| Real Stuff |
[10 Jul 2005|11:12pm] |
Okay only tiny mentions of movies but no more full fledged "the only thing I talk about is movies" again.
OKAY
I told you about Laurissa driving me to sutherland..but I didnt tell you what happened on the way back
some construction was being did on the lights above the polson mall (on the hill) so driving back the flag lady put up her stop sign up but wasnt paying attention to the cars. When she finally looked it was too late. She wasnt hit hard, at least it didnt look like it. she lifted her leg, hopped back and fell on the ground. It felt like my heart just stopped beating, and my lungs stopped breathing. I am blind I do not see things like that. I didnt feel right after that.
Then yesterday I was with my dad and we were at the Shell and we backed into someone who was backing up. mutual fuck up...but as soon as we hit I was freaking out. I was hyper ventilating..tears welled in my eyes. How am I ever going to survive. I freak out at the littlest thing, thats real anyway. That I see with my own eyes. Nothing on the TV really makes me feel that way. I feel angry, sad or horny lol, but nothing freaks me out.
Yesterday I slept over at Alisons and watched a couple movies (the pacifier and The Rules Of Attraction)
Okay a little spill about rules of attraction I have too!!!
I love that movie
"A great numb feeling washes over me as I let go of the past and look forward to the future. Pretend to be a vampire. I don't really need to pretend, because it's who I am, an emotional vampire. I've just come to expect it. Vampires are real. That I was born this way. That I feed off of other people's real emotions. Search for this night's prey. Who will it be? "
Okay okay thats it...wanna talk more about it send me an email..This journal is for personal shit!
ps..I love that movie.
so 2maroh I have that job interview..I am very nervous.. I hate job interviews...last one I had wasnt even a job interview it was when do you want to start and what do you want to do.. I was already hired...this one actually is an interview...with tests GAH...and all these friends of mine passed with flying colours...so if i fuck up it really means I fucked up..Then what will I do?
Daddy says that I shouldnt worry about the registration. It will be taken care of...WHEN...It needs to be there before the 29th and should be there a week before so they can contact me with..oh fuck hun you need to send us more money. Money that our family doesnt have, that my parents keep bitching loudly about and I am supposed to not worry about it? I really hate this bullshit, I can't wait to move out so I only have to worry about me and Mel. That's going to be harsh be responsible...really responsible not just feel responsible I will be...I feel like if I leave this house its going to burst in flames. Not to say I hold together my family it just feels like it at times
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| If I'm not back in five minutes, call the Pope. |
[08 Jul 2005|03:21pm] |
Well today I woke up Laurissa
I feel bad..but fuck it was 11:30! lol
She picked me up around twelve and headed into Vernon, so I could drop my application and resume off at sutherland.
then she drove me home. Exciting eh
Well, its good to talk to someone. Laurissa the lucky bitch gets to watch Fantastic Four today..I hope she can! not like she will watch much of the movie
"Michael Chiklis, the Thing, is the only of the 4 to have read the comics."
Yea you saw a trivia bit coming I know you did
" Michael Chiklis fought to have a "real" Thing rather a computer generated character."
Victor Van Doom..I love it when they pick a sexy bad guy..I dont mean it looks really
Sam Rockwell in charlie's Angels was a sexy bad guy but he isnt some model..
now Julian McMahon(nip/tuck,Victor Van Doom) actually was a model and boy.. do I know why!
( Uncomplete list of sexy bad guys )
Man has anyone ever seen "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter"
No I didnt make that title up...It excists...
The movie is worth watching just to say you watched something that lame lol
( Lame Movie.. )
http://www.odessafilmworks.com/jcvh/everybody.mp3
"Its all good its alright every body gets laid tonight"
Click the link to hear the song
How can you tell movies rule my life?
( ) this much of whats actually going on in my life
( ) that much about movies
La La Ha Ha
My interview in on Monday *crosses fingers
I will be talking to mel and her mom about moving to Van saturday
and I will also be sleeping over at alisons
there so real life stuff
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| Everything Is Changing |
[07 Jul 2005|02:04pm] |
So Still havnt found a job
And yes it is because of lack of trying. Going to drop of my application at sutherland today or tommorw and hopefully getting an interview the same day.
