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My life [14 Oct 2003|12:21am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Hoobastank - Crawling in the Dark ] Well this is just a little update. Not much is going on, since I'm still searching for a job. Hopefully something will come up, because its getting a little depressing. I've also started to work on mod for the Ureal engine, partly for kicks and mostly for the programming experience. Since I've nothing else to report I'm posting a list of anime that i've seen and what I think of them for anyone who cares (not that anyone really reads this blog). Ones That I Need To Check Out: Bakuretsu Hunter Big O II Saiyuki Eden's Bowry Louie the Rune Knight El Hazard: the Wanderers Tenchi Movies (all 3) Tenchi GXP Those Who Hunt Elves 1&2 Slayers Need to Finish: InuYasha (good stuff) One Piece (good stuff) Witch Hunter Robin (good so far) Noir (Excellent) Ranma 1/2 (funny) Ruroni Kenshin (good so far) Gundam MS 8th Naruto (good stuff) Yu Yu Hakusho (ass kicking galore) Zoids (good) Outlaw Star (kick ass) Najica Blitz Tactics (stylish, good) Seen but no real desire to finish: Betterman Fushugi Yugi (sister made me watch it, ugh) Ronin Warriors (stupid) Dragonball Lupin the III (sylish but a little old) Lain (too trippy) Chobits (not my bag) Me My strawberry eggs (shudder) Onegai Teacher Onegai Twins Excel Saga Finished: Battle Angel Alita (good stuff) Nandesico (pretty good) The Big O (stylish and really good) Dragonball Z (yes I've seen all 300 episodes, don't laugh) Scryed (really good) Ex-driver (good) Neon Genesis (mind...feels...violated) Blue Seed (pretty good) El-hazard (funny) El-hazard 2 (still funny) El-hazard: Alternative World (guess what.... still funny) Trigun (Excellent) Saber Marionette J (amusing) Saber Marionette J again Saber Marionette J to X Coboy Bebop (Excellent) Reign (shudder) Gundam Wing Gundam 0083 G Gundam Canidate for Goddess (series has no ending AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) Ah! My Goddess (pretty good) Jubei Chan (OK) Love Hina (funny, if a little sappy) Macross Plus OVA (good stuff) Vandread (hillarious and kick-ass) Read or Die OVA (Excellent) Gun Smith Cats (good stuff) Techi Muyo OVA (funny) Tenchi Universe (still funny) Tenchi in Tokyo (somewhere between so so and pretty good) Full Metal Panic (good stuff) Angelic Layer (pretty good) FLCL (trippy) Iria Dual (good) Captain Tyler (hillarious) Akira (OK) 3x3 Eyes (good) Ninja Scroll (classic) Ghost in the Shell (classic) .hack//SIGN (so so) .hack//DUSK (ok) Bubblegum Crisis 2040 (good) Shamanic Princess (head hurts) Escaflowne (good stuff) M0use (hillarious) Record of Lodoss War (good stuff) There I think that everything. Maybe one day I'll actually explain my opinions, it would give me something to do in my copious spare time. Keep in mind these are just my opinions, if you are some random visitor and feel the need to flame don't. 1 comment|post comment

I'm baaack! [07 Sep 2003|01:31am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | DJ Pone & Drixxxe - Fighting Man ] Well its been a while since I last wrote in this journal and a lots has happened since then. First and foremost I've decided to put off finishing school for a bit to see if I can get my head back on straight. Secondly, since I've decided to put my education on pause, I moved out of my parents place and into an apartment with my best friend, Trev, up in Spokane. This happened in July and I've been getting adjusted to living up here so far away from my family and friends. I've also been looking for a job, sadly I've had no real luck finding one (this is made more difficult because I don't have a car). Hopefully, I'll find one soon because I'm going to need to get my loans paid off and I need to start coming up with rent money, so my friend won't have to kick me out. He and my other roommates have been really understanding about my difficulties finding a job, but I feel like I'm free-loading and its starting to get to me. Anywho, its been a big change for me living up here, but I'm dealing and I'm even starting to like it up here. My only complaint is that it doesn't rain enough (hey I'm from Oregon, if its not raining i get uncomfortable), other than that everything has been great. Well its late an I want to get up in the morning so I'll sign off now but don't worry I promise I'll be back. post comment

