-kinda pissed-   
03:39pm 28/05/2003
 
mood: annoyed
music: soar- christina aguilara
hey...
alrighty, well you know how i walk home with richie. well, in the middle of the walk, the skys literally opened up, and it downpoured for about 10 mins. so we were just walking, and dan and kate were in front of us... and once the rain started, dan reaches over kate, and was like, o let me cover ur head so ur hair doesnt get wet. so jokingly, i turn to richie, and say, hah how come u never do that for me? and he got really mad, and said he wasnt gonna talk to me until after he got his haircut. soo, it was pretty quiet til then, just me saying im sorry, and i was jk, and i didnt mean to offend him, blablabla...and so we finally get to franks, and aaron decides NOT to wait for him with me! alright, so im there waiting in villa BY MYSELF (looked like the biggest loser i might add), for about 20 mins. and finally hes done. so he comes out, and nonstop, the whole way home was just like, o drea, u want me to cover ur hair, u want me to tie your shoes? u want me to change my name to dan, blablabalba, got me quite pissed off...and he knew it. he told me that he wants me to have to "eat my words," when ugh this is wat really gets me...he always, and i mean ALWAYS says stuff like that joking around and stuff, and i NEVER get mad! EVER!!!! and i told him that, and he said, yeh cuz ur nice and im not....alright, so what does that mean, that u cant be nice! w/e, thats bs, and currently, i am officially pissed off at him (this never happens, so we'll see how it goes) and to top it all off, he didnt even say i love you when he left, and he knew i was pissed off, i hope he gives me some kind of apologizing, but i can probly tell u now, that when i talk to him, it will most likely be me apologizing to him..cuz i always end up doing that. w/e, he doesnt know when to stop, and its kinda getting on my nerves here!!! alright, well im gonna go watch some tv to relax since i have NO CREW!!! wahoo, haha, be back later after i have a discussion with him...<3

until later,
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-monday! PSYCH! or however u spell it...-   
07:21pm 27/05/2003
 
mood: confused
music: nothings gonna stop us now- the starting line
hey..
well guess what, it feels like a monday, but its a tuesday, due to an extra long weekend because of crew and memorial day. anyways, up there, on that title thing, i was trying to spell that word, psyc, psike, syche, syke? ahhhh this is why i am NOT in accelerated english! annyways, back to the descriotion of the past few days. weatherwise, this weekend SUCKED...it was like noahs ark, nonstop rain rain rain rain rain! i hate rain, it brings my morale down. but today it was sunny for the most part, which put me in a mediocre mood.

this weekend had its ups and downs, and for the most part, it was fun. the ups were doing not so bad in the regatta, and just kind of hanging out the whole weekend, u know relaxing. the downs, i pissed some ppl off, i understand what i did, but i feel kind of sad now. well what i did was wrong, but i heard something today that upsetted me , cuz i dont know, like if its true or not. well kt was talking to richie (and kt was not mad, upset, so she says at me b/c of sunday..) and she was like "yeh, when u and drea break up, shes not going to have any friends.." that totally crushed me. i felt horrible, im sorry if i cant be there 24-7 for you, i mean i have sort of a commitment now, but w/e, let me drop that because you say so, cuz the last thing i want is to have no friends :(
seriously, when i heard htta, i didnt htink much of it, and then when i really started to think about it, i was wondering if it was true, and im scared. its so hard to balance between the two, but the last thing i want is to lose all the people who are most important to me...

hahahahahhahahahahhahaha this is soooo great!!!!!!!!! rifght this moment, my mom is describing to my sister how to shave her legs!!! i hope that someday, she will grow up following my footsteps in being obsessive compulsive about that! :) haha jk that was wierd

well i better get to my hw that i have so very little of...<3

until tomorrow,
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-hey-   
02:39pm 24/05/2003
 
