Samantha's Blurty

Subject:	mwah. mwah hah. mwah hah hah.
Time:	6:10 pm.
Mood:	frustrated.
Music:	Charmed.

well, this is pretty boring, too... but what can i say? im the boringest.

1*How far have you gone with a guy/girl?: kissing
2*What is your favorite color?: red and black
3*What is your most embarassing moment?: yeesh...too many!
4*Have you ever fallen flat on your face?: mmhmm!
5*What font do you like best?: uhm..the one i always use..whats it called? Arial Rounded MT Bold. ^_^
6*Describe your best friends: wonderful, caring, funny, nice, great...the list goes on and on!
7*Who would you marry if you could marry anyone in the world?: lol, i dunno. ANYONE? hehe, he shall remain nameless.
8*What is your dad's middle name?: mwah hah hah, Gunther. shut up, he's German.
9*What are you eating right now?: nooothing..i just ate some ice cream tho *_* yuck!
10*How often do you ride a bike?: about...once a summer??
11*When is your birthday?: November 3
12*What is your least favorite food?: yeesh... i HATE those cook-in-the-oven pizzas my sister eats all the time. YUCK. Tombstone or whatever. yuck.
13*Rolling Stones or Aerosmith?: Aerosmith
14*What is your dream job?: noo clue.
15*What book have you read most recently?: "Goddess of the Night" by Lynne Ewing
16*Do you have a website?: dont think so
17*What are you doing right now?: lol, typing.
18*What is your favorite number?: 3
19*What names do you like for a boy?: Luke and Jake
20*Are you single right now?: mmhmm
21*What makeup do you usually wear?: pocket powder, eyeliner and eye shadow (sometimes mascara)
22*Describe your hair right now: half pulled back, the hanging down part is all wavy.
23*What does your mouse-pad look like?: it says "Celtics.com" and has a basketball court underneat the words and a basketball... i dunno where we got it from. *shrugs*
24*Who did you last talk to in person?: my mom
25*How do you feel right now?: sleepy, hungry (craving pizza)
26*What movies do you want to see?: umm.. *shrugs* i have no clue! i really wanna see the life of david gale, or final destination 2. OR how to lose a guy in 10 days ^_^
27*What is the date today?: 2/20/03
28*What is 2+2?: 3+1
29*What is your favorite kind of potato chip?: sour cream and onion or barbecue
30*What are your favorite CDs?: umm..Simple Plan, Saliva, Our Lady Peace, The calling, and... umm... good charlotte
31*What is your plan for the future?: become famous and make lots of money... *grins* i can dream, cant i??
32*Which game show do you like best?: ooh, Supermarket Sweep rocks my world.
33*Would you ever get a tattoo (where and of what)?: yeah, a cute like, 5 inch design on my lower back.. it'd have to be pretty cute, with like a heart in the middle or something.
34*Would you ever consider abortion?: depends on my age
35*If you were the host of a show, what show would it be?: TRL!!!
36*What do you wish for?: a boyfriend would be nice :)
37*Love is: something everyone needs.
38*What do you need to buy at the grocery store?: any type of food at ALL. all we have in our fridge is milk and sour cream. and of course, an assortment of alcoholic beverages.
39*What is on your computer desk?: mwah hah hah:: tons of trash, some bowls, a pile of tissues, controllers to GOD knows what, CDRs, a CD burner, the laptop with the mouse pad and mouse... umm, the StoneSour CD, a juice box, some pens and spoons, my digital camera, a scanner, a D-Link, a cable modem, and the printer. i think thats it. mwah hah hah.
40*What do you think of Britney Spears?: Christina is better.
41*What is your favorite season?: summer
42*What is your name?: Samantha