I dont know the questions, but hopefully they are just common sense
I am okay with common sense... I believe I can do common sense
Its really hard living right now. I need money, most of the time this is on my mind. Not that I am leaving my friends and family behind. I need money. It plagues me. I need money! Not lots just enough so I dont fuck this up! If I have to come back to Lumby because I didnt have enough money, I will be so fucking pissed off. I need money, to pay for bills, school, make sure me and Mel have enough food and toliet paper.
I am so worried that when I get there Mel will find out this isnt what she wants to do and book 'er back here. I dont want to stick her to something she hates, BUT what the fuck will I do. Find another roommate, bring someone I dont know and dont trust into my home. DONT THINK SO. Find a cheap 1 room apt..Now where would I find something like that? In Vancouver? Huh Huh What? Yea Thats what I thought!
Stressed Thats me. I need a job, I need money...I need to get laid. lol I dont "Need" to but hey, would be nice before I head out to college..then focus my whole life on getting the job of my dreams.
Well I need to get in contect with my Dad so I can get a drive into Vernon
YAY for Sylvie moving out
I wish you the best love!!
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[02 Jul 2005|12:09pm] |
 I am The Lovers
The Lovers often refers to a relationship that is based on deep love - the strongest force of all. The relationship may not be sexual, although it often is or could be. More generally, the Lovers can represent the attractive force that draws any two entities together in a relationship - whether people, ideas, events, movements or groups. For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com
| What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate.
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Whooo I just lost my virginity...my CONCERT virginity! that is
I lost it to Honey moon suite
"I got a new girl now and shes a lot liike Youuuuu"
Yea thats the only song i new but it was sweet
and from where I was standing the guitar players were hot! lol
well anyway I will update later
(today I might watch prism and harliquin)
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| Every Way |
[27 Jun 2005|01:29am] |
Well Its early in the morning and I am doing illegal stuff
no not really!
I am quite bored really
but I wont be when it reaches 100% lol just kidding
I really hate it when the internet is slow!
Anyway..School on Wednsday
THEN thats it no more highschool
EVER unless mr.mcwhinney is a fucking cock from hell
which I doubt so I think we are cooL!
( My Stand On )
I cant wait to see everyone again
I mean I already miss them all
I dont know how I am going to make it this summer...I wish I was going to Calgary..Work is so much easier when you are for certian you wont stumble on to someone you know...oh and here I am applying to a job that everyone is working at...I can be so bloody dense...
Where could I work? I should call connections...they could hook me up with a job..thats their job! lol
I wouldnt mind working at sutherland I mean all day working on a comp...emailing people back!
dont really have to deal with people
pay is okay
and thats the most important thing I am working so I can live in Vancity
I need somemore money for tuiton and roomandboard
then I need a job down there
God..I'm moving to Vancouver
a small town girl in Vancouver... I made it in Calgary but everyone I met felt small town like
except for Mark...but hey...what can yea do
I will be so lonely at night...but hey I am lonely here too
at least somethings wont change
I will be living with a different family
Gah so much to think about lol
all these posts are starting to sound the same lol
I cant help it though its on my mind
well I should go...for now
I'LL BE BACK
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| Hanni Cap Circus |
[23 Jun 2005|06:14pm] |
Bizarre has a solo CD
*does the happy dance
I am so excited
I love bizarre...well...what I know about him anyway
I downloaded a couple of the songs...*cough* over half of the CD *cough*
so now I want it!! want to support him OH YEA
I would pay my hard earned cash (when I get some)
for the WHOLE CD
Jerry was going to buy it for me that sweet heart
but I had to decline the offer...even when my MSN name is
"AnyOne Want To By Me "Hanni Cap Circus"? I'll Love You Forever"
but I already love him forever and he needs his own hardearned cash
I will prolly wait until its cheaper for me to get it
Oooh but I want it
"porno bitches" fav song so far
I would crank out some lyrics for yea
"shit, god damn! what that fuck? shes riding the fuck out of that niggas shit
look at the ass on this mother fucker man god damn she riding the fuck..."
thats the starting to the song...the rest is rap...and it takes me awhile to interpet every word lol
*giggles listening to the lyrics*
try to get some for you::
"I like a lady but I sure love a slut
the type that like to (?) my dick and let me scrub'um guts
The chick that want it doggy style while pulling on my nuts
and when your aiming for her face shorty
don't be trying to duck Uh"
That one line I just cant make out lol
oh well someone will
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| Yea Another Post about Leaving |
[22 Jun 2005|04:12pm] |
Besides coming back on the 29th
Today was the last day I attended CBSS as a student
Yea Jen another post about Leaving
but its all I can think about
leaving...
