New Journal. [28 Jun 2003|11:01pm]
Okay guys, I'm deleting this journal and making a new one, it's going to be friends only this time, so comment and I'll add you to my new blurty. The user name is dragons. Talk to you people later, peace. :P
~ show me love~

o.O [20 May 2003|02:43am]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | The typing of my fingers ]

Blah. What a motherfucking day. So I got up at like 10:30, and got dressed. My car was a big piece of shit last night and was vibrating like hell. I get up this morning, and I talked to Sara briefly, and she went back to sleep for a couple of hours. I had to go pay my credit card bill today at the bank, but I was afraid to drive my car. So I went to my grandfather's house for him to check my car out. Okay, so I get there and I took him for a quick ride to show him the vibrating. Then he thought maybe it was this B word...I don't know, it had something to do with holding the tire in place and the axel could have broken. Anyways, it wasn't that. My muffler is fucked up. The pipe is detached from the muffler so it has to be welded or something. Then, he checked the tire pressure and the pressure is supposed to be 32, and like 36 while hot I think...but it was 17 in the front tires and 20 in the back ones. He said "no wonder your car runs like shit." K so anyways. My front left tire was a fixed flat..let's keep that in mind. So I asked if it was okay to drive the car, and he said yes, so I drove to the bank and paid my bill. Mind you that I felt like I was in a huge fucking vibrator, my car was vibrating so hard. Then on the way back all of a sudden I felt like I lost control...the wheel was all weird. So I pulled over. Fucking wonderful. A nice pretty flat with my name on it. My grandfather came, but it was completely off the rim, which isn't fixable. So we waited for a tow truck and I called Sara to bitch about my unhappy time. We got back to my grandfather's house and I just happened to look at my inspection sticker. Oh well to top it all off, my inspection was up October of I've been driving around with an inspection that has been expired for 7 months. Wow. K this is fucking ridiculous. Anyways...after that whole fucking fiasco, we ate lunch and I talked to Sara some more. Ate some Dominos for dinner....mmm. I talked to Sara some more. Lol. Then I came back to my house and played DDR and talked to Sara yet more. Now I'm not going to have a car for like a week, so I have cleaning to do and shit, and I have to find my cam so I can start camming with Sara again. Okay well this shit is long enough.'s hot in here. IN FUCKING FERNO. that word. Okay that's enough. K that's enough thanks for coming, k thanks bye.
Edit:Isn't my layout cool? Sara did it for me. Thank you baby :]

~ show me love~

[11 May 2003|01:30am]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | Dance Maniax-Mind Parasite ]

So I figured I would update yet again. I took Janeen to the place to get her car fixed, we got lost n the way, but we found it lol. Then I called and woke Sara up and she really didn't want to go to work lol. So we talked almost the whole time it took me to get home, because I hadto drive Janeen back to Shirley to pick up her money for the car. She treated me to TJ's, a really good hero place. Thanks Janeen, since I now know you read this, lol. So we came back and I talked to Sara a little bit, she forgot her ID at her house so she had to call in late and go back home and get it lol. So then I basically chilled for the rest of the day in my room by myself and did absolutely nothing. I talked to Sara on and off at work, and I'm waiting for her to get home in a few minutes. I'm going to start writing her a letter, and I'll send it out sometime next week. Okay well I have a few other things to finish up before she gets home, so I'm going to run. Wow I posted twice today, holy shit :x. K that's enough k thanks bye.

~ show me love~

:] [10 May 2003|01:58pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Janeen's laptop playing a song ]

It's like 2 PM, and I just woke up like an hour ago. I was up until 8 in the morning talking to Sara on the phone. We were having fun talking about al kinds of stuff. :]. I called my uncle to see what was up about Janeen's car, so we're going to drop her car off and come back, and wait or her cousin to call and tell us if the money came or not, and if it doesn't come I told her I might charge it on my card. So we'll see what happens. After that, I need to call Sara at lke 1 her time, 4 mine, to wake her up, because she has to work today. I might wake her up a 1/2 hour early just to talk to her before she gets ready for work, she said she didn't mind. So I just got dressed and we're leaving for the car place in a few minutes, just thought I would update quickly. Can't wait until I talk to Sara. :P. Okay, this is enough for now. Bye kids.