43*What was the first TV show you watched today?: um... Real World/Road Rules Battle of the Sexes. i think i just watched Music Videos, though...
44*What day is today?: Thursday
45*If you could talk to someone who died, who would it be?: um.. my grandfather.
46*What do you want to do today?: well, the days kinda screwed. but... i wanna eat some pizza. thats my goal.
47*Do you prefer the farm, suburbs, or city?: anything BUT the farm life.
48*What is one ambition you have?: to have pizza, dammit.
49*California or Florida?: California!
50*What month do you like best?: june or july
51*Ur mother's first name is: Glee
52*How much money do you have right now?: in cash? yeep. $2
53*What flavor ice cream do you prefer?: grasshopper pie..or sorbet, really.
54*Have you ever been outside the country?: umm... yeah.
55*What is your gender?: female.
56*You are horrible at: sports
57*What are you drinking right now?: nooothing.
58*Boys are: fun!
59*But men are: funner!
60*I would like to try: anything new, different or exciting.
61*_____ scare(s) me: anything new, different or exciting :p
62*What does your car look like?: lol, MY car... is nonexistant.
63*Where would you rather live?: anywhere thats NOT New England-ish.
64*People see you as: bitter and sarcastic.
65*What is one thing you would never do?: i'd do anything. for money.
66*Are you straight, gay, or bisexual?: straight
67*What is something you should be doing right now?: probably cleaning. i ALWAY have to clean.
68*Name everything yellow in the room with you: umm.. a juice box, a pillow case, some weird basket, donkey kong game, and my sister blew up some yellow plastic balloons and left them here..lol
69*I'll leave this one blank in respect to the number: more like disrespect.
70*What is your favorite online smiley?: :) or ^_^
71*What magazines are you subscribed to?:YM, Seventeen, MovieLife, TeenPeople, and TIME. oh yes, and W.
72*In your CD player is: 1 mix, Sugarcult and Britney Spears
73*What is the definition of translucent?: um. plastic wrap. you can see through it, but you can also look AT it.
74*Name someone you have a crush on: Mike.
75*What have you done so far today?: watched TV, showered, did my makeup, been on the PC and... um. thats it.
76*Do you have Windows XP?: yeah, but the Professional one.
77*What is your favorite shape?: star or cirrrcle.
78*Do you own a CD burner?: yes
79*What do you think of chain letters?: they suck
80*How are you?: I'm alright thanks
81*Name some of your friends: Emily, Cait, Kat and Sam
82*If you could change your body, what would you do?: define my stomach and thighs, get a tan, and whiten my teeth
83*Have you ever been on a boat?: yup
84*What year were you born?: 1989
85*What states have you been to?: all of new england, florida, and all along the Pacific Coast- cali, oregon, washington, utah, nevada, arizona, ect.
86*Do you like to dance?: yeah
87*What body of water is closest to you?:um. Blackstone river, in my backyard, lol
88*Are you stupid?: its debatable
89*What is your favorite TV show?: buffy
90*Who would you like to hit right now?: melissa casper
91*Knock knock?: i love those..hehe
92*Olive: olive who
93*Olive you!: oh, thank you
94*Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?: my mom, or kim
95*Have you ever cried because the rain depressed you?: noooo...
96*What is your favorite animal?: zebras. just cause they make fun noises
97*What are you wearing right now?: jeans, underwear, bra, long sleeve stretchy shirt. :p
98*Define 'peruse': to browse =D
99*What is a funny word?: puddle and FORK!
100*Goodbye: mmkay.