mood: bored
hey...
ahh! im such a failure, not keeping up with my journal and such. well its memorial day weekend, also the weekend of nationals for crew. we made it to semis, but got 4th place, and didnt qualify. o well, shit happens! acutally, im really glad its finally over. i dont know why it took me so freaking long to figure out that i am SICK of these ppl in my boat! i mean theyre great ppl and everything, and theres a few who i love, but the rest, i just need a break from them all! ew ew ew, theres some scary roofer guy outside with a ponytail, and im home alone! eww im kinda freaked out. well tonight im hanging out with richie, and it seems like forever since ive actualyl talked to him, cuz he didnt walk home thursday, and i saw him for like 1 minute yesterday at the regatta cuz he had to leave with his sister. but awe, he called me yesterday afternoon, cuz he thought i was mad at him, and he wanted to know how we did in our race..that like made my day. which doesnt take much, im pretty easliy amused/pleased. alrighty, well im gonna go watch some tv...<3

until tomorrow,
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-hmm..-   
06:55pm 20/05/2003
 
mood: happy
music: margaritaville- jimmy buffet
hey..
nothing special really happened today, wait lemme backtrack and think............................nope. nothing. im in a relatively good mood today, nothing really went wrong. which is always a plus. except....I CANT WAIT FOR SUMMER! but thats about it, im not loaded down with hw tonight, which rocks, except, im in the mood for pizza, but guess what we're having, PASTA, always freaking pasta. 3 out of 5 days a week i have pasta. o well, im starved, and im rambling on, wasting space on my comp screen, so im gonna go before i keep going takling about nothing, haha, well bye...<3

until tomororw,
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-avoiding hw-   
07:27pm 18/05/2003
 
mood: contemplative
music: oh what a night- billy joel
hey..
right now, i am doing anything in my ability to avoid doing my hw. and when i say anything, i mean it. well right now, wehn i am supposed to be writing my rough draft for the research paper, i just painted my nails and toenails, tried on all my bathing suits for summer to make sure they look alright, braided my hair, made an anklet out of hemp, and currently i am writing in this stupid thing AND whitening my teeth with crest whitestrips, which rock by the way. well..let me tell you about my day today...

quite boring indeed. i kinda sat around, and then decided i hated the clothes i have in my closet for spring. (ugh, sister just walked in from being in west virginia the past 3 days...i liked it better when there were only 2 children...) soooo i went to old navy with my mom, bought some shorts and a black skirt and a shirt. theyre pretty cute. except the entire day, i have been exausted and just sort of, out of it i guess. the same for last night, the whole night was pretty much a blur...and some things, when i try to think of it, just go blank. o well, what are u gonna do.

anyways, so last nigiht: since i didnt really talk about it this mornning, it was an awesome night, lotsa fun, thanks to dane and her willingness to share her open house with us :), you rock dane! anyways, so last night, i did soemthing that i dont know,i dont regret it, but after doing it, i dont know its wierd. and really, its not a big deal what i did or anything, i didnt smoke or anything, i didnt do what u may have thought i did, seriously, its not a big deal at all. i dont know, my feelings are pretty undescribable. actually, i really dont regret wat i did at all, im glad i got it over with. so dont think i regret it. but tomororws monday, back to the same old school crap i look forward to every day...not. but ill be back to normal about this thing, ok, im gonna stop rambling on right now...

i seriously should get some hw done tho, so ill be back tomorrow...<3

until tomorrow,
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-morning after-   
08:29am 18/05/2003
 
mood: relaxed
music: flake- jack johnson
hey..
haha my title sounds so like, i dont know. dana's last night was fun, even though i only stayed for like 45 mins maybe, then went to richies, that was fun too. we watched dumb and dumber. but ugh, now its sunday, which sucks, and i cant sleep in late anymore cuz of that stupid sport i do. i swear, it screws up your sleep patterns like you wouldnt believe.

