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Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
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11:54a - thespis likes to play the full 60 minutes
not that never in my life have i been one, but i fucking hate tourists. hate. so much so that sometimes i feel that i shall turn hating them into a religion. luckily, i hit the market rarely and i don't ride the monorail very often, so i can avoid seattle tourists quite easily. you'd think.
so this is the thing: on the other side of my cubicle wall, there's a set of 8 cubes that the rest of the office lovingly refers to as "gaines' alley." this tip of the hat to 24 derives from the fact that this motley crew of guys would fit in easily with ira's impressive network of kidnappers, rapists and generally shady figures. i mean, clearly, we're being facetious. i don't really think that any of their number would commit any felonies--except for devereaux, but that's just because he bears a striking resemblance to the late jeffrey dahmer--but man, they are all kinda creepy and weird-looking. they wear turtle-necks. oh, and this one guy, kraski, looks exactly like the late fred gwynn. you know, herman munster. oh, oh, and they all have really bad nicknames. kraski gets called "kraskioli." i think the worst is calling matt mulka "mulkables." what the fuck is that? but that's all beyond the point really...what was my point was that the residents of gaines' alley have turned honolulu into their most oft-frequented vacation spot. since two people go on vacation a month, it seems, all i ever get to hear wafting over the wall (besides homophobic banter and 107.7 the end) is what to do in honolulu, where to stay in honolulu, what lu'aus to go to in honolulu, why abc stores are so awesome, what beaches have the hottest chicks, and you know what? first of all, they are stupid and wrong. they have no idea what's cool, what tastes good, where to go, what to do or how to pronounce ANYTHING. and second of all, they need to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! god FUCKING dammit, like i didn't get ENOUGH of the fucking tourists IN hawai'i, the assholes needed to FOLLOW me here?!!! you see?! you see what they're doing to me?! i'm writing in caps and using unnecessary punctuation, godammit!!!! next you'll find my sentences slipping into some sort of sophomoric and silly alliteration. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay. i think now's one of the times to ponder the immortal words of sylvia plath: just remember that when worst comes to worst, the oven's always open.
although, i suppose in my case, it wouldn't be *my* head shoved in there.
"haven't i made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that i don't know shit"
current mood: bitchy
current music: joan jett
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