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Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
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8:52 am - horseshit!
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according to some psychiatric clinic in britain, text messaging can be addictive. well, duh. how is this news? *anything* can be addictive, right? barring the craving for physically addictive substances, isn't the propensity to addiction a result of personality disorder? it's not like it's the fault of text messaging, you know? i can see the headlines tomorrow: biting the end of your pen proven addictive! beat the walking craving. water--addictive?
in related a related story, how funny is it that the Center For Online Addiction has a website?
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8:22 am - no need to worry 'cause i-i'm a professional
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the shit's hitting the fan here at work and the stress level around me is chest-high and climbing. i need everyone in my department to calm the fuck down. i won't bore you with the details, but we are in the process of a structural re-alignment which will include absorbing BFS departments in our division as well as a 10 percent workforce reduction. we're the ones working on how to cut staff, so i think you can see how stressful that might be to some, especially as those in luxury positions (like myself, sam, toby, cj, margaret, donna and these women) realize that if war breaks out, we most likely won't be on air force one with the president. these people, however are being babies and need to realize that the staff reductions will originate in the loan servicing centers and not the back offices...okay, i lost you all round "air force one," didn't i?
what i'm really worried about are the speeches i'm going to have to write for larry, larry and john...the ones that break the news to the LFC's. the speeches that will start the wave of paranoia. i guess i could write one speech and have them all do the same one, but it would be nice to have them tailored to the individual agencies. my point is, how am i suposed to do that/ i need to find a way to make it sound like losing your job *could* be a good thing for you...and will dfeinitely be a good thing for the company, but i have to do that without being callous or condescending. this bites.
current mood: uncomfortable
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| Saturday, October 4th, 2003
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5:26 pm - and in the darkness bind them
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just so's ya know, i'm in the process of switching mah blog over to a different um...thingy that helps non tech savvy people such as myself set blogs up. i've found a place that sucks a little less. not that my blog is ugly now. i, for one, appreciate the simplicity and i really dig the color scheme, but no offense to blurty die-hards, this place it annoying and slow. when i get things all firmed up with the blogspot wizards, i'll post the addy here...and i'll link back to this blog from there, i guess. i don't know if there's a way to like import my stuff here there. i'm sure there's a way, but damned if i have the will, patience or talent to suss it out. i could copy and paste and backdate, but come on. i'm what's known as "lazy." look it up.
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| Friday, October 3rd, 2003
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11:51 am - people/things that i beseech, on this day in seattle, to bite me if they please:
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everyone in the control assurance group
the girl who works at the front desk on floor 10
the pot of coffee in the breakroom on the north side
whoever made the pot of coffee in the breakroom on the north side
reality television
arnold schwarzenegger
the person who told jennifer lopez to pursue a career in film
jennifer lopez
that guy who hangs out in front of pacific place and yells about how he’s the son of god
at&t wireless
the boy scouts of america
the bitch with the french accent who answers the accounts payable line
seattle downtown drivers and their false sense of entitlement
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10:19 am - he said it right
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aw, for fuck's sake. while drunk and disorderly last night, i missed out on the west wing season two episode on bravo. i figure, eh, i don't need to see it again. there's no way it could possibly be my third favorite west wing episode ever, there's no way. they simply would not air Galileo, the one with the spacecraft that may or may not return to earth and puerto rican statehood and the citizen's stamp advisory committee, the acronym for which is, according to deputy chief of staff joshua lyman, "dork squad." it couldn't possibly be the episode to which i had been looking forward for like a month and a half, the episode that i used to have on vhs and somehow lost and really really want to see again, godammit!
"you said it right that time"
current mood: irate
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9:17 am - you are the ones who are the ball-lickers
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such a bad hangover today. (what exactly is the derivation of the word hangover? hang over what? as in you feel so badly that you feel you've been hung over something like laundry to dry? or hangover as in you feel so badly that you feel as though you've been executed? and if it's the latter, then shouldn't the past tense be hanged-over?) hmm. not hungover so badly as to inhibit inane babbling, i see.
so i hear that David Kay hasn't found any weapons over there in old iraq. but he has found evidence that Saddam planned on developing said weapons. right. see, the thing is, for some reason, i kind of assume that anything anyone associated with this particular administration tells me is a lie. can't imagine why.
