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Barbie's Journal
well, yup, to stop all the gossipin.
Yes, i did stay at alex's and NO nothing happened! we talked and sorted things out! unfortunatly it did not make me feel any better because i like him more than anyone thought was possible now! amnd i dont understand why, coz we dun a lot of argueing and annoying eachother! and i suddenly realised that, i do really like him! but i am not to see him for 2 weeks which sux but, i spose this is my tester to see if wot i am feeling is anything out of the ordinary! i wish i could say it was love, but i dont want to! i dont want to scare him! lol! nar only kidding!
i'm glad we know more about eachother now, it was a rly random nite that was lots of fun, jst sitting there argueing! til 4 in the mornin, then waking up at 11.30 and argueing, then again all the time till about 6 wen his lovely daddy gave me a lift home. awwww.
anyway, i wana c him tomoro, but if i dont, then...i dunno, i havent thought that far ahead, and i rly dont want to!
i cant believe all these feelings stemed from a conversation about lewis! i spose i have lewis to thank! so thanx lu!
i spose i just wish it was a different place and time, then maybe....just maybe.........
see everyone later!
and if i dont c u tomoro. anyone. i will b most upset!!!
Current mood:
touched.Current music: The Ataris, boys of summer.
i am filled with completely mixed emotions and i dont know what to make of most of them! and i rly dont like this feeling i have! i have bin replaying moments of wen i 1st told him! and to the stage that we're at now, and i can safely say that, i am not sure if we have progressed, or jst stayed the same!?
HE sez it wouldnt work out! and i accept that!? i rly do, i mean wot is the point of trying to say "Oh we will, we will" coz i cant, i dont rly know if we would or not!? He knows better than me, he knows that it wouldnt work out! and whereas it is the answer that chokes me everytime! i accept it! and i hate writing about it on here, as it's probably gona cause an arguement! but, i am gona get over this, i rly am! i know i will! i dont WANT a b/f at all! coz i just dont think me and relationships suit! but i do know that on the off chance that alex comes back and says "Sarah, can we give it ago!" i think i would probably say yes! but thats just me coz he is another guy that i spose jst has to call my name and i'll go running! but i dont want that to sound harsh, to him or me, i am not desperate or anything, but i just know that i have "feelings" for him. what they are and how strong they are is what i have to figure out in a bid to get over him! and i dont mean that in a bad way, i just think that it might be easier if i didnt have these "mysterious" feelings for the guy, coz i tell u wot. he'd probably be a good mate, a rly good mate! i just think that a relationship! wud just...what the hell am i talkin about! i dont have a fucking clue how the relationship wud work! how the hell am i meant to now, i aint a funkin psycic! and io cant tell these things! so what do u do wen u get turned down, well normal ppl get over them, but lil' ol' me, makes a bloody secure way of probably likin them even more! which is a sure dignified way of getting hurt!
*and in reply to linzi's comment, i aint lookn, and i know i am gona get hurt! but i do love seeing couples around and about! it gives me sumin to look forward to! i wana c the likes of u and aaron, so dont even think about going on a break!!!*
well i spose i shud gp have a bath, i rly wana c alex! just to hug him one last time!!!!
that sound weird and hurts in a rly way! "one last time!" i cant believe that...its weird! i wish...i shud stop wishin! i suppose all i can say to him is to be happy! and i want him to go and find the girl of his dreams! as then i will get over him quicker, and he'll b happy!
I cant get out of bed today
Or get you off my mind
I just cant seem to find a way to leave the love behind
I ain't trippin
I'm just missin you
You know what I'm saying
You know what I mean
You kept me hanging on a string
Why you make me cry
I tried to give u everything
But you just give lies
I ain't trippin
I'm just missin you
You know what I'm saying
You know what I mean
Every now and then
When I'm all alone
I've been wishing you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back
But you never do
I feel like such a fool
There's nothing I can do
I'm such a fool for you
I can't take it
What am I waiting for
My heart's still breakin
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I cant stop thinkin of you
It's true, I'm stuck on you
Now love's a broken record
That's been skippin' in my head
I keep singing Yesterday
Why we got to play these games we play?
I aint trippin
I'm just missin you
You know what I'm saying
You know what I mean
Every now and then
When I'm all alone
I've been wishing you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back
But you never do
I feel like such a fool
There's nothing I can do
I'm such a fool for you
I can't take it
What am I waiting for
My heart's still breakin
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can't stop thinkin of you
It's true, I'm stuck on you
Every now and then
When I'm all alone
I've been wishing you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back
But you never do
I feel like such a fool
There's nothing I can do
I'm such a fool for you
I can't take it
What am I waiting for
My heart's still breakin
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I cant stop thinkin of you
I hate you but I love you
I cant stop thinkin of you
I don't know what to do
I'm stuck on you