The search continues... [25 Jun 2003|10:29pm] [ music | none ] Well my job searching efforts have so far produced absolute crap in terms of results, and I must continue the search. Good news is that my parents are having leaving town and I get to have the house for an entire week, and more importantly my bro guardian is coming to town so that should be cool too. Not to much else has been happening, so i think i'll keep this update short and hit the hay. post comment

Problems [19 Jun 2003|04:55pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | None ] Finally I have enough privacy I write something in my journal. Well its official, i fscked up big time. I got my grades yesterday and lets just say they were sub par, meaning that I blew my last chance at college. At the begining of the term I knew that if I couldn't keep my act together I wouldn't be coming back in the fall. In fact I don't think that I'm going to be able to finish school for awhile. Because I won't be in school by the time the grace period on loan paying is up, I'm going to have to pay them back and that means that for the next few years I aint going to have a lot of money. And wel you know the song. Futhermore now i have to find myself a place to live and a job. My parents were gracious enough to agree to let me stay unitl the end of august but by then I need to be out and supporting myself. The funny thing is, I don't feel anything and this worries me. I don't feel loss at losing my dream, or fear of being on my own, or anything resemebling normal emotions attributed to my particulary bad position. In fact I have been having this problem a lot lately. When things happen I find it hard to care, and while I'm normally fairly empathic towards others, lately this too has started to fade. Its as if I'm slowly losing emotional attachment to life and the people around me. This roughly started around my freshman year in college, and ever since I have been in a downward spiral from which I cannot seem to escape. Its rather maddening actually. Part of me is horrified at this emotional detachment and at my general apathy toward everything, and this part rails at the inside of my skull trying to pull me out of this funk. However the rest of seems to ignore mostly, or when the small part of me succeeds in moving me as soon as it stops it has to work twice as hard to get me going. And I have been going through this viscious cyle for four years now, and frankly I'm tired of fighting. Somewhere, sometime ago I lost something. Call it drive, ambition, determination, passion (in actuality it might have been all four), I just know that somehow I lost the fire that used to burn in me, that drove me to succeed at all costs. When i first noticed that it was gone I thought it was a good thing, that finally I had achieved peace with myself and my life. But now as I sit here using this journal to sort out my head I realize that when I lost this 'fire' of mine, I lost the very thing that made me work. Without it i feel like I am ...well...missing something; i feel that I am .... empty. The thing that frustrates most is nothing I do seems rekindle that fire, and it makes me feel so useless, pathetic, unworthy. All i hope is that eventually I get myself out of this funk before I really destroy whats left of my wasted life. Well I'll be going now, it felt good to vent this, but to be honest it doesn't help solve my problems. post comment

FRRREEEEEDOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [15 Jun 2003|09:44pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | No Song - Watching Movie ] Yes its official, the school year is finally over! Now I have to wait for my grades. I will give a more comprehensive update when I'm less distracted. 2 comments|post comment