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| Thursday, October 2nd, 2003
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3:55 pm
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--i find these things everywhere...on my hard drive, on old discs, on a scrap of paper somewhere. i must have a million first paragraphs of stories that i decided to make myself write and never finished...never got beyond that first paragraph, even. it's weird because when i'm writing larry a speech on whatever it is i write speeches for larry (i think i want to petition to have my job title changed to "sam seaborne of my division."), i can do one of those start to finish non-stop no problem. strange.--
I’d like to be able to present this all as an orchestral masterpiece, complete with a wind ensemble, but it looks like I’m going to have to settle for four-part harmony. Very traditional, naturally—soprano, alto, tenor, bass. Perhaps I can muster up a flautist as time permits, but I promise nothing. I also do not promise that what is to follow will necessarily be a merry madrigal. In fact, it should probably be something of a Gregorian chant. And also, I shall be performing every part, which will make harmony slightly difficult, so you’ll just have to imagine all the voices together, keeping in mind the fact that four-part harmony is really only a metaphor and there will be no actual singing involved here. There will also be no harmony, per se, “harmony” being defined as a musical arrangement in which more than one instrument, or in this case, voice, performs simultaneously, thus producing a more rounded, full sound. This is a story, so each “voice” is comprised of text, which must be accessed visually, unlike music, which may be accessed aurally. As I’m sure you know, one may hear multiple voices at the same time, but reading multiple texts is nigh-impossible.
--i don't even know what story was to follow. no idea. could be anything, i guess. give me a plot and i'll finish this up.
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3:34 pm - you have selected ritual sarifices! for animals, press one now.
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you know what i hate about The Onion? they always manage to make me realize that i am a lazy slacker fuckwit, much like the rest of the country. the headline reads:48-Hour Internet Outage Plunges Nation Into Productivity. the worst part about this story is that it's fucking true. for the most part, my actual work takes a total backseat to my internet adventures. when i walk into work, the first things i do are as follows:
1. check my work email. (yay me!)
2. check hotmail account (boo)
3. check friendster account. (hiss)
4. visit cnn.com. (double boo)
5. visit slate.com. (double hiss)
6. visit nerve.com. (etc.)
7. check out various blogs.
8. check out my blog.
without fail, i do this everyday BEFORE i start in on my work. this is true. if i lost internet access, i'd have no idea what to do with myself.
current mood: lazy
current music: the reverend horton heat
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12:13 pm - kiss...hand...diamonds...best friend
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so here's the thing. i get along great with the guys here in the old office. i talk to them about all sorts of things, from happy bunny to hillary clinton (on whom, by the way, i have an enormous crush) to soccer to GATT to the re-fi boom to everything else, you know? i get along okay with the women in the office. we have bathroom chats, that type of thing, but with the women, we NEVER talk about anything that has any real bearing on the world. topics covered today: my shoes and where i got them (nordie's); my shirt--where i got it and who made it (barney's and ella moss); what size in seven jeans jenn, kylee and i wear (31, 27 and 29 if it's rigid, 30 if it's stretch); where we're getting lunch (that sushi place in the lobby); and what lip gloss i'm sporting (lancome juicy tube in grade escape). all we ever talk about is clothing, lip gloss, food and sometimes, the weather.
what i want to know is...is it me? or is it them? i know full well that i can have conversations that don't sound like an issue of jane magazine with other women. why can't i do it with these women? is it like we are so different that girl stuff is the only level on which we can relate? or am i doomed to turn into these women? will i wake up one day and be 30 years old with frosted hair, bleached teeth and a fake tan?
i shudder to think.
"your run-on sentences have gotten less pointless..."
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9:28 am - i got it out of a book.
