| wow |
[26 Jul 2004|06:29pm] |
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h20 - all we want |
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BOO!. Man its been so long since ive written here. months.
I have a live journal
Sweettalksucker
yupp..
thats all..
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| mathbook romance..lol nate |
[01 Mar 2004|12:58pm] |
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Matchbook Romance -- The Greatest Fall |
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first off, Nate didnt beat his record cuz he had to go buy me swedish fish
So yesterday, I finally left and my brother got lost on the way to the T but when i finally got there i got wicked paranoid switching lines, Im NEVER taking the T alone again! So I got there and Nate was sitting on the ground..1st in line..So i got to stand with him and i ended up being 4th person in, not too shabby..I had so much fun standing out in line, I met patrick and pete from FOB..then we finally go in and I get on the rail and i feel really sick but i deal with it..Dynamite boy was awesome..They did a fucking great cover of an AC/DC song..They even had the infamous Angus Young move..lol..anyways..Matchbook Romance came on and were really good..I love them now..after there set, the singer came down, and gave me a pic and the set list..woo hoo! lol..anyways...Fall out boy rocked my socks..even though i felt sick, i went insane..before mest i got out of the crowd and found Nate and Julia and we just hung out and met all of fall out boy, 2 of the guys from Matchbook, and 2 of the guys from Dynamite Boy..Mest was so much worse than i thought..But i sent the Patrick from FOB on an errand to give Tony the swedish fish i got him, long story..anyways..the show finally ended and we met up with jess and lia and headed to get something to eat and ran into FOB's guitarist, his name escapes me but whatever..he was cool..and yeah then i took the T home with Nate and was all good..I got to wear his hat some of the night cuz my hair was...awful..and then i got home and im really sore now and yeah thats it..
Oh one more thing, EVANESCENCE SUCKS!!!!!!!!
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| Less than a day left! |
[29 Feb 2004|10:25am] |
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Maxeen |
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Im so..nervous//paranoid//excited..I dont even know..I hope i can find nate when i get there..Ahhhh! Im tweaking out..I cant wait!!
--Me
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| LMAO |
[27 Feb 2004|10:40pm] |
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| 2 says until mest |
[27 Feb 2004|10:16pm] |
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SP-I dont want to think about you |
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So yeah, anyways..2 days until mest :o) Im gonna do my homework on the streets of bosto, Doesnt it sound like a blast? lol..Austin bailed on tonight and then megan went somewhere, no idea what happened to Shane but whatever...Im not going to the show in Ashburnham tomorrow even though Shane will be there..ill just have to hang out with him next week..I have his hat still..Anyways..im babysitting until noon tomorrow and then i want to hang out with Chris and carlos tomorrow, maybe have em over..Not sure yet.. and then sunday i have to babysit until ed gets here then Dana and aaron are gonna bring me to Alewife so i can go see mest :oD! and i get to hang with Nate ALL DAY! lol..im so happy..I wanna meet pete from FOB..umm thats all i guess..bye
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| 5 days until mest |
[24 Feb 2004|02:51pm] |
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none |
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Yepp so Carlos is disspointed in me, Shauna and i are in a fight and Paul hates me..fun fun..But the good news is me and Chris are good, as well as me and Joe,and me and nate shane megan whatever..anyways.. im booked up until mest..tonight i have to clean and babysit as well as thursday..tomorrow im going to the mall i think and then Friday i think im gonna have Shane Austin and Megan over :o) I have to babysit Saturday but only until 5 and then i may go to the movies with carlos..not sure yet...anyways..today paul came into english and yelled at me..by doing so he made me sick and made me cry..so yeah...im off
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| La dee da dee da |
[19 Feb 2004|02:44pm] |
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Only 10 days till mest, i cant wait, im so excited, I was kind of nervous about taking the T home but Nates stop is right before mine so we're gonna go together..hes such a nice boy..lol..anyways..I got my haircut today..I like it..and now im babysitting, now i dont have to babysit again until...tuesday, then I get Wednesday off and i get to babysit again on thursday..Friday off and then Saturday..and Sunday i have the concert..yay!! it seems so far away...Im so excited...I skipped therapy this week..meh..doesnt really matter..I have it Wednesday in school..I think im gonna catch up on some earth comm work and web design and then ill be good..I need to get back on track in school..I really dont want to stay back :o( Anyways, Im thinking about not going to ska is dead tomorrow and just going to the mall..hmm..i dunno..But im off..Later days ;o)
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| word!! |
[17 Feb 2004|01:51pm] |
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Im honestly very proud of myself, Since the simple plan concert..ive been...how do i put this...umm..Happy!! Maybe it was all the pain and hate i let out in the mosh pit just by screaming and jumping around..it was so fun!! And i made a new friend..2 new friends actually..A girl and a guy..the girl is Jess..Shes really nifty..I talk to her online and then theres the guy.. nate..Hes so adorable..Dare i say it but more adorable than..John..I know its amazing..He just has a gorgeous smile!! Im gonna see him at the mest, Fall out boy, Dynamite boy, matchbook romance concert, which is in 12 days!! woo hooo! Im so jazzed..anyways..i shall be off..Have a lovely day and i shall ttyl..