they make it out to be 100 questions, but it really isnt. they skipped like..random ones, and they asked stupid questions. hmph.

*_samAntha_*

1| want me

Subject:	matt kankash and i's convo-
Time:	3:49 pm.
Mood:	cranky.
Music:	JC Chasez-Blowin' Me Up (with her love).

drasticspaztic: u want mitch
UwishYOOhadMEE: to die
UwishYOOhadMEE: thats about right.
drasticspaztic: u want mitch to love u
UwishYOOhadMEE: about as much as i want to get trampled by a stampede of elephants.
drasticspaztic: u have a fetish for elephant stampede's eh?
UwishYOOhadMEE: fetish, humungous dislike, same thing.
drasticspaztic: u are teh sux0r
drasticspaztic: u are teh penultimate sux0r
UwishYOOhadMEE: you are the, gee i dont know how to make "dipshit" look as stupid as you just made whatever the hell you just said look.
drasticspaztic: oh, look who's getting crabby, it's naptime for the youngone
UwishYOOhadMEE: anything that doesnt involve talking to you sounds appealing
drasticspaztic: go eat a grenade
UwishYOOhadMEE: and miss out on quality lindsay/mitch bashing? i think not.
drasticspaztic: y do u hate mitch
UwishYOOhadMEE: its not "hate" as much as its "hate with the fire of a thousand suns"
drasticspaztic: y is that?
UwishYOOhadMEE: oh, you want a reason?
drasticspaztic: yah
UwishYOOhadMEE: he's annoying
drasticspaztic: wow, good reason
UwishYOOhadMEE: you want more?
UwishYOOhadMEE: he stole me sister
drasticspaztic: howd he steal her
drasticspaztic: how the fuck do u know my screen name
UwishYOOhadMEE: um, i no longer have a sister, i have a "mitchinator"
drasticspaztic: ...
drasticspaztic: how do u know who i am?
UwishYOOhadMEE: oh, how do i know youre matt kankash?
UwishYOOhadMEE: how do you know i'm samantha karloff?
drasticspaztic: well, through cory and mitch sending me weird things in convos with u
drasticspaztic: so answer the question, how does ur nigga black ass know
UwishYOOhadMEE: my "nigga black ass" isnt going to tell you SHIT if you keep calling it that.
drasticspaztic: NIGGA
drasticspaztic: NIGGA
drasticspaztic: NIGGA
drasticspaztic: NEGROE
drasticspaztic: NIGGER
drasticspaztic: NIGGA
drasticspaztic: okay
drasticspaztic: im sorry
drasticspaztic: u very nice little white girl
drasticspaztic: howd u know who i was?
UwishYOOhadMEE: what, i cant know my..er.. best friend's screenname?
drasticspaztic: if by bestfriend u mean eat some cyanide
UwishYOOhadMEE: precisely.
UwishYOOhadMEE: you dont even know me, so why are you talking to me?
drasticspaztic: blah blah blah
drasticspaztic: u eat that tasty cyanide yet?
drasticspaztic: so i hear u have a "thing" for cory
UwishYOOhadMEE: like you have a "thing" for being annoying?
drasticspaztic: do u?
UwishYOOhadMEE: definitely. i want him. i need him. oh baby, oh baby.
drasticspaztic: no, im being serious
drasticspaztic: do u?
UwishYOOhadMEE: do have any friends? or do you talk to little kids all the time?
drasticspaztic: im studying to be a priest
drasticspaztic: so i talk to little kids all the time
drasticspaztic: its my...uh...research...
UwishYOOhadMEE: lovely.
drasticspaztic: nah, im just bored
drasticspaztic: so go suck a d
UwishYOOhadMEE: what? the other three letters are too hard for you spell?
drasticspaztic: im tryin to be nice here
drasticspaztic: and since ur like 7, i didnt think u knew that body part
drasticspaztic: but they keep teachin these kids new things earlier and earlier
UwishYOOhadMEE: well, me being "7" and all that still thinks that you should stop talking to me
drasticspaztic: UR JEALOUS OF LINDSAY...U WANT MITCH
UwishYOOhadMEE: oh yes. because mitch has that "i have a uni-brow and proud of it" look down so damn good.
drasticspaztic: haha
drasticspaztic: ur a lil biotch
UwishYOOhadMEE: no, only to you. you're special :-D
drasticspaztic: i am very special
UwishYOOhadMEE: yeah, i noticed.

well, i've reached my stupidity quota of the day. thanks matt.

*samantha*

4| want me

Subject:	well..
Time:	9:06 pm.
Mood:	confused.
Music:	Ja Rule and Ashanti_Mesmerize.

well, i wasnt right. but i sure as hell wasnt wrong.

the only thing i wasnt right about was that i would have a bad time. i had an even WORSE time that i had imagined. here i am, thinking that it's impossible... wow, im amazed. *sigh* wouldnt be the first time.

lucky me, kristen decided to go, then decided against it. *thank god* she is always in such a bad mood. which, lucky me, i'm always stuck listening to her bullshit. seriously... she doesnt even feel that way half the time. she just does it to get pity. If she says she's not feeling good, she gets out of going to obligatory family dinners, or going to other bogus events that no one else wants to go to, either. However, when i dont feel good, i am told to suck it up or i can just not go, but i cant expect to do something the rest of the weekend, either. Yeah, figures. So that was just about the only good thing about the night.