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"which book?"
so, sadly, the west wing and angel were more or less phenomenally disappointing last night. i really need to stop building things up in my head. anticipation can turn out to be such a buzzkiller. angel was okay but nothing spectacular. it really lacked the oomph that one normally associates with a season premiere. storyline was weak, dialogue uninspired. david boreanaz kept that ugly vampire face on for most of the show and that's just irritating. oh, AND, i had to wait the entire episode to get a glimpse of spike.
all i can say about the west wing is that yeah, the ratings were falling while sorkin was writing, this i accept...but replacing that sorkin/schlamme team with less-talented writers...that's not going to work. am i the only one who sees this, am i? even if the ratings go up, that emmy sure as shit isn't going to be headed back their way. apparently, one of the problems besides the ratings was that with that team at the helm, the show was just too liberal and they needed to mix it up. what? the west wing? too liberal? the president and his entire staff (with the exception of matthew perry's assistant counsel) are fucking democrats! and not the moderate kind either, man, what do they expect? they do the occasional show where gay congressman matt skinner supports bills that create a federal definition of marriage as an union between a man and a woman or a show where ex-assistant counsel ainsley hayes explains why she thinks the ERA is demeaning to women and whatnot. isn't that enough? hollywood scuttlebutt is that the pressure the second bush administration is putting on the media/entertainment industry is what led the producers to request that the show be more balanced. by "pressure," i mean "anything that criticises the government or the republican party is un-american so shut the fuck up you liberal assholes." correct me if i'm wrong, but isn't that sentiment totally un-american? aren't we the ones who are supposed to argue with what you say but argue for your right to say it?
sometimes i hate everyone and everything i swear to god.
"the little red book."
current mood: capricious
current music: the walkmen
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| Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
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12:35 pm - what i did when i was unemployed for three weeks last year
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-watched almost a season's worth of ER reruns, and godammit, that croatian guy is sexy.
-consistently snagged myself 8-10 hours of sleep. ah, sweet serenity.
-have, once or twice, gone two days without bathing. <>
-have, also, taken three showers in one day, just to fill up time.
-managed to get sunburned in washington state (twice, no less), which brings my grand total of sunburns earned in the continental united states to 3.
-saw changing lanes, starring chasing amy's ben affleck. i'm sure many of you have heard my "why affleck sucks" diatribe, which i have been forced to recant due to ben "reindeer games" affleck suddenly having turned into the hottest guy on the planet. changing lanes was also a pretty good movie, and i hear, the third highest grossing ben affleck movie to hit the theaters. this week.
-went on a kevin smith rampage and got my total viewings of dogma and jay and silent bob strike back up to 17 and 13, respectively.
-learned the true value of commentary tracks (it's like watching a whole new movie, you know, when you've run out of movies to watch.)
-had some job interview and have been told i shall most likely be hired back at old washington mutual, so this unemployment thing may not last past the end of next week. which is both a good and a bad thing, as it involves having a job (which is good) and having to go to work (which, i've learned, kind of sucks).
--------
so there was a point in time when i thought ben affleck was the hottest guy on the planet. please don't judge me too harshly. i was young.
current mood: amused
current music: my windows player is busted. stupid computer.
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9:02 am - musclemen, contortionists, intrigue, danger and romance
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jason pointed out a john leboutillier story pertaining to the burgeoning plame scandal. i really wish that leboutillier (i'm sorry, i mean, former congressman leboutillier) would refrain from having opinions that resemble my own. mostly because he's a republican. also because he's a noted crackpot. well, he is noted by me as a crackpot. if you won't take my word for it, check out this freakshow of a story. apparently, the "true story" of gary condit is that he was bi-sexual and a frequenter of leather-wearing male prostitutes. leboutillier prints the theory that condit had some big "carribbean" (re: black) man-whore do the dirty work and kill chandra levy. all i can say to this is, "wow. would you like some cheese with your crazy?"
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| Tuesday, September 30th, 2003
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4:58 pm - like that time you ate weight in godfather's pizza?
