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Thursday, October 16th, 2003
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1:25a
wrote this sitting in the library today, quite like old times in the common room at school...
There is no declaration, just the rhythm of his breathing. No salt tears, but no less sorrow for all that. It's all there, inside him, on the side that tells him he should speak. But it's small, enclosed and overpowered by the habit that has become instinct: to conceal, to envelop, to never let go of the present and of the consequences. The voice inside that used to watch and keep the commentary has become the judge and the general. he doesn't now know another way to be.
First love and last love, so perfectly juxtaposed. He knows she will be the last. His time for love has almost run out. She has taken what he feels can only be the last space in his heart. He swallowed her heart whole, unknowing, and perhaps that was the making of it all.
- unfinished, obviously. Might eventually become a post for  writingprojects for the sacrifice theme
current mood:  pensive
current music: Sting - Book of My Life (in my head) (comment on this)
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1:34p
The people (well, builders) next door are drilling and hammering and making a serious amount of noise. They have been since 8 o'clock. I managed to get a bit more sleep just now (I stayed up later than normal last night) but I still feel tired, and oddly depressed.
I always want to write deep and profound things when I start these updates, then all serious thoughts disappear from me as soon as my fingers touch the keyboard - to be replaced with tales of builders and pizza! Or builders' pizza maybe? I don't know, they don't seem to have sodded off for their lunch yet! Anyway, my semi-melancholy musings are probably not that interesting. I just feel a bit in competition with the other blurtys I read that are full of doom and destruction. I haven't got any doom anymore - left school and graduated from Durham. I've got my family and friends back. The only outstanding area is the continuing lack of a man of some sort. But I suppose he'll come along in his own good time. On that subject: Mike looked really sweet at the PostGrad seminar yesterday - he hadn't shaved...mmmm! (Yeah, fancying one of the PhD students would make giving a paper at the seminar sooo much easier!! But he's sweet, and Welsh.)
Mmmmm, now there is pizza (and more hammering) and I am (semi-) happy;)
current mood:  weird
current music: The Fifth Elephant - Terry Pratchett, read by Tony Robinson (4 comments |comment on this)
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