Since we're in public, i am not forced to maintain the hatred i really feel towards my mother that i have to always put up at home, or else something else must be wrong. If i say one nice word, i obviously am not feeling normal- i must be drugged up, or just totally blazed that i end up getting grounded for trying to be nice. So, normally.. i gave up on that a while ago. The first thing she does wrong is ask questions. Thats a flaw of hers... its a pointless ritual, that does absolutely no one any good- its just a time saver for those long awkward silences, but she's not going to remember my answers anyway. So yeah, i commented on wanting to sing in the talent show, and she didnt say ANYTHING. not a murmur of approvement, but no mutter on discontent with the idea either. So i gave up on trying to say something that was actually important, and rambled off a list of things i need to do.

Of course, since yesterday i slept for 15 hours straight, that lead to a completely bogus interrogation. (No, it was not because of drugs, alcohol or any other type of illegal substance.) She couldnt accept the fact that i was just totally exhausted and fatigued. **MAYBE it's because i am forced to pretend to be someone who i'm not in front of those idiots who are a pitiful excuse for a family??** So i am sitting there, trying not to say something that could cause either one of us to cry, so i just say how now my whole schedule is out of whack... i must have said something about not exercising (i forget...) so she launched into a huge rampage...
"Why do you need to exercise? You're not fat, you know! You don't think that, do you? I don't want a repeat of what happened before. That was horrible. You have no idea what you put your father and me through!" Okay, so i must have struck a nerve, i thought.
"I was forced to spend hours with that wretched man!"
Some nerve. The nerve of selfishness. jesus christ, did all this woman care about was herself??

She was, of course, commenting on my pseudo-eating disorder i had in seventh grade. I skipped a couple of meals and exercised a bunch, and i used ipicac syrup ONCE, but i was never as close to the breaking point as she assumed. And she was never in the same room as my father for a prolonged period. She has always avoided that, even though he goes out of his way to be nice to her. In fact, he was the one who gave her $300+ today, just because. it wasnt alimony, wasnt child support, he just had extra cash and wanted to help out. Figures, nothing ever involved me without involving him. It's like i'm not supposed to love him or something.

Which, of course, launched her into another rant on fathers and how her father hit her mother, and the reasons they got divorced, ect. Nothing i havent heard before. i've heard it a gazillion times... it's nothing new. I just made comments where i knew i should, and ignored the rest. In fact, if i completely forget that conversation, i'll consider it a blessing. if i forget this whole night, even better.

That was my night... now kristen has come down, muttering about hating matt mccarthy, hating mitch and how she was supposed to hang out with leo. Jesus Christ, i dont know what to say. I think she's crying, but the square pole is in the way, and i'm afraid to look around it. I never know what to say. I remember like a year ago, kristen was sobbing about how she never got invited to hang out with her friends or something, and i was younger, so i thought that would be the appropriate time to pat her shoulder. She flipped out, yelling about how i should never touch her, and how even in the worst situation, she wouldnt want me to touch her. Well, she got her wish, didnt she? I cant remember the last time i touched her. She fell into my arms this morning, complaining about something, but i didnt even hold out my arms. She hugged me, and i was as stiff as a board. I dont understand, but its something i cant describe. I get uncomfortable touching my family. Not friends, i always hug them and laugh and tickle. But my family... just arent my friends. they arent anything to me. and its things like that that make me feel horrible. Horrible in a way i dont want to feel ever. No one does, trust me.

I like this entry. it's real.. its honest. i think i'm going to put it in all my other journals, just to show myself that i can actually have emotions. I'm not immune to them... not like i used to be.

samantha

3| want me

Subject:	my random thoughts
Time:	7:28 pm.
Mood:	hopeful.
Music:	Third Eye Blind_Never Let You Go.

