Well, I just cut... Hannah, u told me to tell u when i do it and ur not home right now and i really wanted to call u but i had no way of getting in touch with u. I was gonna cut last night when everything happened with my mom and I was going crazy but then i refrained from it.
This morning i was soo incredibly upset and just about ready to go to the train station and jump in front of a train or a moving truck or something.
But i kept it all in and then i tried to get my mind off things while hanging out with ppl today.
but when i got home it all started coming back to me
well actually it started coming back to me on my walk home after oliver went to his house and i was walking i had a craving to just go on the train tracks.
Well obviously i didnt do that since im writing this ...
i came home and i couldnt take anything anymore. i wanted to die soo much. i am so happy hannah and i are saving up for a helium tank. it kind of reminds me of when we used to save up for weed like for the 8th. we were looking forward to it soo much, we were both full of anticipation... just like we are now about the helium tank, which i found out bella discovered...that is so brilliant.
my leg really stings.
when my mom wanted to get me "professional help" at first i was like whatever it doesnt fucking matter to me... but now i actually kind of want it... i dont know maybe it will help... but whats the point when i will probably die anyway?
The stream is flowing with a glimmering light
Without a purpose, yet a beautiful sight
Where does it lead and why is here
so many questions so little fear
Did it come to give hope or just to remind of sorrow
does it have any promises, a better tomorrow?
Is it here for good or will it ever leave?
Is it leading to happiness, or just to more sorrow
Is it leading to another stream yet to follow?
Is it saying good bye, is it going to be gone?
Is it just waiting for another stream yet to come?
It's full of lies and empty promises
It cares for no one and awaits it's victims
It's here to stay I know it won't leave
It's an evil stream with much envy and grief
It's full of hatred and blackened hearts
It runs through the flesh as sharp as a million darts
It has full control and feels no pain
It leaves you with nothing, no will, no gain
Its a quick resolution, a cover up, a lie
The stream will always flow, never will it die Current Mood: calm