| YEa Bitch |
[16 May 2005|10:57pm] |
Well I cant remember if I told you all this..but I got an acceptance letter to CATO
can you believe it
I wanted to go to that school since grade 10..and now I'm not going..
Why? well Capilano has a quicker course and is near where I need to be...I can also get into a grip apprenticeship
It still kinda stings a bit...I guess I can always smile on the fact I was accepted even got a 2,500 dollar grant...
even after that it was way to expensive
I really hope I am making the right decision...
I really want to pursue this...I really want to go to college
I just wanna be happy and have a nice job and maybe be financially stable for once in my life
BLAH BLAH WHine bitch...oh well this is whats going through my mind
I cant help it
Grad is in 11 days
I have mydress..I might get new shoes though...nice ones with out heels perhaps...
I tried on my dress alwhile ago..I hope it still fits..I wish I had bigger tits tho lol
The dress would look awesome with someone with bigger tits
Grandma "M" is going to give me a ring that was her grandmothers
It has a K..its a pinky ring but I doubt it will fit...I always feel guilty around her
knowing what a bitch she was to my father
and then wonder when she will cut my throat (not literal)
( Something For You To Stea(survey)l )
SOMETIME LATER
Dude..I am kinda sorta DRUNK lol
|
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| Answer Me This |
[12 May 2005|10:52am] |
|
If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?
|
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| The Keys |
[07 May 2005|03:29pm] |
I'm bored..
The Keys to Your Heart
|
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. |
Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it. |
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. |
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
|
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| Thats All For Now Love Muffin |
[05 May 2005|10:10pm] |
*sigh *sigh again
SIGH
Boys
I really hate liking them
but I am not going to do the whole "I should be a lesbian"
because
1. I cant stop liking people at will
2. Women are just as maybe even worse then men
and 3. well cuz...I said so
now you know me I have nothing against the other team..I have batted willingly a few times...
but I just like men that much more.
What I should really say...is that I hate how boys can get to me
I have three off and on crushes right now
and all of them have their little problems
All of them are unavailble one way or another
be it loyalty to a friend
or loyalty to being a friend
or you know the whole "they arnt attracted to me"
but I should go
talking to Jess!
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| Stolen |
[02 May 2005|06:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Presidents of the United States of America - Peaches |
] |
Are you a movie whore?!
Check the ones you've seen. If you have more than 70, you are a movie whore. Add 5 of your own at the bottom.
(x)Napoleon Dynamite
(x)Saw
( )White Noise
(x)White Oleander
(x)Anger Management
(x)50 First Dates
(x)Jason X
(x)Scream
(x)Scream 2
(x)Scream 3
(x)Scary Movie
(x)Scary Movie 2
(x)Scary Movie 3
(x)American Pie
(x)American Pie 2
(x)American Wedding
(x)Harry Potter
( )Harry Potter 2
( )Harry Potter 3
(x)Resident Evil
(x)Resident Evil 2
(x)The Wedding Singer
( )Little Black Book
(x)The Village
(x)Donnie Darko
( )Lilo & Stitch
(x)Finding Nemo
( )Finding Neverland
(x)13 Ghosts
(x)Signs
(x)The Grinch
(x)Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(x)White Chicks
(x)Butterfly Effect
(x)Thirteen going on 30
(x)I,Robot
(x)Dodge ball
(x)Universal Soldier
( )A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x)Along Came A Spider
(x)Deep impact
(x)KingPin
(x)Never Been Kissed
(x)Meet The Parents
( )Meet The Fockers
(x)Eight Crazy Nights
( )A Cinderella Story
(x)The Terminal
( )The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( )Passport to Paris
(x)Dumb & Dumber
(x)Dumb & Dumberer
(x)Final Destination
(x)Final Destination 2
(x)Halloween
(x)The Ring
( )The Ring 2
(x)Harold & Kumar (white castle)
(x)Practical Magic
(x)Chicago
(x)Ghost Ship
(x)From Hell
(x)Hellboy
(x)Secret Window
(x)I Am Sam
( )The Whole Nine Yards
(x)The Day After Tomorrow
( )Child's Play
(x)Bride of Chucky
(x)Ten Things I Hate About You
(x)Just Married
(x)Gothika
( )A Nightmare on Elm Street
