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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
scottymac's Blurty:
| Monday, March 20th, 2006 | |
| 11:01 am | ok so here is the deal...umm...alright so i dont have any excuse for not writing this long but whatever. i guess a lot has happened since i last wrote. oh and if you read my last entry, my plans changed about three more time before any of that actually took place. but anyway, here is the story, after valintines day i made the long grueling hitch hike to sherbrooke Quebec and spent the night there with a old friend. it was an experience that i wasnt really expecting. i was only there a short time but i spent the next few day after reflecting on what i had seen. i guess it was just a front row ticket of sort to all the hopelessness that life has to offer us. broken people and broken lives were what i saw i guess. there has been this song that has been playing through my head lately when ever i think about this. It a caedmons call song and the line goes like this,"This world has nothing for me and this world has everthing, all that i could want and nothing that i need." i guess i have just found this to be so true in my life lately. ecclesiasties always come to mind to where solomon just proceeds to bash everthing that he possible could except God. everything that this place has to offer is meaningless. and when i think about all of this in light of those empty people, i am so broken for them. they are walking dead people. there is more to life then living and dieing. so much more. so yah, a bit of a bunny trail but back to my story. i left quebec and headed south with ashley and her friends. we stoped in NY city on the way down and also washington DC. so that was kinda interesting. they were both first timers for me. then on to south carolina. we had a real nice condo not far from the beach. it wasnt really beach weather but we did get some sweet frisbee time in on the beach. also we saw these 2 dolphins! it was so cool. i was running around like a little kid watching them. so yah SC was a fun time and then it was off to ontario. the first day that i was there i drove down to hang out with jeff and amanda. it was awesome to see them again. we hung out and went for i hike and went bowling (i bet jeff twice). it was a good time. then i went up to visit my friend mark for a night just outside of TO. it was good to see him. it was a short visit but i was really good to catch up a bit. then i was off to huntsville to see wilson and renee. who by the way just got engaged...just in case you care. congrats yo's! but yah it was awesome to hang out with wilson again. it had been almost a year since i had seen him. him and renee say that they are going to come out to CB this summer for a visit. they said that last year and it never happened but i am going to hold them to it this year. besides...who would want to come to the greatest place on earth. ok maybe that is a little much, but its pretty awesome here! so then i went back to my parent place in london and stay there an extra 4 day. dad convinced me to stay and help with some renovations for a bit. it was nice to hang out with dad some too. not to often that we get to hang out these days. so all in all my trip was good. i got to see lots of places and lots of faces. it was so good to get so see all of those people. but by the end i was so excited to get home. so i flew in on a monday and got pick up by Leigh-Anne when i got to sydney. it was so awesome to see her again. she was home for the next two week after that. so i got to spend alot of time with her. that doesnt really happen very often so it was a nice change. her and some friends from school were down for the whole time working with some of the youth and a few churches in the area. so i kinda tagged along with them mostly. then just the other day we were all down north for a bit and ended up doing the cabot trail on the way home. i always forget how beautiful it is down there. the snow covered mountains droping straight into the ocean. the frozen waterfall all along the road side. and there is this one spot on cape smokey where i always stop(if you are from CB you know which one i mean because you probably stop there too). you are on top of the mountain and standing out on the edge looking out across this huge ocean with nothing but water and sky in sight. i always cant help but feel like i am so small. it makes me think about Gods love for me and just how huge it is. so so much bigger then that ocean which seems already, completely unmeasurable. it is comforting but still almost intimidating in a sense because He is so big. so that is it for now i guess. i am in CB for a few more week then off again to ON for josh's wedding. Leigh-Anne went back to school yesterday and i wont see her til the wedding (josh's...not mine!) oh by the way, if you know anyone who is going to ON from the east coast in early april, let me know. peace and love- |
| Wednesday, February 15th, 2006 | |
| 11:14 pm | ....______ well i havent written anything in a while. not in my personal journal or anything. i real dry spell i guess. but i thought that i would give you a quick update anyway. i in NB again(people are going to start thinking that i actually like NB) but only for two days. i came up to spend valentines day with my little lady and now i am passing on through to quebec early tommorow morning. the plan is to hitch hike to a friends house in sherbrooke and spend thrusday night there.(nat if you are reading this sorry i didnt call yet but i hope you dont mind). then on friday morning ashley( my sister) and her friends are picking me up and we are heading to south carolina for a week for their spring break. should be a good time. then back to ON and i fly on the 25th to moncton. hopefully spend the night at a friends house there(paul if you are reading this sorry i didnt call yet but i hope you dont mind) then spend the day there in moncton and head back to CB on monday. so that is what i am up to for the next little bit. sorry that i am drawing a blank tonight but i just dont have anything more to tell yah! peace- |