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i'd like to point out that i've hit some weird high metabolism place in my life. i think i've lost like...i don't know, 30 pounds in the last 2 years. this is true, and it's not like i was a heifer before. my point is, i eat ALL THE TIME. i think i eat more than i did in college, when there were times that i'd scarf down three hostess cupcakes from a vending maching at 2:00 in the morning while frantically finishing up another masterpiece in the wyatt hall computer lab. i have no idea what is going on. maybe i'm dying. do you think i'm dying? right now i'm debra messing at the beginning of will & grace back when she was a healthy size 8. i wonder if i can get down to her freakishly thin size 4? that would be AWESOME. for like five seconds and then the whole living skeleton thing would freak me out. man, am i glad i don't live in thin towns like LA and NYC.
to give you fair warning, this thing may start to have shades of Television Without Pity since so much of my life revolves around the tv. i actually did myself up my own personal fall tv line-up grid so I'd remember what to watch and when to watch it. i'm hopeless. but not helpless, thankfully. especially now that i have TiVo. oh TiVo, where have you been all my fumbling around with the remote control life? you mean i can watch angel and tape the west wing? you mean i don't have to be home and you'll tape all the stuff i want on every channel that i want it? marry me. although, apparently the OC is coming on wednesdays at 9:00 as well. what am i going to do? help me TiVo!
oh, i want a hostess cupcake now.
"i could have countered that, but i'd moved on to other things in my head."
current mood: hungry
current music: still mistah pete yorn
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3:38 pm - just working through a little hysterical deafness here
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this is news? for SHAME, slate.com, for SHAME.
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12:15 pm - they forgot to bring the funny
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okay, i made a promise to do this up right and man, am i gonna do that.
i don't know what that meant and therefore, don't know how to do it.
hithertofore, this hasn't been so much a journal as it has been a repository for the mass email i send out once a week or so. i thought, i am such a mad genius that these missives must be saved for posterity! i want the future generations to look back on this with reverance and awe. notice how i said two words there that mean the same thing basically. that's a little rhetorical trick that i picked up on the street. i guess by "do this up right," i mean, i'm going to start using this as an actual blog type thing. write a bit more often. i'll get right on top of that.
current music: mistah pete yorn
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| Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
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11:07 am - come quick, sam's getting his ass kicked by a girl!
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i'll say this and no more: the emmys are bullshit; i do not love them.
i do love allison janney, though, or c.j. cregg, to be more exact. speaking of, the season premiere of the new aaron sorkin-less west wing comes on tonight at 9:00. i must ask that you refrain from calling me during that hour. i will seriously kick you in the nuts. seriously.
and speaking both of bullshit and of seriously kicking you in the nuts: people keep asking me how i voted on initiatives 75 and 77 and blah di blah and i've said it before and i'll say it again: the initiative process is RETARDED and i want no part in it. yeah, it's a nice thing to have in case you know, the appropriate branches of government fail to respond to an issue, but just because the state legislature isn't doing what you want it to do doesn't mean there should be channels to circumvent policy-making. if elected officials don't reflect your views, don't vote for them, and if you didn't vote for them, but they ended up in office anyway, tough fucking luck. i mean, we elect representatives for a reason, that reason being that most of us can't enact thoughtful policy, you know, the kind that weighs pros and cons and take things like, you know, the budget, into account.
and plus, if i may generalize, the people behind initiatives, like tim eyman from last year, are often totally sleazy and self-absorbed. except that one chick, because, really, sex offenders should stay in prision forever. and the espresso tax proponent seemed nice, but i don't see the correlation between taxing espress drinkers and child care. but that's just me.