leaving people behind
her behind *smiles at how smoooooth she is* NOT
so many memories
not all of which at any good at all
but still make me smile when I think back
The stupid things I did this year that do their bit to change me
Oh I did some stupid things...but the things I wanted to do..but didnt because of fear..well I guess thats stupid too
I'll have to grow up soon
Live get out of this town
They say life starts outside of the school walls
or that these were our best years...years that we will never get back..they are gone forever
just like some of the faces you got used to seeing everyday
somepeople i am not worried about losing touch with
some I know we will talk...or at least try to..for the rest of our lives
some I know I just wont miss
some that I might lose touch with that scares me
what if I never see them again
what if I never talk to them again
what if I never touch them again
what if I never...
I'll miss so many people...and forget just as much
I think sometimes...how could I forget them...
but I will...I just know
well lacey is pissing me off so I am outtie
( Hedley - What Smiles Can't Afford(lyrics) )
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[20 Jun 2005|10:21pm] |
"I`ll have to read it in the shitter, and not shit while I read it"
HAHAHHAA
So I only have a few days left worth of school
Its nuts
I mean I am so close to getting out of highschool
Its been my home for so long
Teenage Drama is just going to be that much more pathedic
Sigh i dont want to get in to all that shit
its too much bagage for me to carry around
I hope 2 mar oh goes
I dont think I am going to any classes though
oh well lol
I dont really have any...Business...doesnt excist
Ow my boob hurts all of a sudden like a knife
owwy!!
anyway and then art...but fuck art lol
I will pass that shit so we be cool
You ever just get a song in your head?
a song that you used to just go crazy over when you heard it
a song that means alot to you
that you havent heard in a very long time
then someone mentions it..in passing
you download it, find the file on the computer, put the cd in, rewind the cassette tape...
wonder why you havent listened to it in so long
remember why it means so much...and smile
or cry, or get angry..Mostly you just remember
Then it leads to another song...that reminds you of that someone, that place, that time in your life when everything
was beautiful, was horrible...just was
you escape and remember...close your eyes and listen to the lyrics
a man or woman telling your story through theirs
If tears havent welled yet they will now
thinking of something...that was
and isnt now
Remembering a past that is exactly that
a past....
The song that started all this?
Oasis - WonderWall
"And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how "
All of a sudden ( this is way after I wrote the song bit)
I feel like I am in love
that warm feeling you get in your chest
that feeling that is opposite from the hollow I usually feel
This feeling will change tho...anyhoooo
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| "Today will be a day livejournal worthy" |
[19 Jun 2005|12:18am] |
"Today will be a day livejournal worthy"
Oh yea but not in the way we expected
Yea so Rissa picked me up to go to saturday school
in her oh so cool car
We get there
I got some shit done man...all of the write ups and pictures are on there now I just need to put a survey on there
I got a hardcopy of the book sorted out
blah blah
pizza was good
Rissas car was smoking
but you know it was only steam because of a puddle....
We leave and we go home
I check out times for movies
because we wanted to see batman begins
So I call her tell her the times
she gets to my house
we jet
we get to Matts house talk to him for a bit
Laurissa introduces us for the fifth time!! lol
we crawl upstairs
we talk to sean
Ooooh eeee *bats her eyes....
We say good by to sylvie and sean
Ooooh eeee *bats her eyes....
Laughing and singing to the really dumb music we used to like when we were 13
ha ha this day will be something to write in livejournal about...
Oh yea defiantely
make the corner...WTF why cant I...Awww shit
OH YEA THE CAR DIED
It is quite funny
we call a tow truck (yay for Mandy's dad)
we get a ride
we get to the shop
Dale picks us up and drops me off at home
( The Rest Of My Day )
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| Well you might want an adult to help with that |
[17 Jun 2005|10:22pm] |
I cant remember what movie what I was watching
but I really liked a scene...so I switched it a little
( Did I Post This Before? )
Thats a stupid screen play
dont mind it
I think I posted it before
but I changed a bit and yea
So yea whats up?
School is almost fucking over
and I need to get a job and grow up and FUCK
it is so harsh I dont know how i am going to do it
I am writing a story again well a scene
its going fine
I am trying to stay busy
but yea anyway update lata
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[12 Jun 2005|12:22pm] |
Man I woke up this morning with a huge headache
first one...not first headache
but first headache with a hangover
tummy hurts too
but puking didnt help
oh yea I puked!