*sugarcult is like, the best band ever. i <333333 them!
*Pop Tarts have gotten increasingly good. My cat and I now share them every morning, thats how good they are. Yum. Props to the pop tart company.
*its fun to forget about songs then suddenly remember them and start singing them.
*it doesnt matter what its about... any movie freddie prinze jr. is in, its wonderful.
*i have much respect for people who can remain courteous and nice and sweet while trying to deal with a hell they call their life. he really is amazing.
*boys are too confusing, with all their games, youre only going to get a good one if you stop looking.
*sarcasm may be used as a "defense mechanism" but usually i use it just to piss people off.
*if one more person asks if im "OK" im going to get violent. maybe i'm not okay, but still. i'm not quite sure on how its your business. so deal with it.
*when you try to get me to tell you something starting off by "i'll understand" isnt very comforting. because there are chances that the thing im going to tell you is the thing that you couldnt possibly understand
*asterisks on the computer are just fun. as are ~ and _ the underscore. no one could underscore that.
*honesty isnt always the best solution.
*cake and mashed potatos are the worlds most bestest food ever made, yet if you mix them... its disastrous.
*everyone has secrets.
*how do flying fish breathe in the air? or do they hold their non-existant breath? cos that'd be cool.
*being a girl is fun, because you get to wear pretty outfits and do stuff with your hair. i think a little pain for one week in a month is enough sacrifice to have fun with that sort of stuff.
*despite what people say, cats catching mice isnt their "job". its just gross.
*trips down memory lane are fun, but only if youre the only one on the trip.
*jigsaw puzzles and crosswords are created by dull people, with dull lives and who are set out to make old people have dull lives, too.
*earrings are CrAzY fun!

well, i'm out of random thoughts for today. lucky you :)

~love~
*_samantha_*

^ that used all the cool things on a keyboard. fun fun fun!

2| want me

Subject:	not a chance...
Time:	7:04 pm.
Mood:	distressed.
Music:	KCi and Jojo_Crazy.

wow. i wish life werent complicated.

"B: does it ever get easy? Life, i mean?
G: i dont know what you'd like me to say.
B: Lie to me.
G: okay... the bad guys are always caught and the good guys never die
B: liar."

thats from some episode of bvts. well... i guess no matter what anyone says, i'm still confused. explaining things doesnt go over well for me. i still dont understand... i dont suppose i ever will. and thats the worst thing about it, i guess. not understanding is okay... knowing i never will- well that hurts the team.

here i am, confused about everything, and no one will tell me what to do. i just want some advice. here's the dilemma :

i'm dating this guy. lets call him guy A. well, guy A is nice and always polite, and really funny and just about perfect. but i dont get tingles. the only tingles i get are those tingles of dread, like im really nervous for something. definitely not anticipation tingles. the thing is, my friends would get mad if i dumped him, because it took me forever to have him. i dont want to appear shallow here, but my friend's opinions matter. but i still think i'm going to end up doing something. i want to dump him... i think. i have all these fears- will it be awkward when i see him in classes- when i sit next to him in some classes? will he hate me? will my friends hate me? what will happen? but i guess i can only find out by doing something. i just want advice- please, anyone. i need advice, and not by my friends. someone well...thanks

i'm outta here. leave some comments, please---

*_samantha_*

3| want me

Subject:	loves and loathes...
Time:	5:11 pm.
Mood:	aggravated.
Music:	T.A.T.U._All The Things She Said.

hmm... tomorrow is the last day of school...not even the last, only half. woo hoo! holiday break will be soo much fun. not many parties, but amber's will be off the hook. aanyway, i'm bored-er than you! rawr..

things i hate:
ppl who tawk lyke diz, ditzy girls, the word "sup", backstabbing, dependant people, ms. vultaggio, people who dont shut up, country music, VHS, james murphy, songs stuck in my head, cheap people, spanish class ('cept for billy ;) ) , talking behind someones back, blame, getting yelled at, rumors, not having a puppy, homework, chat rooms, being alone, hatred, love (sometimes), my family, nosy people, algebra, the colour yellow, jared or "j-rod", JASON DAVIS COOKE, incompetence, arrogance and most of all- Lindsay.

