The return of ... well... me...   
07:21pm 20/08/2003
mood: okay
music: Softball - Baby
That's right! Be impressed! My blurty is ressurected! Momentarily?

So its totally revamped and when I have the time/energy I'll hook it up with my mad skizzals and give it a cool lay out that wont make all of its (0) faithful viewers cringe in pain, gropping their bleeding eyes. ^^;; Yay!

So yeah, moving out in a few days. I will be seperated from the love of my life. No not my bf. my computer.


But yo, I'll have my own entertainment center in an uber fancy apartment for a while, so I'm gonna be going crazy with my PSX and Gamecube! w00t!!!

That's gonna be my whole life. Suckiness. Oh well though, meh.

So yeah, school starts in a few days. being an Art major has got to be the riskiest thing I've done in my life.

Question my courage? Ha! I AM AN ART MAJOR.

::hoping all are much with the cringing in fear::

This marks the 3rd use of some form of "cringe" in this journal.

AHH!! Woah! I had a plan that is massive greatness!
I'll invite Boot to spend the weekend at my crazy apartment place! YEAH!!! That'd be good stuff.

Meanwhile I'll pay someone 400,000,000,000,000 dollars to shoot my drunk and annoying "father".
What a douche that man is. the douchiest even!
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07:37am 04/03/2003
mood: giggly
I changed this layout a few days ago. I stole the background from the greatest place on earth... online... X_X hehehe anyway Hitomi is pretty cool.
Even fun seems mundane tonight   
08:34pm 01/03/2003
mood: blah
music: Paul playing Galerians
Yeah, fuck ujournal. Stupid bitch journal.
I'm irritated with ujournal for being too slow to even load...

Yesterday we went to Austin Racoon City to watch anime for 5 hours. It was pretty fun. Azumanga Daioh was as hilarious as usual, I really liked She, the Ultiment Weapon, GTO was pretty good too, and Gatekeepers was enjoyable. Besides the I think the others were only Ok, besides Brother, Oh Brother (I think that was it) which bored me out of my skull. x__x
Actually by that time I was sufficiantly cranky, exhausted and was short of breathe. It was midnight, and I had to drive home still, so we got back at 2 am. It was worth it, still, I just remember why I hate driving so much and why I rarely drive to San Antonio anymore. >_<

Today was incredably uneventful. We just played more of Silent Hill 2 and Galerians. I want a new Resident Evil game to come out now. meez.
Rgh, oh and we went to San Marcos. We intended to go to the Headshop because Paul really wants to get a bowl. '_' hm. \\\he is generally smoking pot twice a day when he can now... T_T\\\ I wont talk any more of that because I know he gets upset that I'm not really supportive of it. I wont criticize him.
Well the place was closed so it doesn't matter. Instead we went down to the Arcade, and played Police Trainer and Mace blablah dark ages. They have a new Dance Dance Revolution game there now, but I wasn't really in a dancing mood at all... so... -_-

Paul's playing Galerians now. Ima go join him.

ps. I made 2 new icons. One of Chiyo-chan and one from She, the Ultiment Weapon
because my ujournal got it, my blurty gets it!   
08:23am 21/02/2003
mood: chipper
music: none, im too busy making a shaft for EG
Today already promises to be long. I woke up at 5:30 this morning to make Paul a surprise breakfest: cheesy eggs, toast, sausage and orange juice. Since he got up early we spent about 15 - 20 minutes playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on his Super Nintendo emulator.

Last night we started Silent Hill 2 (again) I was freaking out.

(me) GWAH! Ohh my god! What was that!
(paul) uh, rust on the floor?
(me) AHHH no!! Ok erika, theres nothing bad in the hole! Its just... uhh.. muffins! Yeah, somebody baked muffins for him! He'll stick his hand in a pull out nice warm blueberry muffins! ::GASP!:: ok! he was just surprised! thats it! the muffins were a little hot!!
(paul) what are you talking about?!

>_> ummm.
Hm, what else. Oh we tried to DL and Umbrella Inc. Logon screen. It looks really cool, But it didn't work. T_T, what bad luck. Shmee. Well at least I got the super neat background.

Boot's going to Austin tonight to see Some Anime. Its free and sounds good, unfortunately I dont think we have time to go home, get the car and come back. So maybe next weekend? Tomorrows the talent show. Hah! memories. What a blessed tradition that is.

I wanna start a band soley for the purpose of making a song called "I hate... stupid chicks". Or maybe "That crazy broad is inside of me?!" Haha. Setsuna is so great.
Next time I hear Never Die by Tiger Army Ima imagine he sings it... since he's fox-ay with a crappy voice, and the guy from Tiger Army has the best voice and is not fox-ay at all.
08:02am 20/02/2003
mood: cold and wet
Gwah, Its raining and I'm drenched. I mean really soaked. I had to walk in the rain. Meek. If this keeps up today is bound to be fun. Hopefully we can get home past all the flooded roads tonight.
dont talk of worlds that never were   
07:12pm 17/02/2003
mood: thoughtful
music: the cure
::sigh:: And I'm tired. No one has updated their journals and so I've nothing to do.

