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Monday, October 13th, 2003
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12:18a
I had a pretty crappy day on Friday, hence the lack of updating. There were some really obnoxious lads at the bus station, and I know I shouldn't let this kind of thing bother me, and now that I think about it I'm very much: hey, what am I? Fourteen?! But at the time, it fucking hurt, a lot. worse, because I knew that there was nothing I could do about it. I wanted to hurt myself. And I did. It's this kind of thing that makes me want to be a hermit, y'know? And live in a lighthouse somewhere. Or just plain not be here at all. I'm ok now, no panic, but at the time I was really hurting. But I texted Maria and she made me feel better. I know a lot of this sensitivity stuff is a lot of what gives me my talents and what will hopefully earn me an exciting living. But it does make regular living a bit hard at times. Sometimes I just can't stand the hurt and the hate and intolerance, which is probably very naive of me. But, well...it just hurts that this is humanity and we're stuck with it.
Saturday seems a bit of a blur. I went to town with mum, feeling kinda depressed initially but we ended up having a great time, even though we lost the Christmas cards and baubles we bought from Cole Brothers in transit. (Ooops:\) I think I gave myself the day off effectively, and ended up watching 'I, Claudius'!
Today too was fab, because Kel and Emma and me all went to see Finding Nemo, then went to the pub which was less fab, because of yet more, though different, obnoxious boys. (Nemo had a teacher called Mr. Ray, which I found a little disconcerting!!) But it was awesomely fine - the animation from Pixar is just wow. Really makes me want to be artistic on a more regular basis!
Anyway, feeling much better now, for a little pizza and some friend time. I don't understand how they can be so great one week and seem so distant the next. I'm sure it's coz we've all got our own problems and issues that we don't share, but I kinda wish we would.
Oh, and just to cheer me up: my mum reassures me that there is someone out there for me, but he might be on a different continent. Yay. ;)
current mood:  grateful (2 comments |comment on this)
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