Alexandra's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Alexandra [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[22 Dec 2003|02:39pm] [ mood | lonely ] I said I would update..but I'm not in the mood to really talk about anything right now, or in the mood to write out a huge post that I want to. Mrm.. Especially since it doesn't matter if I update or not, only two or three people read this..if even that. Oh well.. Sadness, very much indeed. Sick of being alone. =/ x alex [ 1 ] pets

[22 Dec 2003|12:13am] [ mood | lonely ] I don't update for a while and people ask me where I am.. I would post more right now, but I'm not..whee. I'm tired..but I'll update tomorrow if I remember to. If you care, though..you can check out my new LJ and such. ;x http://www.livejournal.com/~disinfectant Later days, alex pets

[05 Dec 2003|06:55am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Gensomaden SaiYuki // Open Up Your Mind ] You are 57% geek You are a geek. Good for you! Considering the endless complexity of the universe, as well as whatever discipline you happen to be most interested in, you'll never be bored as long as you have a good book store, a net connection, and thousands of dollars worth of expensive equipment. Assuming you're a technical geek, you'll be able to afford it, too. If you're not a technical geek, you're geek enough to mate with a technical geek and thereby get the needed dough. Dating tip: Don't date a geek of the same persuasion as you. You'll constantly try to out-geek the other. Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com Wow..only 57%, not much of a surprise there. I r g33k. =/ I also can't sleep and it's like..seven in the morning. Went to bed around 12:30 AM. How odd..I'm not tired and I didn't sleep that much.. Wow..something must really be messed up in my brain right now. ._____.; [ 5 ] pets

[04 Dec 2003|11:09pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Cowboy Bebop // The Real Folk Blues ] Mrm.. Blah.. Recap, small..but it does enough.. Last night..started cutting again.. I know, I'm stupid..bring on the yelling.. Tonight, Chris and I broke up.. Deciding to just try to be friends for a while, just see how that goes.. Since..yeah.. Friends, it'll work..hope it does, at least.. Still care about him and all that.. It hurts.. ._. I'm finished now..maybe I'll go make some ramen.. ._. x alex [ 2 ] pets

[02 Dec 2003|05:55pm] [ mood | depressed ] you are darkslateblue #483D8B Your dominant hue is blue, making you a good friend who people love and trust. You're good in social situations and want to fit in. Just be careful not to compromise who you are to make them happy. Your saturation level is medium - You're not the most decisive go-getter, but you can get a job done when it's required of you. You probably don't think the world can change for you and don't want to spend too much effort trying to force it. Your outlook on life can be bright or dark, depending on the situation. You are flexible and see things objectively. Enter your username to see your friends colors: the spacefem.com html color quiz Hoorah quizes, fun fun fun. Now I'm finished. ;/ Still in a shitty mood..dammit.. Been trying to keep myself cheered up all day. ;/ x alex [ 3 ] pets

[01 Dec 2003|12:59am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | the pillows // crazy sunshine ] Wow..been doing a lot of thinking today. I'm not sure I like thinking too hard about a few certain things, oh well. Need to figure out where I'm going sooner or later, might as well now. Getting into one of my lower moods, blah..I don't like that. It'll only last a little while, so I'm going to try to keep myself talking to people and in a good mood until I'm feeling more myself. Memo to self: Make an appointment to see Karen and get medication prescribed, MUST DO THAT THIS WEEK. Who wants to help Alex on figuring out how to raise the level of her Chocobos on FFX-2!? Damn that game and their Chocobos that won't raise anymore levels! Gr! I'm going to have to play that game a few more times just to get the damned percentage, anyway.. Ugh. -.-;; OH! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! Even if it was Sunday and I forgot it totally.. Makes me feel like a bitch, I'm sorry. ;/ x alex ( Layout is currently for David. [ on LJ ]) :) pets

[30 Nov 2003|04:03am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Gary Jules // Mad World ] I haven't updated in like..ever..ugh. My attention span = shit. =D Anywho..I'll just say a few things that have been going on, whee! Recapping is fun! First: Been seeing my psych a lot more now, talking to her and all that..ugh.. I can't really open up to her about some things, mainly sticks with family and friend stuff..then anxiety issues I have.. Whee.. I cry there like..everytime I go, hopefully that's a good thing, who knows. Don't want to talk about that.. e.e Second: Addicted like crazy to Final Fantasy X-2..w00t..yeah, that game has got me hooked. I like it, woosh.. No point in having gil, though..so I just buy all the movie and music spheres I can. @_@ My favorite dressphere = Rikku's Trainer one, monkey! Whee! Yeah..not much to say there, I'm in a shitty mood. >O Ugh..fighting with a certain friend again, and it sucks. Mrm.. Pissing me off..both for what I'm saying and what he's saying.. It hurts.. Ugh. ;/ I don't feel like updating anymore, I'm getting depressed. -.- x alex [ 2 ] pets