(x)Sixteen Candles
(x)Bad Boys 2
(x)Joy Ride
(x)Seven (SE7EN)
(x)Ocean's Eleven
( )Ocean's Twelve
( )Identity
( )Lone Star
(x)Bedazzled
(x)Predator I
( )Predator II
(x)Independence Day
( )Cujo
(x)A Bronx Tale
(x)Darkness Falls
(x)The Phantom of the Opera
(x)ET
(x)Children of the Corn
( )My boss' daughter
(x)Maid in Manhattan
( )Frailty
( )Best bet
(x)How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x)She's All That
(x)Calendar Girls
(x)Sideways
(x)Mars Attacks
( )Event Horizon
(x)Ever after
(x)Forrest Gump
(x)Big Trouble in Little China
(x)X-men 1
(x)X-men 2
( )Jeepers Creepers
( )Jeepers Creepers 2
(x)Catch Me If You Can
(x)The Others
( )Freaky Friday (old)
(x)Reign of Fire
(x)Cruel Intentions
(x)The Hot Chick
(x)Swimfan
( )Miracle
(x)Old School
(x)Ray
( )The Notebook
(x)K-Pax
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
( )A walk to Remember
( )Boogeyman
(x)Hitch
( )Back Door Sluts 9
(x)The fifth Element
(x)Star Wars Episode I
(x)Star wars episode II
(x)Star Wars Episode IV
(x)Star wars episode V
(x)Star wars episode VI
( )Troop Beverly Hills
( )Swimming with Sharks
( )Trainspotting
( )People under the stairs
( )Blue Velvet
(x)Sound of music
(x)Parent Trap
( )The Burbs
(x)SLC Punk
(x)Meet Joe Black
( )Wild girls
( )A Clockwork Orange
(x)The Order
(x)Spiderman
(x)Spiderman 2
( )Amélie
(x)Mean Girls
(x)Shrek
(x)Shrek 2
(x)The Incredibles
(x)Collateral
(x)The Fast & The Furious
(x)2 Fast 2 Furious
( )Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow
( )Closer
(x)The Sixth Sense
(x)Artificial intelligence
(x)Love actually
( )Shutter
(x)Ella Enchanted
(x)Princess diaries 1
( )Princess diaries 2
( )the graduate
( )Constantine
( )Million Dollar Baby
(x)Hedwig and the Angry Inch
(x)Memento
( )Being John Malkovich
( )Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
( )Elephant
(X)The Lion King
(x)The Lion King II: Simba's Pride
(x)Freaky Friday (new with Lindsay Lohan)
( )Wicker Park
(x)Titanic
(x)Mouse Hunt
(X)Peter Pan
( )Peter Pan II: Return to Neverland
(x)New York Minute
(x)Unbreakable
( )The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys
( )Fallen
(x)Reservoir Dogs
( )Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
(x)Shark Tale
(x)Bruce Almighty
(x)Along Came Polly
(x)Man on Fire
(x)Life as a House
( )Gia
( )The Lorax
(x)The Green Mile
(x)Taking Lives
( )Better Than Chocolate
(x)But I'm A CheerLeader
(x)A League Of Their Own
(x)Marry Poppins
(x)Stigmata
( )Gattaca
(x)Blue Crush
( )The Pride of the Yankees
(x)The Rookie
(x)Hardball
(x)Bend it like Beckhem
( )The Truth About Jane
(x)Blade
(x)Blade II
( )Blade Trinity
(x)Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
( )Girl with a Pearl Earing
( )Pi
( )Shilon Soccer
(x)Requiem for a Dream
( )Bad Education
( )Murials Wedding
( )Tank Girl
( )Margret Cho - I Am The One
( )Margret Cho - Notorious C.H.O.
( )Lost in Translation
( )American Beauty
(x)Ginger Snaps
(x)Crazy/Beautiful
(x)Prozac Nation
(x) Pulp Fiction
(x) Francis the talking Donkey (any of them)
(x) Milk Money
(x) The Sandlot
(x) Water Boy
(I added the last 5)
So Is Victoria A Movie Whore?
Yea because thats way past 70 lol
some of the new ones shouldnt count because I have no money to rent them
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| When I Need You The Most |
[01 May 2005|09:38pm] |
Grad is coming up quick (26 Days)
I will 18 years old in 21 days
then I can legally buy porn! and Drink in Alberta
anyone with a car wanna have a road trip?
go find steven and rape him gently...consentively of course
( The Rest Is Under Here )
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| Might Make Good Use Of This Again |
[29 Apr 2005|10:50pm] |
Dont Mind the last posts...I was young lol
That was in 2003
Oh dont get me wrong I am still a complete KNOB
but I am a little wiser
and have gotten over a few...ALOT of things lol
I want to delete all those posts, but you know computers they do not sit well with swearing! lol
And plus, I am way to lazy to go back and delete those memories...You can take a look if you would like...I enjoy looking back and laughing at myself lol
End off with a MeMe...see if I can dust this old journal off and make use of it
Scan my Intrests list and pick out one that surprises you. Or one that you're unfamiliar with. Or one you just wanna know about even though none of them are very interesting lol
Incentive #1: I’ll explain it.