well, todays the 18th...which means that me and richie have been together for 4 whole months. im pretty proud of us, haha. i love him so much, and i dont know what i would do without him :)

anyways...welll, i cant think of anything else to write, since its kinda early in the morning...but ill probly be back..and this time theres more of a chance ill be back then there was yesterday...haha, see i told u i probably wouldnt be back when i got home last night. ok, why am i babbling on like this...talk to you later..<3

until tomorrow/later/i dont know when?,
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-weekend!-   
09:17am 17/05/2003
 
mood: excited
music: brown eyed girl- van morrison
hey..
yay!!!! its FINALLY the weekend!!! this week was officially the week from hell, HOMEWORK was a bitch, and everything was just, ugh.. sorry i havent written since thursday, but i had stotesbury cup regatta in philly yesterday (so i got to miss school, which kicked..). we did awesome!!! we got 3rd place out of 33 boats in the time trial race, then moved on to semi-finals, where we placed 2nd, qualifying for finals, which is at 1. we better get at least 3rd place or better, so then we get a medal!!! :) that would be great. but the weather yesterday was miserable. everyone was miserable. so it wasnt that fun :(. but today and TONIGHT should make up for it!!! yess, for the first time in like 2 months, i have my night already planned ouit, and its only like 9:30am!!! but thats alright, its scheduled to rock, and my plan is pretty foolproof. but u can probly guess what im doing ;)....hahah jk jk, actually im not, but w/e.

well...i better get going, so i can get ready to leave for my FINAL race today!!! yess, wish us luck! ill be back later tonight (if i remmeber to write..which i never do, but ill try real hard!) to tell you all about the events of the evening...<3

until tomorrow (no point in writing *later,* its usually a lie),
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-doing better-   
05:09pm 13/05/2003
 
mood: content
music: living in your letters- dashboard confessional
hey..
alrighty, well u know the entry from yesterday...well things seem to be better. the person apologized a lot, and wrote me a note saying how bad they feel, how much i mean to them, and how sorry they are for saying such a thing. That note really made my day, it made me feel so loved. Although i was really upset, hearing those things brought my spirit by like 100, and things should be back to normal between me and them in no time, which is good, cuz this person means so much, and i dotn know what i would do without them...

Anyways, nothing besides getting that note really happened today..except im excited for this weekend!!! first of all, i get to miss school friday for a two day regatta, Stotesbury Cup, and i hope we do well!! And then saturday is the rest of the regatta, and thta night should rock, dont wanna say why, cuz these days, word spreads like wildfire, and before ya know it, the whole school, so im gonna do my part and keep my mouth shut so that i can have an awesome weekend, but having somewhere to stay that night afterwards would really top it off...

Ugh. The only reason that i am writing now is to avoid the shitload of hw i have. Its horrible! I am so fucking stressed and overwhelmed with schoolwork its not even funny. I feel like i have so much stuff to do, and so little time to do it in, and whenever i do work, i feel like no matter how long i spend working, i dont get anything accomplished. I hate school. Plain and simple. I need a vacation like no other, i cant wait for summer..

Speaking of summer, i've been thinking... I feel like in the summer im not gonna care anymore, its gonna be great. Not only cuz theres gonan be like no rules or anything, cuz i thnk the friend situation will change. I feel like those who ive kind of drifted away from this year ill start to hang out with again, at least i hope thats the case, cuz i truly miss those ppl, and its a shame that years of great memories all go out the window just because of one year. And summer will mean that i have survived the first year of highschool, something i thought to be impossible before. Its had its ups and down, and cliffords a bitch, and hw is a pain in the ass, but overall, it wasnt good, it wasnt bad, on the other hand, it was nothing like i thought it would be. If i can say anything about this year, i think its been a learning experience (NOT cuz its school, lol) but cuz of the social aspect and stuff...and i've realized a lot about people...that those who are your true friends will always be there for you, and on the other hand, people grow apart from one another, and theres nothing wrong with that at all. Things change, and thats just the way it is...

Well, it was nice chatting, or should i say procrastinating, but i have to get to my hw, cuz i have a busy week ahead, and if i dont make some sort of progress, im screwed!!! maybe ill be back later if anything eventful goes on (highly unlikely)...<3

until tomorrow,
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-so much for being in a better mood-   
07:46pm 12/05/2003
 
mood: blah
music: yellow- coldplay
hey..
Well, you know how i said i would be in a better mood from now on...well, i've reached a little bump in the road. Those who know what it is, know what im talking about. I dont wanna explain it. Let's just say something was said, and i was totally crushed when i found out...

