|
|
Saturday, December 6th, 2003
|
6:45p
Ah hell, I still love him so much. I spent last night imagining I was in his arms, pressed against his chest.
I read some of Emma Shaw's old letters from school and uni back again last night. I was such an idiot. I read them now, with the benefit of distance and time and realise what a bloody idiot I was. And Emma is my friend who is not apt to over-exaggeration like Maria is, but they both told me the same things, for years, thing that I was too afraid to believe that now seem so obvious.
I wonder what he felt, who he talked to. What he thought about when he thought of me, how his body felt when he was looking at me with that wonderful light in his eyes. Everybody could see that in him, the way his face changed, the way I made him more beautiful. They didn't think we looked wrong together, but right. And when we spoke together no one wanted to interrupt us incase they were stumbling on something private.
I didn't dare believe he loved me then, but now I think I know, and I think I understand. He'll always be my first love, even if he isn't my first lover and so he'll always be with me, and I hope I'll always be with him. I'm just praying that he's not unhappy, and that he'll be ok. He's too proud to say anything to anyone, so I just have to hope.
current mood:  lonely (comment on this)
|
10:42p
I was just so angry that I have to talk about this, or it'll fester.
This is the user information for the  redheadhate community:
Do you HATE Redheads too?
There is were we discuss our hate for these ugly freaks.
Yes they are genetic defects!
Join here now.
Fill out the survery below.
*Survey*
Your Age/Gender/Location?
Do you hate Redheads?
Why?
Do you think men hate them too?
What's the worst Redhair/eye color combo?
Ugliest celebrity Redhead?
What color should a redhead dye their hair?
Is it just their hair that is ugly? EXPLAIN:
This is a selection of the interests: (and I'll bold the more shocking ones)
auburn, blood, bloody, bright red, celtics are gross, cherry, crimson, dark red, eww, fire crotch, firey, flame, freaks, freckles, frizzy hair, fugly, ginger, ginners, hair, hair color, hair dye, hate redheads, hideous, irish suck, mutants, mutated, no more red, pale skin, plain, real of readheads sucks, red hair, red sucks, redhead hate, redheads, redheads are ugly, redheads suck, rouge, skin, strawberry, ugly, ugly pale skin, worst hair color
What have I said a hundred bloody times before? The last bastion of acceptable prejudice, particularly in the UK. You're not allowed to criticise someone, or hate someone particularly, for the colour of their skin, but how about the colour of their hair? Oh no, that's ok.
Now, I have red hair, as will probably be perfectly obvious by now, although I think this would still make me angry if I didn't. I spent a long time getting the piss taken out of me because of it. Luckily for me it is not that particular ginger/red shade that I think these lovely people are probably so vehemently opposed to, and all my life I have had adults who have told me how beautiful it is. And it is, short or long, it's thick and lovely auburn hair. That's a kind of darker ginger, for those who must persist in their foolishness.
But it's still enough to make you different, enough to make you miserable if you let it. I still get tremors inside if someone shouts "Ginner!" (i.e. ginger) in the street, which people sometimes do. Fortunately for me, I never thought that being different was anything to be ashamed of, quite the contrary. I would just say a big Fuck You to all those who it seemed to bother. But I still get defined by the colour of my hair, and no one thinks twice about it.
Somehow having red hair makes you some kind of an extreme: angry, whorish, ugly, weird, whatever. Those are all common red hair stereotypes that you'll find in films and tv and advertising. And I resent every last one of them. I've no idea if this is another peculiarly British thing or what, I only know it makes me furious angry. So I must conform to at least one of the stereotypes, right? Wrong.
It's the same kind of bull-headed, unthinking, immature prejudice against anything that makes anyone else different from you (and lets face it red heads are very much the minority in the hair colour stakes) that ruins people's self esteem and sense of worth. People who aren't like me, who don't have the defence of wanting to be different, people who just want to get on with other people. And I know first hand about that kind of bullying, because that's just what it is, I had it - and not just because of red hair, I had plenty of other things that people could pick on. I know that burning feeling of embarrassment and pain. And if it happened to me now I'd probably want to cut. Destruction breeds destruction. What a fab world we live in.
Now, I'm sure at this point I could be accused of over-exaggeration. Well, maybe so, but you know what they say about little acorns. (And if you don't know what they say about little acorns, well you've probably lost my thread already, so I'm not overly bothered.)
But notice what kind of semantics are being used here: hate, freaks, genetic defects, mutants, do men hate them too?
So, I'm less than a proper human, who deserves to be scorned, something is inherently wrong with me, and I couldn't possibly attract a mate.
Right.
Ring any bells with anyone?
Yeah, right there with you. Have been for some time. I'm still half waiting to be stoned to death in the street some days.
Why is difference so frightening? I embrace it - diversity is what keeps us going, what keeps us fresh and alive. These people want some of it's representatives stamped out.
I'm not really trying to equate a silly girl who created a community (which as yet has no members) on a journal site with some of the more prolific exponents of hate against specific groups of people based on what they look like or their genetic heritage (And I think we can all guess who I mean here). It would be over the top to do so, because those prolific exponents had power and influence and, more importantly and more horrifyingly, brains, at their disposal.  xxcoralxx clearly does not.
current mood:  angry
current music: Monstrous Regiment::Terry Pratchett (5 comments |comment on this)
|
|
|
|