| Monday, January 30th, 2006 | |
| 12:32 pm | well i am home again! it was a much longer visit then expected. went for three days and came back three weeks later. it was an awesome time up there in NB (i cant believe i enjoyed the worst province in the east coast) but taking that euphoric drive across the causeway and under the "welcome to cape breton" sign could beat just about anything. so i was home for about half a day and i had somebody offer me another job. all the complaining that goes on about the lack of work in the east coast and i cant seem to stop working. maybe im just getting all the jobs that there are. or maybe it has something to do with God promise to provide. Current Music: blue rodeo |
| Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 | |
| 10:53 pm | the color of love... Love is like color. Color is vast and never ending. It has the ability to captivate us and leave us breathless. It is the highlight of life, but we are only able to perceive color because of the existence of one thing...light. You see, color is but a reflection of light. The amount of color we see depends on the strength, concentration, and position of the light. Lighting conditions can have a profound effect on our perception of color. We only can see color because we have light. As the light fades, so does the color. It begins to lose its vibrance, its intensity, its beauty, its passion even! Untill eventually once all light is gone, so is the color. What love is to color, God is to light. Current Music: some tom waits covers |
| Wednesday, January 11th, 2006 | |
| 1:07 am | i would love to write but it is to late, to hear my story you will have to wait, and if i should die before i wake, i'll pray to God your heart wont break. you see, my story isnt very good, its full of musts and probably should's. musts and shoulds arent always fun, they are just the things that need to be done. and once again i should probably stop, i must go to bed before i drop. g'night yo's- |
| Monday, January 9th, 2006 | |
| 12:14 am | well once again God has provided work for me without me even having to ask anybody. i have had as much and more work as i have wanted since the end of the summer and i havent asked one person for a job yet. they always end up asking me before hand it seems. makes things pretty easy on me thats for sure. and also,(again) a place to stay close to the job where i can eat and sleep and this time even get my own car, and they wont even take any money from me. not to bad! all i did was ask God to take care of me. exceedingly abundantly hey? so im stationed here in woodstock, NB for the next 2 weeks at this job. and it is ever so conveniently only about 12 minutes from Leigh-Anne's doorstep. so that is a nice bonus! we have been together quite alot lately. its kinda crazy...definitly unexpected. so yah that is me for now. its usally pretty chilly up here so im diggin that. if only i had my skates and a stick. it will probably be a few weeks until i can hit the ice again...oh well. until then i will be working and drivin' back and forth to the institute(NBBI) in my(not really my) little red pick up to see my lady. peace and love yo's- Current Music: nope |
| Sunday, January 8th, 2006 | |
| 2:25 am | ...find it in Love. i have been reading back over my past entries for about an hour of so. it is kinda cool to look back and remember all of the things that you have done and come through. it makes me really glad that i have this, also it motivates me to keep going with it. there is something about reflecting back on your life that is refreshing. you get to almost re-live the memories, see all the plans you made and didnt follow through on(i do that alot...some call me a dreamer), and relearn the lesson that you have forgotten about. most of all you can see the love of Jesus as He worked my life. His love is the most inspiring love that I have ever experienced. Inspiring to do anything and everything. There is so much to be learned about love. it is a never ending experience. More powerful then the ocean, its waves or its winds, more powerful then the sun and the life that it brings. It reaches right to the heart, it fills the soul. Without it, life is empty, loney, and cold. Love changes everything. Love fixes everything. Love heals everything. If I take my entire life to get my point across may it be this, that love is everything. and what better place to find it then from Love Himself! Current Music: the sounds of memories echoing in my head |
| Saturday, January 7th, 2006 | |
| 3:27 pm | well i didnt last very long...i made the first cold winter hike to northern NB a few days ago. i know, i know, she just left last week but it was her birthday yesterday, so i thought that i would surprise her. things worked out well, she was definitly surprised and in typical fashion she smoked me in bowling that night. its been good to be here but its tough to be put under some rules again. it has been a while for me since i have had somebody tell me what i can and cant do. and it has never really been something that i have appreciated much anyway. but thats ok i guess...its not all about me. im not really to sure when i am going to head back to the land i love(thats cape breton in case you dont know who i am at all). maybe tommorow, the next day....who really knows. i guess that is one of my favorite parts of my life these days. freedom. |
| Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006 | |
| 2:00 am | now and then the "now" is done the "then" is now chrismas is all over and she is back to school 3 more months of unsatisfing phone calls and cold lonely hikes from home to NB Current Music: some snoring from down the hall |
| Tuesday, December 20th, 2005 | |
| 7:31 pm | some thoughts from the peanut gallery.... Why is it that we can never fully appreciate what is going on around us? We never seem to realize until something is gone, just how good it was. Our ability to anticipate the feeling of loss before it comes is childishly weak. A child would never take the time to stand back and appreciate how good the responsibility-free life of a child is. And us as “grown-ups”, is it that our ability to perceive our surroundings is jaded by the moment that we find ourselves stuck in or is it that we really are that slow to learn? What if we could experience the loss of the moment before the moment ever ended? How would that change the way we perceive the “now”? Would we actually take the time to sit back and realize how blessed we are? Would we live for the moment and embrace the “now”? Maybe it really is that in order to live in the “now” we also have to live in the “then”. If we could just shift our ever present focus from the “now” to the “then”, maybe when the “then” came along the hole in our hearts would not be as deep. Even more then that, maybe we could learn to appreciate the “now” for how great it really is. Maybe I could learn to be gratefull that she is a part of my life while she still is and maybe that in turn would help make the “then” just a thought that came by from time to time to remind me of the “now”. |
| Tuesday, December 13th, 2005 | |
| 12:20 pm | im back in CB once again! wahoo! man i love this place! i had a short trip back to ON again. it seem like i just left there and i was back again. it was nice to see some friends and hang out with my family. although i didnt get to see them much. my course was alot of work an then i left pretty much right after it was over. but now i am back here until probably the spring. my only complant is the weather. i want to ski so bad but it seems that i came to the wrong coast for that. even in ON there was lots of snow already and it was like -15 everyday. it is still raining here! oh well, not to much i can do i guess. i am really pumped to be here for christmas. so many people are coming home. lots of fun to be had. and it will be nice to spend christmas with this part of my family again! all in all i guess i am just happy to be where i am and doing what im doing right now in life. i guess it is a good place to be. content. on occation uncertainty about the deatils of my life creep in to question my contentment, but i know that it isnt my responsibility to focus on those things. in case i dont get to write again, merry christmas to all of you and keep lookin to Jesus. love you guys- |
| Saturday, November 26th, 2005 | |
| 3:35 am | what a crazy night. not very predictable. i have so much emotion runing through my head right now i dont even no where to begin to try and sort it. emotions are also unpredictable. the slightest change in plans, the smallest word, even someones tone and expression can change your emotions in a second. emotions control us. and we let them. sometimes just to feel feels good. if only you could choose your emotions. but instead they choose you. i feel as if they have all chose me tonight. |
| Monday, November 7th, 2005 | |
| 3:55 pm | four months later...where to begin...the start i guess. well the summer turned out to be more then i ever thought i would be. home...i cant explain to you what home has meant to me these past few months. i never realized how much of an attachment i could have to a place or how much of an attachment i already had. coming back to age old friendships, family, and memories perched on every corner. it has been a summer of reflection and relization as to just how rich i have become. rich with a currency that is untouchable to the physical world. change is another thing that has been a big part of these past few months for me. my mind, my way of thinking, my way of relating to others and myself, all changed. you know when you come to a point in your life when you feel like something has ended and something new has begun. almost like a "page break" in your life. somewhere in the past few months i have come to one of those. so all in all the summer that i long awaited for was far beyond any thing that i could have asked for. and slowly i think it is becoming the life that i have always hope for. the details of this past few months, though i feel are nowhere near as important as the outcome of it all, i will list for your sake. my home, cape breton...sailing on the sea...many nights with friends...kayaking and surfing...swiming and camping...concerts and weddings...and a girl. these are the details of my recent days. some of more importantance then others but all playing a vital role in where i have arrived in my journey thus far in life. and as i reflect back on what and where i have come from i also look forward, possible more unsure of my direction then ever before, but with confidance that there is more to this life the living and dieing. |
| Monday, June 6th, 2005 | |