~ 1 angel * show me love~

Bleh. [09 May 2003|09:23pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Television. ]

So yeah. I was on talking to Sara until like 2 this morning, and then she was tired so she went to sleep, and then I went to sleep as well. First, Theo called me at 11, apologizing for waking me up, but the paper in order to stay at the dorms for the next week was due today by 12 PM, so Theo stopped by and he dropped it off at RLO for me. So I layed back down, and my grandmother calls at 11:20, to tell me she picked up my mother's day gift for my mom. So I was like uh ok. So I TRIED to go back to sleep. I was kind of pissed off at my grandmother because I told Sara to call me and wake me up when she got up and I was expecting Sara to call, but it was my lovely grandmother. Bleh. So then 10 minutes later, Sara called. :D. So we talked on the phone for a while and then cammed an stuff. At around 3 my friend Cass asked me to drive him to the post office, so I got dressed and Janeen came along. Afterwards, we spontaneously decided that it would be a good idea to go to Adventureland to play some DDR. So we went, and there was this guy there on the DDR machine, and he was fucking so good. But you could tell it was almost an obsession with him, because he was doing Stealth mode, which is were you can't see the arrows appearing on the screen, it's like you have to actually memorize the whole routine. We didn't battle, but we went against each other. Actually, this was the first time I went up against someone who was really good, and I did alright but I still felt as if I was sucking lol. The only song I looked half decent on against him was Abyss, but that's because I know that song and i've been practicing like crazy. So we came back and they went to dinner, and I ate some junk food because I really didn't feel like going to the cafeteria. Then, this big asshole that Janeen and I went to High School with came to visit, and he's still here now. Ugh, I don't like him at all, he's a big fucking fuckface. Anyways. I was on the phone with Sara up until the time he came, and she went shopping because her parents left with Zach for San Diego. I'm looking forward to talking to her tonight and stuff, and hopefully she'll show me the new clothes she bought. :]. I miss her a lot. :T. I called her cell phone to say hi and she's on her way back now, so I'm going to delete AOL and reinstall it because this shit has an error. Ok, I'll update later. Peace.

~ show me love~

>:T [09 May 2003|12:19am]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | The typing of my fingers. ]

So the day started out on a great note. I woke up around 10:20 today, and got on and talked to Sara for a bit. I got dressed and ready for the RA meeting I had today, which was a total waste of my time. I ran into Theo outside and we talked for a few minutes and I said that if I wasn't out of the meeting by 11:30 to go ahead and go eat lunch without me. So the meeting ended at 12, and they went to eat without me. Since I didn't finish my English paper last night like I was supposed to, sice my computer was a total fuckface, had to skip Biology and Abnormal Psychology today. I talked to Sara while I did my paper, and I finished it at like 3:20. I printed it out in Dung's room, because he has a printer, and this semester I just didnt bother to bring my printer. I was on the phone with Sara and I went to go hand in my paper. I came back to my room and we hung up, and Janeen and I were supposed to go to this place that my uncle suggest so Janeen could geter brakes and possibly her rotors fixed at. Anyways, it ends up that I'll be driving Janeen on Saturday out to where we grew up, and her mom is mailing the money and then we'll pick it up and drive back to the school, and then go and get her car fixed. So after finding out 10 minutes later we weren't going to get it fixed until Saturday, I decided that I wasn't really feeling up to Knapp Hall food, especially since it has been sucking lately, so Janeen and I walked to Java City and I picked up a sandwich and an extra sandwich and a salad in case i got hungry later on into the night. She got a soda and then we walked back to the dorms, and I got back online and talked to Sara. Had an argument with a certain someone that I really don't feel like discussing. Anyways, I went into a chat and some other drama shit was being said in the chat room. Oh well, whatever. Anyways, Sara's having a really bad night and I've been n the phone with her quite a bit. I'm waiting for her to call me back now, so I figured I would update. Ok, well that's all for now, I'll update again soon. Hasta luego.

