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make it bleed

[ website | 2nd Straight ]
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I'm so tired of your ways [06 Jul 2003|01:05am]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Metallica ]

Yeah, so what if I miss him? It's over and done. And it's my fault. I'm letting it go. It's gone. Forever. Now I just have to force myself to severe the lingering residue. I guess it's hard trying to force over four years into a memory. But that's what I have to do.

On a different subject. I killed my minutes last night. I want to call Andy tonight .. I shouldn't let myself get used to talking to him. I'm not supposed to be, though I don't see the harm in it. Just because my mom thinks he's a drug dealer doesn't mean shit. I'm writing to him anyway, why the fuck can't I call him? She doesn't pay for long distance anyway...and I don't understand why she feels a need to restrict me from calling him. I'm going back to him in September. She knows that already.

::sigh:: Worthless's not getting me anywhere...I just want to be with him...I miss him...I don't want this fall apart when the situation is out of my hands...Grah!! I need to go take my mind off this. I thought about drinking tonight. But I changed my mind thinking, "No, I don't wanna drink tonight." Of course now I'm just depressing myself. And I wanna drink...This is becoming a daily thing...That's not good. I don't want to be a drinker.. I'm a smoker, for sure, but I don't want to start a drinking habit too...

Blaaaah. I'm going to finish this now.

i'm set up for the fall

[06 Jul 2003|08:55am]
[ mood | bored ]

A Wonderful Waste of Time

1. Name: Sara
2. Birthday: May 1, 1983
3. Birth state: I don't know..
10. Time of birth: morning
11. Height: approx. 5'3"
12. Eye color: brown
13. Tan/pale/black/mixed: mixed
14. Race: mutt=1/2 fillipino, 1/2 german and irish and who knows what else
16. Pets: none
17. How many rooms in your house: the house I stay in now has 8 rooms
18. Kind of car you have: it -was- a Hyndai Elentra wagon
19. Kinda car your parents have: mom and husband have an explorer, a wrecked jeep, and an old bronco. dad has 2 vans and .. something else now
21. Class of: 2001
22. Sports: extreme
23. Sports played: none
24. Grade: none
25. Age: 20
26. Sex: Female
27. 3 words to describe you: moody, hostile, "amazing"
28. Siblings age/name: Bradley/13, Elizabeth/12, Jeremie/13, Nevada/10, Amber/8
29. Live with: mom, Jim, Jeremie, Nevada, Amber
30. Piercings: pierced=left ear-3, right ear-3, tounge-1, labret-1, left nipple-1, bellybutton-1, left eyebrow-1, right eyebrow-1; piercings=left ear-2, right ear-2, tounge-1
31. Tattoos: 4
33. Color of room: I don't have one
34. Color of carpet: I don't have one
35. Room size: I don't have one
36. Bed size: a top bunk
37. Sheet colors: my blanket has a tiger on it
38. How many pillows: 1
39. Shoe size: 7 to 8 depending on the shoes
40. Hair length: choppy
41. Shirt size: I wear 'em big
43. What's in your room: I don't have one
44. Kind of computer: I don't have one
45. Color computer: I don't have one
46. Color car: White
47. Money in bank account: none
48. Posters in room: none
49. Hair color: multi
50. Kind of hair: thick

51. Girl names: Amaya
52. Boy names: Draco
53. Song: way too many
54. CD: way too many
55. Scent: vanilla
56. Emotion: content
57. Texture: velvet
58. Thing to do: be with Andy
59. Place: with Andy
60. Cartoon: anime
61. Book: Angela's Ashes
62. Subject: Psychology and mythology
63. Shampoo: pantene
64. Sport: wrestling
65. Color: red
66. Food: meat
67. Drink: alcohol
68. Alcohol: hard liquor
69. Number: 12
70. Basketball team:
71. Baseball team:
72. Football team:
73. Hockey team:
74. Board Game: uh...candy land.
75. Store: any place with cheap music
76. Fast food: taco bell
77. Restraunt: i dunno
78. Breakfast place: eeeew
79. Breakfast food: eeeeew
80. Sound: Andy
81. Car: hm..corvette
82. Show: i like sci-fi
83. Animal: cat
84. Snack: strawberries
85. Thing to do with friends: smoke
86. Thing to do with crush/bf/gf: just .. be
87. Brand of clothes: whatever
88. Brand of shoes: dc
89. Sport to watch: wrestling
90. Gum: bubblicious
91. Candy: snickers
92. Socks: tube socks
93. Flavor of Skittles: orange
94. Flavor of Starburst: strawberry
95. Flavor of Koolaid: red?
96. Kind of pop: pop?
97. Flavor of Jolly Rancher: cherry
98. Person: Andy
99. Actor: Oooh..Maaaybe .. Shawn Conery?
100. Actress: Uum..I dunno
101. Female singer: Brody
102. Male singer: way too many
103. Band or group: way too many

DO YOU Believe in
128. Aliens: yep
129. Ghosts: yep
130. God: eh
131. Satan: eh
132. Heaven: no
133. Hell: no
134. The afterlife: yeah
135. Love at first sight: no
136. Santa: no
137. Karma: yeah