Anyways, the person apologized, and i guess thats just how things are, i mean its not worth ruining the relationship i have with this person (a great one) just cuz of some gay thing that they said. o well. shit happens, and life goes on. But, its gonna take me a few days to get over it, but i will, and things will be back to normal, back to how they were before. Thats all i can say. Nothing else happened thats worth commenting on. Back to the endless pile of hw i have stacked on my desk...<3

until tomorrow,
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-one word...phew.-   
08:35pm 11/05/2003
 
mood: relieved
music: always be my baby- mariah carey
hey...
Phew!!! :)!!! just talked to him, he said that the shore was fun...which im glad to hear, and im even happier to hear him say that he was on his best behavior!!! ok well thats all i had to say...i should be in a better mood from now on!! still stressed from school, but ah, who cares, its 4th marking period and ive had enough, so im just gonna wing it from here on out, well back to hw...<3

until tomorrow,
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-nothing special-   
10:08am 11/05/2003
 
mood: anxious
music: miss you- aaliyah
hey...
Just thought i would write because i have nothing better to do. I'm leaving soon for my grandma's house for mother's day.

Well, that night that i said was gonna be fun and just friends, well that didnt exactly happen for me. My mom said that if i finished all my hw yesterday, i would be able to go out that night. So here i go, getting all excited for this awesome night that was pretty much planned out, when my mom springs on me, "o yeh, we're going out to dinner, thast alright right?" NO! thats not alright!!! My parents ALWAYS do that, save stuff to tell me at the last minute. So i told her that i made plans and stuff, and she goes, "ok then u can go out after we eat." So i go along with that. three words. Big. Fat. Liar. GOD! O well, im not gonna make a big deal and get all angry like i have the right to be, cuz after all, it is mothers day...

O yeh, so what i really came here to tell you about: my dream last night.

Okay, so it was basically a dream about today (sunday) that i had last night (saturday). And it was about the result of richie's night at the shore. It all started out i went to my grandma's, big deal, then came home and signed on, and he was online. So i imed him and had the same conversation consisting of "hey," "hey," "whats up?" "nmu" u know, the standard beginning of a convo. And so we got through that, and i asked, "so how was the shore?" and he said it was fun and stuff, and then he was like "dre, i need to tell you something," and i got really scared, and he was like "i cant stand you anymore, i cant even bare to look at you. when i look into youre eyes, i get nausiated." i was totally taken aback, so i asked him, so is it over? and he was like, "well do u actually think i WANT to be with you anymore?" and i just started crying. This dream felt so wierd; like ya know when u have dreams, u can usually sorta tell theyre not real, well this felt like nothing but reality, and it scared the hell out of me. Thank god i woke up, but tears were streaming down my cheeks...

However, i have a better feeling about the situation now then i did the past couple days. I know that he didnt do anything, and i cant wait to hopefully talk to him when i get home tonight, cuz ill be looking forward to talking to him the whole day today. anyways, better pack up and get going...<3

until *later,*
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-somewhat relieved-   
03:14pm 10/05/2003
 
mood: worried
music: up & go- the starting line
hey..
just got back from regatta, where we kicked ass, and im exausted. Anyways, sorry i didnt write yesterday, fridays are pretty busy for me, but i did talk to him about the shore thing...

i feel somewhat relieved because he said not to worry, everything would be fine, because he wouldnt want to do anything to ruin what we have, because its to perfect how it is now, and that is so true, i just hope he stays with that while hes downt the shore tonight. im sure everything will be fine, but on the other hand, i have this reallly bad feeling that jsut wont go away, and i truly am scared. But i guess this whole experience will be a test for both of us...for him because he wont get with the other girls, and for me because i should be able to trust him being around other girls without me being there....but i dont know, so far, i think im failing my half...

What i need is a night out with the girls..a night to party, ugh, anything to get my mind off it. And thats fine, maybe its kinda good that hes not here tonight (NOT because hes with the other girls, but in general) because i get to spend time with my friends who i havent in a while, cuz ive been hanging out wtih him. And my friends are always there for me, and they should come before any guy, but i think ive been pretty bad about that. I think i've been putting my friends 2nd, when they should always be first, but its so hard to balance between the two...