Incentive #2: If I explain it, you must post this in your journal so other people can ask about your interests... then we can all be all-wise and all-knowing ;)
Well..I'mma join some communities..
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| Gotta love HTML |
[22 Nov 2003|10:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely |
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| [ |
music |
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Radio: Sprkslfly's back again!!! |
] |
Are you damned?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
You can laugh at the silly superstitions of the religious, safe in the knowledge that we are only dust and lies. All that will be left of you after you die is a slow decay and some fading memories in the minds of your friends. Hope you're enjoying your life at the moment- there's nothing better to come.
I saw the mental health lady...getting some help for the depression
most likely exercise and diet
petals, does oppy still come on?
not in a long time GOddess
I really miss that guy...I dunno why
but I really really miss him :(
giving head induces memory loss sarah
??????g ?? ?}{? f???? ???g}{??g
LOL Vyxn
oh vix is that your problem? :P lol
lemme guess. one too many blows to the head....
roflmao
more blows to the head than jenna jamenson
OMG lmao
however you spell hername
I must have forgotten
LMAO
lol
teehee
that was a beautiful moment!!!!!!
I can be funny sometimes!!!!!!
I want purple monkey to come back online
I crave talking to him
We like the same things
like we were talking about
interview with the vampire...
turns us both on..
most likely in the same parts
Oh I have some insane feelings in me
I could be non human
but I know I am
and always will be
and I should be okay with that
and I am arnt I???????????????
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| SURVEY |
[16 Nov 2003|09:20pm] |
~~~~INTRO TO YOURSELF~~~~
Full Name: Victoria........
Birth date: may 21 1987
How many days ?til your birthday?: count them yourself
(remember when)
~~~~LOOKS RIGHT NOW~~~~
Eye colour: blue,green
Hair colour: red
Shoe size: 7-10 depends
How tall are you?: 5'2 and a half
Do you have freckles?: tiny you have to look really close
If yes to the above, now count and tell me how many: HA that's funny
What colour ginch are you wearing?: what underwear? lol white
What kind of clothes are you wearing?:pants and a hoddie
Socks on or off?: on
Missing any teeth?: noooo
How many fillings do you have?: never went to the dentist
Describe your hands: small...makes ur dick look bigger!!
~~~~YOUR BETTER HALF~~~~
Do you believe in miracles?: No
What?s the best thing that has ever happened to you?: Meeting Cam
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope..and just nope
~~~~FRIENDS~~~~
Do you watch friends?: once and a while
Who is your best friend?: have a few
Loudest?: laurissa
Quietest?: dunno
Most alcoholic?: Me
Most adventurous?: Jenni
Interesting?: all of them
The easiest to scare?: Alison
Shortest?: me
Tallest?: jen and mandy
Prettiest?: all of em cept meee
Athletic?: Dunno
~~~~FAVS~~~~
TV show?: CSI
Stuffie?: My wabbit
Shoes?: my black hiker boots
Socks?: they are all black...cept for my wool pair
PJs?: my plaid
Parts of your body?: AHAHAHA..the colour of my eyes and soft skin there that's TWO
Food?: pasta
Person?: I used to have some
Animals?: butterflies
Jewelry?: my necklaces
Jell-o?: green
Drink?: WINE baby
Car?: my sexy van
Saying?: I have a few
~~~~HAVE YOU EVER?~~~~
Drank alchi-hol?: Helllz yea
Smokedededed drugs? yea
Paintball a house?: no
Sunburned your ass?: HA no
Stuck a q-tip in your eye?: just me ear
Let your friends give you a piercing?: no
Broke someone else?s bone?: no
Skateboarded in the house?: no
Played strip poker?: never
Decided when you were drunk that you could walk on water?: HAHAHA no but you shouldn't give me ideas
Been in a car accident?: no, not yet but I got my L
~~~~FUTURE~~~
What?s your biggest future goal?: to actually live
Do you wanna marry and who?: Yea...dunno someone who will love me
Do you want kids? yes
How many? 2 is the best
Girls? Boys?: girl and a boy
Names?: I used to want MaShell and Tyke,,,but nowww
How many months apart do you want them?: 24
What kind of job do you want?: anything that doesn't require a uniform
Do you want to be a WWE star?: no
~~~~DO YOU?~~~~
Brush your teeth twice a day?: n o
Wash your hair in the morning?: no
Put your left leg into your pants first?: no
