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Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
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9:13a - and it's greatly to his credit
at last, at long last: the pill for men. well, it's not actually a pill. some australian researchers have released a study on a newly developed form of male birth control that consists of progestin and testosterone injections. injections, you say? injections. it's an every three months thing, which renders the belonephobia excuse practically null. this has the potential to be really fucking cool.
you'll notice i say "potential." first of all, according to this article, this is a first study and there will be many more over many years before the final drug will be available. if this stuff hits the market in 5 years, i'll be 28. i'm assuming it won't get into popular rotation for a couple of years later. i'm hoping that by the time i hit 30, i won't be sleeping around as much, and, as such, will have less to worry about in the pregnancy boat. also, it's not that i don't trust men to be responsible about birth control--i know how important it is, especially to guys my age. i was recently at a party at susan's house in tacoma (ah, sweet tacoma) and dan, will, karl and some other guy whose name i don't know all agreed that their greatest fear is getting a girl pregnant, which says a lot, considering that my greatest fear is death by fire. in fact, my top ten greatest fears involve death or harm of self or loved ones. pregnancy ranks fairly low for me...i think it would be in the 20's...somewhere after "poverty," but before "baldness."
so, yeah, i get it. boys don't want to get girls pregnant unintentionally. but even so, in my experience, boys play it fast and loose with condoms if they're not concerned with std's and most fellas assume that girls are on some form of birth control, which is a pretty ridiculous assumption. i'm not on the pill and not because i "don't believe in taking hormones" as seems to be so in style these days, but because i'm lazy and would rather use condoms...and i think i can say the same is true for guys, except not only are they lazy, but they would rather *not* use condoms. also, guys lie a lot. i'd like to be clear on this: i'm only talking in my experience here, okay? when i say "guys," or "men," i mean "guys or men that i know or have dated or have heard stuff about from other girls." when you add up the lazy and the not wanting to use condoms thing, what i imagine is a future where guys can be lazy and not wear condoms, but lull women into a false sense of security by lying and telling us they're on the man-pill.
so basically, when i said that "it's not that i don't trust men to be responsible about birth control," what i meant is "i don't trust men to be responsible about birth control."
current mood: lackadaisical
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11:56a - and the fish says, "with friends like this, who needs anemones?"
somebody around the office started a vicious rumor that i am a vegetarian. where the hell did that come from? i eat the meat and ah likes the meat (except for red meat..i like a hamburger 4 or 5 times a year, but other than that i think it tastes gross)! in fact, this slate article reminded me how much i like whale. not only are whales intelligent and cute, but they are tasty creatures to boot. and you know what else i like? fowl. chicken, duck, goose, guinea hen, turkey, you name it, i love it to death, expecially when in conjunction with butter, garlic, shoyu, lemon or capers. YUM. also beloved by me: seafood and shellfish. especially tuna and salon and crab. and i wouldn't say no to rabbit, veal, lamb. especially veal and lamb. you know baby animals taste way better than the full-grown kind.
i have no problem with vegetarians. they can do whatever the hell they want because, really...why would i care? those seattleveg.com commercials are starting to piss me off, though. oh, i'm so much better than you because i don't hurt the animals and i'm all moral and shit, and that's what gets me man. if you want to convince me to stop eating the meat, you need to use the Fast Food Nation approach, okay? tell me the horrible dirty details about cows wallowing in manure and eating food that has been sprinkled with livestock waste and that thing about how they kill the animals in terrible ways so that they're scared when they die so the noradrenalin or whatever floods their system and makes the meat taste weird.
see, that stuff--that might work. it hasn't yet, but that's because i figure EVERYTHING i eat must be bad for me or worse. anything that comes in a package with a list of ingredients that is more than two items long is probably not as good for you as fresh produce and grains, and even that crap is generally industrially grown. preservatives, artificial ingredients, pesticides, synthetic fertilizers, this and that. the way i look at it, it would be hypocritical of me to cut meat for those reasons and not cut all pre-packaged foods and fuck me if i'm going to be one of those fifth-level vegans who don't eat anything that casts a shadow. cookies are beautiful. three muskateers bars are glorious. twinkies have a time and a place, but it it is that time and i'm in that place: fantabulous.
so, right. that other thing about it being immoral to eat animals. fuck that. i don't have morals. morals imply standards of right and wrong and i don't believe in right and wrong. and seriously...if we didn't eat them, they'd eat us. you know it's true.
but if anybody asks, my one-liner answer is hitler was a vegetarian and that's why i eat meat.
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1:43p - you pushed the panic button, didn't you?
aw shit. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, shit. i'm getting a little jumpy over here, a little shaky and i don't know what to do. forgive the pointless rambling that will, most likely, follow shortly hereafter. as you have been told, previously, by me, i am, one would say, and i have already, that i am now the sam seaborne of my division. i write speeches. i draft presentations. i don't understand what i'm saying, or rather, what is being said by others after having been written by me, but i find a nice way of saying it nonetheless.
washington mutual is, as has been earlier noted, a touchy-feely sort of corporation and as such is given to employee gatherings, galas, shindigs, hootenannys and whatnot. my main boss is one of those higher-up management SVP types and is, from time to time, expected, at these gathersings, galas, shindigs, hootenannys and whatnot, to give short speeches of the after-dinner variety. these speeches, given by him, are written by me. he could probably write them himself, but i, apparently, can bring the funny. right. so kerry killinger. i'd lnk you to my work homepage, but it's a protected site, so i can't. kerry killinger. he is the chairman, president and CEO of washington mutual. he is also on the board of directors of SAFECO. he is, in blunt terminology, the big boss man.
so kerry killinger, the big boss man. he heard larry give a speech, written by me, of the after dinner variety. he complimented larry on said speech. larry credited me. today, a mere 43 minutes ago, i was contacted by mr. killinger's office and tapped to write for him. not on an exclusive basis, i mean, just when he's got some sort of little thing that needs the funny to be brought and only for such occasions that fall within my division. so probably once every two months.
one, however, for the HLIS-BFS merge executive luncheon needs to be written by the end of this week.
WHAT?!?! wha-no-wha?!!? just the fucking thought of having to do anything for the big boss man practically makes me pee my pants and now i have to like write something for him? i can't write! i can't, i can't! look at the above paragraph, i mean, i've turned into a low-rent ainsley hayes, godammit! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay. i think i'm okay now. i need warm chocolately goodness. accio hot cocoa with extra whip!!!
current mood: panicky
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