I find it weird tho
I have drank..drunk..dranken?
more than that and have mixed liquors before and never bucked
but man I bucked it good
not alot came out
even though I had a sandwhich a few hours before
just the vodka
Gah it was gross
but hey whatever
Colton is such a sweet heart
and Alison is my angel
Its good she cut me off when she did!
I walked away and feel down...just laid there
I felt..dead...I couldnt feel the wind that was making the trees move
I couldnt feel the cold grass beneathe me
I could feel my stomach tho and the world spinning me around and around
I shut my eyes and no sound..everything was so quite
then someone came...and made me stand..which was very hard to do...
then I puked near the party entrance..I mean why couldnt I puke where no one was lol
dam body hates me!
Then I sat and sorta passed in and out
I think some people were talking to me..but I cant really remember
Then we walked back to Alisons house...I dont really remember that either...I tried to pass out on the floor but Colton made me sleep in Jessicas bed..I am thankful though lol the floor wouldnt have been comfortable in the morning
I really hope they didnt have to babysit me all that much
I hate being a burden to someone elses fun
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| Red Carpet |
[10 Jun 2005|05:27pm] |
1. Reply to this post with your name and I will write something I like about you.
2. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
3. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. Put this in your journal.
( My Days )
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| I'm Not Going To Stop Until You Tell Me Too |
[07 Jun 2005|08:54pm] |
( Spanks...I mean Tags )
"If you are what you eat, I could be you by morning.
Bodies are for hookers and fat people.
Compare your lives to mine and kill yourselves!"
that was on Katon_Kunai's Livejournal
found it amusing
Well My head hurts
you know that whole thinking too much thing
Oh well I will over it
Unfortunately I am retreating to my "Ice Queen" state (only some times)
I believe everyone else is "below me"
they are fowl creatures that should not share my air
you can tell I feel this way
Because my voice changes and my eyebrows lift slightly
everything annoys me
while i do not use bigger words my tongue seems bitchy
and stuck up
its really quite annoying I fucking hate it
but yea
Werd bitches peace
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| CherryVille Days Round Up |
[05 Jun 2005|03:54pm] |
Part Playful Kisser |
Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play
You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party
Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare
And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right! | Part Expert Kisser |
You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable |
HAHAHA
That was fun ANYWAY
so yesterday and this morning I was at Colton’s
He is "a good shit in the long run...if you like long runny shits but if not he is just a turd" BAHAHA
That was Lance he cracks me up!
no but really Colton is good people...His house fucking rocks too...its HUGE...as a bar
I felt so comfy there even when there was random bikers in the basement lol
Key phrases:
Suck and Blow
Teeth Brushing
Holy fuck she’s a hardcore
Truth and Dare
Bathtub Confessions
Whoa...thats not a chick
Mac and Cheese
yea truth and dare the first game I actually sorta enjoyed
I wasn’t used as a weapon to get back at anyone
and nothing was really inappropriate
I picked Dare more often because I felt safe
I got really drunk it was nice...
I couldnt really feel my body
which prolly help the no self concious feeling I felt most of the night
there was a few downers
so I did my disappearing act so I wouldnt drag anyone down with me
I didnt cry even tho I thought I was going to...
but yea overall it was a fun night
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| Just A Lil Bit |
[04 Jun 2005|12:33am] |
Hello!
How is you all?
2maroh I get to go to saturday school
I'm not in trouble its for yearbook
Weee
Yea anyway Rissa will be picking me up at 5 to 9 and racing me in to School
Whooo I dont mind being a passanger...I trust her driving..yea wierd I know
but I dunno its all cool
Then at 12 me and Alison will head up to her house
getting a boot then driving to Cherryville
Finding Colton and hanging out in Cherryville
Third wheel I will feel! but oh well maybe we will find some randoms to chill with
Then I wont feel so dum
Then we will meet up with Jen and Devin
Then drink until we all pass out in a doggy pile lol
jk
I dont know what will happen after that...