Fart quietly in public and blush hardcore when people are looking around to see who did it?: umm no I never fart,,,,,in public
Enjoy wasting your time filling these kind of things out?: Yes
Poke your owies?: yea
Laugh when you get hurt and say ?good one? or ?that one felt good??: Yup
Sing with a spoon when no ones watching?: no I just sing in my room
~~~~RANDOM~~~~
Sexiest thing about chocolate pudding: the creamy part
Ever tried to fly out of a tree?: yuppers got a scar
Do you want to swim in Jell-o?: Oh hell yea
Got your pet high?: no want to tho
Ever sat down and split your pants?: yea..they were coming apart they were my favoite pair...right up the leg to the crotch
Stood on your head so long you fainted?: No
Ever tried to fish the fish that are in your fish tank?: No
Picked your nose?: not recently..altho it looks like it when I turn my nose ring
Have you ever started singing and dancing in the shower, so intensely that you slipped and hurt yourself?: Not yet
~~~~FINALLY~~~~
Does filling this out make you want ice cream?: now that you say that
Are you bored of this yet?: I am always bored
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?: I bite it before I get there
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| Suck My Toes You Sexy Rat |
[16 Nov 2003|06:15pm] |
today was today..I am kinda getting sick of writing on here
Nothing against blurty I just have nothing to say
my drawing is coming along
I go to school
I pay my taxes
lol jk
Oooh my stomach hurts...Well you know what SUCK MY ASSSS
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| SuRvEy aka BoReDoM |
[06 Nov 2003|07:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Jerrys guitar playing |
] |
Number of times I have been in love: Once
Number of times I have had my heart broken: To many to count
Number of hearts I have broken: None.
Number of boys i have kissed in my life: 3
Number of girls I have kissed: 4
Number of continents I have visited:1
Number of drugs taken illegally: 2
Number of people I would classify as true, can trust with my life friends: 3
Number of CD's I own: Oh lord I dunno LOTS all burnt MWHAHAHA
Number of piercings: 2 going to be 3 soon..I am hoping for 6
Number of tattoos: 0 not yet
Number of times my name has been in the newspaper: When I was born
Number of scars on my body: too many to count at the moment
Number of people who've made me scared of what they can do physically: Oh a few
Number of things in my past that I regret: I cant count that high...and cant remember most of them
I see: the computer screen
I need: a boyfriend, a life, confidence, etc
I find: Anything but myself
I want: to be skinny
I have: nothing but my sorrow
I wish: to be skinny, and have a life
I love: my mom, dad and friends...and *******
I hate: My self
I miss: ******* and what we had
I feel: Hollow
I fear: being alone...although I am
I hear: Jerry playing me his guitar
I smell: supper cooking
I search: for a purpose in life
I crave: What I can never have...a healthy sex life lol
I wonder: what he's doing now...
I regret: How I lost him
WhEn WaS tHe LaSt TiMe YoU:
Smiled?: today
Laughed?: today
Cried?: oh not to long ago
Bought something?: on wednsday...birth control and yea
Danced?: Last school dance
Were sarcastic?: today
Kissed someone?: Laurissas party
Talked to an ex?: *sighs...
Watched your favorite movie?: I dunt have a favorite movie
Had a nightmare: My life is a nightmare
A lAsT tImE fOr EvErYtHiNg:
Last book you read: Night Fever
Last movie you saw: Italian job
Last song you heard: suga suga by baby bash
Last thing you had to drink: Pepsi at lunch
Last time you showered: last night
Last thing you had to eat: I am chewing on gum..but candy at lunch
Do YoU:
Smoke?: Only pot....
Do drugs?: pot, alkahol
Have sex?: I am a virgin for life
Sleep with stuffed animals?: When I was a child
Live in the moment?: I used to...but i screwed things up
Have a boyfriend?: HA...no
Have a reaccuring dream?: Yes...a few...and I dream of rape frequently...I am always raped
Play an instrument?: The baritone lol....failed band..well dropped out
Belive there is life on other planets?: Its hard to believe we are the only ones in the universe
Remember your first love?: yes...I miss
Still love him?: I lust for him that's for sure
Read the newspaper?: only comments
Have any gay/lesbian friends?:Petpeve!!! and a few..experimental female friends lol
Believe in miracles?: Not for me
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: I could do it lol...
