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Wednesday, April 30th, 2003
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1:28p - but i love gatherings--isn’t it ironic?
have you ever had a monte cristo sandwich? my mom used to make them all the time, but nobody else ever seems to have sampled this freakshow delicacy. now, i've never actually made one, but as i understand it, the monte cristo is like the evil bastard cousin of the grilled cheese. take the bread and the cheese, then ham and turkey, half a jar of mayonnaise, two extra pieces of bread, dip it in an eggy batter and fry. and top with parmesan. and then slather with jam and dust with powdered sugar. who are the dietary wizards who came up with this one? i'm hardly a food snob, and fuck knows that moderation isn't exactly among my talents, but just the thought of this monte cristo sandwich freaks me right out--even though i know that they are perfectly delectable.
a confession: but i didn't really want to write about the monte cristo sandwich. that was just a red herring. actually, what i wanted to say was this: i really, really like proofreading spreadsheets.
yeah, you heard me, i like proofreading spreadsheets. you know why? because that means i don't have to interact with anyone in this office. i can lock myself in the r.o. with some chocolate milk and one of those yummy starbucks caramel apple bars ( trust me simba, it's to *die* for...) and ignore everyone else. i have that power. but when i'm just doing other useless crap at my desk, all the numbskulls in the joint saunter up and spread the smarm and goddammit, could i give a shit about what they're doing tonight with some hooch they met at belltown billiards.
which leads me to a second confession: that proofreading spreadsheets thing was another red herring. really, what it is is that i don't think i actually like, you know... people... that hot.
yeah, you heard me, i don't like people. i mean, i do like some people, but in general, i just don't like people, being around people, seeing people, listening to people...i think you get the point. people suck. the guys i work with--*they're* people. they're idiots. they made minority report a commercial success. they'd probably hog the armrest at a movie or bump into me without apologizing or honk because i'm taking too long crossing the street even though i have a fucking walk signal. they'd probably even walk up to me and say "god, you're tall, aren't you? do you play basketball?" what the fuck is that? do i walk up to strangers and say, "gee, you're short? what are you a midgit? oh, i'm sorry, do you prefer 'little person?' where are you going?"
i pretty much see my friends in moderation...you know, once a week, usually. twice, if they're lucky. and that's probably a good thing, because people tend to get under my skin if i'm around them too often. i can't imagine having a roomate anymore...much less like a husband or something. i get stifled easily. mostly because i'm very, very persnickity. actually, that's probably the problem--there's nothing wrong with people, it's totally me. i should have figured that out by now, really. i can get kinda shirty kinda often, mostly because i hate it when things don't go my way because i'm kind of self-involved. and persnickity. okay. so forget it. people good, me bad.
"hi, i'm teddy ruxpin and i'm your friend... did you hear me?! i said i'm your fucking friend! dammit, bitch, are you listening to me?!"
current mood: persnickety
current music: joni mitchell
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