~ 1 angel * show me love~

:P [07 May 2003|05:56pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | music from BBQ outside ]

So yeah. I was up talking to Sara last night until like 5 in the morning, just talking and stuff. Then I woke up around 11 and I wasn't feeling so hot, so it took me a little longer than usual to get ready. I noticed the time, and by the time I got ready it was already I couldn't go to class, because we're not allowed to be late to class. I stayed on and talked to Sara, and we were talking online, camming, and talking on the phone on and off. Tiffany kept calling her and she told me she was arguing with some other chick about something. She offered to make me a layout for my blurty but I said no nicely, but that was very sweet of her. She called me while she went to the store to get something, and then we were talking up until like 5:15 my time. She had to work today, and she's going to call me on her break at 6 her time, 9 mine. I'm looking forward to talking to her :]. Okay well that's enough updating for right now, I need to get going on my English paper, I want to get it done before Sara gets home so we can talk. Ciao kids.

~ show me love~

:P [07 May 2003|01:10am]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Boyz 2 Men-On Bended Knee ]'s been hectic. I found out that I got the RA position I applied for, and I have a meeting on Thursday in regard to it. I have to start studying for finals. I think I failed my Bio test today...woop de fucking doo. 've been hanging out with the usual crew non-stop, it's been a riot, lol. We went to see X2 on Friday, and that movie kicked ass...definitely going to have to buy it. My tattoo is peeling like a mother fucker...and yeah I'm talking quite randomly lol. Whatever though. Today Sara and I have been talking a lot, and we've known each other for a while, and we've really been hitting it off, so I asked her out today. She's adorable on the phone. :]. Okay well that's enough updating, I'm not used to writing this much. :x. Okay well that's it kids, goodnight. >:P.

~ show me love~

OMG!!@~!~!~! [02 May 2003|01:24am]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Sean Paul-Diwali Riddim ]

OMFG. I JUST GOT A TATTOO. :D. I took my friend Theo bc we were bored, and he said I'll just go get a tattoo. So He got 2 dragons, 1 on each shoulder blade.I REALLY wanted to get one...and I kept debating whether or not I should. I finally decided to. Since my mom opens my credit card statements, Theo charged it on his and I'll just pay him back. I got a black chinese symbol that says "love". For free, the gu put some blue boredering around it, and it looks really nice. It only cost 50 bucks. I left him a 10 dollar tip for giving me extra stuff. So yeah I'm so proud of myself. I thought it was going to hurt but it really didn't. Okay well I'm going to bed, we're going to go and see X-men 2 tomorrow. Okay, hasta.

~ show me love~

:O [28 Apr 2003|07:53pm]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | TV. ]

OMG. Janeen got her tongue pierced. That's it fuck my fear. I'm getting my tongue pierced damnit. I'm saving up money and I'll go next week to get it pierced. Janeen and Theo are going to go with me if I get it done. And DAMNIT. I don't care if my mom kills me. I'll do it lol. So I've been talking to these two girls...named Jacinda and Chelle, and yeah everything's going pretty well. I talked to Rina on the phone last night and we just talked about normal stuff. So I guess that's cool. Uhm. I have to call my mom and ask her something. I don't know how well that will go over though. anyways. Yeah. A lot of shit has been going on but I don't really feel like updating in here all about it, it's just too much to type. Janeen is in my room watching tv because she is bored and her tongue is hurting like fuck. Oh well it'll all be worth i in a few weeks. And soon that will be me. :X. Okay, I'm out. Ciao.

~ show me love~

:O [20 Apr 2003|03:54am]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Hamsters eating their food ]

It's been a really busy couple of days. It's about 4 in the morning and I'm about to go to sleep, just thought I'd update quickly. Yesterday wa the party for my grandparents. I picked up my cousin from the train station, he came from New Jersey and he's spending the weekend. So the party started at like 7...there was a lot of good food and after 16 months I drank again for the first time. After not drinking for so long, it fucked up my high tolerance and now I like, don't have a tolerance. I drank like 7 Mike's Hard Lemonades, which contain like absolutely no alcohol what so ever, and I was buzzed. I was being a crazy mother fucker, and a couple of people called me, and yeah I was online for a while and couldn't type for shit lol. I kind of disappointed a lot of people...even though I was funnier than usual. So anyways, I got up today and I had to go pay my credit card bill...stupid credit cards. I just pay it in full, because I hate having a balance on my card. It was like 300 bucks this time. Then, around 6 I went to my grandmother's house, because we had a party for my parents' 10 year annviersary. I played DDR for 6 hours straight and I did shit I didn't think I could. I was playing a lot of the songs on maniac...but the two I'm especially proud of are Abyss and Stomp To My Beat. I was like hoooooly shit I did NOT just do that lol. Then I went on my grandfather's computer for a little bit, and then decided to go home.

