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Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
9:20 pm
BLEURHGHH. I need to stop eating so bad. I might get my mum to put a lock on the cupboard or something. I went to Thursday on Saturday. AHHHHHH. It was SO amazing. Geoff is like the best frontman ever and Nick let me go at the barrier in front of him <3 Autobiography Of A Nation was probably the highlight, or maybe Standing On The Edge Of Summer. And then I went to Thrice on Monday which was really cool. They're such amazing performers. I sold my spare ticket to this absolutely gorgeous man AUHH yeah. Hmh. I can't be bothered to write anymore. OK I will. At FXBRY on Friday I got really wasted AGAIN which I should REALLY stop doing at some point, and Miss Kurtis pretty much said I was an alcoholic. Fantastic. And then Sarah F, Anna etc turned up which was GAY. I think some people like that are going this week too. Wonderful. I complained about it to Rich and he was like 'I don't really care if they go' and then I felt like a bitch. But yeah last Friday I tried to get in there with Ad and Gun came over and was like 'you 2 should soooooooooo go out' and then it was really awkward. Thanks for that.

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Sunday, September 28th, 2003
5:37 pm - Pensive
Yes, that's me. Ok I think my brain is really fucked up. I forget EVERYTHING that happens. And as soon as I fall asleep my sleep is filled with dreams crossing real life and reality, like when you're drunk and you go to sleep you always have a dream about where you were that night, and when you wake up you don't know which version really happened. That's what it's like, but ALL the time. I also do things and totally forget that I've done them. Like when I take my pills, five minutes later I'll go over and take them again. I hate it. I also don't seem to think about school work at all, I just do it... And everyone keeps asking me if I'm ok, like, CONSTANTLY. It's the most annoying thing ever, but I suppose they're just concerned. But I don't see why they're concerned, cuz I don't think I show anything on the outside. Then again, maybe I'm not. EmmaF ALWAYS notices, I dunno how she does it. If I'm slightly pissed off or down or whatever, I won't show it, and no one else will have a clue, but she just KNOWS. I love her so much. I think I spend to much time alone, and I also think I think too much. If I thought about stuff less maybe I wouldn't get so confused. And if I didn't analyse every little thing that happened in my life. I was gonna tell Adam all this if I call him, but I decided if he told me stuff like that I'd get a bit freaked out so maybe I should leave it out... Sooooooo what shall I talk to him about???? I love this. I can just talk about myself constantly and no one can get pissed off. And if you are, I love you. Great. Granny's here. She just told me 'the Internet is being abolished because of naughty men'. RIIIGHT.....

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5:22 pm - Ok I haven't Blurtyed Friday
Yeah so Friday was SMMMMMMMMMM at MFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. They're actually SO amazing, I really think they're gonna go far. And they're all so gorgeous too. MMM. I hate Andy though, he needs to take his cock outta his own mouth sometime. Yeah it was really cool actually, like EVERYONE was there, but in the same way it was slightly gay cos all these gay people from our school were like 'yeahh! andyyy! johnnn!' and it's like.. they don't even know them. And Emma was such a tard. But let's not get into that. AHH. I was supposed to meet Adam at the entrance cuz he had some spare tickets for this guy Jake and I was supposed to give them to Jake, but when I got there it was like 7pm and Adam just like grabbed my hand and took me downstairs and told me he didn't have the tix but that they were about to come on stage, and he like dragged me into the crowd with him and put his arm round me and stuff. <333333. I hope he wasn't drunk/stoned. And then we were about 5 people back or something, and Alex was up at the barrier and he turned round he was like 'CAZZAAAAAAAAA' and put his arms out, and the crowd like parted and I just ran up to the front and Adam was like right behind me, and it was so cool. At that moment was probably the happiest in ages, cuz I'd just had my hair cut so I actually looked good for a change. And I was wearing my favourite top, but then CLARE decided to copy me and wear the same top, but oh well, no one knows who she is. And Sarah and Lou met! I think they got on really well too so that was cool. Yeah so SM were like amazingly good, and Adam kept like smiling at me and stuff. Ahh... I really should call him and have a nice chat, I think he might appreciate it. Yeah so anyway, yeah and then some people wanted to go to Fxbry but to tell you the truth I just wanted to do whatever Adam was doing, cuz I really felt something that night. But all the girls were going to Fxbry and I didn't wanna ditch them, and if I did ditch them I might be a bit left out anyway cuz all the guys would be going sik in the pit. Although that was quite fun.
The second band were really good I thought, although they sounded A LOT like Lost Prophets. I made Sophie come in the pit with me for old times' sake, but she was so drunk, and it was the funniest thing ever. She kept hitting all these random girls who weren't even in the pit, and it was just so funny, I haven't had that much fun with her in so long.
Yeah so a few of us went to Fxbry and it was okishhh... I dunno. Well I wasn't drunk which was a shame. AHH. I met Kate for the first time when I've been sober and it was soo awkward... Cuz I was just like 'Kateeee' and it was just me and her and we talked for a little bit and then there was this huge silence so I just ran away. I didn't get drunk till like 11 and we had to leave at 11.30 :O(. Emma and Alex got together :O But she always has to get with someone. And ALWAYS has to have her tits out. It actually makes me feel sick. Oh and Collette and that lot all turned up and I know this is so horrible but I don't want them there. They have their boys and we have ours... Fuck, I hope they don't start coming all the time. It's OUR thing. And they're so gay about it, they're like 'I'M GONA GET WELL PISSED TONIGHT!!!!!!!!' and it's like err yeah ok.

