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[29 Dec 2003|07:37pm] |
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here I hope I'm safe. Come on now...don't tell me this was the biggest mistake of your young life. Don't act like this didn't kill you too. Don't act like nothing is wrong. We see the hurt through you. Don't act like you haven't changed. YOU HAVE. Look I'm doing my best to forget and get over it. FUCK IT.
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[19 Dec 2003|04:30pm] |
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Wow. I can see myself with this kid forever. Its so different.
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[26 Oct 2003|07:18pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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-x-Join me in death - HIM -x- |
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I miss being best friends w/ you. I miss being your lil sis. I feel like we don't even know eachother anymore. What ever happened to us? Its like.. we're so distant...and we used to do everything together. I feel like you don't want or need me around. I mean hell I KNOW I STILL NEED YOU. I feel like its my fault somehow. I hate to say it, but I'm jealous of Rick. he sees you way more than i do. I miss my best friend. I miss my sister.
Ohana forever.
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[26 Oct 2003|05:13pm] |
I absolutely can't stand it here. I want to move away. Hell down the street would be good for all I care. As long as I'm out of this house. I ...GRR...
Dylan hasn't called back the last 2 days. What a suprise? He's prolly too busy talking to Molly. w/e.
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[27 Sep 2003|07:33pm] |
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A year and a day since you left me. And Its still aches like a mother f-er. I just wanna know if I'll ever get over it. And if you can...lemme know that Heaven is all its cracked up to be baby boi...
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| 10-30-03 |
[31 Aug 2003|04:43pm] |
*plays w/ Coles Ring on finger* *plays with Dylan's Ring on necklace* =\ I'm just at as much fault as you are Cole.
10-30-03
at least its not 6 months...
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| ..\\*//.. A shooting star that commited suicide..\\*//.. |
[26 Aug 2003|07:28pm] |
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mood |
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Hurt |
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music |
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-x- "Poison Girl" - HIM -x- |
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This could be a painful year, all cause of you dear. mm.
::Bleeding in front of you,
My face is turning blue
All you do is stare at me like its beautiful.
Ur eyes stabbing me like a knife thats dull
Your a painful one, best yet.
Something I'm sure I'll regret. ::
(reply to this) If i was bleeding in front of you, and I wasn't aware, would you tell me, or would you watch it trickle down my skin, and think its beautiful?
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| drink up every last bit deary, don't want to be wasting yer poison now do ya? You wanna die right? |
[26 Aug 2003|07:26pm] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
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music |
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why isn't he waiting in my bed like that one day? |
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Its so lonely when i sleep. :-( i knew that it would poison me if I went to sleep w/ him. I knew it. And well I'm poisoned.
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[25 Aug 2003|04:30pm] |
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Its only the 3rd day and I'm about to fucking braek down. I wanna rip my grandmas throat out and watch her gasp for air. Yes. I want to see her bleed...and choke...and what not... FUCK THIS! I'm outta here.
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| who knows anymore? |
[20 Aug 2003|04:50pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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-x-Kelly rowland - Haven't told you -x- |
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Rick came back. Its definatly not the way it was. I'm missin the way things were. I miss alot right now. like Boo. I miss Boomer. so so much. i know I'ma have a fuckin hard time on 9-26. I'll prolly play it off like I'm okay. But I won't be. I'm so sick of smiling when i don't know why. I just know i was smiling today, and my cheeks hurt like mad. I walked around the mall by myself for the most part. just wandered. It felt weard. . . Everything i looked at reminded me of Boo. It fricken drove me crazy. Part of me just wanted to take a water bottle and start running to Flag. The other part of me just wanted to break down and cry. but I didn't. I just kept walking around...and smiling. I think Rick hates me now. I'm not sure tho. i'm pretty sure. Its crazy how fast things can change. I mean. No i don't. I'm tired of explaining every thing. I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of knowing. i'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of walkinng. I'm tired screaming, when no one hears. I'm tired of being all the things i know i can change, i'm tired of doing all the things I've done for so long. If i change, i won't be jessi anymore? I don't know. All I know Is that I'm tired. I want to lay down to sleep. And sometimes I wish i'd never wake up. When i wake up from tonights sleep, will everything be okay?