Consider yourself tolerant of others?:I used to be
Consider love a mistake?: No
Like the taste of alcohol?: HELLLLLLLZ yea
Have a favorite candy?: any kinda creamy chocolately thing will do
Believe in astrology?: entertainment only
Believe in magic?: no
Believe in God?: its possible..but it doesn't change my life either way
Pray?: I used too
Go to church?: I did bible study
Have any secrets?: Yes..but I cant remember them lol
Have any pets?: a cat
Do well in school?: I only failed math so far
Plan to go to college?: No
Talk to strangers who IM you?: yuppers...until they start talking about camel sex
Wear hats?: No
Hate yourself?: HELLLLZ yea
Have an obsession?: I am looking for one
Have a secret crush?: Yea...I am sure they know it too...they tease me with it
Do they know yet?:I am sure they know it...they tease me with it
Collect anything?: i used to collect stickers..I give away my soul
Have a best friend?: a few
Wish on stars?: I used too
Like your handwriting?: No
Have any bad habits?: To many
Care about looks?: HELL YES..well mine
Care about boyfriends looks?: to an extent...i dont think i could be with someone so ugly i couldn't look at them lol
Care about friends looks?: My friends are better looking then I am..so maybe
Believe in witches?: yes...I gave birth to one lol mind yea mah babies more of an astrologer now
Believe in Satan?: yeah..dated him
Believe in ghosts?: BOO...my mom sees em
CuRrEnTs:
Clothes: Jeans,underwear,socks,shirt...no bra
Mood: pissed/depressed/numb/cold/content/nothing
Music: Used to be Jerrys quitar..now its the zion orgy song
Taste: fries
Smell: fresh air
Annoyance: my sister talking and my back hurting
Thing I should be doing: math homework
Desktop: a wolfie picture that we have on are wall
Book: Sex and the single girl...and Owl In Love
Band: Fluke!!
CD in CD player: Mixed cd I burnt
Color on toenails: this brown kinda colour that has been there for a long time
Worry: everything
Crush: Not tellllling...Jerry I bullshit you ;)
LaSt PeRsOn:
You touched: mom
You talked to: mom
You hugged: Mom or Alison
You instant messaged: I am talking To Jerry right now..that sexy beast lol
You yelled at: Oooh I dunno wanna yell at WHORE
Who broke your heart: Josh or Cameron...either one
FaVoRiTe:
Person: Hard question.
Food: Pasta
Drink: WINE...lol
Color: green
Shoes: my new boots
Candy: didn't i allready answer this question?? I swear I did
Animal: Butterfly
TV show: CSI or anything that will show naked OR dead people
Dance: grindage..or freaking..although I never do it my self
Song: anything that has the ability to make me cry
Vegetable: cumcumber
Fruit: tangy and sweet will do
ArE yOu:
Understanding: yuppers
Open-minded: yuppers..until it comes to green peace and feminist...hair growing,wooden stick using dykes
Arrogant: I think i am
Insecure: HAHHAHAHAHA...yes I am
Interesting: Nope
Hungry: I just ate dinner so yes lol jk
Friendly: ummm...sumdays
Smart: in some subjects
Moody: Oh hell yea
Childish: when I should be mature
Independent: only when forced
Organized: Nope
Healthy: *shakes her head
Shy: around new people
Difficult: yes
Attractive: FUCK NO!! i dont think so... my friends are gonna shoot me now lol nah they should be getting used to it by now
Bored easily: yuppers
Messy: sumtimes
Thirsty: yes..
Responsible: About travel
Obsessive: about everything
Angry: At the world and my self
Sad: always
Happy: sometimes
Trusting: yes
iLL: in my head
Talkative: yes..welll less now
Original: no
Different: yea
Unique: yes
Ignored: every fucking day-its ok
Content:nooooooo
A thinker: yeah..only about depressing things
Sleepy: yes
Lonely: obviously if im doing this i must have no life therefore i am lonely
WhO dO yOu WaNt To:
Kill: some days myself, other days people who piss me off, people in general
Kiss: Anyone...within reason
Hug: Anyone...within reason
Hook up with: a tall dude...that has a sexdrive and can stand looking at me
Shake: Laurissa
Be like: whoever is skinny and pretty
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| Special Fred |
[02 Nov 2003|11:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ditzy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Linkin Park - Numb |
] |
Special Fred
When I was a boy at the age of 10,
I had a very be-est friend.
Fred was kind, with good intent
But just a little different!
OOOOH!
Special Fred,
Momma dropped him on his head.
Now he's not so bright, instead--
He's a little bit special....
Just a little bit.
We played tag, and he'd get hurt.
I'd play "soldier", He'd eat dirt.
I liked math and the spelling bee.
Fred liked talking to a tree!
ooooh!
Special Fred,
Momma dropped him on his head.
Now she keeps him ...in the shed,
'Cuz he's a little bit special....
Just a little bit.
I ran track, hung out in malls.
Fred ran head first into walls.
I had girls, and lots of clothes.