138. Sneakers/sandals: sneakers
139. DVD/VHS: dvd
140. Pepsi/Coke: pepsi
141. Straight/gay: bi
142. Summer/winter: Summer
143. Spring/fall: Spring
144. Siblings/only child: Siblings
145. Movies/TV: movies
146. Chocolate/vanilla: Vanilla
147. Juice/pop: I hate .. that word.
148. Chill/party: chill
149. Draw/write: write
150. Night/day: Night
151. Capris/shorts: pants
152. Make-up/bare-faced: bare
153. Shower/bath: shower
154. Food/drink: drink
155. Drive/walk: Drive
156. N*Sync/BSB: N*Sync
157. 98°/O-Town: no
158. 5ive/BBMack: no
159. Nelly/Luda: both
160. Ja/50: 50
161. Pizza/spaghetti: Pizza
162. Chinese food/Mexican food: chinese
163. Pink/purple: red
164. Red/blue: Red
165. Scared/nervous: nervous
166. Mad/sad: mad

167. Best memory: Eeh..Christmas
168. Worst memory: ...
169. Do you regret anything you ever did: of course
170. Best childhood memory? I .. don't know
171. What were you scared of as a child: losing my mom
172. What was your favorite cartoon growin up: there were A LOT
173. Favorite movie when you were younger: maybe .. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
174. Did you suck you thumb: no
175. Do you have any of the same friends you did when you were 7 and younger: no

176. What are you doing right now: filling out this survey
177. Are you listening to music: yes
178. If so what song: Die Trying
179. What is in your CD player: Die Trying
180. Who are you talking to: no one
181. Are you wearing nail polish: no
182. The current time: 845 am
183. What are you wearing: my dc's, kik wear cargos, caffiene shirt, red hoodie
184. What are you thinking right now: I miss Andy
185. Eating/drinking: nothing

186. What do you want to be: A singer
187. Where do you wanna live: no where
188. Who do you want to marry: i don't know
189. Do you want to get married: i don't know
190. Do you want to have kids: not sure
191. If so, how many: maybe one
192. If you could marry anyone, who would it be: I don't know

193. Smiled: sometime this morning
194. Cried: this morning
195. Spoke: a few minutes ago
196. Ate: maybe a couple hours ago
197. Drank: hours ago
198. Sang: I .. don't know
199. Stared at a picture: about an hour ago
200. Read a book for pleasure: a few days ago
201. Got totally wasted: a couple days ago
202. Yelled: a few days ago
203. Showered: yesterday
204. Brushed your teeth: yesterday

205. Smoked a cigarette: yes
206. Smoked a cigar: yes
207. Snorted coke: no
208. Smoked Weed: yes
209. Been high: yes
210. Had sex: yes
211. Said "I hope you die" to someone: Yes
212. Tried to kill someone: yes
213. Tried to kill yourself: yes
214. Got in a fist fight: yes
215. Lied to your parents: yes
216. Broken a bone: no
217. Lied to your friends: yes
218. Bit someone: yes
219. Bungee jumped: no
220. Skydive: No
221. Gotten drunk: yep
222. Gotten totally smashed: yep
223. Given someone a bruise: yep
224. Skinny-dipped: yes
225. Driven illegally: yes
226. Ditched someone: yes
227. Freak danced: uh, what?
228. Stole something: yes
229. Cut yourself: yes
230. Skipped school: yes
231. Hung up on someone: yes
232. Gone commando: always
233. Threw up at school: yes
234. Done someone else's make-up: yes
235. Put make-up on a guy: yes
236. Kissed someone of the same sex: yes
237. Had a burping contest: yes
238. Snuck out: yes
239. Been to a school dance: yep
240. Thought your teacher was hot: nope

241. Lotion: massage
242. Rubber: latex
243. CD: music
244. Bed: sleep
245. Paper: write
246. Run: cops
247. Candle: fire
248. Mouse pad: mouse
249. Sweatshirt: hoodie
250. Door: door knob
251. Pictures: icon
252. Flowers: pretty
253. Deodorant: sweat
254. Pencil: pen
255. Sex: andy
256. Radio: music

257. Best girl friends: none
258. Best guy friends: michael, brian, andy
249. Prettiest: um..I dunno
250. Shortest: me
251. Tallest: michael
252. Best eyes: andy
253. Most inside jokes: michael
254. Best advice giver: brian
255. Comes to you for anything: ...michael?
256. Chill with the most: andy
257. Laugh with the most: michael and andy
258. Who you trust most: michael and brian
259. Best hair: michael and andy
260. Best hair stylist: michael
261. Best make up artist: me
262. Funniest: michael
263. Blondest: me
264. Most serious: brian
265. Most opinionated: me
266. Most organized: uh..michael
267. Smartest: andy and michael
268. Most athletic: michael
269. Be friends with forever no doubts: michael

270. Ja Rule: he's ok
271. Eminem: he's ok
272. Rap: yes
273. Boy bands: no
274. War: eh
274. Cross-over artists: eh
275. 50 Cent: yes
276. Classical music: yes
277. Homosexuality: yes
278. Rape: =X
279. Abortion: yes
280. P!NK: no
281. Ludacris: yes
282. Concerts: yes
284. Long-term relationships: eh
285. Obsessions: eh
286. Smoking: yes
287. Drinking: yes
288. These surveys: yes
289. Marilyn Manson: yessss
290. Ghosts: yes
291. The dark: yes
292. Things that make you happy: andy
293. Nelly: yes
294. Britney Spears: noooo
295. Justin Timerlake: yes
296. Jennifer Lopez: no

i'm set up for the fall

[ viewing | July 6th, 2003 ]
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