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Thursday, May 29th, 2003
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12:05p - I can’t feel my legs…I HAVE NO LEGS
we had this totally weird (and yet completely awesome) conference call this morning. it was the first ever employee-wide financial accounting staff meeting, which is apparently a pretty big deal to some losers with no life. let me do a top down for ya first, just to familiarize my audience with the whole company structure: it all starts with washington mutual, the corporate entity. within that entity are five divisions, one of which is home loans and insurance services. HLIS is divided into five business segments, one of these being financial accounting. so basically we had five hundred people on a conference call, which was the awesome part because nobody was allowed to talk except for marc malone, the division controller, who, coincidentally, just got promoted to this position. prior to this promotion, marc was super awesome cool. totally nice guy who like..brings his little blonde daughter to work sometimes. marc, the guy who says “how you doin?” to everybody he passes. marc, with the 140-watt smile. marc, who offers to help us weak little females move the heavy boxes of paper. marc, who as of his promotion has become the scariest human being i have ever encountered.
kylee (the hugger) and i went into the conference room a little early to snag prime table seats...marc was already there. paul, marc's assistant walks in and marc looks up, his eyes glowing red, and says "i told you to be here early. you need to get this set up right now." after the smoke had settled, paul got the room organized while kylee and i shared worried glances. i won't bore you with details (though, let's be honest, when has that stopped me before?), but over the course of this meeting, marc pretty much cast aside his friendly exterior and unleashed the management beast within. it was more or less a "you will all bow before me now! do as i say or face uncertain dooooooom!!!" at one point, he pointed at two of the veeps and says, "anything i need supercedes any work you are doing for them. if their shit doesn't get done, it's their ass, but if mine doesn't get done--it's yours."
ooh..and he's decided to totally enforce our fucked up dress code. the one that has skirt length requirements of like...two inches above the knee and ties for the menfolk and such. not that i feel as if my civil liberties are being abrogated or anything, but jesus fucking christ.
before this morning, i imagined that at the end of the day (you're another day older), marc hopped in his family sized vehicle, picked up his cute little blonde kids and went home to a homecooked meal.
now, i kinda see him hopping on the back of a winged beast, ripping off his human face and retiring to a darkened pit where he feasts on the charred flesh of newborn babies.
yeah. if you couldn't tell, i think he's pretty hot.
"it's strange, but beating up that pirate gave me a weird sense of closure"
current mood: intrigued
current music: mindless self indulgence
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