Fred had names for all his toes.
oooooh!
Special Fred,
Momma dropped him on his head.
Now he thinks he's a - piece of bread,
'Cuz he's a little bit special....
Just a little bit.
One day talking to Special Fred,
He grabbed a brick and he swung at my head.
And as he laughed at me that's when I knew
That Special Fred just made me special too.
Now I laugh as I count bugs!
I give strangers great, big hugs! :)
Next to me, Fred is fine.
Yeah, he's a f--kin' Einstein.
oooooh!...?
Special Fred.. and me,
Now we're not right in the head.... you see.
Now we're not so bright _ intsead!
We're a little bit special...
Just a little bit special...
That bastard Fred made me special.
Just a little bit.
Just a little bit...special!....
Missy Be Puttin It Down!!!
*dances around like the freaks getting there freak on in her videos
Well yea..you know whats good...Zion Orgys...
Keanu Reeves has a niiice ass like
Who knew The Matrix Was A Love Story!!
"Open your mouth Give you a taste"
Yea its really hot in my house..I feel LONELY..I should read over what I did at that party..see how much I regret...I do that a lot...when will I just get over it
Well tommorw is school..
I should do the responses to those essays I will...not do those do...I am pathic I know...What..isnt that lyrics to something.
NANCY what song is is
Forgive me father
Why should yea bother
TRY HONESTY
etc..well night
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| Apparently They Dunt Like The New Me |
[27 Oct 2003|10:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sore |
] |
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(Awesome Radio: Welcome to zipchickland and Awesomeradio!) |
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NANCY... you might not wanna read...
I...am depressed...
As Alison put it..."You have been in a rut lately"
That I have
I am NOT HAPPY.,....People whine because I feel upset
They think they want me too feel better
No...I am killing their buzz...Really...People dunt lie to your self
I feel so dark
I feel so cold
Here are the poems I wrote today
I Just Wanted To Belong
I just wanted to belong
What did I say to make you think I was lame?
I sit in the hallway looking at my school mates laughing
I can't join in, I dunt belong
I want to belong
Never to belong I slice my skin
I draw a picture with my blood
Its about me laughing to
I get mad and start to slice harder
Deeper into my skin the blade goes
The picture is now of all of them dying
Alone and dead just like me
Its about me at school, being alone
Everything Is Dark
Everything is dark
In my mind I see only darkness
In my heart I feel only darkness
I am only free in the darkness
But I hurt to much to run
I feel the pain in my darkness
As it swallows me whole
Sometimes I do not even feel pain
I feel nothing as I hurt the ones I love
I make you bleed sorrow as I have done
I make you bleed red crimson wine
Mine to drink I own you
As the Dark owns me
Everything is dark
In your mind you see only darkness
In your heart you feel only darkness
You are only free in my darkness
This is me everywhere...the darkness is getting so THICK
Little Gothic
Little gothic your face so pale
Little gothic your lips so red
I want to kiss your dreams away
I want to suck away your life
You look so good in fishnet
You havent seen what I can do
Little gothic your eyes so blue
Little gothic your heart so hurt
I want to make you bleed
I want to make you suffer
You make me want to hurt you
You havent seen what I have
Little gothic your blood so warm
Little gothic your eyes so dark
I want to hold you in death
I want to kiss your decaying flesh
You are silent now
You havent lived longer than I have
I was listening to the song Little Gothic..This just came to me
All was writing on the comp, when I was talking to Purple monkey
I feeel like so much shit
I wanna get drunk, high etc so bad its not even funny
Like a bridge over troubled water...Maybe that's what I need...
Well I'ma add shit to Deviant http://dogdate.deviantart.com/
has some of my poems...and I;mma add some pics...shitty shit
I love the death I bring to myself
Because no one will bring life to my cold flesh
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| Today Is...A Day |
[27 Oct 2003|05:40pm] |
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music |
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Dirty Vegas - Days Go By (Mitsubishi Eclipse '03) |
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Today in Drama..I was walking past Malcolm
"Vickie" he said
"yes?" I asked
" Your a dominatrix" He told me. The look on my face was puzzled and mortified.
"How did you know? Who told you that?" I said then laughed it off like I was joking
Its half true...He never told me why he told me that...and where he thought that up
Really Do I look like a Domme to you
I got home today...Now talking to purple monkey about depression...He said brb witch usually means good by.
As I thought it...He took it back...My friends thought It would actually happen..Yea it wont DUH people DUH...
They just think it was my low self esteem talking...NO it was logic lol
Plus I have been here before with him..
It only lasts a few moments
Purple Monkey says:
So it's all good between us...?