current music: Second Stage Turbine Blade

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5:06 pm - Shitty Sunday - cold, bored, drowning in a sea of homework, confused, greasy hair
Yeah... So it's Sunday. Yesterday was so boring. The girls met up in the day as usual and we just walked around the shops and stuff. I was in a weird mood which isn't so strange lately and I think people are going off me because of it. Everyone went home except me, Emma and James and some random boy so me and Emma decided we would each go home and meet up later when DR band practise had finished and we could do something with those kids. So we went home and then Emma couldn't come out again cos her grandparents were round or some shit. Then Fearn called me and asked if I wanted to go to the cinema with her and Cassy so I decided I may as well, and then maybe I could catch some DR action beforehand. However, Cassy then called me and alerted me that there was a slight change of plan and we were gonna go to Libbie's and get a movie and eat loads of popcorn. I was cool with that. Then Lou called me and she was at her dad's sausage and cheese party and as bored as fuck. She wanted to go to Libb's but Libb's dad wasn't cool with it so I felt kinda bad cos I don't really know Libbs so i coulda just chilled with Lou at her place or something. And then Gabs was calling me and got me to come and meet DR at Maccy D's cuz they'd just finished band practise, so I went along. I think they were all really stoned. And I'm also mega pissed off cuz I have like 5 Thrice tix and Adam got 6 and he stole all the people I was gonna give mine to. So I dunno what to do now.
I FINALLY wrote a short story which I've been trying to do for about 2 years. It's pretty funny but I just ripped it off some story I found on some kid's LJ.
But yeah anyway, I think I was being really weird cuz I just turned up at Maccy D's for no reason when I was supposed to be at Libbie's house and her house is nearer to my house than Maccy D's is, so I'd just have to go back the other way. The main reason was cuz I wanted to see Adam. <3 And he lives really near Libbie so I thought maybe we could walk back together when I decided to go to Libbies. But no. I was like 'I'm going now' and everyone was just like 'ok bye.' I suppose I can';t really expect him to just get up and go, and I think he was stoned anyway so the conversation on the way probably wouldn't have been too successful. I always thought HE was the weird 1, but I'm starting to think I'm probably pretty weird too. When I hugged him in McDonalds it was at a really awkward angle so it didn't really work. And he asked me who was going to Libbie's and I told him and he was like 'partaaaaay' and I was just like 'erm, no.' I might call him later and have a chat with him, but he might wonder why I'm calling him. I might write down a list of bullet points to talk about just in case it runs out. I can't actually think of anything to say though.
I can't remember if I've Blurtyed Friday yet...

current music: Coheed and Cambria - Second Stage Turbine Blade

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Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
7:29 pm - Hmm
If you were really sad and really wanted to become 1 of those 'most updated' journals, you could just like put 1 word or 1 letter in each post so you get loads.

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7:10 pm - Hello
This is my first entry like ever apart from 1 I just did typing A Static Lullaby lyrics to see what happened. I should be writing an argument for english about why Lotto money should be spent on coastal areas... I included some fake quotes from 'Margate folk' which jazzed it up a bit though. I think I'm getting my hair cut at Tony & Guy on Friday which should be cool, but then I'm going to the SM gig like straight after so it'll get all fucked up. And I just asked my mum to get me like 5 Funeral For a Friend tickets and she's kinda broke right now and seeing as the haircuts costing like £60 she's probably pretty pissed off. Oh and I wanted to go to that MTV2 thing on Tuesday with like The Thrills, The Rapture, The Music, The Darkness and Jane's Addiction but it's like £30 and I don't particularly like any of the bands, I just fancied going. I think Nigel would rather sell the ticket to Fat Paul though, cuz he's willing to pay like £60 for it cuz he's a twat. Gabs announced today that she doesn't actually hate emo. I think it's cuz she's intimidated by me and when she said she hated it before I tried not to flinch but I think she noticed cuz I started going on about how much Rancid and Distillers and all that crap sucks. I don't actually think that though. Well maybe Distillers. And most Rancid songs. Shit it's cold. It was so hot like 2 days ago and now I'm wearing a fat jumper that I used to wear skiing. Cool Hayley said she liked it once. Great. Sarah F keeps saying hi to me at school, really enthusiastically. I think it's from when she saw me in the park on Friday and I'd straightened my hair and I was drunk so she realised I just might be cool enough for her. I can't stand her though. Apparently MSN is shutting down cuz of paedos or something... I'm quite glad if it does, cuz I'm addicted and I hate it, it's stupid. I say every night that I'm not gonna go on but I always do. But I just feel like I can't have proper real conversations with people. If MSN died people would call each other more which is way better cuz you can feel really close to someone on the phone but hardly ever on MSN. I just included a quote from a fisherman in my essay who I called Oscar Mull3r. The SM show on Friday's gonna fucking suck. All the gays from our school are going and they're gonna 'dress up as punks' apparently. I think I'll just chill at the back and get drunk and look cool while they try and start a 'mosh pit' up at the front. Richy may not appreciate the fact I wasn't joining in though. I have a free house on Saturday so I'm thinking of having some hedz round here but I don't want Adam to think I'm trying to recreate what happened last time. Although that would be nice. I might have some shrooms as well, but I'm unsure of what everyone else will think. I don't want whoever to try it to become 'dirty shroomers' like the 'dirty pillers' are. And the guys will probably think we're really stupid. I might just not tell anyone. AHH. I noticed when I got home from school today that I HAVE A MOUSTACHE. I can't believe it. Well I'm hoping I'm just imagining it because when you stare at someone's moustache area, you notice that everyone's got 1, but mine just seemed really outstanding... No one's ever called me Shauna/Tasha though, so hopefully they haven't noticed. I guess it's inevitable cuz I'm pale and I have dark hair. I'll just shave it off/kill myself. Fajitas for dinner, score.

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7:08 pm
Take This Blade To My Wrist, And Help Me End What Makes You UGLY

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