Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in Charity's Blurty:

Wednesday, June 25th, 2003
9:54 pm	*beautiful mess* Well its 6 more days til my birthday! Im soo geeked... I dont know why. I know I cant like be on my own or change the world and I know IM just getting older! Im just waiting or ready for something to change my life for the good or make be get back on the right path to where Im suppose to be. I have been doing pretty good. Me and Cody are still talking or being good friends well in fact best friends. He will always be one of my best friends no matter what! I dont know whats gonna happen when we go back to school but no sweat Im sure everything happens for a reason and has its own place and time. My family is going to the lake July the 14th. I cant wait! we need to do something as a family... cuz it sometimes feels we are too busy to be a family. Speaking of family; today was my cousins 13th birthday... it was fun! Her name is Megan. I got to see my dads part of the family. Yea they still treated me like Im still the ditzziest person ever but who cares cuz Im just happy not to be a low life-cought up in my self type of idiot. They are not all like that but most are. Works work! and Im still car less but that we taken care of.. I dont see Lillian as much... I see her like once a week because of alot of other things. Im used to it now... its pretty sad I feel I cant talk to her because Im too afraid of butting into her life. Bens her best friend and thats understandable to a certain extent. I wonder why she even bothers talking to me because Im the one mosty calling her or wanting to do something and the only time she wants to do somthing is when Bens at work. I miss her like crazy and I need her soo bad. I feel Im loosing a best friend and we didn't even fight. THursday Me, Cody, Lil and Ben are suppose to do something but I bet mine and Codys friendship we wont do anything cuz her mom or something is gonna stop us. Yea.... Im being a little mean its just that it angers me alot and I already lost a best friend I cant loose another. I wish she was here right now! but of course not...HOPEFULLY something will over come this! well Im gonna end this pitty party.... Good Nite, Maranda LaDawn Gray (Comment on this)
Monday, June 23rd, 2003
11:14 am	Yesterday I spent the whole day with Brad it was great sitting there in his arms talking, listening to music, watching tv, I never wanted to leave. Me being there with him made me realize EVEN MORE hoq bad i want to be with him, he is like the ideal male that every girl dreams of! And I smile everytime I think that I had him there for a little while but then I frown at the fact he will proabably never want me back because how badly I hurt him. But do you ever wonder why certain things happen in life? I do all the time and with all this stuff thats going on it just makes me think that it is happening for a reason and I will be gald this stuff happened once I get to the future. Well I sure hope so anyways. Yesterday was so picture perfect with Brad, sitting out on his lake in a paddle boat affter the sun went down a little bit and the sky was a pinkish-blue reflectioning on the water...It was so amazing! But right now I have to go because I have Bitchy people leaving in my house. I will be sure to update you though. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 22nd, 2003
12:21 am	Today i went to Nashville with my best friend Shannon, we had alot of fun just walking around Nashville Shores we saw this really cute guy that seemed like he was following us. I wonder if we will ever see him again he looked rather interesting and his eyes were absolutly LOVELY. But pretty much the whole time I was there I was thinking about Brad i coudlnt get him out of my head i have to go now im in trouble (Comment on this)
Friday, June 20th, 2003
10:33 pm	tonight Tonight was alot of fun and i dont even know why! It was extremly weird because i was really happy and in a good mood! WOW! A friend of mine that was mad at me and hated me told me tonight that they didnt hate me anymore and that really made me happy i guess that was it. But when I got home I started talking to Brad and he told me that he had been thinking about me all night and how he got down about why it had to end and he keeps making me realize more and more each day what a mistake it was to let him go he is such a great guy and with my luck i wont ever find anyone else like him. His birthday is coming up soon does anyone have any suggestions??? I want to do something specail. Hmmm.. well i cant think about anything else to write about tonight so i guess ill stop wasting your time. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 19th, 2003
11:22 pm	Hello everyone! This is me and I hope you like who I am. Its very hard for me to trust people anymore because it seems like everytime I trust someone I find out the hard way that I was wrong and I shouldnt have trusted them. Its mainly men that do this to me because most of my friends are guys and guys cant really keep secrets very well. (no offense) Resently I was in one of the best relashionships I have ever been in with a guy named Brad but then I got scared and left the relashionship and that would have to be one of the dumbest things I have ever done before. Brad actually cared about me, made me laugh, stoped my tears, snuggeled with me, and most of all loved me. But I think my biggest problem for why I left him is because im still emotionally attached to another person. I just wish that Brad would understand that I do have feelings for him and care about him a great deal but I have to deal with this other guy first. Another reason it is hard for me to trust people is they like to judge me before that actually know me really well. I have been called so many cruel names in my life and never understood why, people love to say stuff to hurt you but one day I hope they see how they scare people and change peoples lives forever. By the way if you havent noticed...Trust is very important to me. Trust is something that shouldnt be abused at all because once its gone its extremly hard to get back. What would life be like if you couldnt trust anyone? I think im eventually going to find out at the rate im going. I mean if you cant trust people youve known since birth who else is there to trust? Im going to give you a little advice, You might want to have proof that you can trust someone because trust is like your heart, are you just going to give your heart to anyone and take the chance of it getting broken? No, I dont think so! So be picky with who you give your trust to because they can take what youve told them and completly ruin who you REALLY are. Believe me, I know, Ive been there. And when this situation occurs the best thing to do is just not care what people are saying because if you care then its going to make it easier for you to get hurt and your happiness is very important. With out happiness you are depressed and thats not a good feeling...you want to die, you want to kill the people who have caused you pain, and often times you get into trouble for thinking the thoughts you do. But if you havent REALLY listened to what all I have said in here listen now...NEVER give up, the world is full of stupid, immature, cold hearted people but the world also has people who care about you and would be lost if anything ever happened to you. Believe or not you have had an impact on SOMEONEs life during yours. I learned this from my friends who I love with all my heart, they have helped me through everything and hopefully I can help you with whatever it is youre going through, people say i give good advice.:) Maybe we can become good friends and share good and bad times together and get through things together. Everyone needs friends but watch out for the backstabbers.... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: depressing songs about life lessons (Comment on this)