"ginger, get the popcorn!"
current music: the replacements
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| Thursday, September 18th, 2003
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11:59 pm - sneeze, followed by vision
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sushiland sushiland how i love you! sushiland suuuuushiiiiiiilaaaaaand, i loo-o-o-o-o-oooove you-hu-huuuuuuuu. oh sushiland, in the words of that bald pope-hating weirdo sinead o'connor, nothing compares to you. i've been to that new kaiten sushi place, blue c, a couple of times and while it's okay and all, out of loyalty to my first, only and one true love, i'm going to have to say fuck you, blue c, fuck you right in your bourgeois fremont ass.
other things that i love today: john edwards. sleeping beauty. that angel season two box set. i know i should probably like howard dean more and i definitely like john kerry more that i like dean and if wesley clarke is running, i like him more than both of them...but edwards. look at the man...listen to him. he's clinton, but younger and better looking and he sounds so nice and friendly and fair, like a-a-a north carolinan jesus. oh, and he's got the best heroic, presidential smile EVER--it's so fabulous that it makes me speak in a southern accent, i swear to god.
as for sleeping beauty, how i love thee, disney platinum editions. i played this game that tells you what princess yiou would be...i was belle because i'm smart, awesome, brave and gorgeous. at least, that's how i interpreted it. i watched the movie and i cried. it was fun. disney always has the power to warm my cold, black heart. my one concern is this: so when princess aurora is born, all the fairies come to give her these gifts--they magic her into being beautiful and good at music and stuff. this begs the question: where the fuck were the fairies when i was born?
lastly, angel season two. did i mention that david boreanaz is mine, all mine? mine. MINE, says i. also, is it wrong that i want to take up the cello again specifically to figure out the theme song to angel?
"your highness, we beseech you on this day in philadelphia to bite me, if you please"
current mood: awake
current music: the mooney suzuki
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| Thursday, September 11th, 2003
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10:15 am - reminiscing this and that
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so i went to jacksonville, as previously noted. red eyes both ways. it sucked fucking nuts. right. so i was gone for like..36 hours, something like that. it was fine when i left, fuck, it was like 70 degrees when i left good old seattle here. i get back and it's fucking raining and shit, what the hell is that? it was summer when i left and now it's goddamn fall. what did all of you seattle people do? you fucking up the weather! it must have been you assholes, because it certainly wasn't me. you BROKE the city! i know it's supposed to rain, you know, being seattle and all, but usually, there's a sort of gradual descent into it, you know? none of this, on tuesday, i was wearing a tank top and a skirt, today i'm wearing pants and a sweater bullshit. and pants? i'm wearing slacks for the first time since fucking april, man. i've worn a skirt for 5 months, people. that transition to pants is a weird one to make. you lose a lot of freedom that way. plus, you can't wear the same underwear you can wear with skirts, especially if the butt on your slacks is kinda tight and you've maybe put on a couple since the last time you wore them. but that's just me.
that said, i'm glad to be back, seeing as how jacksonville is pretty much the a butthole of a place, populated by rednecks, really overweight women and babies.
"oh diane, please don't be a whore *and* a murderer!"
current mood: snarky
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| Monday, September 8th, 2003
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10:30 am - we both have dead people in our families
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greetings from atlanta--home of the Braves and Coca-Cola and the Jimmy Carter Presidential Library and Museum (fuck you guys, jimmy carter is awesome). i'm in the airport because i had to catch a red-eye to jacksonville and there is a FUCKING stop in goddamn atlanta...like the plane couldn't make it just one more hour... so i don't really have anything to say about atlanta other than that the airport sucks and there is apparently a Margaret Mitchell House and Museum and i just don't understand why they would choose to commemorate some batty old bitch who wrote one of the most classist and most racist (not to mention worst) books of all time, a book which went on to become one of the most classist and most racist (not to mention worst) movies of all time. but that's just me. i'm not from the south, so i probably just don't understand.