Me says:
it never was bad
Purple Monkey says:
it was a rough night...
Purple Monkey says:
carnal desires are a pain to deal with when you bottle them up for a long time...
Wow he actually came back
I feel so depressed
I told mom I have been for a few weeks
She said maybe I should get the doctor to put me on sumtin...You know I just might
Dont Highlight Nancy
>>>>>HighlightHaving suicidal thoughts...I heard that's not good<<<
Seether - Fine Again..good song!!!
And I am aware now of how
everything?s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I?m in hell!
I am prepared now,
seems everyone?s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well
You know some black eyed pea music aint that bad
like hey Mama...good booty shaking song
I cant just listen to one song today
I click the button like nothing other
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| I'm Going Under |
[26 Oct 2003|06:33pm] |
Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming deceiving and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again
I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under
Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again
I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
So go on and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe I can't keep going under
_________________________________________________________________________
Songs reflect How i feel...Right now I feel like I am going under
Outside by Staind...That reflects me too
I'm the outside
I'm looking in
I can see thru you
see to the real you
Inside your ugly
ugly like me (not looks think deeper Nancy)
Yea I got to go now...
I'm going under on the outside
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| Van cover.. |
[25 Oct 2003|06:24pm] |
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mood |
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 envious |
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Cold - Cure My Tragedy |
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Yea I went to Vancouver for a school trip
For the happy shit...look @ Nancy's Blurty Under "Corrupted?"
As for me I didn't really have a good time...yes there was perks, small ones
The trip was long and I was very uncomfortable..and alone in a crowded Van
Some of its a blur.. You can't see throught tears unless you blink
I learned that I am a disgusting and sick little girl..That I am...And I hate it,
Not because I dunt like that fact I know shit about sex...Its just that That's all I am known by.
That's all I am.
The music selection was all good...some shit sounded like the same song for 18 tracks
but who am I to complain...we get to the hotel and check in..nice hotel rooms..I would sleep there again...that statement not including the fact that I wont go back to vancover for a loooong time
I am a small town girl...I cant make it in the big bad city...funny that's wat I long for...to make it
I think I need to get on some drugs..The song "good times" is starting to...make me reflect on thoughts I have been having lately..anyways
Back to Vancouver.. It all started when I looked in the mirror at the hotel..That tainted my whole trip..Thinking..what I think..The hurtful truth only bitches have the balls to tell me
I tried to tame my frizzy ugly hair...and I did...for the most part...Then we had to walk..I usually like walking...I love going for walks!
But...We were in a rush, My legs strained and burned.. My ankles wanted to quit on me
I started to limp...Trying so very hard not to feel the pain.. My cheeks went red, I couldn't breathe and my hair..got frizzy...Because I am a...
Yes well we got to the confrence..It was slightly boring ...Okay hella boring
It made me want to write tho
write about beings from the sky coming down...and a couragous young woman saving the world
Some one unlike me, some one pretty
We left..Some confusion as to where we going next then a walk to a sports bar
I was freaking out because I am HORRIBLE with money...
I dunt want to spend it...but I had to eat to make it back to the hotel.. every one has irrational fears..why are mine so weird? and pathedic?
This is where I started to feel..unwell..My stomach whirled in my body.. My head felt heavy
we walked back to the hotel.. my legs enflamed themselves with pain and knotted up.
We got back...I cant remember what happened then..
We met in the lobby and went down to chinatown
Awesome experience except for the stench..Before the venturing into the unknown
Me nancy jen al and sarah played with the escalators...I admit that was fun
The talking and wandering came next
My stomach still felt a lil funny..but I enjoyed the sights...My ankles werent swelling yet
I was alone tho...Moving talking
But i wasn't really there
I was one of the merchants...I was the druggie talking to the white woman...I was the white woman talking to the druggie...Alone...
I bought cookies...they tasted great but needed a drink to go with them
we left chinatown
We then went downtown to shop..wagner and kopy were waiting for leavitt and her crew
they told us we could go down the street instead of standing there
we stopped at a gift shop because a T shirt said fuking Eh or something to that effect.
I was looking at the beautiful green jade...deciding if I should buy it..Jen persuaded me too (however you spell that)
I made my purchase and so did she...We left the store and the group we were with...
was gone..
Outside I stayed semi calm, trembling I tried to breathe right. Inside I was a wreck, I was crying yelling WHY...the one thing I NEVER wanted to happen WHY I yelled into my head.,..Jen seemed tense but fine, calm like..If she hadnt been there...I would have died from a heart attack...Trying to get our mind off the fact they were gone... We walked to different stores..she looking at necklaces, I looking out the window focusing on not sheding tears.. Holding the jade at my neck strong...Jennifers cell phone rang... it was then I wanted to cry the most..