As long as I have fun...or get drunk...or BOTH
YEAA lol
Now i dont need alkahol to have fun
it just sure helps cure the party pooper in me lol
unless I get one of those drunk crying moods
but unlike anyone else I know lol
I hide and cry
lol
Dirty Sticky Floor - Dave Gahan
Really good song...Junkie X remix
Something you could dance to
And dancing is something I enjoy
I am talking to Jason...a friend in Alberta
I have no idea what he looks like tho lol
He has seen me
but I can remember if he sent me a pic
Oh yea a while back
Well I'mma header then...I mean I have to get up early 2maroh
Gahhh dam school! lol
Yearbook is worth it
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| Skipped Class GASP |
[02 Jun 2005|09:52pm] |
Yea oh yea thats right I was a bad girl
I didnt miss much I skipped a movie
I have saturday school
but not for skipping class
I have it for the yearbook
Gotta get that done
( Its Not Too Long Under Here )
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| Dad Knows |
[31 May 2005|08:19pm] |
so all of my family knows about the mark on my neck
Dad didnt really make fun of me like i thought he was going to
He was thinking of ways he could scare soandso though
but he wouldnt do that
at least I hope not
lol I feel good now
knowing that I dont have to hide them
Everyone knows.. I dont know why I tried to hide them in the first place there was no point
*sigh
lol
I hate homework
updated me deviant art check it out call me a loser..I am okay with all of it
whether you love it or hate it tell me why
at least on that poem PLEASE
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| GRAD POST ~ I Drank Your Wine And I Stole Your Man~ I didnt...but cool title eh? |
[30 May 2005|06:24pm] |
*giggles
(if you wanna skip to the fun fun parts...read Wet Grad lol)
( Its way to long to just post )
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| I AM SO HAPPY |
[17 May 2005|11:11pm] |
"Your a fucking waste of life"
It's GOOD to hear that from one of my best friends its also GOOD to be alone on grad, and to worry about dening acceptance. Its just GREAT to be guilty about leaving home and getting my own life. It's fucking SUPER to always be worried if people are laughing at you on the inside.Its AWESOME to be annoyed at everyone on the outside. Its crazy COOL to worry about your ablility to have kids at age 18. Its just GREAT to (emotionally) give give give and get shit on. Its very ENJOYABLE to be told what you believe in is wrong, everyday
I like having a lisense...Its freeing
I can drive..I dont have to depend on any one to get me around...
will I use my car all the fucking time?
NO if I can walk I will
If its cheaper to take the bus I will
and to be in a car pool it will one day be YOUR turn to DRIVE
I am going to be in fucking NORTH VAN in Jan. *teehee that rhymes..I will barely ever use my car...I will be working in Vernon and live in Lumby..I believe a car will be needed
I right now at my life
do not want to vote
I hate politics and I really dont want to spend my life
researching things I hate to form opinon that will end up being false anyway
I am not a buisness person...I do not feel I am mature enough to vote
It is my right to vote...thank god this is a free country...I do NOT HAVE to vote...
I do however think that voting for the green party is a waste of time...they are..well to put it frankly green...there only focus is the enviroment...You cant focus on only on thing in the goverment...That much I know..you need a balance in everything...What I also dont like...is the voting system...voting for your local dude should have no effect on the provincial dickface...I mean really..its a person(and a little pary) you vote for...not the actual party
but hey..none of this might make sense..because when it comes to politics I try to stay out of it
I dont want to know whats going on in the world
Its the depressing...and I am trying not to be depressed
no but I am a fucking loser who doesnt care about her country because she doesnt watch the evening news
fuck that..I love my fucking country..Canada fucking rules! I dont have to watch the depressing bullshit news to know that...whats really wrong is that half the fucking people in our school dont know the words to our fucking national anthem! Its so easy to forget something YOU NEVER HEAR
You do your own thing let me do mine...let me vote(ornot)...let me eat what I want...let me think what I want...let me watch what I want...let me feel, what I cant help but feel...let me love who I love because I would hate them otherwise
I am a little angry Jessica cant be my date..not angry at her..just peeved a little..I hope no one askes who I am taking in the near future...I might kill them...but I have watched enough CSI I think lol
I was so happy Jessica could be there..and really happy I wouldnt have to be alone
watching everyone else be happy with there dates
"Oh Vickie stop your fucking whining"
I can whine if I fucking want to this is how I feel
Do know whats its like to feel lonely your whole fucking life?
I wanted a date..so I wouldnt be a third wheel....even though if she came I would have ending up as a fourth wheel
but I would perfer that...
Please allow me to be sad once and awhile...Jessica cant come and everyone wants me to have a super day...I mean, please...I need a little time perhaps.. oh well I will act like i am over it
people like me better that way...
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