-[ krissi ]-
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| -[..And ill beg for forgiveness]- |
[03 Feb 2004|09:37pm] |
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Lost and lonely |
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I dont know what im doing anymore..Carlos is everything i wanted but i dont know what the hell is going thorugh my head, its all a fog and smoke and im scared...Im drowning and there is absolutely nothing i can do about it..And then Chris...Im never good enough..Everything wrong with me ive fixed it and still its not good enough..Im never gonna live up to what he wants me to be..Ive accepted him as just a friend and id be FINE with that but he just wont talk to me and its killing me..I ended my damn obession!! WHAT ELSE CAN I GIVE YOU!!!!!
My life's a waste.Nothing left for me to hate.I hate myself. I have no friends.I'm treading water, I'm struggling by the edge.I'm sitting here all alone, I just can't lose myself.My friends ignore me, they think my life's a waste.They're now my enemies, all of which I hate.Im always unhappy, Got a gun pointed to my head...Will someone come save me before i end up dead--Home Grown
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| Survey |
[02 Feb 2004|04:49pm] |
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 bitchy |
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[ x ] Spell your first name backwards- issirk
[ x ] The story behind your user name - Diffuser (great band) Rock (great music) Rebel (as in river city rebels..good band)
[ x ] Are you a lesbian - nope
[ x ] Where do you live - My house.
[ x ] 4 words that sum you up - All for the music
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily - Carlos's necklace
[ x ] Pillow covers - Black
[ x ] Blanket - One black and one light blue and white
[ x ] Coffee cup - Don't drink coffee.
[ x ] Sunglasses - None.
[ x ] CD in stereo right now - umm...Alien Ant farm
[ x ] Tattoos - None..yet
[ x ] Piercings -left eyebrow, right nostril, navel, Ear lobes, ear clartilage
[ x ] What you are wearing now- Jeans and a t shirt with my nirvana hoodie
[ x ] Hair - down
[ x ] Makeup - None
WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)
[ x ] In my mouth - Tounge,teeth, gums..i think thats it
[ x ] In my head - Nothing
[ x ] After this - I will probably go back to bed.
[ x ] Talking to - No one.
[ x ] Eating - Nothing.
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month- SP/MXPX concert and the Senses fail show
[ x ] The last thing you ate - umm..Changes pizza yesterday
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of -Losing my friends
[ x ] Do you like candles - Yes.
[ x ] Do you like hot wax - yeah, not for sexual purposes
[ x ] Do you like incense - no
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood - I may sound really creepy but yes
[ x ] Do you believe in love - yeah
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - no
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - no
[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven - no
[ x ] Do you believe in forgiveness -Sure.
[ x ] Do you believe in God - not at all
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die - I want them to leave my body ALONE!
[ x ] Who is your worst enemy - Oh my...Cant say
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - an emu
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up- um..Ive stayed up for like a little over 48 hours straight..then i got bored..
[ x ] Ever been to Belgium - Nope.
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - yes
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - Nickels...PHILLIP!!
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - my disease...depression
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better - how cameras take pictures...
[ x ] What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow - work all the shit in my head out
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| lyrics |
[02 Feb 2004|04:47pm] |
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Papa Roach
Infest (2000)
Last Resort
cut my life into pieces
this is my last resort
suffocation
no breathing
don't give a fuck if i cut my arm bleeding
this is my last resort
cut my life into pieces
i’ve reached my last resort
suffocation
no breathing
don't give a fuck if i cut my arm bleeding
do you even care if i die bleeding
would it be wrong
would it be right
if i took my life tonight
chances are that i might
mutilation outta sight
and i’m contemplating suicide
cuz i’m losing my sight
losing my mind
wish somebody would tell me i’m fine
losing my sight
losing my mind
wish somebody would tell me i’m fine
i never realized i was spread too thin
till it was too late
and i was empty within
hungry
feeding on chaos
and living in sin
downward spiral where do i begin
it all started when i lost my mother
no love for myself
and no love for another
searching to find a love up on a higher level
finding nothing but questions and devils
cuz i’m losing my sight
losing my mind
wish somebody would tell me in fine
losing my sight
losing my mind
wish somebody would tell me i’m fine
nothing's alright
nothing is fine
i’m running and i’m crying
i’m crying
i'm crying
i'm crying
i'm crying
i can't go on living this way
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| Id rather drown that swim away |
[02 Feb 2004|02:45pm] |
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I have so much to think about tonight..I need to talk to Chris tomorrow so i can figure this out..Im sorry to everyone i may hurt in the days to come im really fucked right now...