This morning we (Paul, Boot, my mom and I) went to New Braunfels. My mom bought me a bathing suit (it's really nice, and I like it a whole lot) and then we ate at Applebees. We talked a little about college and the future. I think I've got some idea what I will do now. I ordered amazing bourben chicken and indulged in chocolate cake. 9_9

There are so many things on my mind tonight... so many things happening around me and to me.
Tonight I became tired again. It had left for a week and now it's creaping back in. I wonder why. I didn't forget my pills this morning.

I'm trying to think of what to do to be happy. I'm trying to think of things I really like and consider why those things are such major parts of my life... what they really mean to me. It must seem silly that videogames, especially Resident Evil, are at the top of my list of things I enjoy. It's a very fullfilling obsession. I really like Paul also. He's my favorite... though I can't help but realize that there is distance growing between us. Maybe not between him and me, but I can feel it sneaking in between me and him. I can feel myself becomming cautious and less comfortable. I'll wait for the epiphany to save me. I don't love him any less. I love him more, I always love him more and need him more. He becomes more my breathing everyday. I think I've just become so aware of the bad things I make him feel I want so much to restrain myself, to purge myself, and starve myself of those thoughts, those feelings... I don't know what I'll lose in the process. I can't be sad about it. There is no other option. Just to wait in silence, and hope the distance drowns before my own self does.

::sigh:: I really have a lot to think about. Or at least a lot to feel.
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09:20am 17/02/2003
mood: crappy
Yesterday I took Boot, Shaniqua and their brother to San Antonio. We bought Angel Sanctuary, and ate at Arbys. We also went to Heroes and Fantasies and saw a Lain Wallscroll that Boot wanted. We came home and Boot bought me a 2 shirts and used one to make my Resident Evil shirt (yay).

Boot came over and spent the night, and we watched more Strongbad emails, and then watched Angel Sanctuary, which I really liked, mostly because Setsuna is a damn foxy man. ::growls::

Bleh, meanwhile I think Paul and I are on semi-bad terms, and today wont help because he's going off with my dad to get a new jacket and I'm going off with my mom to talk about college. T_T

I need to fix my ear and try to call the Dr. for Paul.
10:54am 15/02/2003
mood: bouncy
music: Motely Crue - Kickstart my heart
I think my left ear is going deaf! I need emergency treatment! OI! Paul missed TMNT this morning, well so did I... we thought it was at 10:30, but it was at 9:30 T_T

I think I'll go take a shower and then fuck up one of my shirts. RAH!

Because I don't think I've ever filled one of these out on my blurty or ujournal.... Read more... )
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08:06am 13/02/2003
mood: bouncy
music: the cars - just what I needed (in my head)
I had some strange dreams last night, they weren't really that great.

Ee-eeee-eee-ither way! I woke up with some crazy kinda happy bug burrowed in my heart! Today will be good if it lasts! Weeeee. Plus I made it even better by listening to those new CD's Boot made me this morning!!! Rooooo!!!!
80's muuuusic. >_<
and of course the happy music too!

What a good day this is turning out to be!! Hooooray! *____________*

ps. my ujournal layout looks soooo happy, I like it a lot!
07:07pm 12/02/2003
mood: discontent
music: Jack off Jill - Vivivica
Paul's smoking more. Of everything. What am I supposed to say that doesn't make him feel like I'm making him sacrafice so incredably much? I just don't want to think about the person I love as someone who's zoned out forgetting everything and living in a whole different demension. I told him I could tolerate it if he really needs it, and I even smoked with him a while ago. But I think he took that to mean I wont be upset if he smokes every night. I hate worrying that he'll forget things, important things. And that I can't have a serious talk with him if it just pops up one night, and he's stonned. T_T Bleh. Am I always trying to change everyone to fit me better? I hate myself sometimes for all of this. I just haven't learned how to ignore what upsets me, yet.
05:32pm 12/02/2003
mood: silly
music: Vapors - I think I'm turning Japanese
Nee-w Blurty layout too. I'm a maniac for Journal layouts! This one is really mellow, and I like the colors alot. Everyone will probably think it looks gross, but oh well... its pleasing to my little eye.
08:34am 12/02/2003
mood: tired
You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I updated my UJ layout. And I'm tired... 3 day weekend will be much appriciated.
I died for booty - but was scared   
02:22pm 08/02/2003
mood: frustrated
music: bizzare love triangle <3
The music on this old computer is great. I miss being able to listen to "Tenderness" and "Back on the Chain Gang" AND "Take on me". ::sigh of joy:: x____x meow.

I think Paul wants to go to Booters, since there isnt' much to do here today... I'm down with that.