The home stretch [02 Jun 2003|03:25pm] [ mood | Focused ] [ music | Drowning Pool - Bodies (vienna mix) ] I'm in the home strech now boys and girls! This is the week before finals, and for me is make or break time. If I can get everything done that I need to I think I can pull this term off, if not well...lets not go there. This week is probably going to be hell on me so don't expect a lot of updates this week (not that I've been very good about it lately). Also this week, My junior project group gives our final presentation. I think we did good this term, I was worried at first because of all of the crap that happened earlier this term but since last we got everything running last week, I feel vindicated. I'd like to note that I took 2nd at a magic tournament friday, I could've had first but I made a mistake and it killed me. Also, i participated in my first dnd campaign in eight years. It was a blast, even though they almost got me killed. I told them taking on a dragon was a bad idea, but noooo they had to go chasing off to get it. I will admit that things started out ok, but stuff went south fast (esp. after the goddamned thing grabbed me). Luckily our ultra buffed warrior managed to crit and our rouge used that fireball he'd been saving in his sword of spell storing or it would have been the shortest campaign that i'd ever played in. Though the afternoon wasn't without its highlights. Highlight one was when our druid (who had been hanging on the ceiling) did a 20ft suicide plunge onto the dragon's head to use his flame sword he conjoured only to do 1 point of damage, and promtly got chucked off on the dragon's next turn (falling another 10ft). In fact he did more damage to the dragon falling on it than with the spell. Highlight two came when the dragon tried to escape (we got him in the end but just barely). Our ever helpfull sorcerer had iced over the water in cave (it was a black dragon, and its main enterance was underwater go figure ;-) ), so in order to break the ice he used me (since i was still in his hand at the time) as a fscking human projectile and chucked me at the ice. Even though it just about killed me, the group and i got a kick out of the mental image of a dragon chucking a cleric in full plate like a baseball. Oh yeah, ring of telekinesis = fun. Lastly, I've finished season 4 of ranma 1/2 and watched the first four or five episodes of season five. Also I managed to finish all of the ova's and three of the movies (i'm not sure if there are more, i keep hearing that there are and that there aren't so i'm a little unsure) 2 comments|post comment

JOY! [30 May 2003|09:54am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Rob D - Clubbed to Death ] This is just a quck update, hopefully I'll get around to making a more in depth one later... Well things are starting to look up for me. My oh so generous and wonderful parents got me a replacement monitor, so now maybe I can get something accomplished this weekend. I've managed to work my way through the first three seasons of Ranma 1/2 and am about half-way through the fourth. 2 comments|post comment

Man I am beat... [26 May 2003|11:17pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Evanescence - My Immortal ] Sorry about not updating the journal in awhile, but I've been kinda lazy lately. On top of that this weekend did not go according to plan. I had originally planned to get alot done, but instead I ended up doing nothing. Well not exactly nothing, but I'll get to that later. The main reason I haven't been that productive stems from three events... one my monitor stop working properly and that has severely limited my productivity, two there was a Magic tournament on saturday, and thirdly, Arthur (my bastardly friend) introduced me to Ranma 1/2 (like I need another addiction). Well, on upside I placed fourth at the magic tournament, which was cool. And my JP group and I got alot accomplissed today on our project. At this rate we just might finish now if I can just finish my other work I might have a shot at passing this term. Oh yeah and I have to remember to register for classes. Well I'd like to keep going but i'm pretty beat and i think i'm going to head to bed. Cath ya on the flip side! 1 comment|post comment

Just another wednesday.. [21 May 2003|06:43pm] Nothing really special went on today, but I feel that since I have this journal I should at this write in it regularly. Hopefully I'll manage to get some work done, but if not maybe I'll get further in FFX. I can't wait until saturday... SCOURGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, I start up a D&D campaign on sunday, Yah! 2 comments|post comment

I really shouldn't update this late... [20 May 2003|11:59pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | No Music - watching Adult Swim ] The reason being, that when I get tired I have a tendency to be a little depressing. Well I think I'll keep this one short. We got communication going between our project components, however we are having a few difficulties still (ehh like every time we tell it to do a purge cycle it loops endlessly) But we'll get it worked out. And my back is feeling much better, which is really cool!!!!!!!!! 3 comments|post comment

I hate the way my mind works sometimes.... [19 May 2003|10:40pm] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | No music - Watching TV ] Today wasn't my best day, in fact i've pretty much screwed up the last two weeks. And that's time I'm not going to get back. I wish for once that I could just do well in school, instead of starting off strong and ending the term with a whimper. I especially don't need this, as this term is my absolute last chance to stay here. I don't i just feel depressed, and it probably doesn't help that I saw a romantic comedy tonight. I know that sounds weird, romantic comedies are made to make people laugh, and to touch the heart in a good way. However they always make me feel ...well... alone. I have lost all but two ties to my past (and they know who they are), and because of my nature and the nature of college I have trouble making connections to people around me, and it leaves me feeling adrift and cut-off from others. Romantic comedies with their stories of two people coming together (and it always happens) always remind me of just how alone i feel most of the time. And when i get depressed like this I tend to become introspective, ok well really introspective. And I'm not exactly liking what I'm seeing. I also keep thinking about this girl i know. To be honest, I don't think about her all the time, but i keep finding myself thinking of her at odd times eating breakfast, taking a shower, in class. I like her, but I have no idea if she likes me, in fact I'm kinda afraid she likes someone else, but if that is true there really is nothing i can do about it. I'll just have to deal, and move on, like I've done every other time. Its just that...well...heh, man I sound like a whiner. I promise that tomorrow I'll be back to my normal happy, go lucky self I just need to sleep off. 3 comments|post comment