Anyways, im going out tonight no matter what, to get my mind of this shit, and im gonna have the time of my life with those who mean the most to me...<3

until tomorrow,
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-well i told u i'd be back-   
08:56pm 08/05/2003
 
mood: tired
music: my paper heart- all american rejects
hey...
im sure your probably wondering if i talked to him, well the answer is...no. I've been online the whole day waiting, and doing a shitload of hw at the same time, and he hasn't come on. damnit! now i'm gonna have to wait til we hang out tomrorow night. unless in the course of like an hour he signs on, which is unlikely, and i'll probly be giving up on this fucking hw and getting some shut-eye.

However, he's not the only one i'm waiting to talk to tonight. i'm also planning on mentioning something to that person that i have lost touch with recently, except shes away right now, and im really nervous about bringing it up. But i dont know, i mean maybe thing will change, summer is just around the corner, and things are totally different then how they are during school. No gay cliques in the group. No catty fights every five minutes. I cant wait. I cant wait to get away from stupid school, i'm at the point now where i can't stand it any longer. It's horrible. I dread going to bed at night, knowing that the next morning i will have to wake up to the same thing as the day before that, repeated over and over...This should be a well deserved, kick-ass summer.

Well, thats all i can think of right now, if anything happens before 10 worth writing about, you'll be the first to hear...<3

until tomorrow,
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-blah-   
03:49pm 08/05/2003
 
mood: nervous
music: cavanaugh park- something corporate
hey..
first off, thanks for the comment to my last entry, you know who u are, and im glad i have someone else who i can relate to about that topic, thanks for understanding ;) you rock girl...

Anyways, back to business. Today i had early morning practice, then school, where preiods were shortened to about 30 mins each for an assembly about drunk driving because junior prom is tomorrow night. it was pretty interesting, and even though i am only a freshman and cant drive, i hope i dont do that.

Well, since junior prom is tomororw, a few of my friends are going down to the shore with elise, because her parents are going down becuase her older bro dan is going down for prom weekend. And richie and his soccer team have a game in mainland on sunday, which means that he is going down to the shore with joey for saturday night and staying over. And he said that sat. night he will probly be going to elise's to drink with her, lindsay, mel, and joey and his gang that he has at the shore. And i fell kind of, well, uneasy. I know that we've been going out for almost 4 months now (can you believe it?!) and i should be able to trust him, and i do, but i have this knot in my stomach whever i think about it. I guess this nervousness has branched off from what he did with elise the NIGHT before he asked me out (and at the time, we both liked each other, and knew it), and then a few weeks later, on valentines day evening, i went to a party, and he was already there, and when i showed up, he said that its lucky that i came..or else something bad might have happened (apparently lindsay and melissa were "seducing" him until i got there..) And maybe i'm being rediculous, maybe i should let go of things easier, and i know it was because of the alcohol and such, and maybe they know now that he and i are serious about our relationship so that kind of stuff wouldnt happen now. But even if it was the alcohol that made them act that way, theres gonna be beer there this weekend, so im not sure if something might happen again or w/e. And richie even said himself, (while trying to reassure me that nothing would happen) that he was gonna be drikning alot. I'm really nervous, and uneasy, and im afraid, and if something does happen, the worst thing would be me not knowing about it, and finding out would crush me, i dont know if i would be able to handle it. But, ugh, i hate this, im overreacting so much, which is soo typical of me, typical of my jealous, bitchy g/f self. Can you blame me though? This is the first time where i actually think i found someone perfect for me, who i truley love, and feel loved too. He and i connect so well, and i feel like i can talk to him about everything, except, this is kind of wierd. I dont want him to feel like tied down and not be able to have any fun watsoever, but on the other hand, i dont know. I guess im just looking for the comforting promise that everything will be fine, and i shouldnt worry about anything. On the other hand, its soo hard, with someone with a reputation such as his...