things i like:
hugs, kisses, being with lee, laughing, getting the hiccups (even if they ARE loud...), vanilla coke, taco bell, subway, big comfy sweatshirt, going to the movies, band class, music, my stereo :), singing, having fun, gym class, courtney hehe, dancing, dances, hanging out with my friends, shopping, accessories, friends, nice fitting pants, getting noticed, english class, lip gloss of all kinds, covergirl, contacts, mr. cronan, coloured staples, CDs, DVDs, getting mail, Austin Powers, Buffy, pictures, parties, fires, being warm, happiness, thank you letters, board games, Phase 10, understanding things, T. A. T.U., playing games, love letters, IMs, being told "i love you" and spending time with my daddy.

want me

Subject:	li'l survey from elli
Time:	4:02 pm.
Mood:	ecstatic.
Music:	Lauryn Hill_Can't Take My Eyes Off of You.

The story behind your dj user name - i like to dream...pretty simple.

Are you a homosexual - nah

Where do you live - blackstone...

4 words that sum you up - perky, funny, flirtacious, lovable

*WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)*

In my head - that stupid Kelly Rowland song.

Wishing - that christmas was tomorrow.

After this - uhm...

Talking to - i'm talking to katlyn and cory

Eating - nothing- i just finished a pb&j sandwich

Person you wish you could see right now - lee :)

Is next to you - my history notebook, lol

Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - christmas, hannukah party, winter break :)

The last thing you ate - pb&j, stupid...

Something that you are deathly afraid of - alone-ness

Do you like candles - yeah, expecially kinds that smell good

Do you believe in love - i think so...

Do you believe in soul mates - yeah

Do you believe in love at first sight - hmm...

Do you believe in Heaven - sometimes

Do you believe in forgiveness - definitely

Who is your worst enemy - myself.

If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - an armadillo.

Ever been to Belgium - what a random place.

Can you eat with chopsticks - nope

What's something that you wish people would understand -
that sometimes, i have feelings, too.

What's something you wish you could understand better - life.

Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time - yes'm...

What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow - to be happy.

Current Makeup: black eyeliner, silver eyeliner, eye shadown and a facial makeup.

Current Mood: vewy tired

Current Music: Simple Plan- I'd Do Anything on TRL

Current Taste: pb&j, man.

Current Hair: my reddy hair, in a bun!

Current Annoyance: i'm very cold.

Current Smell: uh, nothing.

Current thing I ought to be doing: studying or doing homework.

Current Favorite Artist: simple plan, good charlotte, xtina aguilera...

Current Color Of Toenails: none

Current Crush: my b/f!

LOVE
Boyfriend/girlfriend : Lee!

longest relationship : i forget

shortest relationship : uhm... lee, last year ;)

been in love w/ more than 1 person : yeeep

sweetest thing a guy/girl has done for you : written me a poem

meanest thing a guy/girl has done for you : cheated on me.

ever broke someone's heart : uhm, nope.

someone break your heart : yeah...

LAST PERSON...

You Talked to on the phone: Adam

You Hugged: Lee, Tuesday night.

You Yelled At: James. as always.

You Had A Crush On: LeeLee!

FAVOURITE...
Food: taco bell or mcdonalds.

Drink: code red mountain dew

Color: red or pink

Shoes: my red vans

Candy: reeses or anything with coconut

TV Show:Buffy or Charmed or Lizzie McGuire

Veggie: umm... i dont know ;)

Fruit : strawberries or grapefruit

ARE YOU...

Understanding:i like to think so

Open-minded: yes. definitely.

Arrogant: to some certain things

Insecure: who isnt?

Interesting: sometimes

Friendly: definitely

Moody: yeah, probably.

Childish: only with my friends...

Hard working: all the time

Shy: occasionally

Difficult: probably.

Bored Easily: i have ADHD i think...

Thirsty: right now, yup.

Angry: i tend to be

Sad: yes...

Happy: kind of.

Ill: my throat hurts- lol, kyle "everyones sick in their own special way"

Sleepy: i have a tendency to be. all the time.

Lonely: yes...

WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
Kill: i can give you a list of 10.

Get Really Drunk With: emily or sam :)

Tickle: someone who is extremely ticklish :)

Talk To: Elli, Lee, adam, swillis, emily or JENNYfer

want me