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Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
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1:57p
so i used to have this recurring nightmare, you know, the jackie o one where my friends get drilled full of lead on a street corner? well, i haven't had that one in awhile, but recently i keep dreaming that i murdered somebody and got away scott-free. i don't remember who i killed or why i killed them, i just know that it happened and i have to remember to nail that drawer shut because someone might open it and find the body. ooh, and i'm usually covered in blood and guts that nobody sees but me, lady macbeth-style.
if i do have to kill somebody, i hope it's one of theese jerks i work with. they do this thing where they screw something up and make me clean up the mess. we had some personnel trouble, followed by much melodrama and trauma-induced camaraderie in the form of google-eyes made at similarly spooked coworkers in the hallways, hushed gossip around the coffeemaker, and top secret off-the-record clandestine debriefings held in our quiet, cold offices. and then there were the projects that magically appeared in my in-box on this morning. juggle this and that, and oh, this too, please. always with the "please." a couple of the juggling balls were actually lead zeppelins, though. you know, when the problem is shit you can't control, so you don't freak out when you cock it up. like finding a big pile of broken plates on the kitchen floor, and having to be able to set the table with them in time for dinner, but knowing that the person hosting the dinner knew that you didn't break the dishes, and that you did the best you could with the broken pieces of crap that you had, godammit.
thank you, blabby mc analogy girl.
ooh! *and* we're out of green tea in the break room. what am i supposed to drink, chamomile? i can't even spell chamomile!
sigh. you know, i'm well aware that the trials and tribulations of my mundane day-to-day existance are miniscule in comparison to what they could be. that doesn't mean i don't feel better after i vent.
"well, it's not like my throne couldn't use a few extra cushions, but i'm not really gonna complain because, well -- throne."
current mood: anxious
current music: pretty girls make graves
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