[07 Nov 2003|04:51am] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | Disco Inferno ] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have real stuff to post, just not at nearly five AM. I also have journals to read, I haven't been doing that much lately. Mrm.. I'm not in a good mood, so..whatever. <3 Chris x alex [ 2 ] pets

[16 Oct 2003|11:34pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Silent Hill 3 // You're Not Here ] Here's a question, I don't feel like posting because I'm feeling depressed and shit like that. Whatever..doesn't matter..back to my question. What good am I doing for anybody? What good am I doing for myself? What good will I ever do for anybody? What good will I ever do for myself? Is there any point in my sticking around? Is there any point in my being like I am? Eh..forget that. Doesn't matter like a lot of other things I'm going through. Fuck it all. Let's have cookies. x alex [ 3 ] pets

[14 Oct 2003|08:53pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | Movies // Mary Poppins ] I realized today that I'm terrified of dying. Even if I was old. I don't remember all that was involved in my breakdown today, but yeah..I realized that I'm terrifed of dying. Damn..there goes the suicide planning...kidding. I'm doing well! <3 Chris x alex [ 5 ] pets

Like we needed proof.. [26 Sep 2003|11:30am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | KO Beast Century // Koi wa B*O*M*B*E*R ] Hahah.. Dina, you'll like this one. o.o No number. How Addicted To Furcadia Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Furc server is back up, yay! Now, I shall play on there for the rest of the day. :) <3 Chris x alex pets

[20 Sep 2003|02:30am] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | Jason Mraz // No Stopping Us ] I went to the doctor today, it sucked. =/ Stuid guy. Nothing is better with me. x.x; First..he says that the cartilage in my breastbone or something may be inflammed, okay. Then he makes appointments for me to see three other doctors. Supposed to watch how my chest feels when I do stuff. Why? Because I may have a heart problem or asthma. Oh..and he also told me that I may have diabetes, so I have to get that tested. I though the doctor was supposed to make me feel at least a little bit reassured on why I felt sick.. x.x; Blah..I'm depressed and worried, stupid body. Anywho..now, on to having a little laugh. :x Iost morality: Is there a way to snog yourself? o.o Akimbo v2: ... Akimbo v2: Hm.. doIl decay: Yes Akimbo v2: Explain it. Akimbo v2: :x Akimbo v2: EXPLAIN DINA doIl decay: OKAY Iost morality: xD doIl decay: a mirror. Akimbo v2: Nice. Akimbo v2: xD Iost morality: xD x alex <3 Chris pets

[10 Sep 2003|06:41am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Stroke 9 // Kick Some Ass ] Recap! I went back to school..but now I'm a Junior instead of a Senior. Sucks ass. Oh well. At least I'm trying. Period One Spanish 1 ( Mrs. Diedrich, she's a crappy teacher.. ) Period Two Economics ( Mrs Dupuis, cool teacher! ) Period Three Applied Math 1 ( Mr. Beaudot, he's neat. =D ) Period Four English 11, 1 ( Mrs. Vetter, I think she hates me. ) Period Five Short Stories/Novelettes ( Mrs. Vetter..again. ) Period Six Enviromental Science 1 ( Mr. Evavold, I think he's coo, hea's nice and likes me. =D ) Period Seven Conceptual Physics 1 ( Mr. Evavold again. Whee! ) Had a horrible, horrible nightmare that had something to do with Chris..was just terrible. Been up since three AM. Whee! Did Spanish, Conceptual Physics, and Short Stories homework. As well as burn a CD for myself to listen to at school, take a shower, eat some fun fruits, organize my back pack, and listen to some music. Whee! I'm so awake right now it's not even funny. Supposed to call Darren..I miss Darren, I haven't talked to him for over a year.. Wish I remembered his number.. ;-; But, yes..I'm back in school. GED plan = put on standby. Spanish sucks, I miss French. =/ <3 Chris x alex pets

[29 Aug 2003|09:32pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Echo and the Bunnymen // The Killing Moon ] I did write a huge post. But it got deleted. So let's stick with a small version. Today sucked ass. Marlee is a pig that eats everything she sees. Apple gummy vs Kiwi gummy, which will win? Soul Calibur II is neat Arcades are silly and cost more than they should. My aunt and grandma apparently do things for me that I don't know of. It's my fault that I'm so unhappy. I got blamed for making an AOL account at my grandma's house when I haven't been there for over a month. I got blamed for being the cause of a bruise on Shelby's arm. I get blamed for everything. Size 44C bras are hard to find. Today sucked. I want to cut more than I did. Today just sucked..badly. :/ <3 Chris x alex pets

