|
|
Monday, June 28th, 2004
| |
12:53 pm - poems . . .
|
Here are a couple poems i found.....
... A locked door,
A rusty razor,
A towel stained with blood,
A broken mirror,
A young girl lays there dead,
Their emotions are tangled,
The room begins to swirl,
She was moms perfect angel,
And daddys little girl...
~ material.witness ~
~ this one i found in a notebook in my room ~
I am so sad, I feel like my life is over, should I end it now, before the pain takes over? Hold the gun to my head , knife to my wrist, soon it will all be over. No more worrying, no more confusion, this must be the only conclusion. My problems will fade, my wounds will heal, without my life theres nothing to feel. They didn't help, they didn't try, but they didn't mean to make me cry. I hid behind my smiles, so they couldn't see my tears. Not being needed is the worst kind of fear. No one knew, they couldn't tell, no warning signs that my life was going to hell. So what can i do to make the hurt go away? With this gun to my head, i'll take my own life today.
** sometimes i wonder what it would be like to end my life, then i wouldnt have to go through all the pain and heart ache life hands out, but then again i wouldnt be able to enjoy all the wonderful things either, well, at least ppl would pay me attention if i almost died... I mean u look around and u hear about all these young ppl killin themselves and ppl they love because of things that have happened at home... u cant help but wonder what could have happened to make this child hate there lives so much that they would end it so soon...? But then again u sometimes feel bad for them and their families because its hard to lose someone u love very much...
current mood:  confused
current music: phone
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, June 19th, 2004
| |
11:39 pm - :( david
|
~ So its official.... me and my BF david broke up... we've been talkin about it for a while... deciding wheather we were gonna take a break or break up, so this morning at about 2:30am he said '' ive been thinkin, and i realized that the longer i keep u around, the worse im gonna end up hurting you '' and he told me that he thought maybe we should break up for a while, and for me to give him some time to straighten things out and to fix his problems, cause u see, in the past hes been involved in drugs, and when his parents got devorced he turned to drug and drinking... but the worst part is, while i was at the beach he was less then an hour away... but he was drunk, and most of the time when he gets drunk he does really stupid things... some hurt me more then others.. so thats one of the main problems he tryin to fix... he promised me that when he came back, he would be different... So after we talked for about an hour, we came to the conclusion that it would be best if we broke up for a while and that it might help him if he didnt have to worry about hurting me while he was gone... but he told me not to think of it like we were breaking up for good because he would be back and when he did come back he would be wanting to see me again.... But after we said by i realized that he was gone, and that there would is a chance that i may not get him back, i mean if he leaves for a while and meets another girl that he becomes interested in, i could lose him... :( but i have faith in us so i know he'll come back.... :) -
~ Im leavin for TN on tuesday... ill be gone till around Saturday, i cant wait... TN is so beautiful, i was thinkin about takin a road trip with a couple of friends when i get my Liscence and thats where im hoping to go... i went with my cousin last summer and i loved it, we went while there was a car show, I remember one night when we were drivin around, we decided to stop and watch to cars, so we parked in a parking lot and my cousins parents sat on the back of the truck and we sat on the sidewalk, well this one truck went by and it was filled with guys, i was lookin through my purse and this one guy leaned out of the window and started beating on the door, i looked up and he yelled " hey baby, wanna go for a ride " i smiled and waved . . . it was so funny cause i accidentaly spilled all my teddygrahms... my cousin started laughin and after a while we went back to the house... i will never forget that... :) i had sooooo much fun there, at night we would go walkin up and down the streets, all the hott guys would be out walkin around to, it was so cool...
~ well i better go... im really tired and i gotta get up early tomorrow morning... ttyl
~ Ashley ~
current mood:  tired
current music: TV
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
| |
3:14 pm - its been a while
|
~ Sorry i havnt updated in a while, i've been really busy.... so lemme take some time time and update a lil bit... ~
~ Im outta school, so i am officially an 8th grader, YAY ~ i have a new crush, u see one of my friends invited a couple ppl over to stay the night and the guy i have a crush on just happened to go... i didnt think i would have as much fun as i did, and when i left, he said by to me and he almost gave me a hug, but britts parents were watchin and he didnt wanna get into trouble, so i just left- On Saturday (may 22) i called him and when his brother chris gave him the phone i got scared and hung up, so when i saw him at school i asked him if anyone had called and he told me someone called him and hung up. Of coarse, he wasnt mad so it was iight ~ and so far ive been having a good summer... I just got back from the beach ( i went with Brittany) (VannaBooBoo519 ) we stayed in her aunts camper, it was alotta fun... we stayed next to this really really hot guy.... we called him Sparky, cause he reminded us of a guy at church....but i think his name was Jordan, because brittanys cousin jordan went with us and when he was playin on the swings we called his name and the guy turned around.. i really wanted to talk to him, but the whole time all i did was stare and watch him, occasionally i would smile at him and he would smile back, but i never talked to him... it seemed to me like he wanted to talk to us to, because when we were all gettin in the van he looked over and said "aww there leavin..." when i heard him say that all i wanted to do was turn around and say '' no, we'll be back in a lil while '', but like i always am, i was to afraid to, so i just got into the van and looked back at him while we pulled away.... I think the worst mistake i made was not talkin to him, because from the time we left, to the time we got home, i couldnt stop thinkin about him... i know that sounds stupid, but its true... i kept tellin myself "u should have talked to him".... but i didnt so, i dont think its the fact that i liked him, i think its the fact that everytime i go somewhere and i stay next to a guy that i think is really cute, i stay the whole time, see him so many times, and have so many chances to talk to him, but i never take them.... i guess one day, ill learn from my mistakes...
As for me and my bf David, we're ok, i guess... we were taking a break but he told me today that he was sorry, and he wanted the break to be over, he also confessed to alotta things he did this weekend... you see, in the past hes been mixed up with drugs and stuff... so this weekend he met up with some old friends and they smoked and things like that, so they got all high and crap and he did some things he says hes ashamed of now, some hurt me more then him.... i mean these things have happened before and idk if i can stand being hurt like that again... but the thing is... I love him, but im not in love with him... and im afraid if i keep putting my heart on the line, its just gonna get broken even more... but i dont wanna lose him.... i told him all that stuff about an hour ago... he said he would think about what he thought would be best for us... maybe us breakin up would be for the best... :' (
Well Im gonna go to bed... maybe ill sleep on it, talk to him about it tomorrow... i hope everything goes ok... ttyl - Night
~ Ashley ~
( ~ if u have any advice, leave me a message.... ~ )
current mood:  bored
current music: TV
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|