since i don't have anything to say about atlanta, let me tell you about last wednesday's soccer game - you know, the one for which i promised wholesale violence? now i can't lie: there was no actual blood that i saw. there was, however, one of the greatest, most spectacular fights i have ever seen, ever. ever. so my guys are facing off against Control Assurance, right? let me tell you something about the guys in control assurance--we HATE those motherfuckers with their travel logs and their oversight committee and their dickface project manager with the australian accent; i HATE that guy. HATE!!! now, this is indoor soccer, mind, so the field is a lot smaller and the spectators are up close and personal with the players. i'm sitting there with kylee, drinking beer and eating cookies and watching the game. actually, i'm drinking beer and eating cookies. kylee doesn't drink or eat, as far as i can tell. the game continues and our guys are sucking out loud, i swear. paul and ken are tripping over their own feet, our best players ben and anthony smith are blocked in by the other team and trevor couldn't keep a beach ball out of the goal, i swear to god. they are so far off their game that i'm starting to yell at them to shape the fuck up. actually, that may have been partially due to the beer. beer bad.
so things are going badly for Production Accounting. we're down like 10-2 with 2 minutes left in the game. those cocksuckers in Control Assurance decide to just keep passing the ball back and forth on their end to run time, which is just silly and dirty, especially if you're up by 8 points. i yelled a few choice things. i think thanks to newcastle number 7, i called that australian bitch a limey pussy. they keep on passing the ball around until finally johnny v runs up to ray (ray's the kiwi asshole) and starts shit-talking. i can't hear all of it, but i see johnny v like...i don't know how to describe it...chest-butt ray. you know, like a sumo-wrestler? and they just keep doing it and yelling at each other and then the other guys join in and it's like 10 dudes running and hitting each other with their chests, it was AWESOME. and it went on for like 10 minutes too. eventually, the yelling lost all resemblance to english and was more of a grunting kind of a thing. it was like watching monkeys fight on the discovery channel but without the throwing of feces.
i didn't actually finish this while i was in the atlanta airport (got distracted by friendster), so i'm sending this to you now from jacksonville, FL home of...uh...home of...i have no idea. home of homeside lending, a washington mutual acquisition. that's the best i can do.
"nobody likes a smart-mouthed sinner"
current mood: apathetic
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| Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
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9:00 pm - poop always wins out over god and king kong
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so this friendster thing that everyone is so hip to... (or should that be "to which everyone is so hip?") i put off getting anywhere near it for two reasons:
1) i didn't want any old high school chums to look me up and try and re-acquaint and
2) i didn't know anybody who was into it and i didn't want to be the lame loser with no friends.
But now i know that there are people that i know; so, i tried it and it's fucking AWESOME. through like 6 people i have a gazillion strangers in my gallery/circle/whatever. it makes me feel super popular. oh, and after reading the profiles and stuff, i'm come to the conclusion that my friends are fucking hilarious. and awesome. not as fucking hilarious and awesome as i am, naturally, but that's hard to do, really.
and speaking of me--*i* totally am hilarious. why haven't any of you assholes told me that before? dollars to doughnuts i am one of the funniest fucking people you know. oooh, i get it. it's because i say things like "dollars to doughnuts," isn't it? DAMMIT!!! also, i think i make too much use of punctuation marks. have you ever noticed that? some fuck brought it to my attention that i used 40 parantheticals in my profile. i mean shit...look back at this crappy email i just wrote. it's what, 200 words long and i've used one set of parentheses, one ellipsis two colons, one semi-colon (and who the fuck uses semi-colons anyway...oh, crap, that's two sets of parenthese...shit and two ellipses, crap, three ellipses! okay, four ellipses plus that one i forget in the middle of this paragraph), two slashes, a couple of hyphens, way too many exclamation points and 30-something commas. roudn it off with the periods, the apostrophes and that dash and i am such a retard and i can't believe anyone has read this far into the email. if you're still reading, stop because there is nothing interesting to come.
except that there is another soccer game tonight and i've been sowing the seeds of malcontent with the players today. by this afternoon, the menfolk of HLIS Capital Markets will be seething with hatred for those cocksuckers in Control Assurance and after they eat some red meat for dinner my plan will come to fruition. after 20 years, my father will rest--there will be blood tonight!
"i'll say it was self-defense--who's the jury gonna believe, me or a dead bear?"
current music: dolour
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