[26 Aug 2003|12:47am] [ mood | depressed ] I'm still depressed. I still want to cut. I still haven't cut. Blargh.. Why am I such a horrible person that nobody wants to stay friends with, be around, or know? :/ Everybody always ends up hating me or stops talking to me. x alex [ 2 ] pets

[24 Aug 2003|02:48pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Plumb // Send Angels ] Akimbo says: I'm sorry for the other day. Even though I know it doesn't matter..whatever..bye. Gators_Girl says: thank you and yes i do care it has bothered me all week and i apologize i havent sent it to you yet Akimbo says: Whatever. I told you not to send one anymore. I don't care. Gators_Girl says: you know i love you and your sisters and you girls mean the world to me and if you chose not to believe that its find but i do care Akimbo says: Well, I do choose not to believe it. Akimbo says: I saw you..what..three times since you left? Akimbo says: And mainly because you had Hannah and SHelby. Gators_Girl says: and you know i wanted you here too but you chose not to stay and you have been told that you can come and stay anytime you want .... i didnt leave you and your sisters i left your dad Akimbo says: Really? could've fooled me that you only left him. I mean..hell.. Go away for three years..see us for a funeral. Then only see us when you want us to go there? Akimbo says: You left, why should we have to go there? Akimbo says: How is that fair? Akimbo says: And..I wanted to stay, I was told that I couldn't. Akimbo says: I was TALKED out of it. Akimbo says: ANd now I'm glad I didn't stay. Akimbo says: I wouldn't want to mess up your new family. Gators_Girl says: you wouldnt have messed it up and if thats what you want to believe alex thats fine Akimbo says: Dad should've made it that you could only have supervised visits HERE. Akimbo says: You left..not us. Gators_Girl says: but i dont think its fair you tellyour sisters that Akimbo says: Whatever. Akimbo says: I just dont' care anymore. You care more about your new life than us anyway. You barely call..you rarely talk to us.. So..why am I supposed to believe otherwise? Gators_Girl says: i call and you never want to talk to me ....and if thats what you chose to believe then fine alex Gators_Girl says: im not going to fight with you Akimbo says: Good..because it is what I believe. Why would I want to talk to the woman that abandoned me a week before my fifteenth birthday without hardly even talking to us about anything? Akimbo says: I mean..seriously..what would you call that? Gators_Girl says: if i didnt care how you left i would have took your 3 left .... but why drag you 3 from everything you knew and all the family and have you hate me more then you dod noew Akimbo says: I never hated dad. You were the one Hannah and I complained about. You weren't even around half the time..and when you were you were online. We wouldn't have left even if we had the chance. Akimbo says: YOu just don't try very hard to get time with us, and you know it. You just don't..care..you really don't. Akimbo says: But..I really don't want to talk to you. I don't. So..whatever. Bye. Sorry, again, even though I'm not that sorry. =/ Gators_Girl says: like i said alex think what you want just dont fillyour sisters head with it because i do care about you all and love you Akimbo says: Yeah, whatever. I know..I just brainwash everyone into thinking what I want, don't I? Akimbo says: I guess I'm just a bitch and should die like people tell me. Gators_Girl says: dont even go there Akimbo says: Hm..wonder where I got it from..hm.. I wonder. Maybe I'll end up like you and not hold a job, marry someone and leave them, too, instead of working things out. Akimbo says: I could always take up drinking and being out until two AM everynight. Akimbo says: Gambling. Akimbo says: Hell..I could be like you, people say that I'm like you were when you were young. Akimbo says: But you know what..I'm never going to do that. I'm not going ot mess up my family's life because I can't make more meetings to try to figure out what's wrong. I'm going to be happy, yeah. Trying to be now. But you know what..I have this nagging thing in the back of my mind that I need to yell at you and clear things up with you.But I can't likely make an appointment with my psych having you Gators_Girl says: well like i said i'm a good for nothng mom and i guess i was never there for you never did anything for you girls and youe dad was there 24 /7 took time off work to take you girls to the doctors time off to come to your school programs for the 15 years i was there with you Akimbo says: eight hours away and all. So..I should just say what my friend told me and pretend that my mother is dead, would be easier to deal with the pain then dont' you think? God. You know, I do feel terrible. For yelling at you. Akimbo says: Whatever.. Akimbo says: Like I said, I'm A bitch. Akimbo says: And I should just drop down dead, you know? Akimbo says: Hell..seem to cause more problems with people than solve them anyway. Akimbo says: And you know that dad couldnt' take off time because he was busy trying to make money so that we could at least be somewhat comfortable with where we were. Since you didn't work and watched TV all day..took us to those appointments. You couldnt' even hold onto a job once you got one. Akimbo says: So you're not making a very good argument. Akimbo says: But like I said..I don't want to argue with you anymore because I can get a lost worse. Akimbo says: You don't know what goes on through my head..and you never will. Gators_Girl says: oh i dint work Akimbo says: So..just.. Gators_Girl says: okay Akimbo says: Leave me alone. Akimbo says: Again, I'm not very sorry for what I said. Akimbo says: But..whatever. Akimbo says: Sorry Akimbo says: AGAIN Akimbo says: Bye. Gators_Girl says: if thats what you want alex i will but i love you and you are not a bitch i think of youall the time but like i said mom fked up and i know i didn but doin what i thought was best for you isnt and wasnt Akimbo says: Mrm. You can say that all you want, you know? But I still won't believe you. Not for a long time. Akimbo says: Not until somebody actually proves it to me at least. Gators_Girl says: well youknow i was told not to long and ago how much better you where because i wasnt there Akimbo says: Really? I'm better because you're gone? Gators_Girl says: thats what i've been told Akimbo says: Could've fooled me with all the anger and depression I'm holding in. Akimbo says: What people don't know becaue I don't let them. Akimbo says: I'm a bunch of fucking lies but into the view of a normal, happy person. Akimbo says: I learned how to do that a long time ago. Akimbo says: I'm good at pretending now that I don't even know what I'm like anymore. Akimbo says: But..you wouldn't know that anyway. Akimbo says: So..doesn't matter. Akimbo says: Bye..have a nice, happy life. :] ---------------------------------------------- I want to cut. I think I will. x alex pets