On another note, a lot of people have been asking about what happened with Rina and I, and it is so painful to talk about it....the mentioning of her name shatters my heart...even though I have been more emotionally stable. I don't have as many panic attacks as before, they have calmed down....but I am still having trouble sleeping and eating right....especially eating. We haven't talked in a long time, she isn't living with her dad, and that's where the computer is, and I guess she hasn't been checking her email from school. Oh well, whatever, but I need to get my stuff back from her. So anyways.....I've been in this weird mess of I'm going to make this little "pimp list" as I guess you call it to explain the situation.

Angela Shaw: I used to work with Angela. I always had a crush on her even way before I met Rina. I didn't think she was a lesbian but she is. We talked even after she stopped working at Old Navy, and she dated my manager, Eileen. I hung out with her quite a bit...and we've been hanging out lately. We recently went to a club, and even though it wasn't the best experience..we were sort of exchanging these weird attraction type of looks, but I have no clue what's going on. But she is such a great friend that I don't want to...but sometimes I feel like I would risk our friendship to have a chance to treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

Stephanie: Stephanie goes to the same college I do, and conveniently she lives 3 doors down from me in the dorm. I don't know why, but I'm attracted to her. She's never really been with a girl before, but she liked one girl that went to our school, and I think she's bi curious. She's....a little physically thick, but she is still extremely pretty...and there's something about her that just makes me sort of like her. I'm honestly not attracted to her in a sexual way, just in a time with sort of fashion. That girl sends me mixed signals like whoa, and there's only 3 weeks left of the semester...I don't know if I should make a move or leave it be...I guess the next week will tell.

Jacinda: ok this is the most fucked up story yet. I was really mean to this girl in a chat room one time. She noticed Rina's screen name, and she always saw me talking about Rina. After hearing the news that we broke up, she pretended that her and Rina were talking on the phone for like a month and stuff, and that Rina wanted to hook up with her and what not. I was fucking furious. But anyway, she told me she was concerned I might hurt myself or something or get extremely depressed, so she used other screen names to watch me, and finally I realized it was her and told her how much what she had done hurt me. It's kinf of fucked up, because then we started talking. That night we talked for like almost 6 hours...about our pasts, our present, and just stuff about ourselves, and I almost shit my pants when I saw how much her and I have in common. We've been talking for the past few days a LOT and I just can't get enough of her. Even though I only know her through AOL there's something about her I like, and I don't knock the ao dating because Rina and I started out that way, and I know that shit like that can work. She lives in Tennessee though, and me in New York, and she has a kid named Kyle....which isn't my main concern, and it's not a reason for me to toss her to the curb, that would be fucked up. But we both like each other, so I guess I'm just going to take shit slow and not rush this time.

Ok, I wrote a lot, and I have a lot to think about on my way to dream land tonight. :sighs: okay I have to go. Hasta maƱana putas.

~ show me love~

:Yawn: [16 Apr 2003|02:59am]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | Boyz 2 Men-Girl In The Life Magazine ]

