I guess I'm 'depressed'. I've been partially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (I'm waiting for another appointment to clarify it, get meds etc) but right now I don't feel like I need anything.
Which is typical, because it happens like that.
FUck this, I can't be bothered to write.
Her green plastic watering can for her fake chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth.
That she bought from a rubber man in a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself,- it wears her out.
She lives with a broken man,
A cracked polystyrene man who just
Crumbles and burns.
He used to do surgery for girls in the eighties but gravity always
Wins and it wears him out.
She looks like the real thing.
She tastes like the real thing,
My fake plastic love.
But I can’t help the feeling.
I could blow through the ceiling.
If I just turn and run.
And it wears me out.
If I could be who you wanted all the time.
Twist and Scream
It's impossible to smile when your lips are razorblades.
Music: Danzig - Twist of Cain
Drink You Pretty Fucked Up
Okay, well i guess i don't want to talk about last night but needless to say things are sorted now.
everything is good :)
i feel fucking sick though, i might go vomit in a minute :)
we dont need oxygen
searching for the perfekt high and no such thing exists. no more anchors or ties.
i have been cut loose and thrown into the sky.
the drugs should start to kick in any second.
time to restart.
be back soon.
Music: Kronos Quartet - Requiem for a Dream theme (Two Towers)
*entry removed due to extreme content*
I just want to smash something right now.
Every time I feel good something just comes along and fucks with me.
Selfish? Yes. Give a fuck? No.
Carry on laughing, cunts.
Fuck you all.
I don't know why I persistently have faith in this pitiful species.
You can all choke.
Music: Who fucking cares?
I want to be a happy boy...
I guess I dream of plastic all the time.
Apparently I'm like Thom Yorke. That would figure, I guess. I think he has manic depression or something.
Shame I don't make as much money as Radiohead must do, though. Oh well, hail to the thief and all that.
There's something I want SO BADLY right now, and I'm sure I deserve to have this wish come true. It's not just me that would benefit, either. I would seriously do anything to make this thing happen.
I can't even be open with my journal. Christ. :)
I think I'm holding myself together pretty well considering. As a good friend told me recently, I can do pretty much anything I set my mind to. Luckily right now apathy hasn't set in and I'm determined to do things right for the time being. I get the occasional craving but I'm indulging my obsession in other ways now.
Dreams like the one last night don't help AT ALL, though. Thankfully at the moment I can discern dreams from reality.
I'm in a good 'phase' right now.
I'm so scared of the inevitable. I know that soon I'll get in a slump again. That's depressing in itself. Knowing there's no reason to be like that but unable to help it.
Last time wasn't the worst, but it came close. I think the drugs actually stopped things from taking that extra step this time. I was so fucking out of it though I could hardly make out what was real and what was fantasy.
Hopefully after I've seen the psych again I'll get given some LEGAL meds that might smooth things over.
I'm just waiting to get my appointment date.
It better not be too long.
Peace, yo. Goodnight.
Music: Radiohead - Creep
Oh what fun.
I just had a dream I was a heroin addict.
The act of shooting up and stuff was very vivid in my dream.
Now I'm having withdrawal symptoms from a drug I've never even taken.
Mood: pissed off
Music: nothing, it's too fucking early.
My Justice For You
Well, looks like I forgot to update yesterday.
Oh well, it's not like ANYONE but me has even read this yet. :)
Right now I'm listening to Gregorian Chants (why I don't know) and contemplating doing something remotely stimulating.
Okay, since I wrote that last sentence I'm now listening to my OWN music just so see how bad it is.
I might watch a movie later, or do something for a little while until A signs on.
Or maybe I'll work.
I probably will, now :(
Well, I guess it's time to update.
Okay, the person I've been waiting for since 6 PM (it's 01:54 right now) didn't sign on at all, so I've passed the time writing and talking to people.
KT had some problems she wanted to discuss, so that was cool, I was able to spend time listening.
Things between her and Shaw actually got kinda better today, an agreement of neutrality and possibly more was reached, which is nice.
Oh, I love when things work out.
I guess I'm not as bitter and cynical as I like to make out.
Anyway, right now I'm harassing people on AIM for my own amusement, and waiting for certain people to sign on.
Music: Placebo - Drink You Pretty
If I Should Die Before I Wake
We all need to indulge ourselves once in a while. I guess this is a moment of normal behavior in a world of madness.
I don't really know what else to say that I haven't already said somewhere else today.
But then again, truth IS stranger than fiction, so I'm sure I'll think of something before tonight.
Oh, what fun that will be.
Music: HIM - Buried Alive By Love