[21 Aug 2003|12:36pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | Mister Rogers! ] Alex made a new friend. Who's scary similiar..really. It's all.."WOOSH! REALLY!? ME TOO!" and..yeah. Haha. Reminds me of when I first started talking to Adam for some reason.. Hm.. Memo to self: Dont drink milk or orange juice when it's been in the fridge with a huge, rotting watermelon. Yuck.. I think I'm hungry now. So I think I'll go make some popcorn. Then watch Mister Rogers. =D <3 chris x alex [ 1 ] pets

A conversation with mom.. =/ [18 Aug 2003|05:52pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | TV // King of the Hill ] Akimbo = Me Gators_Girl = Mom Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation. Akimbo says: I thought you were going to send me a birthday card. =/ Gators_Girl says: I AM I AM Akimbo says: Whatever.. Akimbo says: I think you're full of shit. Gators_Girl says: PLEASE DONT Akimbo says: You can't go buy me a 99 cent birthday card? Akimbo says: Seriously.. Akimbo says: I don't believe you. Gators_Girl says: I KNOW MOM IS WORTHLESS ...... I GET TOLD ALL THE TIME BUT IT IS COMING Akimbo says: That's what you said when we picked up Hannah. Then when you called on my birthday. Then when you said when Shelby was getting home. Akimbo says: It's not that hard to fold paper. =/ Gators_Girl says: WELL I DIDNT GET IT DONE SORRY Gators_Girl says: ITS A LONG STORY BUT IT IS C OMEIN G Akimbo says: Of course..you don't care anymore.. Mrm.. You're gone, you're happier there apparently. Akimbo says: Don't care about me or anything when I'm turning eighteen..can't fold me a piece of paper and write happy birthday on it. Akimbo says: Do you really know how badly that's been hurting me? Akimbo says: Seriously. Akimbo says: How badly I've gotten after you leaving? Gators_Girl says: I KNMOW I KNOW Gators_Girl says: AND IHAVE NO EXCUSE Akimbo says: That's right, you don't. Gators_Girl says: BUT I DIDNT HAVE I T MY CAR BROKE DOWN Akimbo says: So don't try saying one. Don't start making up lies. Akimbo says: 99 cents at ANY gas station. Gators_Girl says: I DONT HAVE ONE Akimbo says: SkopKo. Akimbo says: Walmart. Akimbo says: Just.. Akimbo says: Mrm. Akimbo says: That's a bunch of crap. Akimbo says: Just..whatever. Akimbo says: Do'nt bother sending one. Gators_Girl says: WELL I DIDNT HAVE IT I'M SORRY I HAVE NO MONEY I'M BROKE Akimbo says: You couldn't find a piece of paper? Akimbo says: Jeez.. Akimbo says: Just..I don't care anymore. And then..I put her on block.. Should I feel bad for saying that shit? Seriously..should I? x alex [ 3 ] pets

[15 Aug 2003|04:52pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | RahXephon // Ongaku ] New layout. YAY! It sucks. -cough.- Anybody have a better Pet Shop of Horrors icon I could use? =/ x alex [ 2 ] pets

[10 Aug 2003|01:16pm] [ mood | giggly ] [ music | KO Beast Century // Koi wa B*O*M*B*E*R ] Lmao. I'm AOL grounded. That's great. Haha.. Oh man. It's so freaking HILARIOUS. I scrolled. And David did worse. How come he's not grounded? David you lucky asshole. :P x alex pets

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