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It's been a really busy couple of days. It's about 4 in the morning and I'm about to go to sleep, just thought I'd update quickly. Yesterday wa the party for my grandparents. I picked up my cousin from the train station, he came from New Jersey and he's spending the weekend. So the party started at like 7...there was a lot of good food and after 16 months I drank again for the first time. After not drinking for so long, it fucked up my high tolerance and now I like, don't have a tolerance. I drank like 7 Mike's Hard Lemonades, which contain like absolutely no alcohol what so ever, and I was buzzed. I was being a crazy mother fucker, and a couple of people called me, and yeah I was online for a while and couldn't type for shit lol. I kind of disappointed a lot of people...even though I was funnier than usual. So anyways, I got up today and I had to go pay my credit card bill...stupid credit cards. I just pay it in full, because I hate having a balance on my card. It was like 300 bucks this time. Then, around 6 I went to my grandmother's house, because we had a party for my parents' 10 year annviersary. I played DDR for 6 hours straight and I did shit I didn't think I could. I was playing a lot of the songs on maniac...but the two I'm especially proud of are Abyss and Stomp To My Beat. I was like hoooooly shit I did NOT just do that lol. Then I went on my grandfather's computer for a little bit, and then decided to go home.
On another note, a lot of people have been asking about what happened with Rina and I, and it is so painful to talk about it....the mentioning of her name shatters my heart...even though I have been more emotionally stable. I don't have as many panic attacks as before, they have calmed down....but I am still having trouble sleeping and eating right....especially eating. We haven't talked in a long time, she isn't living with her dad, and that's where the computer is, and I guess she hasn't been checking her email from school. Oh well, whatever, but I need to get my stuff back from her. So anyways.....I've been in this weird mess of girls....so I'm going to make this little "pimp list" as I guess you call it to explain the situation.
Angela Shaw: I used to work with Angela. I always had a crush on her even way before I met Rina. I didn't think she was a lesbian but she is. We talked even after she stopped working at Old Navy, and she dated my manager, Eileen. I hung out with her quite a bit...and we've been hanging out lately. We recently went to a club, and even though it wasn't the best experience..we were sort of exchanging these weird looks...like attraction type of looks, but I have no clue what's going on. But she is such a great friend that I don't want to...but sometimes I feel like I would risk our friendship to have a chance to treat her the way she deserves to be treated.
Stephanie: Stephanie goes to the same college I do, and conveniently she lives 3 doors down from me in the dorm. I don't know why, but I'm attracted to her. She's never really been with a girl before, but she liked one girl that went to our school, and I think she's bi curious. She's....a little physically thick, but she is still extremely pretty...and there's something about her that just makes me sort of like her. I'm honestly not attracted to her in a sexual way, just in a ...dating/spending time with sort of fashion. That girl sends me mixed signals like whoa, and there's only 3 weeks left of the semester...I don't know if I should make a move or leave it be...I guess the next week will tell.
Jacinda: ok this is the most fucked up story yet. I was really mean to this girl in a chat room one time. She noticed Rina's screen name, and she always saw me talking about Rina. After hearing the news that we broke up, she pretended that her and Rina were talking on the phone for like a month and stuff, and that Rina wanted to hook up with her and what not. I was fucking furious. But anyway, she told me she was concerned I might hurt myself or something or get extremely depressed, so she used other screen names to watch me, and finally I realized it was her and told her how much what she had done hurt me. It's kinf of fucked up, because then we started talking. That night we talked for like almost 6 hours...about our pasts, our present, and just stuff about ourselves, and I almost shit my pants when I saw how much her and I have in common. We've been talking for the past few days a LOT and I just can't get enough of her. Even though I only know her through AOL there's something about her I like, and I don't knock the ao dating because Rina and I started out that way, and I know that shit like that can work. She lives in Tennessee though, and me in New York, and she has a kid named Kyle....which isn't my main concern, and it's not a reason for me to toss her to the curb, that would be fucked up. But we both like each other, so I guess I'm just going to take shit slow and not rush this time.
Ok, I wrote a lot, and I have a lot to think about on my way to dream land tonight. :sighs: okay I have to go. Hasta mañana putas.
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