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| ...Holding...fumble...yupp football |
[01 Feb 2004|09:35pm] |
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Yeah so Shauna just left and carlos left about an hour ago, i was wicked mean to Carlos tonight and i feel bad, i plan to make it up to him though so no worries ;o) Looks like the Pats are gonna win, its 20 to 10..meh shit happens, I may not like the pats but im trying since all my friends like them...If it was the colts in the superbowl instead of the pats then i know my friends would try and back me up so the best of luck to the pats :o) Chris comes back tomorrow..fun fun..im so tired right now, im gonna go to bed right when the superbowl ends...Well..Later
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| eventually youll finally get it right |
[31 Jan 2004|12:04pm] |
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I was supposed to watch my sister till 1 today but Ed came and picked her up..I really hate him, I hope he dies a terrible painful death..Anyway! Im having a bit of a get together tomorrow...Im having Shauna and Carlos over to watch Cabin Fever and then the Superbowl, theyre leaving at Halftime..Just so he doesnt miss any of the Superbowl even though the whole concept of it is idiotic...Whatever though..I suppose that is all..
--later
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| ..and no1 gives a shit as long as we smile.. |
[28 Jan 2004|09:07pm] |
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So i havent really written lately..ive been talking to Carlos a lot lately..Im actually starting to only want Chris as a friend because of it..I want to be close with Chris but i dont think I want to go out with him..I want to go out with Carlos..hes awsome.he actually makes me feel like im normal..a good person even..i like that feeling..He and I are gonna "date" cuz he doesnt want a girlfriend right now..Chris and Shauna are gonna get together, If they havent already..which gets to me a little..I dont think i could talk to Shauna anymore knowing she puts guys before friends..Ive been talking to Dan a little too...Hes great and i only want the best for him..and i hope he gets happy soon..I think hell be fine..other than that..we have new electives in school..Web design is cool..then music appreciation isnt half bad..We havr to find a song that has a true story behind it, So i picked a home grown song and had Adam from home grown tell me about it so ill be good..I feel really sick right now..im gonna go..
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| Yeaaaaahhh |
[24 Jan 2004|01:45pm] |
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Ed left...There was 2 hours of screaming leading up to it, all they did was fight about me..Im sitting in the kitchen trembling screaming inside my head and i cant stop crying..all the did was scream about how i didnt do anything around the house about how its his fault I practically live in my room and about how im a waste..Im nothing..then my mom starts screaming.."Look what your doing to her" and they got in fight about why i looked like I was about to have a mental breakdown...then he finally leaves and she has the nerve to tell me it isnt my fault..suuuure..Now everytime me and my mom get in a fight for the next however long..Shes gonna tub it in my face that its my fault we dont have the money to pay the bills...my fault Taylors so fucked up and my fault that everythings going wrong..Great..On top of that I got in a..i dont even know what it is..but something with carlos..I dont want to hurt him..but he refuses to give up on me..and then Chris..Ill never abandon him even if he does treat me like shit well like he is right now..whatever...im off
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| ...again.. |
[23 Jan 2004|07:42pm] |
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Shitty |
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There fighting again, it wont stop..I hate this, he wont leave,,he just stays and makes us all feel like shit..ed should die...Whatever, I went to see win a date with tad hamilton with my mom today..it was cute..made me think about some stuff..then a pecuilar thing happened i was talking to amanda and she asked me if i had posted in Sarahs journal..which i hadnt..heres what someone had written..
Maybe D-Reckers Little sister is really wanting to be your friend and uh,maybe you could be the bigger person and reach out to her and be her friend too?
I know her and man she can be a B**tch but she pretty cool sometimes, and I know that it would make her day if you warmed up allittle,she misses hangin with her Bro and she needs more Friends like you, that have their S**t together? Ya Know? Holla
Riiite..I wanna know who wrote it..
Anyways im off
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| Soooo |
[23 Jan 2004|10:53am] |
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Yepp.So i left school earlier today cuz I dont wanna be there for my 6th period midterm cuz im not gonna take it anyway..So yeah..Seeing Shauna and Chris together make me sick..things with me and him are good but im confused about if im mad at shauna or not..Whatever..later
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| An apology.. |
[19 Jan 2004|11:23pm] |
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This is an apology.. In light of recent events, I feel like shit, Ive been hurt by some people i considered friends. It doesnt matter what they did, What matters is I was hurt and friends dont do that to other friends..They just dont..And what makes it worse is theyve dont it before ..over and over and gave them another chance..Over and over.. What this is, is i want to apologize to anyone ive ever hurt...Even it was a dirty look, An insult, something i said, Im miserable and you know what they say, misery loves company, I hate the person I am..I dont give anyone a chance and the fact people dont like me for that hurts and im sorry, Ill try and change, I really will. For the people that have stupid reasons for not liking me, Like my appearance..Why cant you give me a chance, I try, I really do, If everyone was based on appearance where would we be..Im asking to start over...well see how it goes..thats all
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| yupp |
[17 Jan 2004|08:22pm] |
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Very un-eventful weekend..Friday I just chilled with my mom, went to the mall to get chris's birthday present and saw megan..Today..I had to wake up at 9 to go get my manicure then my mom brought me to Hot topic..I got a shirt and a dvd..thats really it..
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Stab Me in the Back