So I went to bed around 5ish this morning. It was another boring day of break. Theo and Kelly called me last night to update me a little on their trip to Florida so far. This morning I woke up around 1:30, when my dad was leaving for work. I went online for a little while and then I watched a couple movies on the satellite..none of them from the beginning, just bits and pieces of movies here and there. Around 3:30 my mom came home and ran back out to do some shit, and she brought TJ's back for dinner. Mmmm....they have the BEST heroes lol. Then I watched a little more tv and I've been online since. I talked to Jenn and Nick on the phone today...I've been getting along with them a lot better and stuff. A couple people asked about Rina kind of made me sad but it's okay, they didn't know. I talked to both the Angelas online today and we were talking about our fucked up Saturday night lol. They're going to come visit me in the dorms before the end of the semester, which is only like 3 weeks away lol. I have to start looking for another job....I don't want to be working at Old Navy full time. I'm going to see if I can just work shipment in the mornings so I don't have to deal with the customers, that would be muuuuuuuch better for me lol. So yeah I have to get working on that. I have some shit to settle with my financial aid for next year, and I should be hearing the first week in May whether or not they're considering me for the RA position. I really hope so, I would REALLY like to dorm in the fall. I have some studying to do still and I still have to clean my room before Friday....we're having an anniversary party...which is a surprise for my grandparents...and then saturday a party at my grandparents for my parents. lol crazy shit. my grandparents will be 40 years and my parents 10. Then.....Sunday is there will be plenty of family, and plenty of food. Then on Monday I have to pack up my stuff for school and I'm going back at night, and my friends will be there and they're going to tell me all about the crazy shit they did in Florida. Stephanie will be back too, I'm kind of eager to see her. She was supposed to call me back but she hasnt yet, oh well no sweat. Haven't talked to Brandy in like two days...wonder if she's okay...and this girl Erika that I used to go to TaeKwonDo with kind of asked me out on a date on Thursday. She is SOOOOO not my type but that's okay, I don't think I can go anyway, I'm kind of busy. I've been talking to Joe, and he wants to go to the Avril concert with me...I got stuck with the tickets and yeah. So he might go with me, I have to see...he said he'll pay for the ticket. We're supposed to hang out next weekend and go to a whole bunch of gay places on the island to see what's out there. Uhmm.....and I've been talking to this Rene chick online who said she likes me...I dunno though. She's from NC, and I don't d the ao-dating anymore. I'm not knocking it, it's just too hard to deal with. Ah wells. I wrote enough for tonight. I'm out, peace.

~ show me love~

LOLOL [14 Apr 2003|10:25pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Awwww man. Let me tell you, what a day Saturday was lolol. So We had this birthday party for my godfather, who just turned 80 [Damn, that's old]. But anyways, we had the party for him, and I had originally made plans to go out to a club with my two friends that I used to work with, who are both named Angela and are 23 lol. So anyways, I stayed at the party at my grandmother's house until about 6 PM, playing DDR. At 6 Angela Shaw called to let me know I had to be at her house by 8:45 to catch the train to Jamaica. So I ran to Kohls to buy an outfit, and then I jet back to my car and drove home. By the time I got home it was like 7:00 and I still needed to take a shower and get dressed. K so I try on the outfit at home and it looked like shit. FUCK. K so I finally found a pair of dark jeans to wear with my black silk shirt and my black boots. I took a shower and I rushed to get ready. I let the animals out and then I left for Angela's house. I got there around 8:40, so I met her parents, and then I got to see her room. Anyways, we took her car and left for Ronkonkoma train station, and bought our roundtrip tickets. It really sucks because she read the Weekday schedule, so we had an extra 30 minutes to kill. We decide to ride by Angela Pravata's crush's she pulls her hoody over her head of curly hair and becomes paranoid that he's everywhere lol. So we were unsuccessful in actually locating his house, and we drove back to the train station. We get on the train and we see a whole bunch of hot chicks, sexuality: unknown. So we're talking on the train about Eileen [Angela Shaw's ex and my ex-manager.] And I talked a little about Rina and I...separately of course. So we got to Jamaica and got off to hop on the subway. We took the E up to Roosevelt Avenue and then hopped on the F to Steinway Street. So we're walking and we see a trans sexual....and the club we're going to is known to be a club where they hang out too. So Angela goes...FOLLOW HIM...but he was dressed as a she, but it ends up he was leaving from around there, and we were walking the wrong way. So we then walked the correct way. I hit the manager up of uncle got me a hook up. So we went in, with a free coat check, free admission, and free drinks all night. They were playing a lot of house and a hell of a lot of latino music. There was this guy dancing like a moron non-stop and we kept laughing. So Angela goes "Of course he's dancing like he doesn't care, he's probably on an e trip sweetie." And then she left to go to the bathroom, and I was kind of looking at Angela..the one I've liked for a long time. So anyway, the other one comes back and goes: "OMG they have cheese doodles, pringles, furry thongs...they've got everything in there." So we walked around to get a good look at the club, and then we used the bathroom and bought some munchies for the ride home, not knowing when we'd be able to get a little something to eat. So we were hurrying to try and catch the 1:37, but we got off the subway a stop early at Jamaica Ave or some shit instead of Sutphin we were walking around Jamaica aimlessly at 2 in the morning, and I was with two Angelas who really needed to pee. So we walked to a White Castle, and they peed. Angela Pravata comes out and goes " says all employees must wash hands before returning to work....SO WHERES THE FUCKING SOAP?!" LOLOL. Man I was dying. So between the train ride of Angela Shaw saying "Angie Ran....I REEEAAALLY hope there are cute girls tonight" and Pravata's hilarious comments along with her coach bag with the lovely color match of red and powder blue, it was a hysterical night. We finally took the subway to Sutphin Avenue and sat at the Jamaica train station for over an hour. Angela and I kept on exchanging looks, but I don't know what's going on. I really like her but I know I'm not at all her type...kind of wishing I was because we have so much in common and I know what she's been through because I've been through a lot of the same things, and I know I could treat her so good. Oh well though....there's no point in being upset over something that will never happen. I wouldn't want to lose her friendship either...she's a good friend..but sometimes I don't know...I'm kind of willing to risk it...aggghhhh whatever. I got home around 5 in the morning and collapsed onto my bed sleeping until 3 in the afternoon and then just chilling around the house all day.