| 1:52 pm | the summer awaits! well another week has gone by. i am another week more tired, another week more sore but fortunitly another week richer. well...richer makes it sound like i have alot of money. and i dont! but thinks are finally starting to pick up for little old me. i may actually make some money by the time i finish. speaking of finishing....oh buddy...am i excited for summer to start. dont get me wrong, i have really enjoyed my time here and my even be alittle sad when it is all over. but the summer, even though i dont really know what is in store for it yet, is going to be amazing! i dont know why or how or in what way...but thats ok! well the days here continue to get warmer (even though the rain continues to pour) and the lake becomes more and more barable. it is so refreshing at the end of the day. being up here and seeing this part of the country gives me a new appreciation for ON. it really is a beautiful province. the north is very different from its over populated southern half. in many ways. seeing a new part of the country makes me want to see the rest of it even more. i dont know when i will get to but hopefully it will be soon! |
| Wednesday, May 25th, 2005 | |
| 3:33 pm | half way home well we are officailly at the half way point of our planting contract. things are going really good and i have settled right into life here. i think that when this is all said and done it will have been a very good experience for me. it has really made me think about alot of things that i have been putting off for some time now. partially because tree planting is pretty mindless work and there isnt much else to do besides think. but even more then that it was just time to work through some stuff. it has been a long year for me this year. i remember writting one of my first entries on this way back. i had said it would be a good year for me to be alone and just figure stuff out. well i didnt really take advantage of my year much. in fact, if anything, this year was quite bad mentally. i really became very stagnent and complacent. being here, in a community again, has really helped me regain some perspective. i think that i had forgot what was really important to me in life. And that is to love God and to love people. |
| Saturday, May 7th, 2005 | |
| 11:43 am | hard at er' well i made it back from cape breton in record time 20 hour was our total hitch hiking time from CB to TO! we were pretty stoked. it was nice to spend a day with the family and then i pretty much left right away for Fort Frances. it was a long drive up but it was actually pretty nice. there were even a few parts along the wasy where i could have thought that i was back in Cape Breton. so we just finished our first week on the job. it was a very exauhsting week. my entire body hurts and i havent really made noch money yet. but that is ok. it was a good week and i definitly feel like i am getting the hang of things here. now i just need to work on speed. it is a pretty sweet place where we are though. i thought that we were going to be in a bush camp and when we showed up it is an actually camp with a dining hall and bathrooms and all that jazz. its pretty sweet! we still sleep in a tent and 4:45 comes pretty cold and early but its still fun. there are lots of cool people here and it is kind of a cool environment here as well. i think that it will be a hard to two months that i will love and hate at the same time. |
| Friday, April 22nd, 2005 | |
| 11:17 am | snow? well im still here in CB....we were suppose to go for a nice spring hike yesterday and we woke up to 6 inches of snow. it was pretty crappy. so we ended up just hanging around town for the day. we went into a music store for five minutes and i ended up walking out having spent over 60 bucks! i had no plans to buy anything let alone spend 60 bucks! oh well...i have some good new music now. today is really nice out. there is still some snow on the ground but it is melting fast. we may actually end up going for that hike today. im really getting excited to go planting. it has been awhile since i have worked and it will feel go to get back in the groove of things. |
| Wednesday, April 20th, 2005 | |
| 2:19 pm | well i am finally away from london...about a week ago me and a friend hitchhiked from ON out hear to cape breton. as always, it is good to be home. i guess i havent really been doing much just hanging out with family and friends mostly. this weekend my brother jeff is coming down to CB and we are going to check out this hiking trail that we have been talking about for a few years now. it should be a good time. we leave for ontario on sunday. i have one stop to make in moncton to visit a friend and then back ON. i have about 2 days in london and then up north for a few months to go tree planting. it should be a good time. josh is coming with me so we will get to hang out lots. then back to cape breton for july and august. i super excited about that. i cant really think of another place that i would rather spend my summer then here. i am hoping to get some serious sailing done this summer. so that is what is going down for the next few months. it feels good to have plans...its isnt a feeling that i have to often. |
| Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005 | |
| 10:11 pm | i gotta go... i am really feeling shitty tonight....and you guys are going to think that i hate my family(which is not true) but once again i have to get out of hear or i am going to snap. it is different lately because i am not working right now i am just sitting hear doing nothing all day. i feel like anything would be an improvement (except Blacks). but other then that i would do just about anything. i have someone who told me that they had work for me for about a month while i wait for the summer to start. that would be great if it worked out but i am still waiting for him to call me. but until then i am just sitting around being grumpy...nobody likes grumpy people. today i was doing something that i have to do all the time because i am at home right now. something that i hate doing like i hate a good song cut short. and i had this though of "why are you still