Mmmmmm Matrix (drool) [18 May 2003|04:55pm] [ mood | refreshed ] [ music | Linkin Park - A Place for My Head ] Yes that's right folks, I saw the new Matrix and I think it absolutely ROCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anybody who doesn't share this opinion (meaning they thought that the movie sucked) can take a flying leap. I of course won't go into any details, because I don't want to spoil it for anybody else but i will say this, it's good enough that I'd see it again and even be willing to pay evening prices to get in. Seing the matrix has also had a positive effect on my mind, I feel productive for first time in weeks, and I might even do my homework (gasp!) tonight. Furthermore my back is feeling a lot better and if things go well I might be almost back up to full mobility by tomorrow or tuesday. BTW is good to hear from the Redhead, its been a while. Well I got to get going if i want to get anything done, plus i need to make my sorry but dinner. Oh and Tweezer if you read this message me sometime I got something I would like to discuss with you. post comment

WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO! [17 May 2003|01:07pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Stabbing Westward - What Do I Have To Do ] IT LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got back from the lab and the servo controller works like a dream. I got our linear actuator to move forward, I couldn't get it to backward for some reason, but that doesn't matter because IT WORKS! I'm also feeling better because I found out that the dorm has an ice machine, so i gots me some ice for my back, yay. 2 comments|post comment

The pain.... [17 May 2003|08:15am] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | Creed - Six Feet From the Edge ] Well this sucks! Last night i was moving this table in the lounge so my magic playgroup and I could have more room for FNM (Friday Night Magic) and I pulled something in my back. I'm better now than last night (in other words I can move more than 20ft), but I'm still in a lot of pain. Man, I never realized how much you used the muscles in the lower back. On the school front, my team's junior project can go forward again. On friday, Emerson finally shipped us the servo controller that we sent in for repairs 4-5 weeks ago. Just in time too. Maybe this way we can meet our beta testing deadline. On the other hand this means that I going to be doing a lot of programming in the lab today, when I wanted to spend today working on data structures and my OS work. And I'm not looking forward to the walk down to Purvine hall, seeing how it is the fartherest building from the dorm and there are a lot of stairs between here and there (OIT was built on the side of a hill for those of you who don't know). Oh yeah I got my mid term evaluation back (I'm on probation, leave me alone) and I'm getting all C's and a B, which is good though I'd hoped my grads would be higher. Well I got to go, I want to get some work done before I got to go to the lab, Ciao! post comment

My first journal entry [16 May 2003|12:26pm] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | Taproot - Poem ] Hello all this is my very first journal entry. I decided to finally get one of these, because I keep finding within myself a need to vent all that is on my mind, and I can never find my friends online so I figured I would give this a shot. Not much is going on right now, I should be doing my programming work right now (since I'm skipping class) but I don't feel all that inspired right now so yeah... Heck, I've had trouble being inspired to do anything this week, and it is killing me. But just maybe I'll be able to get it together this weekend, I hope so because I really need to do well this semester. But between my three programming classes and my junior project, the amount of work that has accumulated this week is staggering, meaning that it will probably be a NO SLEEP WEEKEND. YAY! My personal life is going ok, i mean its pretty hard to screw up something that doesn't exist really. My life right now is pretty much school, and that's it. I'll write more when I get more time, I just remembered that I have a meeting to go to. 3 comments|post comment

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