Rats I can't hear the music anymore, cause Paul started playing his drums. T_T ::sniff sniff::
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08:47pm 06/02/2003
mood: calm
music: 36 crazyfists - slit wrist theory
I think its nice that I have a sense of humor about the lack of love and attention from my family. My parents spent a good deal of time complementing Paul on oh so many great things that teachers say he's done, and on how he is and I cant deny he's great, but the day my parents tell me theyre proud of something I did or who I am will be a rare and special ocassion, indeed. So upon hearing those endless complements directed towards Paul I went and made myself a little name-tag and stuck it on my chest that said "Hello, my name is MUD, you may also call me Chopped Liver". My parents got a laugh out of it.

Ahhh I think that should be my trademark; the ability to play off anything that hurts me and either make people laugh about it or for a few precious moments really know what it feels like to be absolutely out of emotional control and totally carefree (IE. so many times this summer when Paul and I had our problems and I went off with Boot... I always felt that knawing pain, but it manifested itself as total hippness, my ability to say 'eh fuck it, lets be spontanious and wild and YOUNG!! WITHOUR A CARE!!! GGgrrrraaar!!!') I've been so wreckless in my heart. I do some strange things.

Ps. I'm giving my trophy in Speech to Booters, best friend a... thug could have.

note-to-self: keep yourself believing erika. believe blindly now, be happy now and if things should change explode and never let them happen again... then youll have reason to be a cynic and to be bitter.
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08:06pm 05/02/2003
mood: tired
music: game shark music (uhh what? no, we dont cheat!)
T_T Ujournal barrly works any more. It takes forever to load. I'll put up with the wait tonight though.

I went to the Dr. this morning for a follow up. They told me I have something called Gilbert's syndrome. 5% of the population get it, and most are japanese, or inuet males. *__* Weird hu? We'll it wont hurt me... just make me very tired and weak, and there is no treatment or cure. However people who have this syndrome don't have heart attacks. I also have mild Anemia... so that means more vitimins.
I feel like such a mess >_<

It was ok though, I got to school in time to miss, engineering graphics, sociology and library aid. wee! And my mom took me to Jack N' The Box and I spent all my hard earned $ (10$) on food for everyone for lunch. I brought it and Paul and I enjoyed a peaceful lunch out in the car. <3

Classes weren't especially exciting, had to do a skit in Speech, had to work in English and stipple in Art. I think my artistic talent has totally stopped developing. T_T I'm not happy with my work at all. In fact I hate it.

So after school Boot and I watched Armitice III (fuck! I forget, thats its name right?) We had a few good laughs, but all in all I think it was an OK movie. Couldn't have been worse than Kimera. heeeheee

Then I brought Poilly home after Driver's Ed. and took a shower. Now we're here. I have to think of someone to dedicate my trophy to for speech. I dont know I dont know I dont know!! gah

Time for the nightly FFIX. I love Paul. I can't wait for Valentines day! MMM he madddeee me the sweeeeetest card! What a wonderful boyfriend he is to me!

Oh and Book 3 is already getting great, so much suspence... so exciting.
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06:07pm 02/02/2003
mood: sad
music: Sora Folksong - Escaflowne
The real world is for sighing.
I want, I were lost, far away,
not now, like this,
My mind breaths those dreams...
lying in mist,
my heart is shrouded
and is calling ...
yet all I am doing is sighing.
::choke sniffle::   
01:30pm 02/02/2003
mood: disappointed
::sniffle sniffle:: ::weeze:: sells Angel Sanctuary with Vampire Hunter D for 52$. ::sniffle:: there are only 5 left in stock right now. T_T I wwwwwiiiiiisssshhhhh I hhhhaaaadddddd MOOOONNNEY!!! ::bawls::
     Post already know the answers   
01:30pm 01/02/2003
mood: chipper
music: New Model Army - stupid questions
I think Ima take pictures today and put them in here. I already took some of Mikoto. Smelly hedgehog! -_-;;

But yeah, no FFIX yet. Why the hell not? mehehe. I dunno? I went to clean my room up a little... and

I really like that music from the begining of Angel Sanctuary. I tried to find it... to no avail.
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09:52am 01/02/2003
  Oh and I won a Zidane and Dagger Wallscroll on ebay for 1.00$

Muwahah! ... X)
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Too sensative   
09:37am 01/02/2003
mood: unsure
music: Aha - take on me
... I changed my layout. Kenshin was great, so he has the honor of being my new background image. I think the colors are pretty. At first I intended to make Zidane my background image, but I can't deny that I really dont like the way his hair raises off his head like that. >_<

I don't feel like I slept last night. I've got such an uneasy feeling. Each time I start to think what it could be my mind draws a blank. I'm still so tired.

My mom woke me up telling me about the space shuttle that burned up. I hate how she adds such drama to something that is already dramatic enough. She even adds those pauses for dramatic effect and repetes what she just said. (IE. They burned up.... they burned up{in a whisper}). I wish she hadn't woke me up to that. I'm far too sensative to things like this.

I'm going to take a shower and eat.
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