I've been talking to Brandy lately and it's been pretty cool, we're getting along really well. I was supposed to call her tonight, but I did and she told me to call back in a 1/2 an hour. I called and left a message for her today while she was in school and then I called when she told me to and she didnt answer, so I left a message. I called Stephanie the last day before break and she never called me back, she said she would but oh well, not even stressing over that. The I talked to the girl Erika I knew from TaeKwonDo...she used to like me and shit and I thought I liked her but she is SOOOOO not my type. I was talking to her online today and I think she sort of asked me on a date? I dunno. I might go just to be nice since we're friends, but like...She is SO not my type. We're supposed to go play pool on we'll see what happens, and she gave me her cell and asked for mine. I dunno wtf is going on but yeah. Why can't the people I like like me? Grawr. Just grawr. It's cool though, because it would probably be worse. I'm not looking for a relationship...just someone I kind of like to spend time with and shit...nothing serious. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I don't want to be hurt right now, I have to get better first. Okay this shit is extremely long so let me shut the fuck up now k thanks bye.

~ show me love~

[02 Apr 2003|07:10pm]
K hi. I'm bored to death, as it is already obvious since I'm updating in here. I want to sleep, but I don't but I think I will because I am so fucking bored. School sucks as usual, classes suck, tests coming up, and I have shit to do. Confused and blah blah all that good stuff. Been hanging out with my friends more and its great. also kind of thinking of someone else. k anyways. thats enough and i think its basically all i have to say. ok im out. peace
~ 5 angels * show me love~

-.- [31 Mar 2003|03:26am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | ]

Well...hour 40 approaching. I've never been up this long without sleep, I would have usually passed out by now. My eyes are drooping but no matter how much I try I can't sleep. I'm shaking horribly right now, YES maybe I'll finally fall asleep. My mom has been really worried about me lately, and I hate making her worry, especially now since she has other stuff on her mind. I just got back from playing ddr for like 3 hours straight...and I'm still somewhat wide awake. i really need to try and get some sleep tomorrow, because I have class and stuff. It's cold as fuck in my room but if I close the windows I'll be hot. Oh well, I'd rather be cold than hot. I have a bunch of crap to take care of tomorrow, and the way things are looking, I don't think I'm going to become an RA. The meal plan isnt unless i can work something out about that money it looks like I'm going to be commuting. Oh well, more shit to think about, but that isn't a problem, since I already have a lot of shit on my mind. Well yeah, I'm going now, peace.

~ show me love~

....... [29 Mar 2003|04:55am]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | loud fucking hamsters ]

It's 5:30 in the why am I not able to sleep? The fatigue is there, but no possibility for relief. I think it's just that my eyes are burning, I don't even know if I'm actually tired. The hamsters are being noisy as fuck...I guess that adds to it. I can see nightfall becoming daybreak...and it's starting to scare me. Not the fact that I can't sleep, but there's so many things that I think are wrong with me, that I'm starting to wonder if I'm going to get any better. Lately, I've felt so outside of myself, and so lost. And to be honest, I've never had a.."tiredness" like this and not have been able to sleep. My thoughts don't eat at me..I'm a strong person....aren't I? I just....don't know anymore. Everything is a blur and I feel as if I'm being caught in the middle. I'm not in pain, I'm just so uncomfortable. I feel so out of place..and sick, and I'm becoming weaker by the day..more frail and lazy and my thoughts are beginning to gnaw at my brain. So many things are circulating and they're haunting me. I want the thoughts to go away and it's given me such bad headaches that i try to sleep them off, but as soon as I wake up, the pain returns. I don't know what to do anymore, I guess I'm just really stressed out, and making a big deal over nothing. I think Im rambling but my head is a mess right now and I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost and confused...and I dont have a clue what to do....I'm getting so physically and mentally worn out and tired. I feel like I'm breaking down....