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[13 Aug 2003|09:37pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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music |
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-x- Mudvayne - "world so cold" -x- |
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I'ma be okay. I have my plans layed out. now to turn them into actions. Thats the hard part. Its easier said then done. but i can do it... Just..Cole i'ma need you to be there w/ me every step of the way. *nods* Tonight was one of those nights ya wished it never happened ya know? Like it was cool knowing josh and lance got their asses confronted, and i was glad i did it, i was glad to be able to tell some one i didn't like them and not feel bad about it...I mean i saw alotta people tonight i regret even breathing to. like it was cool seeing them..but it was a sheer waste of time. nothing short of waste either. like anthony, stephen, logan, lauren, all of 'em. only ppl worth talking to tonight were Cole and Sarah...but sarah seemed to enjoy my old "friends" so w/e. Nate was fun. i'm thinkin. yeah. and Ana was some one i prolly needed to talk to about Nate. so w/e. STeve. w/e. I dun know. I know I need my boo, and sis. *nods*
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| gasp for air out of that gawkin hole where your head once was bitch |
[12 Aug 2003|07:34pm] |
I HATE YOU.
that'd be to some one in my family
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| 99x on the wall, pin one up, forget about it 100x on the wall(to the tune of 99 beers on the wall) |
[12 Aug 2003|07:34pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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-x-everything is beautiful - glasseater -x- |
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I hate Nau yes i do. But then again w/o it he prolly wouldn't be single. fuck for all i know he could be married. hah doubt that...but he'd prolly be with icequeen whore.. I don't get that..he hates dumb girls...but he went out w/ her... I'm all like ??? I dun know... anyways...for like the 100th time we're just friends.... watch next time he comes to see me he's gunna kiss me and its gunna be just like it was...and he's gunna be telling me how he wants me to go up there when colin leaves next time...and he's gunna wanna hold me...and yada yada... I mean its so cute when he does that...but it get kinda annoying...one week we're perfect, the next we're just friends. okay..make up ur fucking mind! okay so its "wrong" for us to be together? so why the fuck does it feel so right? You even said u feel safe with me, and that if i lived closer or if u were still down here we'd be going out. SO WTF? Now I'm waiting til i'm 18? okay..sure bud... I mean i fucking would give u the world if i could...but ya gotta make up ur mind. I know u "already have" but u always change it. I'm so sick of it.... i dunno.. I'm just bitching..I really am.
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[07 Aug 2003|01:29pm] |
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Meh. Stick a fork in me and call me done.
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| Brand my heart w/ a fire hot iron that says "Fatally his" |
[06 Aug 2003|02:16pm] |
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okay. you CAN'T NOT be emotionally attatched and be the way BOO and I are. Like Cole said, we're going out w/o the label. Its weard. Last night when we were laying in eachothers arms. I felt COMPLETELY SAFE. but w/e. I was the happiest I've EVER been this morning before i talked to Rick and Ash. I always had a feeling Ash hated me. Today just really proved it. she never said she hated me. But made me really think she does. Anyways. I wish Rick could hurry up and get back here for Cole. she tries so damned hard to be good to him... but i guess he gives her the impression she's not doin enough. I dun see how shes not. but anyways. I feel sick. bye.
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[03 Aug 2003|11:28pm] |
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music |
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-x-Alkaline Trio - 100 stories -x- |
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I was gunna actually write somn in here about the last couple days...but i really dun feel like it anymore.
I hope I can shake this feeling off.
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[26 Jul 2003|12:43am] |
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pretty new boots hopefully. My uncle is buyin me new shoes tomorrow, Tennies tho. he said no boots :-/ I'll get those when i get back. hmm. I might get my eyebrow pierced too. I dun know. Anyways. ... :-/ oh yeah. I got the graetest book in the world. "If you give a mouse a cookie" And a cute like mouse stuffed animal that looks EXACTLY like the mouse in the book...over-alls and cookie. all of it. heh. Anyways. I'ma read it to Chicken foot tonight if he calls. woot.
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[26 Jul 2003|12:43am] |
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pretty new boots hopefully. My uncle is buyin me new shoes tomorrow, Tennies tho. he said no boots :-/ I'll get those when i get back. hmm. I might get my eyebrow pierced too. I dun know. Anyways. ... :-/ oh yeah. I got the graetest book in the world. "If you give a mouse a cookie" And a cute like mouse stuffed animal that looks EXACTLY like the mouse in the book...over-alls and cookie. all of it. heh. Anyways. I'ma read it to Chicken foot tonight if he calls. woot.
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[24 Jul 2003|02:38am] |
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I'm trying to find a some one/ guy to keep me from dwelling on Chicken foot. I hope it works.
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[16 Jul 2003|01:18am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
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music |
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Some shit thats on TV |
] |
T3 sucked my left big toe. 15 days and counting down my darlings. I miss you so.
<3 to my sis. Still wearin your ring and bracelet and Rockstar energy drink top. :) Miss ya.
<3 to Rixy. i miss ya.
<3 To Amber. Just cause. :-)
<3 to Chrisims, cause utah sucks and i miss you.
*waffle* to Dylan....hehe... and to go w/ that a nice *bite* :-D
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