My stomach twirled and whirled I wanted to be sick..
Being afraid doesn't go well it chinese cookies
Shaking slightly, I went on with the shopping and tried to forget it...but it was always on my mind
EVERY store had to have a mirrior...EVERY time I looked in a mirror I felt horrible
*opens a pop and takes a drink*
Anyways..we go into this BRIGHT store which holds NOSE RINGS!!!!!!
I found a purrrty dolphin that will go in my nose hopefully VERY SOON
Jen bought them for me...I hope my nose doesn't reject them..Then I know I was born to suffer
*takes a sip and chokes*...That's intresting...anyhoo
We went to la senza..this burned me...Beautiful clothes...well clothes for occasions that should lack clothes lol
made me feel ugly and fat...My ankles swelled now...the pain was coming to almost unbearable
We saw a guy with fire...It was good to watch...I wanted to touch em...the torches not the guy
I saw a crack head asking for money..."excuse me sir ma'am can you spare some change"
Made me think of jessica and all that's she been thru...he kept asking
"excuse me sir ma'am can you spare some change"
"excuse me ma'am can you spare some change" over and over...its like he didn't even know he was saying it..concentrating to much on the fix he needed so badly
The rest of the shoppin was a blur and we went back to the hotel..I wet my hair and tried to tame it once more...Only pretty when wet
Alison spent money and bras...and wasn't happy about it..she calmed we went to eat
Earls was the place...I tried to let go...forget the shit I felt today
"are you ladies over 19" or 18 whatever
I said no right away...I kick my self then
but really she would have asked for id anyway right?
Dam me a horrible bitch with morals
Dan H. was are weighter...he was...let me but this frankly HOT...in that tall skinny big smile type that I have..Dinner made me feel sick..and I felt bad for not eating it...wasting my food,,I tried but if i kept eating it would be all over the table...There my smile left..still on my face but not in my heart...
I am kinda tired about writing my trip..but There is still more!
We got back to hotel...WE sat out on the belcony and my head started to hurt..
It was cold out there...and conversations we going on above my head
We got talked to a couple of times
"hey ladies whats your room number"
We even seen Dan H. Again
When a dude shouted up "where are you from" and we yelled "lumby" leavitt told us "enough"
they continued to talk loudly
My head ache started to pound
I slept on the floor
I thought its going to be uncomfortable for mandy
I sleep on the floor usually...My trip has already been shitty...so WHY NOT
The floor wasn't that bad...Except for my neck being bent the wrong way...it was comfy
Alison mandy and jen had a tiff
Around 3 or so me and jen went to shoppers drug market for a chocolate bar
I just needed a walk
I looked and felt like shit
I took two pills...I contemplated taking more...
I finally slept and wat felt like two minutesThe door was knocked on and we had a little time to get ready and eat
Everyone bustled around I was done in two minutes...everyone else was beauty-ing up
I should have...but I didn't so I looked like shit all day
with my fizzy hair, bags under my eyes..crooked glasses
We went too two confrences
A bird shit on me...and people laughed...I just wanted to kill a stranger on the sidewalk
A man with long hair played guitar and I wanted to jump him
People bitched at me for not being excite, not being happy
I am truly sorry you people lost your happy buzz because I felt like shit
I ruin eveybodys buzz
bitch bitch
Well then we went home...
the end
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| I'm No SuperMan...Woman |
[21 Oct 2003|08:17pm] |
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Out the door
Just in time
Head down the 405
Gotta meet the new boss by 8 am
The phone rings in the car
The wife is workin hard
She runnin late tonight again
Well I know what I?ve been told
U gotta work to feed the soul
But I can?t do this all on my own
No I know
I?m no superman
I?m no superman
And you've got your love online
U think you're doin fine
But you?re just plugged into the wall
And that deck of tarot cards
Won?t get u very far
There ain't no hand to break your fall
Well I know what I've been told
U gotta know just when to fold,
But I can?t do this all on my own
No I know
I?m no superman
I?m no superman
You?ve crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all?
I need u here with me
Cause love is all we need,
Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall
Well I know what I?ve been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can?t do this all on my own
No I can?t do this all on my own
No I know
That I'm no
Superman
I?m no superman
I?m no superman
(Some day well be together)
I?m no superman
(Some day)
(Someday well be together)
(Someday)
I?m no superman
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[20 Oct 2003|11:48pm] |
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music |
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Obie Trice - Bad Bitch |
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| My new Sig!! |
[20 Oct 2003|11:44pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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Death Cab for Cutie - Photobooth |
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