~ show me love~

:O [26 Mar 2003|09:12pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | TV-American Idol ]

So I've made a new layout. It's not the best one, but it's better than the little piece of shit picture I had posted before, so yeah, whatever. I'm waching Americn Idol waiting for Rina to get on, so I guess I'll go eat a little something and do a little work if I feel like it. Add me to your lists!!!!!

~ show me love~

updating, since i havent in a while [26 Mar 2003|01:11am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Chicks in the hallway screaming ]

uhm...let's see, everything's been hectic lately. School is going...alright, although not exactly how I want it to be going. I hate my English professor, who just so happens to be a large arrogant dick, but yeah hey, whatever. Grrr stupid keyboard keys. :smacks: K anyways. I'm passing everything, so that's what counts. I'm applying for an RA position at the school in hopes of being able to dorm for free next semester, because next semester I'm going to have a very heavy credit load, and now I'm about to apply for summer courses that I have to take in order to graduate on time. Blah. I've been offline for a while, attempting to distance myself from the ridiculous drama that occurs on here. I was just going through random journals and what would seem to take place over the course of a few months of a reality, takes place in AOL time, which is the equivalent of about 5 hours. I'm so glad my drama days are over with. There are only a few people on here that I would consider close friends, the others just acquiantances. No harm intended, but that's the truth. It just gets me how peopl can sit on here and make such a ruckus over thing that are so harmless, and drag it out to make it 100 times more dramatic than it needs to be. Basically because everything on here revolves around gossip, and supposed trust that seldomly occurs. It's a mystery to me, really. Ahhhh, anyways, Kelly is in my room away from her retarded room mate doing her bio work and I think I'm about to go play a game or get a little ahead on my work. I'll update again when I'm dreadfully bored left with no alternatives, but to update my livejournal. Until then, peace, and I love you very much Rina hun<33333 :x

*Note to self*- Find a background that doesn't look like a complete piece of shit for livejournal if opportunity ever arises.

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:D [14 Feb 2003|08:54am]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | Good Guy-Boyz 2 Men ]

I'm about to depart for the in like 25 minutes I'll be driving to the train station. I'm meeting Rina at the Yankee Stadium subway station. She was being all confusing last night like "take the 4 train; look for these signs, no wait let me make it easier," rofl. Finally she said "just get off and sit down." I was like k I can do that. So yeah. I have all of today planned out, as most of you already know. I'm looking sexyyyyy :x. Wearing a pair of khakis, and a plain black shirt, with like this kind of striped silk black shirt over it, I actually look pretty good. I have a breakfast/lunch packed for the train ride, awww :x. I picked up some food yesterday in case I didn't have time to go and get it now, so yeah. I'm so nervous/excited/ready and like I don't know I just hope it all goes perfect. Most of you know today's a VERY ;x special day, and yeah, i just hope......I get what I a few ways :X. Alright, well I'm going to make sure I have everything. Wish me luck guys! I'll post on Monday about today. Bye guys, I love you Rina

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[13 Feb 2003|11:01am]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | DDR-Era-Nostal Mix by TaQ ]

I haven't updated in a few days. going to be one of those days I'll never forget. I have to go to the mall and pick up a few last minutes things......take a nice long shower...wash my hair.....:coughshavecough: :x. Yeah. I'm going to go into the city tomorrow to meet up with Rina for a doctor's appointment, and then we have to be back in farmingdale by 6 the latest, because I made dinner reservations. Rina you had better dress warm because we are going to the beach tonight, NO EXCUSES :D. I have to go home and clean my room and go pick up the paycheck I never picked up. Extra money in my pocket OOOOOHHH YEAHHHHHH. :prays it's like 200 dollars: :x. Okay well I have to get going, I have class and what not. Talk to all you jerk faces later. Hasta Luego. I love you Rina<3333333. :DD.

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