here then!" and i kind of though for a second...why am i still here. i have about a month before any summer job starts and i have a little bit of money. what the hell am i still doing here. so i think that if this guy doesnt call me by the weekend then i am going to take off first thing next week. i dont really know where to or for how long but i think that if i stay here i am just going to end up depressed or just really unhappy. i have always wanted to hitchhike somewhere really far so i think that now is as good a time as any. one thing that is good about hitchhiking is that it is cheap. so that is the plan...until then i will be sitting here watching movies and reading. doesnt sound to exciting(unless you are mark) i even bought a fiction novel this week. it is the first novel that i have voluntarily read in my life. but its going well so far...its called "girlfriend in a coma"...it is a little depressing but i kinda like that sometimes. Current Mood: boxed in Current Music: piano music |
| Tuesday, March 15th, 2005 | |
| 1:22 am | well i think that i am having a "i suck at writing" spell again. but i think that i need to write something because i hate when other people dont update theirs. well i have been in london for about 2 weeks now. not really been doing much...just driving the kids around really. i kind of just sit and wait for them to need to go somewhere and then take them there. not to exciting! once again i havent really used my time for anything useful. i probably have talked about this before, but i hate the fact that i dont ever spend time thinking about anything useful or try and figure things out or pray or something. a friend told me recently that i should be glad that i have the ability to just sit and think about nothing. i dont really know what to think about that. first of all, i have never really thought about it as an ability...always as a disability. sometimes i try to think about something so that i can form an opinion or something like that and the longest time will go by and i will realize that i have thought about absolutly nothing. my friend says that to think of nothing is something that they have been trying to acomplish for years now. I thought that was kind of funny...the grass is always greener i guess...im just not sure which one of us is right. i have been talking alot about community with a friend lately. about how it is a tough thing to do right. i was in a really close community once. a christian community. when i was there, i thought that we where doing it so well...that we really had it nailed...love was the center...everyone was accepted for who they were...and all that stuff. i dont live in that community anymore...it is really strange how when you change the angle of something, the picture can completely change...like in photography for example, two different people can take a picture of the same thing and if one person takes it from a slightly different angle, you would think that you were looking at two completly different things. in community, being on the outside can really bring some perspective into the situation. im not really sure what to think of this new perspective...on one hand it is somewhat encouraging to realize the people that i though could do no wrong and who had it all together are as insecure and in need of validation as i am. but on the other hand...if they dont have it together then who does.....i look around and i see christians that love jesus and devote themselves to him and at the same time have so many security issues...i see christians who are commited to serving others and cant even get past their differences...christians who are depressed and go to councelling because they cant handle life. what im trying to say is this, these people are leaders in churchs and respected christians and the heads of these communities that we live in and they struggle with the actually the same thing that you and i do...validation. that is what is wrong with our christian communities, with our churches, and with us. we dont really believe God loves us. its has been pounded and pounded into our heads when really we should have just tatooed it on our hearts right from the beginning. when i look around at people who dont call themselves christains i see lots of different things. but one thing that sticks out is that they accept. no matter what. so how come us as christains, who are apparently,"full of the love of God", cant give the girl who needs attention the attention that she needs or give the guy who isnt as much fun to be around the same chance at the job as the guy who is. somewhere along the way we are missing something! Are we scared that if we give her the attention then we are going to look like we dont know what is really going on...are we scared that if we give him a chance we are going to miss out on someone who may have been more benificial to our own needs. where was it along the way that we have lost our perspective? when did we step out of the palm of Gods hand and into the sinking lifeboat? "Imagine how much a mans life would be changed if he trusted that he was loved by God? He could interact with the poor and not show partiality, he could love his wife easily and not expect her to redeem him, he would be slow to anger because redemption was no longer at stake, he could be wise and giving with his money because money no longer represented points, he could give up on formulaic religion, knowing that checking stuff off a spiritual to-do list was a worthless pursuit, he would have confidence and the ability to laugh at himself, and he could love people without expecting anything in return. It would be quite beautiful, really."(Don Miller-Searching for God Knows What) Current Music: a little bit of everything |