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| 03:49pm 08/05/2003 | ||||
first off, thanks for the comment to my last entry, you know who u are, and im glad i have someone else who i can relate to about that topic, thanks for understanding ;) you rock girl... Anyways, back to business. Today i had early morning practice, then school, where preiods were shortened to about 30 mins each for an assembly about drunk driving because junior prom is tomorrow night. it was pretty interesting, and even though i am only a freshman and cant drive, i hope i dont do that. Well, since junior prom is tomororw, a few of my friends are going down to the shore with elise, because her parents are going down becuase her older bro dan is going down for prom weekend. And richie and his soccer team have a game in mainland on sunday, which means that he is going down to the shore with joey for saturday night and staying over. And he said that sat. night he will probly be going to elise's to drink with her, lindsay, mel, and joey and his gang that he has at the shore. And i fell kind of, well, uneasy. I know that we've been going out for almost 4 months now (can you believe it?!) and i should be able to trust him, and i do, but i have this knot in my stomach whever i think about it. I guess this nervousness has branched off from what he did with elise the NIGHT before he asked me out (and at the time, we both liked each other, and knew it), and then a few weeks later, on valentines day evening, i went to a party, and he was already there, and when i showed up, he said that its lucky that i came..or else something bad might have happened (apparently lindsay and melissa were "seducing" him until i got there..) And maybe i'm being rediculous, maybe i should let go of things easier, and i know it was because of the alcohol and such, and maybe they know now that he and i are serious about our relationship so that kind of stuff wouldnt happen now. But even if it was the alcohol that made them act that way, theres gonna be beer there this weekend, so im not sure if something might happen again or w/e. And richie even said himself, (while trying to reassure me that nothing would happen) that he was gonna be drikning alot. I'm really nervous, and uneasy, and im afraid, and if something does happen, the worst thing would be me not knowing about it, and finding out would crush me, i dont know if i would be able to handle it. But, ugh, i hate this, im overreacting so much, which is soo typical of me, typical of my jealous, bitchy g/f self. Can you blame me though? This is the first time where i actually think i found someone perfect for me, who i truley love, and feel loved too. He and i connect so well, and i feel like i can talk to him about everything, except, this is kind of wierd. I dont want him to feel like tied down and not be able to have any fun watsoever, but on the other hand, i dont know. I guess im just looking for the comforting promise that everything will be fine, and i shouldnt worry about anything. On the other hand, its soo hard, with someone with a reputation such as his... Don't worry, ill write back later, probably after having a discussion with him...hopefully ill come back on a better note...<3 until *later,* ~andrea |
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nervous| -well i told u i'd be back- | ||||
| 08:56pm 08/05/2003 | ||||
im sure your probably wondering if i talked to him, well the answer is...no. I've been online the whole day waiting, and doing a shitload of hw at the same time, and he hasn't come on. damnit! now i'm gonna have to wait til we hang out tomrorow night. unless in the course of like an hour he signs on, which is unlikely, and i'll probly be giving up on this fucking hw and getting some shut-eye. However, he's not the only one i'm waiting to talk to tonight. i'm also planning on mentioning something to that person that i have lost touch with recently, except shes away right now, and im really nervous about bringing it up. But i dont know, i mean maybe thing will change, summer is just around the corner, and things are totally different then how they are during school. No gay cliques in the group. No catty fights every five minutes. I cant wait. I cant wait to get away from stupid school, i'm at the point now where i can't stand it any longer. It's horrible. I dread going to bed at night, knowing that the next morning i will have to wake up to the same thing as the day before that, repeated over and over...This should be a well deserved, kick-ass summer. Well, thats all i can think of right now, if anything happens before 10 worth writing about, you'll be the first to hear...<3 until tomorrow, ~andrea |
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tired| drebee | ||
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