when i told her not to do them to random guys and completely being an asshole. Her actions speak volumes of truth over her words. It's so weird how when we are alone I can get an ear full of sweet nothings and promises but find out the next day that they all were convenient lies. Everybody around her is so cool but for some random reason she continues to not be ready. I guess I can't kid myself, it's never been the way I wanted and I'm sure in some part of my head I knew that in a few months it would implode in on itself. Like all the times before I guess I just hoped. We'll see today how this thing pans itself out, but knowing her she won't show up and I'll be on my own again.
|Saturday, April 14th, 2007|
Last night was amazing.
-Edward 40 hands
-James on coke
-Seeing Andrew do a line to not fall asleep and pass out right after
-Dancing with Lesbians
-touching the sky
-And stumbling home late
I will never grow up
|Friday, April 13th, 2007|
Shake, Shake, Shake
I suprised her at work
Then drove her to my place, in her car
It's getting late but we aren't tired
Theres music playing
and after a few shots and rolling on the floor
we start to dance
we lose ourselves
I am the only thing she feels as we move
as the room spins or just us in it
we realize this is it
we dance for hours till our legs cramp and we fall on the couch
she falls asleep first, as always
but i soon follow
we spend the next day running away from we dont know what
but it is something worth running from
and we dance
all in the name of spontaneous love.
Shake, Shake, Shake
|Tuesday, April 10th, 2007|
The Bumbershoot partial line up.
The Shins, Wu-Tang Clan, Panic! At The Disco, Crowded House, Lupe Fiasco, Steve Earle, DeVotchKa, Devendra Banhart, Gogol Bordello, Kill Hannah, Norma Jean, Plain White T's, The Gourds, Lyrics Born, Roky Erickson & The Explosives, The Holmes Brothers, The Avett Brothers, Yungchen Lhamo, Allison Moorer, Magnolia Electric Company, The Aggrolites and many, many more to be announced!
I had a nice talk with Carrie, aka the mother of the house hold, about Dez. She's listen to me well enough to know how much I'm in love with that girl of mine. It helped talking to her as she always has a clear head and since Gunnar and her are basicly married I can be relaxed around her. She made me feel better that it was just a drunken/sleeping mistake and that with time it may blow over. Anyway it class and tons of studying today so I'm off to finish my math before class. Current Mood: crushedCurrent Music: coldplay
I guess when you fuck things up so bad that you're not sure the person you love will ever come back to you, you can't think about it. You have to push everything aside in hopes that with time you can let that stuff out again. I think I'm going to stop drinking for a few weeks, at least not enough to get drunk. If she ever forgives me I'm going to stay here this summer. It's funny how life works that no matter how much you build up trust it can all be taken away in less than a day. But I guess thats the way with everything else. You could be the nicest person in the world and go to jail for accidentally killing someone. Love is giving someone the ability to completely destroy you and trusting they won't. It's not fair that I don't even remember fucking up. I know that I was either in a dream and still not awake or I thought it was her but if I was in her shoes it would be hard to believe that. I just wish she knew how I truly feel about her, if she did she would never question me again. I guess I'll just give her time in hopes she stays true to me and eventually comes back, I know her enough to know that, that is all I can do. For now it's studying extra hard, going to the gym more often, getting more serious about making music with Joe and jamming with David and that bassist, and playing poker and football with the guys while the weather gets warm. I know though that it all is just a past time to keep my head out of the thing I really want, her. I would do anything for that girl.
|Monday, April 9th, 2007|
When words like "please babe" or "i miss you" fall on deaf ears what does one do? It's ironic that one night of bad communication and misinterpretations can replace months of good times. I have no idea how to go about this. I feel hurt that the one person I want to really know me pushes me out of her life after one dumb night. I thought that she knew me better than that or at least enough to know where my true feelings lie. She clearly has no idea how much I value her. I wouldn't be sitting here writing this if she wasn't the one person I truly felt anything for. After years of telling her that she is the only girl I want or even find attractive these days you would think talking to her best friend cause I didn't want to deal with her ex who she was entertaining would not consitute her thinking anything but me using her best friend as a buffer cause it was the only person I was comfortable talking to. I couldn't handle seeing her ex, I thought I could. I got too fucked up after her ex, on something, told me that the two of them were dating that I missed meeting two of her really good friends. I think that justifies me getting fucked up though cause I know if it were the reverse she would do the same. I've done everything to get my mind off of her so I can give her time but I can't. When I completly devote myself to someone it means everything. I need her to stop this and come to me. I can't sleep more than 4 hours since this and I have no idea what to do because words that I've used for years have no meaning with her anymore, we are beyond that. If I ever let you read this Dezi please know what to do. I want us how we were that wend.