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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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My Happy Ending -- Avril Lavigne |
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My life so sucks major ass. Today I almost, almost, cried and I haven't cried since May 19, that's a long time for me. The reason for my horrible sorrow is that I wish that I had never moved, but now that I'm here I know people that I couldn't imagine life without. Some days for me are harder than others. The harder days I try to focus on something else, something happier, it usually fails miserably. The other days, the easier days, I don't have to focus so hard on keeping myself from getting really upset and, rather, focus on what makes me happy. Yesterday, was one of the harder days when I missed everything about my old life, which caused a sort of hangover today, where I imagined my life if I had never moved and it took a while, but I did it! I wouldn't be into the HP fandom, but I would have never really taken a break from the Buffy fandom, so in a way I guess that I would have gained something. Another thing I would have gained would be a stable mind. I din't sleep last night, well, not really sleep. I had, not dreams, but memories that stopped abruptly at I think it was January 28, 2001. I kept zoning out into my memories, but they weren't in chronological order, they were in whatever order it happened to be that I remembered them. It was bizarre, considering that only half of them involved people that I still talk to. The other half involved people that I used to care about and still do in a way. Yesterday when I saw those people at the fair, I had like memory flashes and everything that i felt for them I remembered, and that tormented me today. I really should try to let go of the people that I will probably never get a chance to see or talk to again and focus on who I have in my future. Although, I thought I had let go. Two and a half years later I forget about these people and then I see them and feel guilty and upset... WTF? Am now leaving to contemplate what I am going to do about being emotionally unstable.
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