Don't worry, ill write back later, probably after having a discussion with him...hopefully ill come back on a better note...<3

until *later,*
~andrea
 
     Post
 
-i just need to vent-   
08:02pm 07/05/2003
 
mood: crushed
music: here's to the night- eve 6
hey..
Alright, well i know that it has only been like, what, 30 mins since my last entry? But theres something that i've had bottled up inside me that needs to be let loose--

Friends. One day you're telling them everything, getting and giving advice...and when you look away for a moment, they are a completely new, totally different person. There's one person in particular, one of my "best friends" that i feel that over the course of the year have lost touch with her..Kathryn, whom I rarely even talk to anymore, and i miss her.

It really upsets me, and it may sound pathetic, but sometimes im on the verge of tears when i think of how little Kathryn and I really talk anymore. I miss hanging out with her, i miss hearing her obsess endlessly about rich, i miss giving her advice when she has a problem, and most of all, i just miss being her best friend. Although to each other, we may be in the "best friend category," let's face it, we're not; plain and simple. And i really wish that wasn't the case. I had the best time/conversations/laughs with her, and not being bff's with her not only has taken a great person from me, but also a part of me. i have so many memories with her, and ugh, i can't even write this without having to choke back the tears. I mean, yeh, both of us have kind of moved in different directions of life this year; her being with mike, and starting to hang out with ana and lindsay, and i guess even me going out with richie kind of pulled us in opposite directions. And dont get me wrong, i dont regret being with richie at all, but simply, i want my best friend back. This is so difficult, because i have no clue whether or not she feels the same way about me, like out of touch or w/e, and i am afraid to talk to her about it in case this is the way we were meant to be, and if it means not together, then so be it, and who knows, im sure she really enjosy the new people she hangs out with, but i just wonder if she ever misses me the way i miss her...

And there have been other people who have tried to talk to her about the situation, however, she seems to like where she is now, but im just wondering, hoping, that it will be different with me... <3

until tomorrow,
~andrea
 
     Read 1 - Post
 
-same old, same old...-   
06:53pm 07/05/2003
 
mood: indescribable
music: I want you to want me- cheap trick
hey..
today was nothing special, just a normal day...except for some reason, this week i feel extremely stressed. i have my cards due on friday, and a lab due next wed...and an sna due by friday. and that doesnt really seem liek alot, but i guess since ive been like slacking off and such, i feel like i have a lot to do to do well this marking period. and science is driving me up a wall!! this woman has lost her f'ing mind, and its a good thing that shes not gonna be here next year, cuz shes a wackjob. this whole 2000000pt lab is driving me crazy, and im afraid that if i make a wrong move, shell chop my head off.

anyways, about my day; it started out pretty normal, except i was running a lil late, but thats k, and A & I we ate some crazy chicken with cheese crap, and if u dont know, i hate cheese, it was grrroooosssss. gym we took our softball test, once again, nothing special...and i cant wait for summer!!! its gonna be so awesome, im going to rowing camp with bop, im gonna be home, partying, and ill have richie, we're probly gonna be hanging out alot, since we decided to continue going out into the summer, and since we both dont go to the shore or anything for the entire summer. haha dont u just love the fact how i started out, "about my day" and i trail off onto some topic that has absoluttely NOTHING whatsoever to do with what i began the paragraph with, but i guess thats just me, and you'll have to get used to that ;) speaking of "me", i have ocd for sure, i honestly think i do, maybe i should get tested or something, but i have an awful fear of the doctors..ever since that splinter they had to remove from my foot.......there i go again, i better stop, cuz if it was up to me, i would be typing for hours on end, getting no work accompished, so i better quit while im ahead, and plus i got early practice tomorrow, (ahem, 5am) and i shuld probly be in bed by like 9, lol, YAY! mommys taking film to be developed!! (no joke, i have pics i need to be developed from the shore and graduation last year! and pics from all the dances this year, i cant wait to see them!!) anyway, continuing with crew, my dad just printed out a brochure for university of virginia rowing camp, and i think me and lizzy are going there!! im pretty excited! i really hope i go somewhere with this sport, cuz i mean i really enjoy it, and although its alot of work and commitment, i feel so in shape and stuff, howevere, i have gained weight since winter training, and to look alright in my b.s.'s i think im gonna run everyday after crew ends just to make sure i do. alright, now this time, i really gotta go...<3

until tomorrow
~andrea
 
     Read 2 - Post