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Sunday, April 20th, 2003
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1:41a - it was hot and i was hungry!
i dreamed a dream in time gone by..and man, it was a doozy. why do my nightmares always revolve around my friends dying in a hail of bullets? no, this is a serious question, i mean, clearly there's something wrong with me if my subconscious is preoccupied with people i know having airholes out in 'em. why can't i have the nightmare about going to work naked? or-or good sex dreams or something? orlando bloom is not making as many appearances in my dreamlife as he does in my daydreamlife. but yeah, so this nightmare is in the same vein as the jackie-o/newsies/gangster dream, only much more realistic as i am not wearing a pink suit and big sunglasses. me and a bunch of random people i know are ordering drinks in some coffeehouse i've never been to when a vanload of masked men storm the place and shoot everybody who doesn't wear glasses...and i'm pretty much the only person i know who wears glasses, so everybody gets a gut full of lead while i stand there sucking the whipped cream off of my misto.
actually, the weirdest thing about the dream is probably the fact that there's whipped cream on the misto.
moving on. so, here in the office (on easter, so nobody else is here but me and the jew), i decided to take a web surfing break. read the cnn.com headlines. checked in with slate (which never fucking updates shit, by the way). went to a buffy site or two. or three. the usual. after i'd nosed around on nerve.com for awhile (which i go to not for the articles, but rather the artsy pictures of naked chicks), i decide to head over to askmen.com and i'm gonna tell you something right now: apparently, men are retards. i mean, what the fuck? just a few choice snippets from the archives:
"I have to tell you, my woman loves it best when I come out of the shower with some water still on my body and a towel wrapped low around my hips, low enough that she can see a hint of my pubic hair."
"I know this is likely going to freak you out, but sometimes I feel like I'm about to defecate when I have an orgasm. And what's worse, one time I did."
"Just about every woman in the world wishes her man would take the time to arouse her to full capacity, but that doesn't just include kissing her mouth and her nubbin."
to the aforementioned, i can only respond thusly: eew, EEEW, and nubbin? no one will EVER sleep with you if you call it a "nubbin."
guys, you need to start some kind of a letter-writing campaign because the men who write for askmen.com are making you look stupid by association. don't let them speak in the name of all men! oh, what am i talking to the guys getting this email for? i mean, really, most of you are practically women. oh, shut up, you know it's true.
and did i mention that i'm going to disneyland, disneyland, disneyland?
"if you think that by threatening me you can get me to be your slave...well, that's where you're right"
current mood: annoyed
current music: postal service
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